Joehenry Posted January 10, 2017 Posted January 10, 2017 Hi all, This is my first post and just looking for general opinions and answers really! I'm going to cut a long story short here. I met this girl on a popular dating site. We hit it off immediately, we fired messages back and forth constantly. We chatted about what we were both after and it was amazing how much we shared the same morals and how much we had in common. I could go on for ages about how beautiful and bubbly she is. I didn't mess around and organised a date. So around 5 days before the date the messages stopped, I asked if everything was ok and still I got nothing. I cut to the chase a day later and said if there's any second thoughts about me that's fine and all I would like is honestly. She replied stating she was having a few problems and she wasn't looming for anything at the moment. This came as a shock as it completely contradicted everything we had been speaking about previously. That was that, I sent another message after a few weeks but I heard nothing. About 6 weeks later (last week) I received a message on the evening. To my delight it was from her. She had written a big long message saying how she has minor confidence issues with guys and apologised with how she ran and hid away. She went on to say how much she's been thinking about me the last couple of weeks and I'm the most genuine, charming, honest, lovely guy she's ever spoken to and it took her completely by surprise. After a message back she suggested we start over, which I agreed to. She is going away for a week soon so we arranged to meet up after she got back. We exchanged several messages about what was going on over the past couple of months. It was just like before. She kept saying how excited she was to meet and how she had missed me. Suddenly it started happening again, she started to go quiet and the responses got shorter. She didn't reply to one message so I left it 36hrs and replied asking how she was doing, how her day was and confirming our date so I could gauge if she was still interested. The answer came 10 minutes after where she has blocked me on everything. Facebook, Instagram, WhatsApp etc. Now I've been ghosted before but never completely cut off. I just can't work out how she can come back to me heart open and then 3 days later completely cut me off as much as possible! It's horrible, I've been nothing but honest and genuine, I at least deserved an answer. What do you all think the reason for this is? Thanks Joe
JennaDT Posted January 10, 2017 Posted January 10, 2017 I think it might be possible she experienced some childhood trauma (sexual abuse maybe). This happened to a friend of mine (she's now in her late twenties) and she's completely incapable of being with a guy. On the one hand, she really longs to have a relationship and start a family, so on occasion she checks Tinder and ends up having a nice chat with a guy. But on the other hand, her childhood trauma is not resolved (at all), so whenever a guy gets too close or seems a bit too pushy, she pulls back and breaks off contact with them :/. But regardless of what the reason is, if someone acts like this it's better for you to just move on :/.
ExpatInItaly Posted January 10, 2017 Posted January 10, 2017 My best guess is that she'd actually been dating someone else, he bailed, so she came looking for you with some story about her issues. Wanted to see if you're still an option. Then he came back so she cut you off 100% so the guy doesn't find out she went fishing elsewhere. Just my speculation. 2
Gaeta Posted January 10, 2017 Posted January 10, 2017 Don't try to understand it. The net is full of people that are NOT ready to date and are wasting everyone's time on there. At times they're married, or are in relationships, or are still in love with their ex or....name it. Know how to recognize the red flags right away. Someone that is not available to meet face to face within 1 weeks is simply wasting your precious time. 2
Tressugar Posted January 10, 2017 Posted January 10, 2017 I'm telling you if they go dark on ya and come back at a later time... they'll do it again. I promise ya. It doesn't matter what lies/excuses they're telling you. The first time a person shows you their real selves believe them. My father retired from the Air Force as an investigator. He said he never needed to ask questions because the evidence always would speak for itself. Dating should be approached without a lot of emotions invested in the beginning. Allow a person to prove/qualify themselves to you. 2
purrrfectlyflawed Posted January 10, 2017 Posted January 10, 2017 Welcome to the world of online dating. It is often confusing and chaotic. First of all, stop corresponding with any prospects on social media. You should NEVER ad anyone to your FB or Instagram until you have met them and you have gone out a few times and there is a likelihood it will work out. My FB has a lot of personal stuff on it...pics of my kids..family...I do not want just anyone seeing my life. So this is your mistake number 1. Keep these women at arms reach for a while. Who knows what this woman's problem is but she is DRAMA. She is likely not being honest with you on something. She could be seeing someone else. Anyways move on. 1
VeveCakes Posted January 10, 2017 Posted January 10, 2017 Did you ever end up meeting? I wouldn't put too much into these things before you meet the person.
fireflywy Posted January 10, 2017 Posted January 10, 2017 Dating other guys and failing and then coming back to you it sounds like. Either way she's a flake. Keep walking.
