When he doesn't feel that "crazy connection"

[CaliforniaGirl]

The crazy connection he didn't feel with you was that feeling that you were insecure, easily led and fooled and would hesitate before ca!ling the police one day when your daughter came to you in terror to tell you he had touched her.

 

I should say you did dodge a bullet.

 

Thank God.

[selinaluv]

Did he know you were a single mum before you met? If not, it could be that he realised dating you could land him back in prison. He might be on parole and part of that would be to keep away from children.

 

I thought I made that pretty clear. Thinking he came to his senses. I imagine he does have to be away.

 

I see the lies popping up in my head now. He said he had to go to his daughter's cheer competition today, and he takes his girl's to school everyday. I am thinking this is not the case and he is not allowed anywhere near youth.

[selinaluv]

Omg! Everyone says that to me too! 'Just have fun with it! Its supposed to be exciting! etc etc' I'm like, wtf are you talking about? Its not exciting or fun or anything else thats associated with positivity! Haha, its awful! Maybe for people that dont have their hearts set on finding a SO or of course sex offenders, its probably loads of fun! For us though, not so much lol Its probably much more difficult with a daughter, have to give you credit for putting serious effort into dating and being a Mom. Thats not easy, I'm sure. Ya I think both of us need to explore other avenues. I dont blame you if you've had it with OLD, a sex offender is a pretty substantial straw lol

 

It can just be so mentally exhausting. Finding companionship shouldn't be like that. And I know the odds are against me because I am a single mom over the age of 40. But I have a lot going for me and it can be so disheartening. He is an extreme case, but it has been mostly disappointment. I made a few very good friends and that is good. But that is about it.

[selinaluv]

The crazy connection he didn't feel with you was that feeling that you were insecure, easily led and fooled and would hesitate before ca!ling the police one day when your daughter came to you in terror to tell you he had touched her.

 

I should say you did dodge a bullet.

 

Thank God.

 

Ugh, unfortunately this could also be true. Too many risks for him. I consider myself lucky cause I could see him trying to come back. He is gone and blocked.

[salparadise]

Maybe he thought you were too nice to screw over.

 

I know when I was on the dating site I had a couple of men who wrote to me who were currently in prison, so I'm sure the dating sites know there are fellows like this on there, but sure, go ahead and notify them anyway. I'm sure if it can't be proved that he is committing a crime, they can't prevent him from being on there, just like no one would be able to prevent a sex offender from moving right next door to you.

 

Sure they can! They can banish anyone for any reason, or no reason at all. There are no inalienable rights guaranteeing access or due process for a web site.

 

Sites like that delete hundreds (maybe thousands) per day just on the suspicion they may not be legitimate. In Ghana and Nigeria romance scamming is a big, organized industry. The problem is that he (and all scammers) can keep on creating new profiles as fast as they're deleted.

 

So go ahead and report him, it's no big deal. Click on the three dots at the top of the profile for the dropdown, select "Report" and write "registered sex offender" in the box. Done. Takes 30 seconds. You could make it part of your morning routine... check back tomorrow and the next day for his new profile.

[salparadise]

Exactly! As a single mom with her daughter all the time, I am limited in opportunities. OLD makes is easy to get the ball rolling, but it is one thing after another. People always telling me have fun, it should be fun, I'm a catch, I should find someone easy.

Omg! Everyone says that to me too! 'Just have fun with it! Its supposed to be exciting! etc etc' I'm like, wtf are you talking about? Its not exciting or fun or anything else thats associated with positivity! Haha, its awful! Maybe for people that dont have their hearts set on finding a SO or of course sex offenders, its probably loads of fun! For us though, not so much lol Its probably much more difficult with a daughter, have to give you credit for putting serious effort into dating and being a Mom. Thats not easy, I'm sure. Ya I think both of us need to explore other avenues. [...] I dont blame you if you've had it with OLD, a sex offender is a pretty substantial straw lol

 

 

Oh, ladies... please. The reason you're frustrated is that your expectations are a mile high. You all are so used to being on the pedestal and in control of the mate selection game that you expect to win with every roll of the dice. You have to take for granted that every misfit known to humanity is on those sites shopping for love, just like they all buy bread at the grocery store.

