Lilaby Posted January 8, 2017 Posted January 8, 2017 (edited) Maybe I'm being oversensitive I'm a 22 F nurse dating a 21 M in U.K. We've been together nearly a year. He's very nurturing, kind and generous. He works crazy hours but makes time for me as I do for him. Now that he's got comfortable I think he's starting to cross a line. Please don't get me wrong, it's important to have humour and some light hearted teasing in a relationship and I appreciate that, but I don't like the way he's sometimes coming off. It started when the "banter" was a bit harsh. I told him to calm down with it because it was crossing a boundary and he was genuinely quite upset and moved that he'd hurt me. But then it slowly started to happen again. Examples are calling me names sometimes and in general making jokey comments that are a bit degrading. He doesn't realise he does this but sometimes it does honestly make me feel rubbish! On the other hand he also calls me beautiful things and shows me lots of affection. I don't get it. One minute he can be very mature and thoughtful and then the next he's being unkind and childish. My birthday is a few days before Christmas. It was a bit tough due to a few personal problems that he was aware of. We met up in the afternoon and he firstly started recording us on video. While I was confused, he passed me my card and told me to read it out loud. It said something along the lines of "happy birthday, you know you've always wanted to go to Disneyland..." (which is a dream of mine!) and of course I started to get excited. For a few minutes I kept asking "really?" And finally I asked if he was taking me, to which he laughed in my face and shouted "NO!". I suddenly went quiet and felt a bit deflated, not because we weren't going but just because I felt it was a bit of a cruel prank, especially when I had things going on in the background. Straight away he showed remorse but this only lasted until Christmas Day when I found out he'd not only shown his family, but had shared it with his work colleagues (who most are mutual friends of ours). I was a good sport and laughed about it when it was brought up but by New Year's Day I was getting a bit fed up with people bringing it up. I CAN take a joke but it started to feel like I was being made a fool. Maybe I am overreacting? I feel like this is such an immature situation and I should just get over it, but yet again tonight he's made a "joke" that I felt was way too below the belt. I responded by telling him that it had crossed a line, to which he responded "sorry". I'm just sat here kind of in a silent shock. Any thoughts on this would be appreciated. Edited January 8, 2017 by Lilaby
enddeck Posted January 8, 2017 Posted January 8, 2017 He sounds like an immature teenager who wants to show off to his friends that he has a girlfriend that loves him so much she will put up with any crap.This part about him recording you opening the card is the most worrisome,he didn't care about your problems he just wanted to prank you.I would send him back to his mummy to grow up. 2
smackie9 Posted January 8, 2017 Posted January 8, 2017 He lacks respect, empathy and acts like a 12 year old boy....you tried and tried to show your point of view but yet, he never gets the message. I bet money on it, his remorse is fabricated. This is abuse, and since he won't listen to you, it would be in your best interest to dump his immature a$$. 1
Scarlett.O'hara Posted January 8, 2017 Posted January 8, 2017 I'm sorry that happened. I don't think you are overreacting, under reacting if anything. The fact that he not only set you up for his own amusement (on your birthday), but filmed it to show other people, is crossing a line. The fact that he was allowed to get away with it will give him confidence to do it again, and he will! Evidently his remorse was fake, hence the fact that he didn't delete it immediately, and then went on to showed other people. He was proud of hurting you. I hope you think twice about staying in this relationship because he doesn't sound like a decent guy at all. 3
ChatroomHero Posted January 8, 2017 Posted January 8, 2017 Honestly I can carry things a bit far with jokes and not realize it or not see what the big deal is, but doing that would be cruel. If there was an inside joke where you didn't hate back and forth with a "joke" gift every so often and it was between you and him, it might be funny. Showing friends and coworkers is pretty blatantly cruel. If you and him went back and forth with pranks and maybe he went a bit too far, I could understand but if it is just him doing it that's crappy. Just recording you to get your reaction in the first place is pretty cruel. 1
BaileyB Posted January 8, 2017 Posted January 8, 2017 His behavior sounds quite immature. I don't think that you are overreacting. 2
BlackCherry Posted January 8, 2017 Posted January 8, 2017 He does realise when his 'banter' crosses a line and becomes hurtful, I'm sure you express this to him, right? Even if he messed up with this one time only, based on your reaction he'd learn not to do it again next time. More than once is a sign he's doing it intentionally. Just the fact he is able to restrain himself from saying whatever these cruel and harsh things are to his boss or his grandmother shows he's more than capable of choosing what comes out of his mouth. The card thing wasn't a prank, it was pre meditated cruelty. The fact he chose to do this to you on your birthday, while you had personal problems, is worrying enough. But the fact he then showed people the video of his girlfriend opening a gift, getting excited and then being crushed and deflated, shows that he's barely able to comprehend you as a human being worthy of love and respect. It'd be bad enough if he did it, saw it hurt you and deleted it and tried to apologise profusely and make it up to you. But he knew it hurt you then enjoyed showing other people what he did to you. I'd have left him on the spot. He's immature at best, cruel at worst. Not a worthy partner. You're 22 with a great career, financial independence (nurses earn a good wage in the U.K.!) and I'm sure many other wonderful qualities. You can do so much better than this! You're way underreacting. 2
ElizabethIII Posted January 8, 2017 Posted January 8, 2017 (edited) It isnt smart, clever or funny. In fact his behavior is borderline abusive. He is 21 not 12. Getting your reaction on video to laugh at you and show others how utterly nasty. Name calling is not funny either. Turnabout is fair play though. Tell him you are going to give him him anal next time you see him and when you do say here is your anal: I am kicking your sorry arse out of my life. Video his face and put it on facebook. (kidding about the facebook bit) Edited January 8, 2017 by ElizabethIII
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