Tread Carefully Posted January 10, 2017 Posted January 10, 2017 Ok, I'm going to be in the minority here and probably get flamed for it but oh well. We all know that there are some real characters and not so wonderful people in the OLD world. If she's been on there a long time then I'm positive she has met her fair share. So let's say that that is ALL that she has had experienced. Then along comes you. The one that fits into all of her puzzle pieces spots. The one that sounds too good to be true. She starts falling for you. You start falling for her and she feels that too. It's intense. She is probably a girl that lives in her head a lot so she has to take time away to really think about exactly how much you are too good to be true. When will the other shoe drop? She is insecure and scared. Is she young? She probably thinks that it's going so good on paper, what if it doesn't click in person....just like all the rest. She invested time in you. She doesn't want to get hurt if you turn out to not be who she thinks you are. So she cuts bait and ends it. Is that immature? Yes. Is that wrong? It is to you. We all act strange (to other people) when we're scared or overwhelmed. You can get her back, if you want. 2
smackie9 Posted January 10, 2017 Posted January 10, 2017 Hot/cold people suffer from anxiety and insecurity. Sure they can throw all kinds of excuses BUT it never changes with them and all you get is frustration. NOT WORTH THE HASSLE! Most experts advise you are better off to run the other way when encountering an individual like this.
dumbass2 Posted January 10, 2017 Posted January 10, 2017 She was never going to go on a date with you. People go on there all time looking for attention because things are getting rough in their current relationship. This sounds like what is going on. She's with someone else and if she was to contact you down the road you should ignore. You should actually block and delete her number.
Author Joehenry Posted January 10, 2017 Author Posted January 10, 2017 Than you all for your replies its been an interesting read. Its great to get everyone different opinion as I'm sure some of you have seen this before. I think 'Tread Carefully' has got it personally. I do not think shes involved with anyone else, she comes across as an introvert and even said herself shes extremely picky and been waiting for the right person to come along. I came along and she couldn't believe I was single. I ticked all her boxes and it looked good! In response to your question we are both the same age 23. When we spoke briefly about past relationships and she revealed she has confidence issues with guys and isn't experienced with dating. She also said she backed down from a previous date as she was so nervous. I imagine its the same case here. I know she got incredibly nervous when we were approaching our first planned date and it went down hill from there. It seems to be the same again. Despite her agreeing and saying she was really keen and couldn't wait. I just know I have done absolutely nothing to warrant this response and I think the block is more to keep her away from seeing whats happening in my life than keeping me away from hers. I've done a lot of online dating this year so I've had my fair share of reactions but I've never had someone come back to me and then react like this 4 days later. I genuinely wouldn't have minded if I heard something back of her, its just the not knowing that bothers me. I sent a kind decent message off another phone just to I was gutted and deserved better after all that and to message me if she wanted to speak about it. I doubt anything will ever happen again. 1
Author Joehenry Posted January 10, 2017 Author Posted January 10, 2017 'First of all, stop corresponding with any prospects on social media. You should NEVER ad anyone to your FB or Instagram until you have met them and you have gone out a few times and there is a likelihood it will work out. My FB has a lot of personal stuff on it...pics of my kids..family...I do not want just anyone seeing my life. So this is your mistake number 1. Keep these women at arms reach for a while.' This is good advice, I never really do it myself but I get requests of them and accept. I guess its so you can see a bit more about them before meeting but I can see the flaw in this. Thanks
VeveCakes Posted January 10, 2017 Posted January 10, 2017 Than you all for your replies its been an interesting read. Its great to get everyone different opinion as I'm sure some of you have seen this before. I think 'Tread Carefully' has got it personally. I do not think shes involved with anyone else, she comes across as an introvert and even said herself shes extremely picky and been waiting for the right person to come along. I came along and she couldn't believe I was single. I ticked all her boxes and it looked good! In response to your question we are both the same age 23. When we spoke briefly about past relationships and she revealed she has confidence issues with guys and isn't experienced with dating. She also said she backed down from a previous date as she was so nervous. I imagine its the same case here. I know she got incredibly nervous when we were approaching our first planned date and it went down hill from there. It seems to be the same again. Despite her agreeing and saying she was really keen and couldn't wait. I just know I have done absolutely nothing to warrant this response and I think the block is more to keep her away from seeing whats happening in my life than keeping me away from hers. I've done a lot of online dating this year so I've had my fair share of reactions but I've never had someone come back to me and then react like this 4 days later. I genuinely wouldn't have minded if I heard something back of her, its just the not knowing that bothers me. I sent a kind decent message off another phone just to I was gutted and deserved better after all that and to message me if she wanted to speak about it. I doubt anything will ever happen again. You also may have spoken a bit too much and in depth before meeting. Next time set a date fairly quickly to avoid this. Then you have not invested and lost if they flake on you.
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