 

Why you'd expect otherwise is what's curious to me. You have flip on that super discerning female people picker, and take for granted that you're looking for the proverbial needle in a haystack. And bookmark the online sex offender registry if you tend to gravitate toward those with certain predilections. Don't you all realize that you're in the catbird seat on those sites? All you have to do is be good at discriminating and wiggling your finger.

[Popsicle]

Sure they can! They can banish anyone for any reason, or no reason at all. There are no inalienable rights guaranteeing access or due process for a web site.

 

Sites like that delete hundreds (maybe thousands) per day just on the suspicion they may not be legitimate. In Ghana and Nigeria romance scamming is a big, organized industry. The problem is that he (and all scammers) can keep on creating new profiles as fast as they're deleted.

 

So go ahead and report him, it's no big deal. Click on the three dots at the top of the profile for the dropdown, select "Report" and write "registered sex offender" in the box. Done. Takes 30 seconds. You could make it part of your morning routine... check back tomorrow and the next day for his new profile.

 

I don't think so, I doubt a free site will banish a sex offender. A scammer/fake is different than a sex offender. You're getting into hairy civil rights laws here.

Forbes Welcome

She try it and report back.

[selinaluv]

Oh, ladies... please. The reason you're frustrated is that your expectations are a mile high. You all are so used to being on the pedestal and in control of the mate selection game that you expect to win with every roll of the dice. You have to take for granted that every misfit known to humanity is on those sites shopping for love, just like they all buy bread at the grocery store.

 

Why you'd expect otherwise is what's curious to me. You have flip on that super discerning female people picker, and take for granted that you're looking for the proverbial needle in a haystack. And bookmark the online sex offender registry if you tend to gravitate toward those with certain predilections. Don't you all realize that you're in the catbird seat on those sites? All you have to do is be good at discriminating and wiggling your finger.

 

I do think you are right here. But I am not sure my expectations are that high. But I agree with the thought that I expect every man to be a winner. My picker has been bad and I am trying to figure out why. And I learned here that I need to be even more secure when I am meeting someone that they are who they say they are.

[Survivor12]

It is not hearsay. I have verified the information and have seen all the details online at this time. It is him and he has multiple mugshots posted online. I also found him on the official state registry.

 

He did admit to me he had done some things he was not proud of. I thought he was referring to his drinking addiction.

 

Your friend relating the info to you was hearsay. You hadn't mentioned validating what he told you in your earlier post which is why I mentioned it.

[selinaluv]

Your friend relating the info to you was hearsay. You hadn't mentioned validating what he told you in your earlier post which is why I mentioned it.

 

Oh yes, I understand. Actually my friend did send information to me validating, but then I did a little searching myself after. It is definitely all confirmed and apologies if I didn't make that clear.

 

I did contact the site about it. Not sure what they will do, but I feel okay about it.

It is noted in their terms and conditions though:

 

"HUMOR RAINBOW ALSO DOES NOT INQUIRE INTO THE BACKGROUNDS OF ITS MEMBERS OR ATTEMPT TO VERIFY THE STATEMENTS OF ITS MEMBERS BUT RESERVES THE RIGHT TO CONDUCT ANY CRIMINAL BACKGROUND CHECK OR OTHER SCREENINGS (SUCH AS SEX OFFENDER REGISTER SEARCHES), AT ANY TIME AND USING AVAILABLE PUBLIC RECORDS. YOU REPRESENT THAT YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN CONVICTED OF A FELONY AND THAT YOU ARE NOT REQUIRED TO REGISTER AS A SEX OFFENDER WITH ANY GOVERNMENT ENTITY."

 

Not sure their complete intentions with that and how often they do so, but I imagine notifying them will at least cause them to do a search and they can go from there.

[Dis]

Oh, ladies... please. The reason you're frustrated is that your expectations are a mile high. You all are so used to being on the pedestal and in control of the mate selection game that you expect to win with every roll of the dice. You have to take for granted that every misfit known to humanity is on those sites shopping for love, just like they all buy bread at the grocery store.

 

Why you'd expect otherwise is what's curious to me. You have flip on that super discerning female people picker, and take for granted that you're looking for the proverbial needle in a haystack. And bookmark the online sex offender registry if you tend to gravitate toward those with certain predilections. Don't you all realize that you're in the catbird seat on those sites? All you have to do is be good at discriminating and wiggling your finger.

