Hulahoops88 Posted January 9, 2017 Posted January 9, 2017 Hey! I'll keep this short. I'm 28 and got dumped by my girlfriend of two years a year ago. Since then, I've been very lonely. I miss my ex almost to the point where I look at our turbulent relationship with rose tinted glasses. I'm jealous of the idea of her sleeping or dating someone else. I'm worried I left the right girl go. My friends are all at a different stage of their lives with girlfriends and jobs so I don't see them much. . I feel so alone now. I've had trouble motivating myself in work and my social life and have become quite recluse. I try dating but I don't have the motivation because I still miss my ex. Is there anyone who is or has gone through this? How do I get out of this mess?
Cornelius_Smiff Posted January 9, 2017 Posted January 9, 2017 Hey Man, I am so sorry you are going through this It sucks and there is no other way of labelling it. I by my very nature was person who was used to being alone. I had a long term relationship a few years back where I always felt suffocated because I enjoyed by own space too much. Ironically, when I was single I felt crippling loneliness. I then met my most recent ex who made me happier than I had ever been, was easy to live with and I never really felt suffocated or stifled. Now after 5 years she up and left suddenly after cheating on me. For someone who went from being alone, to in a relationship for 5 years and back to alone again. It is a shock to the system and honestly there is nothing anyone can say unless they truly understand the type of loneliness we are suffering. For me it's like there is an echo swirling around the house of her, almost ghost like and the silence is deafening (we had 2 cats as well). All I can say man is, use the space to get used to yourself again and learn to connect with this amazing human being that is you. What I mean is, find new hobbies or re-engage with those hobbies you may have given up during your relationship. I talk to myself (it does help) but I never make the mistake of referring to myself in the third person as this can be pretty bad during those dark times of self doubt. I miss my ex so much every day but considering what she did, I do have the throes of betrayal to deal with as well so maybe having a bit of anger is helping me I am not sure. What helped me was getting into more online gaming and as stupid as it sounds I made many life long friends doing so. I even met my ex on WoW and plan to throw myself into some new communities this year. Hey failing that, add me on skype or something, I'm always happy to talk to new people. Just remember, the only person who matters now is YOU and that's who should be getting all this energy. You're going to have dark days and stormy waters, but remember your ship is still sailing and you can ride this out. You got this man! But it's up to you to be the Captain of your own destiny. 3
Whitestar Posted January 9, 2017 Posted January 9, 2017 Yes. Something similar happened to me. I'm an introvert so when she left I became something of a social recluse. Im not sure thats such a bad thing though when you look at the LS threads and see how awful peoples relationships are. I am mostly content with with my own space and my books and my music and my freedom.
Weathersf1 Posted January 11, 2017 Posted January 11, 2017 (edited) I went through exactly what you went through last year. My fiancee of 3 years left and as I finally discovered 9 months later, she had someone lined up at the time. She never showed any emotion and discarded me without a care in the world. It took me 10 months to finally wake up one day and decide, I won't miss a person that doesnt even care if I'm alive or dead. I then started traveling and crossfit. Both of those activities transformed my attitude. I still think of her but I am also grateful that I have a beautiful life to live and a lot to look forward to. I have tried dating other women but the ones I like, dont like me and the ones that like me, I dont particularly like. You know how that goes. Tell you the truth, I'm OK if I never fall for another women again. I dont care being happy as much as I care about not being in pain. Like you I was in a lot of pain and even contemplated suicide. I'm long ways from there today. I got a beautiful 9 year old daughter, friends who care about me. Yes, I'm alone at night and in my quiet moments, I think of her and wish someone would take her place. But I will not be discarded like trash and lower myself in my own eyes by thinking of someone highly who betrayed me and left me for dead. I will live a good life with or without someone cause in the end, we all came on our own and we are going to leave on our own. I read these kinds of responses all the time over this forum but they never helped me. Slowly things turned and when I went to Europe for the holidays, thats when I realized, how much there is to see, do and experience in this world. One person doesnt make or break me. They should not make or break you either. Just sit tight and wait for the emotional storm to pass. And it will. Edited January 11, 2017 by Weathersf1 1
Pumpingiron34 Posted January 11, 2017 Posted January 11, 2017 8 months after a 5 year rl and dumped. I still get attacked by loneliness and its crippling but, not as painful as it once was. Oh well id rather die alone then settle for some one who pulled the same similar ****.
LastAcorn99 Posted January 11, 2017 Posted January 11, 2017 Breakup is never easy, and healing from one takes time, I know. That said, I feel it’ll do you good to seek the help of a counselor. Take care!
Stercrazy Posted January 11, 2017 Posted January 11, 2017 I learned to embrace being alone. Not lonely just alone. At this point I'm not really interested in being in a relationship. I continue to learn about myself daily and I enjoy that.
whichwayisup Posted January 11, 2017 Posted January 11, 2017 Hey! I'll keep this short. I'm 28 and got dumped by my girlfriend of two years a year ago. Since then, I've been very lonely. I miss my ex almost to the point where I look at our turbulent relationship with rose tinted glasses. I'm jealous of the idea of her sleeping or dating someone else. I'm worried I left the right girl go. My friends are all at a different stage of their lives with girlfriends and jobs so I don't see them much. . I feel so alone now. I've had trouble motivating myself in work and my social life and have become quite recluse. I try dating but I don't have the motivation because I still miss my ex. Is there anyone who is or has gone through this? How do I get out of this mess? She broke up with you so it's not like you let her go by choice. But now, a year later, you have to move on. Focusing on her is preventing you from opening your heart to a wonderful woman who can make you happy, someone you can love. Instead you're choosing to hang onto the past and stay in a sad, jealous and bitter place. Have you considered some counseling just to help you grieve the loss and to help you move forward? Keep an open mind. 1
divegrl Posted January 11, 2017 Posted January 11, 2017 Im so sorry for what you're going thru. This must be very hurtful and cause a lot of emotional pain. My ex very recently just left me in an awful way. I put a rule in place where I could only think about my ex for 15 minutes a day. During this 15 minutes I can cry, obsess, wonder what he is doing. But after that he does not get anymore of my time. Have you read the no contact guide? The best advice so far is to find something you're really passionate about and let that be the focus of all your time. Also, after only being on this forum for a short time, I feel like women kind of get a bad reputation here. Most women are portrayed as always wanting to trade up for something better. Plz know that there are lots of beautiful women out there, who would love nothing more than to respect and love a man who was loyal to her. (Sorry if this is off topic, but i have to support all the single ladies here!) My heart hurts with you, Hugs
Weathersf1 Posted January 11, 2017 Posted January 11, 2017 Most women are portrayed as always wanting to trade up for something better. Plz know that there are lots of beautiful women out there, who would love nothing more than to respect and love a man who was loyal to her. (Sorry if this is off topic, but i have to support all the single ladies here!) My heart hurts with you, Hugs Find me one and I'll marry her tomorrow. 1
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