happy_luv Posted January 8, 2017 Posted January 8, 2017 Struggling here and would appreciate your insight and thoughts. thanks in advance. the story- My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship (for 3 years, 10-hour flight distance) and we decided to meet up in a third country and travel together at the end of the year. However we didn't plan early enough and the flight ticket from his country was too high so i decided to visit him instead. No problem till here. Then, he wanted to travel within his country so I told him my budget for transportation and accommodation after my flight fare, but since that wasn't planned early enough either, the hotels were expensive and over my budget. He couldn't find something that was within my budget and kept suggesting more expensive hotels. At some point, it was a bit frustrating for me because i was already paying for the flight to his country whereas he wasn't spending any money on the flight, and yet he suggested hotels that were pretty expensive. so i told him i hoped he said he'll chip in a little more to cover the expenses over my budget on the accommodation, and he got really angry and told me to cancel my flight and this trip altogether if that's what i was thinking. so i did. paid the flight cancellation fee as well. and feel miserable thinking about what happened. Maybe I was greedy. I shouldn't have asked him or expected such a thing. But on the other hand, was it that greedy to ask him? Please tell me if I was. He and I are not talking now, and he is so angry and disappointed at me and thinking of breaking up. any thoughts would be appreciated. I'm hurt by his words but sad at the same time.
Simple Logic Posted January 8, 2017 Posted January 8, 2017 (edited) Struggling here and would appreciate your insight and thoughts. thanks in advance. the story- My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship (for 3 years, 10-hour flight distance) and we decided to meet up in a third country and travel together at the end of the year. However we didn't plan early enough and the flight ticket from his country was too high so i decided to visit him instead. No problem till here. Then, he wanted to travel within his country so I told him my budget for transportation and accommodation after my flight fare, but since that wasn't planned early enough either, the hotels were expensive and over my budget. He couldn't find something that was within my budget and kept suggesting more expensive hotels. At some point, it was a bit frustrating for me because i was already paying for the flight to his country whereas he wasn't spending any money on the flight, and yet he suggested hotels that were pretty expensive. so i told him i hoped he said he'll chip in a little more to cover the expenses over my budget on the accommodation, and he got really angry and told me to cancel my flight and this trip altogether if that's what i was thinking. so i did. paid the flight cancellation fee as well. and feel miserable thinking about what happened. Maybe I was greedy. I shouldn't have asked him or expected such a thing. But on the other hand, was it that greedy to ask him? Please tell me if I was. He and I are not talking now, and he is so angry and disappointed at me and thinking of breaking up. any thoughts would be appreciated. I'm hurt by his words but sad at the same time. Good for you. You are totally justified cancelling this vacation. Take the money you saved and go find a new BF. Edited January 8, 2017 by Simple Logic 3
Nadine123 Posted January 8, 2017 Posted January 8, 2017 What a jerk. You did the right thing. Instead of being appreciative of what you're doing he acts like this, very immature. If my bf was doing this for me I would have no problem pitching extra for the hotel. I agree, take the money and find yourself a new bf. You have nothing to feel bad about. 1
loveiswar101 Posted January 8, 2017 Posted January 8, 2017 When someone loves you...money should not be the whole nines yards of life. Your making the effort 100%, he's just thinking about himself. Move on... You done the right thing girl! 1
Author happy_luv Posted January 8, 2017 Author Posted January 8, 2017 Thank you guys. He just told me he wants to break up with me through a text. we have a long history together and we met each others' parents and family, and talked about future together. I guess he was not so happy with me, but was not expecting to get dumped this easily by him, through a text. my heart feels like exploding now. I feel so sad. i'm shaking. he was my best friend for 7 years, and 3 years as a boyfriend. all gone now. i can't even cry now. not sure what's happening. :(
ainoviere Posted January 8, 2017 Posted January 8, 2017 If he's breaking up with you over this (relatively trivial) issue it means that either (a) he is not mature enough for a relationship (b) he was looking for an excuse to break up with you. Fair enough if he didn't want to help pay for your accommodation but he didn't have to get angry about it (unless there's more to the story you're not telling us). I know it's easier said than done but if he's not willing to apologise or at least work through this I suggest you let him go. You wouldn't want to be in a relationship where you're the one putting in all the effort. It'd be tiring.
Author happy_luv Posted January 8, 2017 Author Posted January 8, 2017 yes, it wasn't a very smooth year for him and i toward the end of last year, but we were planning the travel together and thought everything was ok. but i guess it wasn't and when i brought up him chipping for accommodation i guess he thought he had enough and decided to end things with me. i was also thinking this incident might lead to a break up, but i was just not prepared or expecting to get dumped so easily through a text after all the history together. we even lived together briefly...but i guess nothing matters. whatever the reason was, breakup is sad. i am still trying to process this. through a text we are not living in the same country so we can't meet in person and break up, but not even a phone call, a skype call after all those years together? it's making me really sad
enddeck Posted January 8, 2017 Posted January 8, 2017 When your original plans were changed the very least he could have done was to pay half your flight costs to meet him.I think that he is seeing someone else and probably has been for a while,if it hadn't been this topic he would have found something else to fall out with you over.You will probably find he tries to get back with you in a few months but I would be wary of this.
ExpatInItaly Posted January 8, 2017 Posted January 8, 2017 I agree with a couple others that he was probably searching for a reason to break up with you. That could well explain why he decided not to bother meeting you half-way; maybe he thought you'd change your mind about coming and it would give him an out. But then when you agreed to fly to him, he started grasping at straws and suggested hotels he likely knew were out of your price range and essentially painted you into a corner. A true jerk move. It seems odd that he would opt to travel within his country when he claimed not to have funds, in that you two could have just spent time at his home together and he'd have saved a bunch of cash. Perhaps he wanted to keep you away for a reason. 1
loveiswar101 Posted January 9, 2017 Posted January 9, 2017 Sorry to say, but actions speak louder than words.Look at his. Weak and the easy way out, a text. As say before NC, move on. You're worth MORE. 1
Poutrew Posted January 9, 2017 Posted January 9, 2017 This is the text you should send him: "Got your text and am totally cool with it. Have a great life." Then delete any reference to him in your life, including social media. Make sure next boyfriend is local...good luck.
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