backspn Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 I havent been on since November of 2004. I finally moved on from my EX GF...and things are going smoothly......thanks for all your support over the previous year.....it helped me immensly. I met a girl about 2 weeks ago. She is awesome...everything Im looking for in a girl. She is the same age as me (30) and have the same things in common as far as I can tell from the short time we have gone out...3 dates. We went out Tuesday on our first date (putt putt and dinner) and she said I was really easy to talk to and enjoyed my company, no kiss on the first date happened but I did get a huge hug....the night went very well. Friday nite we went on our 2nd date and we had a good night kiss after the date...progressing slowly but still good. Saturday night she traveled with her friends and met me at a restaurant and then we walked around the lake in town with her friends. She kept her hands in her pocket most of the time...but we did hold hands after a while. At the end of the night she told her friends that she would be right there, since they were dropping her off at her house, and she got into my car to say goodnight. We kissed and she asked me if I liked her friends and I said i did....that they were really down to earth. I asked her if I could see her again and she said yes.....she said she would call me. Tonight, 2 days after last talking with her, i gave her a call and left a message but she IM'd me instead of calling me back. We did set a time for our next date but I did find it strange that she would IM me instead of calling me....but I guess each person is different. My question is....how can u tell if someone is into you and they are really enjoying your company?......I do read body language alot...and it seemed like she was very catious on Saturday night. Is this normal? MAybe it was just because she was with her friends? It has been awhile for me dating someone.....when do u take it to the next level of BF/GF? How do u guys think it went for me? Things look good or still too soon to tell? Thanks for responding p.s.....I really like her and I dont want to mess this up....any suggestions would be awesome.
Moai Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 Sounds like it's going fine, but don't get too pushy too fast. If she seems cautious ever ,slow down. That's not to say don't be physical, but instead of asking her out again when you are with her, just end the date, and then call her in a few days. You can't really screw it up by not talking to her, but you can by talking to her too much. If she says she'll call you, wait for her to call you. The IM-ing thing is kinda weird, but who knows. If she was really into you it would seem to me she'd really want to hear your voice, but there is no figuring it out some times. Let it slide for now and try not to think about it. Oh--avoid long phone conversations and IM chats! Make it so that in order to enjoy you she has to be WITH you. If you talk on the phone all the time she is getting you easy and for free. Only talk to her on the phone to set up your next meeting, no more than five minutes. Always appear confident to her. Resist the urge to see her all the time and start locking up her free time. Keep other things going in your life! Don't break engagements for her, as cool as she is. If you are going to hang out with your buddies but she calls at the last minute and wants to see you, bite the bullet and go out with your buddies (unless she is in the hospital). If you become too available too fast, you'll become a "friend" and your life will suck.
Author backspn Posted July 19, 2005 Author Posted July 19, 2005 Thank you so much for your input!! It helps me out more than you know! So if I talk to her once a week and see her once a week than that's not being too distant is it? I don't want her to get the idea that I'm not interested in her....but I don't want to seem too eager, too soon either. I have been down the other path before and I don't want to make the same mistake again. When will you know when to start seeing each other more and more? Just one more question for all the ladies out there: When you meet someone, do you know right away if that is the right one? Or does it grow over time? Just a thought.
chris1063 Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 Good for you man !! Just take it slowly and let things take their own course. I've got my first proper date on Friday night after almost 6 months. Really great girl I met by chance on a train last Sunday. She lives only about 20 minutes from me too. Have to say i'm a bit nervous but i'm going in with an open mind and we'll see what happens. Good luck to you anyway. Just shows there is life after breakup !! Chris
Author backspn Posted July 19, 2005 Author Posted July 19, 2005 Just a thought here. I am not really willing to give much time to someone if they arent into me as much as I am into them. After 3 dates....wouldnt you know if you would like to spend more time with that person? I am 30 and I know the old days of spending everyday with someone is gone...but I would think more than once a week is a good thing. I know I sound crazy but I am really not...but I would like to know if she feels the same way. I mean after 3 dates you KNOW if you really want to be with that person....right? I remember meeting my first love...we knew right away, hated being apart, and spent alot of time together for over 5 years. How much longer should I give it before I talk to her about how she feels? To me and my way of thinking....3 dates is plenty of time......maybe I am way off base though. Some of my friends tell me to be patient and give it time and some tell me to talk to her next date......I am really torn cause I like her and would like more. Any suggestions?
Moai Posted July 20, 2005 Posted July 20, 2005 When it is time for you to spend more time together you naturally will. But let HER be the one to direct it. Let me explain. See, the important factor in all of this isn't your feelings for her, it is her feelings for YOU. You've already made your decision, but that doesn't mean that she'll agree. And the more you push it, the more distant she will become. Men sometimes think that once they love a woman she will automatically love them back just because, and that is so not the case! What you want to do is take all of the things that jerks do to attract women and do those things--but be a gentleman at the same time. See, jerks don't care if she calls or not. Jerks don't care if they see her again or not. Jerks say nice things--"You look great!", etc.--only RARELY. Jerks are only available when it is convenient for them. Jerks don't make fun of themselves, but they make fun of the woman--in a playful way, of course. Jerks don't always agree with what the woman says for fear of "blowing it." Jerks show glimmers of being a "great guy" but only rarely. Even though you want to be with her all the time, do not act that way, especially not now. Once she sees that you are not a challenge she will lose interest in you. Maintain your self-respect at all times. Once you start bending over backwards to be with her and please her, she'll lose respect for you even if she is not aware of it. Slowly but surely, her feelings will putter out and you'll be in love with someone who doesn't want you. Forget your feelings and look at hers, that is the only way you'll find someone who truly loves you. The gentleman factor comes in like this: When you say that you will call, do that. When you are on a date, treat her well--you can do that without complimenting her incessantly. Open doors for her. Look her in the eye, and listen to her. Don't talk about past relationships with her, or let her talk to you about hers. A gentleman does not discuss girlfriends with other women. Listen to her talk about relationships in general, but if she gets specific tell her you aren't comfortable talking about that in the nicest way possible, or change the subject. Cut all your dates shorter than you would like--always leave her wanting more. Never, ever leave her a message on her machine. Why torture yourself with the "Is she screening her calls?" crap. Try again the next day, at a different time. If you get her machine three times in a row, she doesn't dig you and you should bail. Even if that isn't the case, she'll make an effort to get in touch with you if she DOES dig you, so you can't lose. If you ask her out and she says no, see if she offers another time. If she doesn't, bail. If she no-shows you, bail. Don't call and tell her off, either. Just move on and let that be the end of it. Try to get into the habit of not wasting your time on people who don't deserve it. If she is hot at all, she has guys fawning all over her all the time, and they are getting nowhere. You need to be the confident guy who can take her or leave her. That'll pique her intertest and keep you from being a doormat. it's like men think pretty women don't KNOW that they are pretty. They do, and they use it to their advantage. Who can blame them? Be the guy who doesn't really care that she's pretty and she'll respect you and you'll discover the real her. Except for the good-night kiss, let her initiate all touching. Even when she touches your arm, don't touch her back. Whew! Sorry, for the length! Good luck, man, I hope it works out for youo!
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