Author Wayne0789456 Posted January 11, 2017 Author Posted January 11, 2017 There is a difference between being a bit put together, and being high maintenance / really into fashion etc. He wasn’t describing women out in designer shoes with thousand dollar hand bags – just put together a bit. Something besides jeans, t shirts and sneakers. And honestly it doesn’t cost that much to present yourself in a bit more polished way. That is exactly true!! That is exactly my thinking, but never thought of it in those words. You communicated this very well. I am definitely not looking for high maintenance. I, myself, rarely dress "formally," but even on casual dates I'm still most of the time a couple of steps "dressed up" more than I "need" to be. Even though most dates know this about me up front, they still go for the most casual they can "get away" with. There was no reason to dress up for the walk through flower garden...even for a date, I likely would not have dressed up to that extent myself, so seeing all those women dressed up -- none formally, but some came close -- showed me that I am not out of line in my personal style, and my seeking the same in the woman I am looking for. I basically now have proof that she exists. I just simply need to figure out how to establish this, like finding out what common activities we enjoy. OP – WHERE in the country are you? People tend to dress up a bit more for their day to day activities in urban centers I have found. I am from southwestern Pennsylvania. The botanical garden was in Pittsburgh; not quite in downtown itself, but well within the city limits. I went on January 2; no one was working in downtown in any office that required office attire, so these were not people going after work. They dressed up knowing that they would be going to such a casual activity. It's very frustrating not being able to enjoy a nice restaurant on a date with a woman, because she puts so much effort in avoiding dressing up, when there are so many women, as I saw, who enjoy dressing up when there is no reason to do so.
RecentChange Posted January 11, 2017 Posted January 11, 2017 You know, I hesitate to say "things where better back when" - but people used to take PRIDE in their appearance, and make an effort to present themselves in a good light when in public. Even in the 50's men and women wore pressed, put together outfits. Now? I see people out in public in their pajamas. A few years ago I decided to update my style a bit, and to make more of an effort to look presentable before stepping out of the house. And you know what? PEOPLE TREAT YOU DIFFERENTLY! It was such an eye opener. Wear a casual but well fitted dress to the grocery store? Suddenly people are opening doors, giving big smiles, treating me with a greater level of respect. Dress like a million bucks, you'll feel like a million bucks, and even better, people will treat you like a million bucks. It's like some communal knowledge that has been lost over the past few decades. So, when you say they were dressed up for no reason - eh, I always have a reason - it makes me feel good, and people treat you differently when you do. 1
CaliforniaGirl Posted January 11, 2017 Posted January 11, 2017 I like to look nice. With that said, I'm addicted to jeans. I wear them for almost any occasion except, of course, for actual formal/semi-formal occasions. I would certainly wear nice jeans on a date. But I like to dress up my top half and look semi-stylish and so on...and look pretty (if possible, LOL). I do my face but not with a crazy amount of makeup (it takes me probably five minutes to do my face) and I like my hair to look nice too. And I wear cute shoes but never with a very high heel as I have a lot of trouble walking in high heels. With that said, high heels to a botanical garden??? Come on. That, I wouldn't do. Was it a fashion show? Me at a botanical garden = literally hours of walking and seeking out the various sections I've been curious about which =/= attempting to look like a fashion plate. I don't want to look like a hobo at the arboretum, but there is NO reason to be mincing around in FMPs or something. Silliness. If any guy "wished" I would do that I would think there was something really off about him...in fact, I'd think there was something really off about him attempting to "dress" me (so to speak) in the first place. I'm not a Barbie.
