Blanco Posted January 9, 2017 Posted January 9, 2017 Did you guys do No Contact for a certain amount of time? Or have you done it permanently. If you did it for a certain amount of time what was your experience after you contacted your ex? Did you initiate contact or did the ex? For me, it's either been permanently or until I knew I was completely over them and had no interest in a romantic relationship in them. The breakup for you is fresh, so I understand you're still struggling with accepting that the relationship is over. However, you have to try to proceed with NC not as a strategy to bring back your ex, but rather, to put him in the past so that you can move on with your life. I know that's not what you want to hear, but given that it was such a short relationship, it's unlikely that you two have any real hope of building something long-lasting. 1
Author DelaneSi Posted January 9, 2017 Author Posted January 9, 2017 For me, it's either been permanently or until I knew I was completely over them and had no interest in a romantic relationship in them. The breakup for you is fresh, so I understand you're still struggling with accepting that the relationship is over. However, you have to try to proceed with NC not as a strategy to bring back your ex, but rather, to put him in the past so that you can move on with your life. I know that's not what you want to hear, but given that it was such a short relationship, it's unlikely that you two have any real hope of building something long-lasting. I've been having such a hard time emotionally these past few weeks/days. The only thing that I keep hoping for is to know if there is a chance of us getting back together. I think the reason why I've been so emotional is because I'm subconsciously using NC as a way to get him back. I'm realizing day by day that it shouldn't be using it for that only. But I can't help it. I've been keeping myself distracted but it hasn't really worked. When I wake up in the morning I instantly feel the weight of the break up. Then, when I go to sleep I feel even worse than I did in the morning. He hasn't texted me in a week and it's driving me crazy. I keep obsessing over it. I get so angry with myself for putting so much energy into this when I'm guessing he's probably not feeling anything about the break up. He's probably living up his life and I'm just this emotional wreck.
Blanco Posted January 9, 2017 Posted January 9, 2017 A lot of us have been there. The part about the weight of the breakup instantly being there when you wake up particularly resonates with me. I have felt that for a period of time following almost every break up. Just trust that with enough time, that utter bleakness does pass. You won't feel completely better, but mornings and the nighttime become more manageable. 1
Author DelaneSi Posted January 10, 2017 Author Posted January 10, 2017 A lot of us have been there. The part about the weight of the breakup instantly being there when you wake up particularly resonates with me. I have felt that for a period of time following almost every break up. Just trust that with enough time, that utter bleakness does pass. You won't feel completely better, but mornings and the nighttime become more manageable. That weight is just such a horrible feeling. It makes me want to go back to sleep so I don't have to feel it. So I don't have to fake it that I'm okay during the day. The feeling has been getting better in the morning and at night, but some nights it's just too much.
divegrl Posted January 10, 2017 Posted January 10, 2017 I'm so sorry you're going thru this. My heart hurts with you. Hugs. 2
Author DelaneSi Posted January 10, 2017 Author Posted January 10, 2017 Break ups are so hard. This was my second serious relationship. So dealing with this is very new. I would never wish heartbreak on my worst enemy. You can literally feel the pain in your chest. 2
Gloria25 Posted January 10, 2017 Posted January 10, 2017 (edited) I read your thread and it helped a lot. I'm sorry you had to go through that. I'm just can't help but fight the urge to text him. Especially since the break up wasn't ugly. He was very careful with his words. And his texts seem friendly as well, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't ignore my text. He's not a rude person. But if the breakup was ugly, then you'd want to contact him to find out how/why he did a 180 on you. So, regardless of the reasons, you just want to contact him cuz you are hurting, you're the dumpee. It's natural for you to want to reach out to him. It's easy for him to move on cuz as the dumper, he already made up his mind and moved past what you're going through right now. So, unfortunately we can't turn off your urges right now, you have to simply suffer. Don't worry. It hurts now, but you will heal. Don't contact him. I, actually, Monday had that sinking feeling about dude - I let him go and my stomach got so sick just thinking about it. I haven't seen him in days (not my choice - they said he requested NC on several occasions - to include after he had told me he was sorry) and believe that's why I was able to let him go. I thought that just seeing his smile and having the opportunity to ask "why" would quick fix the pain he put me through, but had to realize on Monday that he ended it and why's aren't gonna bring him back. I'm so scared to run into him cuz afraid his smile is enough to pull me back into him. So, don't contact this guy cuz it's gonna stop you from the healing that you need. Now, if he contacts you? You need to let him know that right now if you take him up on being "friends", it's gonna slow down your healing and he should respect that you cannot be friends now. You need to separate and once you drop any notion of him wanting you, then you can come back and be his real "friend" without any expectations. You need NC now. If one day he sincerely wants you again, he needs to come for real...in the meantime you need to classify him as someone who has no interest in you. ***hugs*** Edited January 10, 2017 by Gloria25 2
Author DelaneSi Posted January 10, 2017 Author Posted January 10, 2017 You guys, he texted me "Hey, what are you doing?" I didn't text back. This is the first time Ive heard from him in a week.
Author DelaneSi Posted January 10, 2017 Author Posted January 10, 2017 But if the breakup was ugly, then you'd want to contact him to find out how/why he did a 180 on you. So, regardless of the reasons, you just want to contact him cuz you are hurting, you're the dumpee. It's natural for you to want to reach out to him. It's easy for him to move on cuz as the dumper, he already made up his mind and moved past what you're going through right now. So, unfortunately we can't turn off your urges right now, you have to simply suffer. Don't worry. It hurts now, but you will heal. Don't contact him. I, actually, Monday had that sinking feeling about dude - I let him go and my stomach got so sick just thinking about it. I haven't seen him in days (not my choice - they said he requested NC on several occasions - to include after he had told me he was sorry) and believe that's why I was able to let him go. I thought that just seeing his smile and having the opportunity to ask "why" would quick fix the pain he put me through, but had to realize on Monday that he ended it and why's aren't gonna bring him back. I'm so scared to run into him cuz afraid his smile is enough to pull me back into him. So, don't contact this guy cuz it's gonna stop you from the healing that you need. Now, if he contacts you? You need to let him know that right now if you take him up on being "friends", it's gonna slow down your healing and he should respect that you cannot be friends now. You need to separate and once you drop any notion of him wanting you, then you can come back and be his real "friend" without any expectations. You need NC now. If one day he sincerely wants you again, he needs to come for real...in the meantime you need to classify him as someone who has no interest in you. ***hugs*** I've been feeling better the past few days which is a plus! Some days are harder than others. I have seen my ex from a distance a few times, but I fear exactly what you think. If it were to happen that we were face to face, of course I would play it cool and act like it's not a big deal. But just by seeing him a few times from a distance makes me a little nervous. He texted elme today a few hours ago, but I didn't text him back. Feeling proud of myself! I still do miss him a lot though:( 2
Author DelaneSi Posted January 10, 2017 Author Posted January 10, 2017 This isn't going to end well. Why do you say that?
Blanco Posted January 11, 2017 Posted January 11, 2017 Because you've not cut him off, and while I commend you for not responding to his breadcrumbs, it's going be really tough to move forward if he's allowed to occupy more of your head space than he already is by chronically reaching out. 2
Author DelaneSi Posted January 11, 2017 Author Posted January 11, 2017 Because you've not cut him off, and while I commend you for not responding to his breadcrumbs, it's going be really tough to move forward if he's allowed to occupy more of your head space than he already is by chronically reaching out. I understand what you're saying. I guess I didn't feel like it was a big deal because I didn't feel emotionally effected by his text. Sure, it made me miss him but I didn't feel depressed like the first few times.
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