Larryville Posted January 9, 2017 Posted January 9, 2017 Ok, I searched for a thread that is similar, frankly I did not see anything relevant. I had been trying to decide whether or not to post but I was sent flowers and a teddy bear to my office at work... that prompted this thread. Met a women on OLD site a little less than 2 weeks ago. She had sent me an email on this site, I responded back. A few messages go by and she sends me her phone number. After a 45 min conversation she suggests a meet (all of this is same day). We meet that evening, all was good. now I’m attracted to this lady, she has a good career, financially stable (much more than most I’ve dated) a few years younger, pretty typical EXCEPT she is easily the most…. I don’t know what word to use "obsessed" individual I have ever met. Via in person and in her countless texts she has commented about how great I am, nicest and most polite and respectful gentleman she has ever met… without going into every text is borderline obsessive and creepy in some of the details. As I said I like her and I’m attracted to her, she has went seriously above and beyond, taken me to dinner and movies and as I stated in the beginning the flowers and teddy bear to my office this am. I know so many of us get on here and complain about what does NOT go right about meeting someone and the pitfalls of dating and relationships. Hell I have had so many ups and downs and ranted from time to time about the “impossibility” of true and good relationships and here I am with someone who is really into me and someone who is good company. We have had the “taking it slow” conversation…. BTW. As I was at home yesterday she sent a barrage of texts saying how much she misses me, wants to be with me and whatever sugary texts you can imagine and I will be blunt in saying it was annoying and over the top to a degree. I try to be measured with my responses so I let her vent for the most part. This feels extraordinarily weird and I’m afraid if this continues she will kill any “us” potential. On the romantic interest scale for things to work their needs to be balance on both sides. I do like her a lot but the interest is seriously weighted on her side and I’m trying to figure out how to smooth it out. i don't know the future if you subtract the over the top communication if was "normal" by typical standards I would say the relationship potential is very good. The one saving grace is we live about 1 hr and 15 min away from each other but she has voluntarily driven to my place already twice. There are no other relationship obstacles such as job, time, kids, school whatever. Suggestions? Opinions? If anyone knows of a past thread addressing something similar please feel free to pass on. Peace!
smackie9 Posted January 9, 2017 Posted January 9, 2017 Don't let her know where you live first off. And if I were you I would do a google search and a criminal background check to see if there had been any restraining orders against her. Next have a more firm conversation about boundaries and expectations. Me personally would run for the hills lol. 7
Erik30 Posted January 9, 2017 Posted January 9, 2017 I would be careful, it all seems way too much. Now already talking about missing you? It wouldn't surprise me if she has another extremely negative side you haven't seen yet 4
avf Posted January 9, 2017 Posted January 9, 2017 Haha...so this is how women feel with overly needy men....For me this is a sign of this woman being overly needy and demanding. I would delay my responses to her to see if she slows down too or gets upset. Afterall if you are not responding rightaway she will get the picture...
introverted1 Posted January 9, 2017 Posted January 9, 2017 I don't think I've ever said this, but RUN. None of what you described is normal, no matter how awesome you are. She sounds obsessive. You can't fix it. 5
smackie9 Posted January 9, 2017 Posted January 9, 2017 Just be brutally honest with her....tell her you already are feeling so smothered by all the texts and gifts and what you said.....it has the potential to "kill" it all if she doesn't quit it. 3
Author Larryville Posted January 9, 2017 Author Posted January 9, 2017 And if I were you I would do a google search and a criminal background check to see if there had been any restraining orders against her. I have done that, an assault charge against a dude with whom she broke up with who kept coming to her house… she shot at dude… She told me about this before I saw via the search. Was in her local paper over a year ago. I don't think I've ever said this, but RUN. Haha...so this is how women feel with overly needy men... You know I thought about this, would I be complaining if this were another woman with whom I was head over heels over? That is the thing. So many of us guys have been frustrated countless times and complained about woman for a variety of reasons and so now someone is “into me” and yet it feels weird. Like I said other than the current behavior there is nothing wrong otherwise. I would delay my responses to her to see if she slows down too or gets upset. Afterall if you are not responding rightaway she will get the picture... Just be brutally honest with her....tell her you already are feeling so smothered by all the texts I did not respond at all too many of the texts, I’ve just stopped responding to the texts that were kind of over the top. figuring I would just keep some distance for the time being. This is the thing about this being so jacked up. You go so long with the numerous strikeouts in the dating world so something seemingly good comes along and I’m here bit**** about someone who is into you. But if continues this personalty will eventually wear on me. Oh on the don't tell her where I live, she has already been to my place twice.
