Computers have damaged my social life, need help getting back on track :(

[mintzs]

I'm only 17 and i've become a hermit, I stay indoors all the time, apart from school.

 

I've almost lost all my friends, and the few I still talk to at school are bored by my conversations.

 

By staying inside on my computer all day just basically chatting and watching tv, it has made me very unsociable, All i feel i can talk about when I see my friends at school is eather what I watched on TV or what I did on my computer, I cant establish any real conversations with people about real interesting things. Even I have began to bore myself.

 

The friends I've lost in my village seem to have just gone on without me and made new friends, and if i go back outside I feel i will be embarassed and unwelcomed.

 

I have also become easily embarrased by the slightest thing I do wrong.

 

Has anyone ever suffered with this problem(s)??

 

I want to rebuild my life and possibly get away from computers and tvs altogether, but I dont have clue where to begin, could someone please help me

 

Thanks!

[A Fly onThe Wall]

Originally posted by mintzs

I've almost lost all my friends, and the few I still talk to at school are bored by my conversations.

 

Work on making these friends better friends and put the mouse and remote down and walk away from them for a while.

 

If you were more interested in their conversations you would be able to participate in a manner that they won't think your boring.. Less gaming and a little effort and the rest takes care of itself

[Auz]

People love talking about things that interest them..ie themselves. The best way to have a conversation with people if you have nothing to talk about is to ask questions and to listen. Most people enjoy talking about what they do etc. By leading them on, and letting them chat about what they were up to you will learn about things that interest them, and so you can have more things to talk about next time. You just need to watch how you phrase questions, to drag more conversation out.

eg.

*Boring Conversation*

'Hey how was your weekend?' (leaves room for a lazy, non specific answer)

'Yeah, good' (theres your lazy answer)

'Thats good' (not much more you can add is there)

 

*Better Conversation*

'Hey what did you get up to on the weekend' (They have to give a specific answer)

'Not much, just went bird watching' (ok..you know nothing about this...but so what? Theres enough there to chat)

'Really? I didnt think thered be much chance to do that around here' (leaves an opening to reply)

'There isn't. I drive down to Greenhils to do it, theres a national park there'

and so you can continue with questions that show you're interested ie howd they get into it? Doesn't it get boring at times? Do they know many people that do it? etc etc

 

Once you show some interest in what they do, they'll take to you more warmly. And if people ask you 'What have you been up to' dont say 'nothing much', because that kills the conversation right there and then!

 

And dont feel sorry for yourself and stay home to watch TV or play computer again. Go out to the shops, buy some milk and have a short chat with the girl at the register. Go to the library and ask the librarian to suggest some books. The more short chats you have, the more comfortable you'll feel talking to real people rather than a screen.

 

Auz

[suegail]

I couldn't tell from reading your post if you are someone who enjoys alot of social activities or not. Some people are naturally less social than others. I'm one of them. I'd much rather spend an evening reading a book than going out to a party, for instance, though I do get out to dinner with friends and that sort of thing from time to time.

 

If it is true that you are more comfortable not being at social gatherings, don't feel that there is something wrong with you, but use your time better - watch less television, read more, read books on subjects which interest you which you can learn from, and if you enjoy the computer there are thousands upon thousands of amazing and interesting webpages. Choose well, choose what you can learn from. If you're gaining knowledge, you won't end up feeling you've wasted an entire day by having not gone out with friends.

 

If you're different than other people your age (and we're all different in some way) don't allow that to become a feeling of "I'm not as interesting. I'm not as good." It's just not true. What you are is unique - completely your own person and don't give in to pressure to change the person you are. You don't have to impress anyone with flashy conversation. Some people are more of a delight to be around simply because they are quieter. They don't feel the need to compete. This feeling of anxiety you describe which has to do with fear over how you're going to react, fear over what you may say or do that is wrong, that's an internal pressure, pressure you're putting on yourself which is absolutely unnecessary, but you feel it because of your age and because of expectations you feel your friends may have. Don't sweat it. Just relax and be who you are because God made you wonderful already. *S*

 

Best of luck to you....