highsandlows90 Posted January 7, 2017 Posted January 7, 2017 (edited) My BF and I have been dating for about 1.5 years. I'm 27, he's 29. I really love him and am very serious about him. We have talked about the idea of living together, which I want, but he says he's not ready yet, because to him living together means engagement shortly follows, and he says he's not ready to get married yet. He says he doesn't really know when he'll be ready and tbh I do worry that he has commitment issues, though he tries to reassure me that "we both want the same things." I have a rather high sex drive... my job is pretty intense (i'm a resident physician) and sex definitely helps to get out of that role and unwind. Though he loves sex he sometimes can't quite keep up with me. He has expressed to me that he worries that he can't satisfy me enough because he sometimes has to say "no" to sex, and honestly I am the one who initiates most of the time - though I've told him that I don't really mind this as long as I know that he's still super attracted to me, which he always says he is. He's been out of town for work recently and we were sexting and he told me that I was "the sexiest little nympho." I was taken aback by this because I have never been called that before. I don't find it disrespectful per se but it has made me wonder if he views me as someone who is good fun for now but not someone he wants to settle down with........ Edited January 7, 2017 by highsandlows90
bachdude Posted January 7, 2017 Posted January 7, 2017 (edited) I highly doubt his little comment had ANYTHING to do with him not wanting to move in. A lot of young men these days are very cautious about marriage. And 1 1/2 years really isn't a lot of time for many of them. It's often confused with commitment issues but it's not necessarily the case. I can't speak for your BF's perspective but allow me to lay it out a little. Divorce, by and large, exacts a much higher toll on men than women, financially and as studies show, emotionally (the rise in suicide rates among men has been directly tied to custody issues regarding children after divorce). The men usually lose their children, pay exorbitant child support, and alimony. They see stories of vindictive ex wives not keeping their end of the custody agreement while they face debtors prison if they don't pay up or can't afford to pay. And given that most divorces (69%) are initiated by women, doesn't help. I really think women have absolutely no idea how men approach the whole issue of marriage today. Guys tend to think in cost/benefit ratios. In my experience this is very different from how a lot of women approach the idea of marriage. I don't mean for this to be some diatribe on men's rights but only that marriage is really serious business and many guys approach it with an eyes wide open perspective. Edited January 7, 2017 by bachdude
Gaeta Posted January 7, 2017 Posted January 7, 2017 I have a rather high sex drive... my job is pretty intense (i'm a resident physician) and sex definitely helps to get out of that role and unwind. Though he loves sex he sometimes can't quite keep up with me. He has expressed to me that he worries that he can't satisfy me enough because he sometimes has to say "no" to sex, and honestly I am the one who initiates most of the time - though I've told him that I don't really mind this as long as I know that he's still super attracted to me, which he always says he is. You don't mind now but 20 years of this will get old. If you enjoy sex much more than what is considered normal than you may want to look into this. Sounds like you use sex often as a relaxant and that can grow old fast in a relationship. If your libido is normal and it's him that is a little slower to warm up than like I said, be careful, a life of this may turn this in a long boring marriage. He's been out of town for work recently and we were sexting and he told me that I was "the sexiest little nympho." I was taken aback by this because I have never been called that before. I don't find it disrespectful per se but it has made me wonder if he views me as someone who is good fun for now but not someone he wants to settle down with........ His comment means nothing. It's really far fetched to think it's because he doesn't take you seriously. 2
preraph Posted January 7, 2017 Posted January 7, 2017 There certainly are a lot of guys with a double standard who think sexy isn't a good mother. They play the field with the women they think are sexy and then marry someone boring and predictable. It's pathetic. But that said, I wouldn't jump to that assumption. He may bring it up sometime. He may truly be worried about the sex thing because men place so much priority on sex, like it's the most important thing in their entire lives. My view is if you can live with it, why shouldn't he. I will just give you one tip I really hope you'll at least try, and that is to NOT initiate sex at all but don't act mad or weird while not doing it. Act normal and happy and just back off and see how long it takes him to take the wheel and come to you wanting sex, and then see if that doesn't make him feel more empowered some way. I mean, I know so many females who are so SICK of the pressure, of their man constantly coming on to them in juvenile ways or manipulating them trying to get sex that it insults their intelligence and is disrespectful. Without having that intention, he may be also feeling pressured, and feeling pressured makes you pull back. It doesn't get you more sex. It gets you less sex or sex and resentment. So try not saying a word but just letting it go and concentrate on just having fun and communicating when you're together, and go on dates and see if you can smooth this out and give him some choice here. 2
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