Dis Posted January 11, 2017 Posted January 11, 2017 You know, I hesitate to say "things where better back when" - but people used to take PRIDE in their appearance, and make an effort to present themselves in a good light when in public. Even in the 50's men and women wore pressed, put together outfits. Now? I see people out in public in their pajamas. A few years ago I decided to update my style a bit, and to make more of an effort to look presentable before stepping out of the house. And you know what? PEOPLE TREAT YOU DIFFERENTLY! It was such an eye opener. Wear a casual but well fitted dress to the grocery store? Suddenly people are opening doors, giving big smiles, treating me with a greater level of respect. Dress like a million bucks, you'll feel like a million bucks, and even better, people will treat you like a million bucks. It's like some communal knowledge that has been lost over the past few decades. So, when you say they were dressed up for no reason - eh, I always have a reason - it makes me feel good, and people treat you differently when you do. This is so true! I usually overdress for just about everything I like to look my best wherever I go and I think people appreciate that effort Plus I would just feel like s*** if I looked frumpy or I wasnt put together Funny side note, people also like women who wear scrubs lol. I'm in nursing school and when I leave clinical and go to the grocery store poeple are so nice! 1
Author Wayne0789456 Posted January 11, 2017 Author Posted January 11, 2017 I am kind of surprised all the women you date show up in jeans? All of them? I dont think I have ever worn jeans on a first date. Not 100% of the time literally, but they do revert back to blue jeans fairly quickly and don't come back. Some first dates have dressed up, some have shown up in blue jeans, but after, say, the fourth date or so for sure, sometimes as early as the second date, they fall back in to the blue jeans "unifirm", going no dressier than accessorising the blue jeans with dressy shoes and / or dressier top. Very few of the restaurants where we end up has a "dress code", but very few have one to begin with. If this makes sense, the type of restaurant that "allows" patrons to wear blue jeans, even though it's not really "appropriate" attire. One could, in fact, wear formal attire outright and not be overdressed. 90% of the patrons would be wearing semi-formal, or casual-elegant, or the dressier fringes of business casual. Does that make sense? Even knowing that we would end up at this type of restaurant, dates have shown up out of place too casual just so they can wear blue jeans, often being the only person in the establishment doing so. Even when at an Applebee's, or a Red Lobster, or a TGI Friday's, if there is any kind of crowd it is a 100% certainty that at least 3 or 4 women with guys are informally dressed up, in some cases when the guy is wearing blue jeans or other sub-casual attire. This is the type of thing that fuels my frustration, seeing that there are many, many women out there who enjoy dressing up just as I do, but my dates revert back to the blue jeans type outfits, even, as I mentioned, when it's not exactly appropriate. True story...it has happened on more than one occasion, after a few dates, that I would be wearing a suit and tie while my date would be wearing one of those blue jeans outfits to a nicer restaurant.
risjurad Posted January 12, 2017 Posted January 12, 2017 Go with what makes you comfy, as I'd want my date to be comfy. I will admit I'd enjoy the stares of strangers seeing me out with a girl rocking heels and a cool dress Granted, there are limits, like walking around sweatpants might be too sloppy. Some gals and guys do like an excuse to dress up. Others see dressing too casually and think "if s/he's dressed like this for a date, how much worse is it going to get when we're together?. They want to maintain a "mininum standard"
Tribble Posted January 12, 2017 Posted January 12, 2017 How important is this to you exactly? Is it a deal breaker? Because you make it sound like it might well be. I love dressing up. I wear dresses, skirts, high heels to work, even though it's not exactly necessary. I own few flat shoes and a couple of pairs of jeans. Any excuse to dress up is taken. However, I have been to first dates in jeans and a shirt, sometimes with (my only pair of) flat shoes. Especially low key dates like coffee, which is where I like to start. I don't want to dress up and feel out of place on a first date. I don't like dating really so I already feel uncomfortable enough. I will make an effort, but not dress up, up. I always dress up for restaurants though. It's more given that some people will be dressed up rather than in Starbucks. But I don't like doing first meets in restaurants to be honest. My roundabout point is, you don't know how people dress all the time until you get to know them over a few meetings. I will wear heels pretty much everywhere unless I know I'm going to be doing LOADS of walking. But there will be occasions where I wear flats (I'm injured for example). I rarely wear trousers so I'll wear a nice skirt or dress. Is this such a big deal to you? Would you stop seeing someone JUST because they live in jeans? I understand if they were slobby but jeans can be smart(ish).