Redhead14 Posted January 9, 2017 Posted January 9, 2017 an assault charge against a dude with whom she broke up with who kept coming to her house… she shot at dude -- So now she's being the clinger??? I'd stop seeing her. There's a problem . . . 2
CaliforniaGirl Posted January 9, 2017 Posted January 9, 2017 SHE SHOT SOMEONE???? I repeat. SHE SHOT SOMEONE???? OMG run. Run run run run run. Hope your next date is a bit more...un-criminal and un-crazy. 3
GemmaUK Posted January 9, 2017 Posted January 9, 2017 Oh no Larry! *cringes* Admittedly this is the reason I don't date much these days as I wasn't able to find a guy who wasn't like this and it's exhausting and off putting. You can try being up-front and setting boundaries but usually with people like this they dismiss them within a day or so and you're back to square one again. It's sounding like she is sending multiple texts too instead of waiting however long for you to reply..not good... Has she told you anything about her past relationships? Maybe some background info might lead to a reason and then some kind of way to solve it. I have experienced this too much myself to want to deal with it again and now just stop it short when it happens. I can't help but think this will do your head in very soon. ETA: I just read your last post. RUN!! Seriously!
winny Posted January 9, 2017 Posted January 9, 2017 We don't know about that assault thing.... but maybe because of that most guys don't want to see her and now that you have agreed she is trying too hard? Have a honest talk with her and ask her to just slow it down... see what happens...
CommittedToThis Posted January 9, 2017 Posted January 9, 2017 it feels weird. That's really all you need to know right there, my friend. Something's off and you know it, inside. She could possibly be a disordered individual who sees in you an empathetic soul and wishes to make you part of her life; she may be 'love-bombing' you right now. That's an early Red Flag in dating people with personality disorders. You're doing the right thing by pulling back and letting her know your boundaries; if she starts rushing things even more, pushing you into making quick decisions, testing you in any way, becomes more controlling, etc., you're already in a position to leave. All the best. 2
Author Larryville Posted January 9, 2017 Author Posted January 9, 2017 Has she told you anything about her past relationships? Maybe some background info might lead to a reason and then some kind of way to solve it. She divorced 11 years ago, married very young to a dude much older, 10 years older she is 49. Basically said her marriage was hell for most of it. She is former military. She has two grown children, daughter who sounds like she is F’ed up, a son who sounds spoiled and needy is always asking for money. She is pretty well off an entrepreneur. Her only couple of pretty semi-serious relationships she broke them off, she stated that the dudes were possessive why she left them. Said numerous times about dudes once they find out she has a good amount of money trying to get money from her. I of course don’t give a crap about her money, she has seen/been to my apt and work, knows about my background. We have made out and as I said I am attracted to her but I in no way have been over the top in my attention towards her. We have not talked about exclusivity or anything like that, I still have my profile up, and she does too but have not talked about that either. None of the conversations have been about anything relationship oriented, long term or anything only about the flowery sugary stuff about me. There is nothing in my approach to her that is any different than my approach to any woman I would be interested in dating. We don't know about that assault thing.... but maybe because of that most guys don't want to see her and now that you have agreed she is trying too hard? In terms of that she has said many times already about how deceptive and liars guys are and how several old boyfriends are still calling her. The dude she shot at lives in a long way away but showed up at her doorstep, she said she had to install cameras because her home acreage is large. Is also the reason why she said that she does not give her address to guys (not me either at this point) until a relationship is “exclusive” is why she has been to my place already a couple of times and met me halfway for dates a couple of other times…
introverted1 Posted January 9, 2017 Posted January 9, 2017 Aside from the OTT texting and neediness, she sent a freakin' TEDDY BEAR to your work! I don't know a single man who'd welcome a stuffed animal as a gift! Especially one sent to work. The only reason anyone sends anyone else anything to work (and I include men sending women flowers at the office) is to stake a claim. There is something seriously off about this woman. Plus she knows where you work and where you live. 3
purrrfectlyflawed Posted January 9, 2017 Posted January 9, 2017 She sounds a little cray cray but honestly maybe she doesn't date much and has no idea what to do? I would do a little research with the court system, google her name, see if you can find any criminal record or RO. If you cannot find anything maybe she just needs to be coached a little to back off? I do online dating myself and seeing a guy from POF. We text each other back and forth and have made out a few times but we just text back and forth throughout the day.
