h647 Posted January 8, 2017 Posted January 8, 2017 I broke up with my girlfriend of two years a fair few months ago now and have been rebuilding my self-esteem since the breakup. It was a bit of a toxic relationship so I’m glad it’s over and now looking to move on in the coming months. Because of my age (early 30s) I don’t get the opportunity to go out with friends as much as I once did so will probably look to some form on online dating as a way of meeting new people. However, I have recently moved back with my Dad while I try to buy my first property. I figured this made sense rather than continue to rent as house prices are very high where I live. I should hopefully only be here for 6-7 months max but that is all pending on me finding the right property. I am just worried that if I use online dating as soon as I say that I am living with my Dad, I will be judged as a failure or they will be put off. Do others think this will be the case? In reality, I know I am not. I have a good job, decent car etc but have decided that I want to get on the property ladder and am taking steps to achieve this.
hippychick3 Posted January 8, 2017 Posted January 8, 2017 You don't have to announce on your dating profile that you live with your dad. Wait and disclose that information with someone you've gone on more than one date with. Once you explain your situation and they realize it's temporary, I don't see why it would be an issue. 2
purrrfectlyflawed Posted January 8, 2017 Posted January 8, 2017 Well if its temporary its not a big deal but I have to admit this is a turn off when I hear it. I'm a single mom with kids and I have my own house but I am not in a high cost of living area (like NYC or SFO). A guy I have gone out with twice has 3 kids and lives with his parents. Talk about turn off. Yes this does bug me but he says he is getting his own place this summer and moves to a day shift. We will see.
smackie9 Posted January 8, 2017 Posted January 8, 2017 Your situation is not uncommon. A lot of people depend on their parents to get a leg up on buying a place, or get their finances in order, especially after a divorce or separation or job loss.. You are one of the lucky ones that has a parent to lean on when you need help. I agree you don't have to disclose your situation to your date. That kind of information can wait for the right person. 1
BlackCherry Posted January 8, 2017 Posted January 8, 2017 I'm a woman who hasn't lived with parents since the age of 19 and wouldn't consider dating a man who did, in almost all cases. But even I would be okay with this given that it's so short term and for a tangible purpose. If it truly was for less than a year and you had clear savings goals planned which you were meeting already (I.e. Save £X per month not just save as much as you can) then I think I'd be okay with it. Obviously you're not gonna go into all of this detail when you first meet someone but you can say 'I'm living with family for 8 months while I finish saving up for a house deposit' and the majority of women will be okay with it. Those that aren't okay with it wouldn't be right for you anyway so they'll rule themselves out. I really wouldn't worry about it narrowing your options though. I met so many guys in their twenties who were living with parents indefinitely just cos it was cheaper while spending their money on booze and partying and cars, and as an independent professional career woman it wouldn't have worked for me. But short term, for a house purchase, shows drive and smarts. It's not something I'd ever do (even if I had the option, which I don't!) but I don't judge anyone for making the most of the opportunities available to them.
Author h647 Posted January 8, 2017 Author Posted January 8, 2017 Thanks for the responses. I do have clear goals and am saving a minium of a set amount a month. I know its not ideal but as close to London the prices are sky high at the moment. Anyone who cannot accept it probably isn't the right person for me anyway, I could easily rent as I have done for years but the amount I would be able to save would obviously not be as much.
scooby-philly Posted January 8, 2017 Posted January 8, 2017 OP, You said it yourself...it's a temporary situation. I'm 35 now. I spent most of my 20's doing missionary work and then had 2 bad relationships and also loaned money out to family that didn't pay it back and now I'm a similar spot. Yes, I could afford to rent. But since I always took care of others and not myself first, I don't even have furniture to my name so from an economics standpoint it doesn't make sense to rent right now. My goal for 2017 is to put every other pay check (bi-weekly salaried professional here) into my savings and then do it again for 3-6 months in 2018. That will give me enough money to make sure that I will be able to buy a good place and afford basic furniture when I do. I will move out in 2018 and start renting a condo or apartment knowing that when I do find a place I will be able to move on it immediately. I never asked anyone for anything in my life so I'm not ashamed of my situation. Would put a hamper on things....but that's life. In your case or my case - no one who doesn't understand your perspective and judges you or wouldn't date you because of it is worth your time. From a historical perspective....it's only been in the past 100 to 150 years that this idea of independent living arose. Even in the 1920s or 50s - it was only the rich or their children who could afford to live on their own place (not counting renting an apartment). So, no judgment. Plus, most other cultures also value living at home unless one is married (and not just for women). 90-95% of the people you meet in live have had to do something they weren't proud of or wasn't what was "acceptable" because of the way life twists and turns. Think of the women who put themselves through law school as high priced escorts - there's a growing trend with young women in college paying for tuition or rent or the extras in life through "sugar daddy" sites - offering companionship and physical connection in exchange for money or travel or shopping. The question is simply this - do you stick to your word and do your actions back up what you say. If so, you have no worries then my friend. Anyone who doesn't understand your situation doesn't understand you and isn't worthy of your time, affection, or love.
Author h647 Posted January 9, 2017 Author Posted January 9, 2017 Thanks for the response. You are 100% right. If someone is going to judge me for that then they are not a person to be involved with anyway. OP, You said it yourself...it's a temporary situation. I'm 35 now. I spent most of my 20's doing missionary work and then had 2 bad relationships and also loaned money out to family that didn't pay it back and now I'm a similar spot. Yes, I could afford to rent. But since I always took care of others and not myself first, I don't even have furniture to my name so from an economics standpoint it doesn't make sense to rent right now. My goal for 2017 is to put every other pay check (bi-weekly salaried professional here) into my savings and then do it again for 3-6 months in 2018. That will give me enough money to make sure that I will be able to buy a good place and afford basic furniture when I do. I will move out in 2018 and start renting a condo or apartment knowing that when I do find a place I will be able to move on it immediately. I never asked anyone for anything in my life so I'm not ashamed of my situation. Would put a hamper on things....but that's life. In your case or my case - no one who doesn't understand your perspective and judges you or wouldn't date you because of it is worth your time. From a historical perspective....it's only been in the past 100 to 150 years that this idea of independent living arose. Even in the 1920s or 50s - it was only the rich or their children who could afford to live on their own place (not counting renting an apartment). So, no judgment. Plus, most other cultures also value living at home unless one is married (and not just for women). 90-95% of the people you meet in live have had to do something they weren't proud of or wasn't what was "acceptable" because of the way life twists and turns. Think of the women who put themselves through law school as high priced escorts - there's a growing trend with young women in college paying for tuition or rent or the extras in life through "sugar daddy" sites - offering companionship and physical connection in exchange for money or travel or shopping. The question is simply this - do you stick to your word and do your actions back up what you say. If so, you have no worries then my friend. Anyone who doesn't understand your situation doesn't understand you and isn't worthy of your time, affection, or love.
alphamale Posted January 9, 2017 Posted January 9, 2017 how about moving to a more affordable city? one with better jobs and more single chicks
Author h647 Posted January 9, 2017 Author Posted January 9, 2017 how about moving to a more affordable city? one with better jobs and more single chicks I have a good job.
TheAntiHero Posted January 9, 2017 Posted January 9, 2017 Think about: you'll be the one with property after it's all said and done. This is one of those double standards with females: if she lives at home it's okay. As a man? Society says no. Hang on to that mindset, though: if she doesn't want to be with you because of this, she's not worth anymore of your time.
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