 

Lol its really not that simple/easy sal

 

I've done OLD for a year and a half. I learned to be cautious, use good judgement etc etc and I still couldnt something lasting

 

I'm not being too picky either, I've dated guys that were average, a little chumby, older and I'm a 9/10 so no...I was not too picky and taking my postion for granted. The average looking guys were just as much of disappointments as the really attractive ones

 

There is no science to apply to OLD, its a crap shoot. After a year and a half of playing that game, I'm just too tired to proceed

 

What else would you suggest we do?

[selinaluv]

Lol its really not that simple/easy sal

 

I've done OLD for a year and a half. I learned to be cautious, use good judgement etc etc and I still couldnt something lasting

 

I'm not being too picky either, I've dated guys that were average, a little chumby, older and I'm a 9/10 so no...I was not too picky and taking my postion for granted. The average looking guys were just as much of disappointments as the really attractive ones

 

There is no science to apply to OLD, its a crap shoot. After a year and a half of playing that game, I'm just too tired to proceed

 

What else would you suggest we do?

 

Yeah I am pretty much going to ditto everything she said and say I could have written this.

 

I know we shouldn't expect it, but something sustainable would be nice. I have dated extremely handsome to average, men in a variety of professions and it really doesn't matter.

 

But I also think my picker is very wrong and I often find out later in the game. My online experiences include a man who went back to his ex wife; a man who went to Thailand and got engaged to a 20 year old bar girl while he was there; a man who had so many issues regarding his ex he would cry about it; someone who was beyond ADHD he would change his mind about me by the minute; a man who got so judgmental and questioning my morals lying in bed after we had sex; someone who asked me if I was a dominatrix on our dinner date and proceeded to tell me about a very graphic porn scene; a 27 year old who lied about his age until we met up with some of his old high school buddies by chance; and now this sex offender guy. And that is just in the past year and the ones worth mentioning...

 

I am doing some soul searching to figure out why this is still happening or wondering if I am doing something to attract this, but I am just not sure. I am college educated, have a great job, considered very attractive and in good shape. I travel and have many hobbies and enjoy doing a variety of things. I have no hangups or issues other than being a 42 year old divorced, single mother. Many of these men are very bright, accomplished people, then something takes a turn.

 

Not trying to be a complainer, but just wondering if this really is OLD (and also just dating in general). And if so, then it can definitely be more of a negative than positive.

Edited January 9, 2017 by selinaluv

[Dis]

Yeah I am pretty much going to ditto everything she said and say I could have written this.

 

I know we shouldn't expect it, but something sustainable would be nice. I have dated extremely handsome to average, men in a variety of professions and it really doesn't matter.

 

But I also think my picker is very wrong and I often find out later in the game. My online experiences include a man who went back to his ex wife; a man who went to Thailand and got engaged to a 20 year old bar girl while he was there; a man who had so many issues regarding his ex he would cry about it; someone who was beyond ADHD he would change his mind about me by the minute; a man who got so judgmental and questioning my morals lying in bed after we had sex; someone who asked me if I was a dominatrix on our dinner date and proceeded to tell me about a very graphic porn scene; a 27 year old who lied about his age until we met up with some of his old high school buddies by chance; and now this sex offender guy. And that is just in the past year and the ones worth mentioning...

 

I am doing some soul searching to figure out why this is still happening or wondering if I am doing something to attract this, but I am just not sure. I am college educated, have a great job, considered very attractive and in good shape. I travel and have many hobbies and enjoy doing a variety of things. I have no hangups or issues other than being a 42 year old divorced, single mother. Many of these men are very bright, accomplished people, then something takes a turn.

 

Not trying to be a complainer, but just wondering if this really is OLD (and also just dating in general). And if so, then it can definitely be more of a negative than positive.

 

Oh girl, reading the bold I'm sorry...thats just awful. I've had my fair share of non-winners too

 

But seriously...I know my picker was off in the beggining. I dont deny that. But as time went on I did get smarter and I'm sure you did too. But still....even with all that wisdom and all those lessons learned its still a s*** show!

 

During the last half of my OLD experience, I really did watch out for red flags, if anything I over analyzed! If we are being smart, cautious etc etc and the guy turns out to be a douche or flakes or cheats..thats not on me! Nor is it on you!