winny Posted January 9, 2017 Posted January 9, 2017 She divorced 11 years ago, married very young to a dude much older, 10 years older she is 49. Basically said her marriage was hell for most of it. She is former military. She has two grown children, daughter who sounds like she is F’ed up, a son who sounds spoiled and needy is always asking for money. She is pretty well off an entrepreneur. Her only couple of pretty semi-serious relationships she broke them off, she stated that the dudes were possessive why she left them. Said numerous times about dudes once they find out she has a good amount of money trying to get money from her. I of course don’t give a crap about her money, she has seen/been to my apt and work, knows about my background. We have made out and as I said I am attracted to her but I in no way have been over the top in my attention towards her. We have not talked about exclusivity or anything like that, I still have my profile up, and she does too but have not talked about that either. None of the conversations have been about anything relationship oriented, long term or anything only about the flowery sugary stuff about me. There is nothing in my approach to her that is any different than my approach to any woman I would be interested in dating. In terms of that she has said many times already about how deceptive and liars guys are and how several old boyfriends are still calling her. The dude she shot at lives in a long way away but showed up at her doorstep, she said she had to install cameras because her home acreage is large. Is also the reason why she said that she does not give her address to guys (not me either at this point) until a relationship is “exclusive” is why she has been to my place already a couple of times and met me halfway for dates a couple of other times… Larry, she is a nutcase and shady too... Run .. run as fast as you can! 1
Redhead14 Posted January 9, 2017 Posted January 9, 2017 She divorced 11 years ago, married very young to a dude much older, 10 years older she is 49. Basically said her marriage was hell for most of it. She is former military. She has two grown children, daughter who sounds like she is F’ed up, a son who sounds spoiled and needy is always asking for money. She is pretty well off an entrepreneur. Her only couple of pretty semi-serious relationships she broke them off, she stated that the dudes were possessive why she left them. Said numerous times about dudes once they find out she has a good amount of money trying to get money from her. I of course don’t give a crap about her money, she has seen/been to my apt and work, knows about my background. We have made out and as I said I am attracted to her but I in no way have been over the top in my attention towards her. We have not talked about exclusivity or anything like that, I still have my profile up, and she does too but have not talked about that either. None of the conversations have been about anything relationship oriented, long term or anything only about the flowery sugary stuff about me. There is nothing in my approach to her that is any different than my approach to any woman I would be interested in dating. In terms of that she has said many times already about how deceptive and liars guys are and how several old boyfriends are still calling her. The dude she shot at lives in a long way away but showed up at her doorstep, she said she had to install cameras because her home acreage is large. Is also the reason why she said that she does not give her address to guys (not me either at this point) until a relationship is “exclusive” is why she has been to my place already a couple of times and met me halfway for dates a couple of other times… she stated that the dudes were possessive why she left them. -- Her behavior given this history is contradictory and "odd". She's behaving the way they likely behaved if all this is true. And, just as it is unsafe for a woman to give her address to a guy early, it's just as unsafe to go to a guy's house early. This doesn't "smell" right to me . . . tread lightly. I'd make my boundaries known and enforce them. If she doesn't respect them and tone it down, that's your queue to end things.
