lovesome Posted January 7, 2017 Posted January 7, 2017 Hi All, This might get a little long so sorry for that. So this ex is a girl I used to love deeply and she loved me back the same. We were each others first and together for almost 5 years (almost got married too). She broke up with me out of nowhere 3 years back, and I was obviously shocked and heart broken. But I did let her go very gracefully without much drama. She suddenly got so cold and what I understood was, she was thinking of breaking up with me for a long time (around 6 months, she fell for another guy), but she just could not do it. She did confess things and I tried my best to be as strong as possible. What she did was obviously wrong, but putting all the pieces back, she did try to let go of what she was feeling for another guy, and tried to make things work with me but just could not able to. Finally when she broke up, as much as I was angry I kind of somewhere felt it was right thing as she will not be happy with me too if she just compromised with me and thought that she missed her chance of something bigger. Long story short, I realised I had almost no power on her now and the best thing is to move on and let her go. I did really loved her and did wished her well. I also believe she did loved me before and still cared for me deeply, and I did not wanted to ruin what we had left. Story of next 3 years, I started concentrating on my career a lot, and have been doing pretty well lately. I also got a really sweet girlfriend after around a year. While she was great and I guess I did love her in some ways, I never felt as strong a bond as I felt with my ex. Somewhere I always remembered her. Last month, me and the new girl broke up mutually. All this time I never contacted my ex, but sometimes I would check her social profiles/quora. I had noticed her blocking me and then adding me back on whatsapp a few times. Also on quora, she had written few answers, almost all of which I felt had strong reference to our relationship. All these 3 years, I never reacted and acted as cool as possible even though I was struggling a lot in beginning. But now I felt I have moved on pretty well and wanted to contact her. When I going to text her, I never wanted to bring up past and almost totally believed she will be pleasant with me and would think about me positively. When I think about our relationship now objectively, I still believe we were pretty good together. And I still feel for her like may be a family member, with whom I may not talk much or ever, but need be, will always be there for them and care for them. I thought she will feel the same for me if not more. But she was still so cold and over reacting on everything. There was an anger in her tone, and out of nowhere she would tell me she never missed me or remember me at all. Am pretty sure its not true but I took everything at face value, and tried to be unemotional. In the end I just texted her a long text trying to be as emotionally honest as possible about what I felt about her. She kind of brokedown after that text (or so I thought), I missed her couple of calls and message, and when I replied back, she had blocked me (whatsapp). I called her next day, talked for a couple of minutes where she was saying it was so long time ago I dont even think about it, and there is nothing to talk. After hanging the phone I messaged her (cellular) she had a lot of impact on what I am today and would love to be friends because I thought we were really good friends but now thats upto her now. She never replied but I did get unblocked again from whatsapp. While I do see an emotion, and internally (gut feeling) I feel good about it, I do not understand what it is. While I was not perfect in relationship by any means I do think I was very good and loved her madly. And in my worst time, I am proud of how I handled the whole thing. Plus her answers on quora about me (not direct but am pretty positive about this), things just do not match up. And I kind of keep thinking about it. I guess somewhere I do want to see if we can be together again, but that was not my intention to contact her. What you guys think of her reaction but? It was totally unexpected for me. Thanks if you read it till here.
marky00 Posted January 7, 2017 Posted January 7, 2017 If after 3 years, she is doing that, clearly she isn't over you.
LitTunnel Posted January 7, 2017 Posted January 7, 2017 (edited) My friend, I feel your pain. It's obvious you're still in love with her. From what I gather is that you're too much of a nice guy and you've put her on a very high pedestal. Try to be a little hard to get (bad boy). Tease her, play with her, be more funny, banter, mysterious, hard-to-get, unpredictable, not so serious and most important don't bring up the past. Talk as-if you just met her. Eliminate all negative talk. This is all very important to reignite her spark for you otherwise you'll be swimming against the current with her and you'll be left out once again. But from the sounds of it she seems very immature and if she was talking (possibly seeing) someone else while she was with you, that's soooo not cool despite issues within your relationship. These are obviously red flags you should consider heavily if you haven't done so already. As they say, once a cheater, always a cheater or you can't turn a ho into a housewife. Not saying this is her but just saying. It's crazy how we are attracted to something that is hard to get. I'm in the same boat right now my friend. Even though I know my ex is the most wrong thing that could happen in my life I still want her. It's lust and knowing I can't have what I want is wanting her more. At least for me so I dunno if lust is playing a huge factor in your situation. Just be honest with yourself. If you had no connection with her during the relationship and you lost interest in her to the point where you weren't courting her any longer then either you didn't know how to or you lost attraction to her for some reason or another. Either way it caused her to lose attraction to you so she started looking elsewhere for fulfillment. Women are very, very emotional man, and if us men stop caring for them their attraction diminishes rather quickly over time to the point where eventually they'll just up and leave their boyfriend leaving the now ex-boyfriend scratching his head saying "what the hell just happen?" Now if it's because you don't know how to maintain a relationship (courting) then you need to learn more about maintaining relationships to keep your lover in high attraction (read books, youtube, articles) but if it's about her negative personality in conflict with yours, well, that's just a polarity issue which might not be able to be fixed. It could just mean you're not compatible and no matter what you do, unless you both sit and talk about it in a serious convo and correct them there and then. Anything is possible! If you do communicate with her make sure to NOT smother her with texts, phone calls or whatever. Keep everything just as I mentioned above. You need to show her the NEW you if you truly want to get back with her bro. This is key to making it work if there is indeed a chance with her. Even if she did end up coming back into your life, trust me, the same thing will happen, unless you change your old habits. It'll be work in the beginning but worth it over time if she's truly what you want. You must do whatever it takes to make it work and don't leave any stone un-turned if she's truly "the one." Hope it works out for the both of you. Good luck! Edited January 7, 2017 by LitTunnel
Sweetfish Posted January 7, 2017 Posted January 7, 2017 It was your intentions to get back with her again. Looks like your ex-gf did not grow since you guys split... which is typical. This is why dumpees usually, dont do well in recons.
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