 

We cant predict the future, all we can do is use the information we have at hand to make the best choices possible

 

Its just insane because we're not asking for the world!!! I'm not asking for a millionare who looks like Brad Pitt! I'm asking for a decent guy that I'M attracted to and am compatible with. Yet even with those reasonable expectations and knowledge gained (and applied) I still cant find something lasting and decent

 

I dont know if OLD is really some f***ed up game that someone created to get a good laugh...but I'm seriously beggining to think its something along those lines

 

So no, sal...not being too picky...not avoiding using caution, not being unaware that OLD is like finding a needle in a hay stack, not having unreasonable expectations... It just doesnt work for some people (that includes myself)

[selinaluv]

Hello,

 

Just wanted to post an update to this thread concerning my date with a registered sex offender I met on OK Cupid.

 

I sent an email to the site and after a couple exchanges, they confirmed he was banned this morning. And they did so.

 

It can be done. And turns out I recognized someone else local from the Megan's Law site. This one even more of a danger and did the same.

[kendahke]

 

So this morning he texts me saying after leaving he didn't end up feeling that "crazy connection that we were going for." Not sure what he meant about that cause I never said anything about searching for it and when I said this seems to be a pattern, he agreed that he doesn't know what his problem is. I wonder if the "crazy connection" is realistic after just a two-hour date and it saddens me because I thought the conversation and a connection was there. To top it off, I went back on the dating site and he activated his account again. I guess in this case, is "crazy connection" realistic?

 

 

I would have told him that we'd never had a conversation about what I was "going for" and that he's got his women mixed up. Then I'd hang up on him and block him everywhere.

 

Seriously, if a guy told me anything that sounded like "crazy" anything, I'd run for the hills. He's seeking dysfunction and silliness.

 

He's not a good prospect at all. Let him go find crazy and deal with her.

[CaliforniaGirl]

I would have told him that we'd never had a conversation about what I was "going for" and that he's got his women mixed up. Then I'd hang up on him and block him everywhere.

 

Seriously, if a guy told me anything that sounded like "crazy" anything, I'd run for the hills. He's seeking dysfunction and silliness.

 

He's not a good prospect at all. Let him go find crazy and deal with her.

 

IMO, and maybe this is a reach, but if he does have a "thing" for just barely adolescent girls, he may THINK if he can find a "crazy connection" with an actual adult woman, that's how he'll finally have a satisfying adult-to-adult relationship.

 

He is IOW (if the above is at all accurate) blaming his inability to be sexually attracted, long-term, to real adults on the women themselves. There's something lacking in *them*. If only he could find this "crazy connection" he'd finally be able to be happy in a normal relationship, not an adult-to-child one (ugh, but...you get what I'm saying).

[selinaluv]

I would have told him that we'd never had a conversation about what I was "going for" and that he's got his women mixed up. Then I'd hang up on him and block him everywhere.

 

Seriously, if a guy told me anything that sounded like "crazy" anything, I'd run for the hills. He's seeking dysfunction and silliness.

 

He's not a good prospect at all. Let him go find crazy and deal with her.

 

Yes, turns out this one is legitimately crazy, but that is a good point in a standard situation.

 

Anyone looking for that "crazy" spark or connection has to be slightly unrealistic in what they want.

[selinaluv]

IMO, and maybe this is a reach, but if he does have a "thing" for just barely adolescent girls, he may THINK if he can find a "crazy connection" with an actual adult woman, that's how he'll finally have a satisfying adult-to-adult relationship.

 

He is IOW (if the above is at all accurate) blaming his inability to be sexually attracted, long-term, to real adults on the women themselves. There's something lacking in *them*. If only he could find this "crazy connection" he'd finally be able to be happy in a normal relationship, not an adult-to-child one (ugh, but...you get what I'm saying).

 

Good point. I am not sure why he was on the site, but you could be right. He said he felt that connection a few times and it faded fast. He said the same thing happened to me. I do think it had to do with the rush, then a crash.

 

BUT I also think it may have been an excuse to get away, because we had people we knew in common (including his ex wife). That is how I found out about his convictions. He knew I would find out eventually.

 

Regardless, this is a damaged person and the situation reminded me that it many times has nothing to do with us and we really don't know these people or their stories.