purrrfectlyflawed Posted January 9, 2017 Posted January 9, 2017 I couldn't edit my response but it seems she has a criminal charge with that guy. Was she actually charged with anything or were charges dropped?
Author Larryville Posted January 9, 2017 Author Posted January 9, 2017 Was she actually charged with anything or were charges dropped? Was charged but later dropped, police were aware of issue with dude and she does have carry permit/gun is registered.
darkmoon Posted January 9, 2017 Posted January 9, 2017 I get like that if I like somebody, a bad childhood left me with neediness you expect her to stick to dating customs for the sake of it, imho, perhaps she is over-enthusiastic, not so terrible 1
Author Larryville Posted January 9, 2017 Author Posted January 9, 2017 This doesn't "smell" right to me . . . tread lightly. I'd make my boundaries known and enforce them. If she doesn't respect them and tone it down, that's your queue to end things. Our living distance helps and as I stated I am measured in my responses back to her. I have a trip planned to Vegas so unless I decide to see her tomorrow night (she is nearer to me for a work related training, is staying in a hotel) I can/will measure our time(s) together. I am being cautious, I'm not trying to just flat dismiss her or be rude but as I myself have said here many times when you make the choice to post here and solicit advice/comments something bigger going on. I can only describe something like this once, the difference was we were both at the time really and seriously into each other. I am NOT dismissing my gut however 1
bachdude Posted January 9, 2017 Posted January 9, 2017 Remember the movie, "How to lose a guy in 10 days?" Flowers and teddy bear?? Did she buy a love fern yet? 5
Author Larryville Posted January 9, 2017 Author Posted January 9, 2017 perhaps she is over-enthusiastic, not so terrible Yes... I don’t want to give the impression she is “crazy” she has not been saying she loves me or marriage or anything way out there. Most overly complimentary to the point where are normal person starts to feel uncomfortable. I want to be clear I do like her, but I’m no saint and nobody’s savior or white knight. I’ve been complimented by women before and many of the compliments have come from women being in situations where dudes have acted to jacked up, rude that I guess too many I’m some unicorn. I get that have more to do with their past experiences than me being so “wonderful.” She does not know me that well yet. Flowers and teddy bear?? Look I’m the type of dude who keeps my private life away from work, except for my boss and one other director I’m one of the oldest person in building vast majority are women. While everyone thought it was cute was kinda not cool to me. If was from my wife or something or a long time significant other maybe. I appreciate the feedback, peace
kendahke Posted January 9, 2017 Posted January 9, 2017 You know I thought about this, would I be complaining if this were another woman with whom I was head over heels over? That is the thing. So many of us guys have been frustrated countless times and complained about woman for a variety of reasons and so now someone is “into me” and yet it feels weird. She is into you in a "Misery" kind of way... This is the thing about this being so jacked up. You go so long with the numerous strikeouts in the dating world so something seemingly good comes along and I’m here bit**** about someone who is into you. But if continues this personalty will eventually wear on me. Oh on the don't tell her where I live, she has already been to my place twice. But this is a strike out, too, because your spider senses are tingling enough for you to bring it to us... it's all nice and sweet, but as far as she is swinging into syrupy sweetness is how far she swings into blinding, raging meanness--- because all of life is balance. Tread very carefully... she has far more entre into your life than you realize.
BlueRidgeMT Posted January 9, 2017 Posted January 9, 2017 I suppose I'm not saying anything that has not already been said. But, seriously, be careful with this one. She seems a bit too 'out there'.
Recommended Posts