kassy Posted January 12, 2017 Posted January 12, 2017 How about if you meet for a post work cocktail? Most professional women (well I don't know where you are, as i cant imagine not dressing nicely for a date) would wear a nice outfit to work and meet you afterwards... I like jeans, but on a date I wouldd only wear them if I was in nice shoes or boots with a nice top and jewelry. I actually prefer to wear dresses as they are comfy and to me so easy, no need to mix and match haha I think saying you like when a woman takes pride in her appearance or some of the other suggestions on here should do it. I don't wear heels as i have an ankle problem but wear nice shoes and sandals. I can't believe it is so hard to find someone with some desire for a bit of grooming
Author Wayne0789456 Posted January 14, 2017 Author Posted January 14, 2017 How important is this to you exactly? Is it a deal breaker? Because you make it sound like it might well be. That depends on the nuance in your question, but I will try to explain as I think of things. I dress up for most dates, although I do expect times when she would be dressed more casually than I. I have been known, infrequently, to wear a suit and tie for a casual date if it's not inappropriate to do so, expecting my date to be more casual than me. Point is, I know that I like to dress up more than the average person, and I am not looking for someone who never dressed casually. So, that part is not a dealbreaker. What frustrates me is that my dates make an effort to dress up as infrequently as possible, and the absolute least dressy as possible, and when casual attire has to be all the way down to blue jeans, which is where most of my dates end up most of the time, in all honesty. It gets very old when my dates would rather limit dinner to very casual places for the purpose of avoiding dressing up, or worse yet, because they're hung up on those blue jeans. Yes, it is a hang-up when one does agree to the nice restaurant, knowing that their date (me) will likely be wearing a suit and tie, yet still insist on wearing the blue jeans, just because it's "allowed", even though it's not really appropriate. In that sense, it is becoming a dealbreaker, but because of the big deal I just talked about, that the other side makes on this. Some of the blame does fall on me, in that I have not been able to communicate this to my dates. I am clueless on how to do so, although I will try a few ideas I have gotten from posters in this thread. Would you stop seeing someone because they live in jeans? I have never done so in the past. The dating has stopped for other reasons. I can't say for 100% certain in the future, though. As bad as they look now, they continue to look worse and worse as time goes on. Let's take a woman who wears a fabulous top, sparkley jewelry, killer heels...and blue jeans. She has put a lot of thought and effort in to her look, but the blue jeans...just override it all and then some! Because of the blue jeans, she just does not look nice at all to me. I've had to lie in the past and say she looks nice, when asked. I seriously need to learn how to communicate this up front, to future dates, before she puts in that kind of thought, so that her effort is no longer wasted. To make my point, black jeans, or tan jeans, or green jeans, or any color other than blue, with tennis shoes and a t-shirt with no jewelry looks WORLDS better, to me, than the above outfit I described. I did not proactively decide that blue jeans are going to look bad, to be controlling, or to close my mind, or anything. For some reason it's just a fashion poison eye of mine. I love dressing up. I wear dresses, skirts, high heels to work, even though it's not exactly necessary. I own few flat shoes. Any excuse to dress up is taken. You are different on this than really all of the women I have dated. I do like to dress fairly casually and even sometimes ultra-ultra-casually for some dates. I don't dress up exclusively. I do like variety. It's the lack of variety (little to no dressy) that is causing my frustration. But I don't like doing first meets in restaurants to be honest. I have had first meets myself in Starbucks-like places, so this does not bother me one bit. I am fairly casual for such meets; for example, a polo shirt, khaki pants, and penny loafers. Not that it matters, just thought I'd mention it.
Author Wayne0789456 Posted January 16, 2017 Author Posted January 16, 2017 Who on earth would wear heels to a botanical garden unless you were absolutely sure the ground was dry and your heels wouldnt sink in the mud. Well, they were, and I was quite surprised. This one had all paved walkways, and was partially indoors, so there was no dirt or mud to walk in. Still, for a date I myself would have worn something very casual like a polo shirt, tan khaki pants, and New Balance tennis shoes. I was slightly more casual than that, as I was there by myself. I literally was shocked to see how many women dressed up for this, and even some wearing heels very casually. Obviously, they dressed up for this because they highly enjoy dressing up, and those in heels do found heels comfortable. That's why I started this thread, to get some advice on how to attract a woman to date with that personality trait.
SwordofFlame Posted January 16, 2017 Posted January 16, 2017 OP, You should move to a city like NYC. Most women here don't go anywhere without dressing up and looking good. That includes places like the local grocery store or laundromat.
Jj66 Posted January 17, 2017 Posted January 17, 2017 Umm. There is this thing we used to do back in the dark ages. It was called talking. If you met her in person you.probably have an idea how she dresses. If you connected online and dress is important to you then ask her if she likes to dress up before you actually set up a date. That way you can avoid meeting a flip flops at the Opera type of girl. You'll both be better for never having met. Talking. Successful results for millenia. Maybe we should try it sometime.
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