DelaneSi Posted January 6, 2017 Share Posted January 6, 2017 My ex and I broke up two weeks ago. We were in the four month relationship. It was a very intense and intimate four months. He said that I was the best girlfriend that he has ever had and that he's never felt like he could be so open with someone until he got with me. The relationship was very serious he even took me to his hometown to meet his parents. Which was a big deal for him and his family because he had never brought a girl home before. He said the reason for the break up was because he wasn't sure if he wanted to be in a relationship. He also said that he still really cares about me and that he wanted to remain friends. I don't know if he said that just to soften the blow of the break up. Since the break up he has contacted me a few times by text. He is the one that initiates, I have not texted him first. But it will be like four days until I get a text from him again. He will ask me how I'm doing and what I'm up to. I really miss him and I really love him. And I'm trying to do the no contact rule but I'm having a hard time resisting and wanting to text him. It's been three days since we last texted each other. I really really want to text him. His texts seem friendly and I don't want him to think that I'm bitter or mad because I have not texted him first. I have a book that he let me borrow so if I were ever to text him I would tell him that I'm done with the book and see where goes from there. Part of me is saying to not text him and the other part of me is wanting to so badly. Wouldn't be so bad just to text him about the book? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted January 6, 2017 Share Posted January 6, 2017 Please read my thread....and do not do what I did. Texting now is only delaying the inevitable and making the pain worse. Stick to NC. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted January 6, 2017 Share Posted January 6, 2017 Whether you text him or not, he's made it clear that he doesn't want to be with you. A text won't change that. Take care. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DelaneSi Posted January 6, 2017 Author Share Posted January 6, 2017 Please read my thread....and do not do what I did. Texting now is only delaying the inevitable and making the pain worse. Stick to NC. I read your thread and it helped a lot. I'm sorry you had to go through that. I'm just can't help but fight the urge to text him. Especially since the break up wasn't ugly. He was very careful with his words. And his texts seem friendly as well, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't ignore my text. He's not a rude person. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
swim808 Posted January 6, 2017 Share Posted January 6, 2017 I would really recommend that you don't send the text. Trust me. I've been right where you are -- literally almost the exact same thing. We dated for a short but intense period of time, I met his family, the whole thing. But ultimately he didn't want to be in a relationship. It was a clean break up, no mean words said, there were still feelings on both ends, and we had both expressed hope of getting back together one day. He wanted to stay friends, but I couldn't do it. I didn't want to be an emotional cushion. The way I see it, if he can't set aside whatever emotional reasons there were behind not wanting to be in a relationship, he's not the right guy for me. I eventually went no contact and constantly felt just like you do now. We had been friends before and I missed him like hell. I wanted to text him so badly. Finally, HE texted ME which I really didn't expect, but when I answered he wouldn't reply. This happened a few times, and finally I broke and I sent him a really embarrassing, desperate text. I made myself really vulnerable and put myself out there, and again he didn't answer. That was the straw that broke the camel's back for me, and I finally deleted all attachments to him and blocked his number. That was when I finally felt I could move on. There are now a lot of negative feelings where there really shouldn't have been any. I would strongly recommend deleting his number and blocking him from contacting you as well. Down the line if he finds he's ready, he will find a way to contact you and you can decide what to do from there. For now, it's important that you let yourself heal and move on. Anyone who doesn't want to be with you isn't worth putting your life on hold for. I know that you're not going to want to listen to me because I've been in your exact shoes and had people tell me the same thing. But trust me -- if you do this now you will move on from this with so many better memories and so much more dignity than I did. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DelaneSi Posted January 7, 2017 Author Share Posted January 7, 2017 I would really recommend that you don't send the text. Trust me. I've been right where you are -- literally almost the exact same thing. We dated for a short but intense period of time, I met his family, the whole thing. But ultimately he didn't want to be in a relationship. It was a clean break up, no mean words said, there were still feelings on both ends, and we had both expressed hope of getting back together one day. He wanted to stay friends, but I couldn't do it. I didn't want to be an emotional cushion. The way I see it, if he can't set aside whatever emotional reasons there were behind not wanting to be in a relationship, he's not the right guy for me. I eventually went no contact and constantly felt just like you do now. We had been friends before and I missed him like hell. I wanted to text him so badly. Finally, HE texted ME which I really didn't expect, but when I answered he wouldn't reply. This happened a few times, and finally I broke and I sent him a really embarrassing, desperate text. I made myself really vulnerable and put myself out there, and again he didn't answer. That was the straw that broke the camel's back for me, and I finally deleted all attachments to him and blocked his number. That was when I finally felt I could move on. There are now a lot of negative feelings where there really shouldn't have been any. I would strongly recommend deleting his number and blocking him from contacting you as well. Down the line if he finds he's ready, he will find a way to contact you and you can decide what to do from there. For now, it's important that you let yourself heal and move on. Anyone who doesn't want to be with you isn't worth putting your life on hold for. I know that you're not going to want to listen to me because I've been in your exact shoes and had people tell me the same thing. But trust me -- if you do this now you will move on from this with so many better memories and so much more dignity than I did. Sorry for replying late. Your situation is identical to mine. When he texts me and I text him back, he doesn't answer. I was going to be strict on no contact the day we broke up but I gave in. Each time that he has texted me I have texted him back. The past three days have honestly been torture. I just miss him a lot. I haven't expressed to him that I really want to get back together and I haven't sent him a desperate text saying so. I've been appearing "cool" in text messages if that makes sense. This break up was so unexpected so that has left me confused and extremely emotional. He showed no signs of him being unhappy or that he wanted out. The same day we broke up, we spoke earlier and he called me by my nicknames. He was "fine." I'm really having trouble getting over this break up. I can't help but to be angry with myself because I worry and care so much. I'm pretty sure he's not even emotional about it, dare I say... he probably doesn't care anymore. Which I hope is not true. I'm going to be strong and not text him. This is going to be very hard. Link to post Share on other sites
Been Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 Just write down what you want to say to him but don't send it. It helps of to get it off your chest. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DelaneSi Posted January 7, 2017 Author Share Posted January 7, 2017 We're snowed in here in VA. Been in the house all day and I want to text him so bad. It's now day four of no contact Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 We're snowed in here in VA. Been in the house all day and I want to text him so bad. It's now day four of no contact Stick with it. And, don't respond if he texts you. Go out an build a snowman or make snow angels . . . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DelaneSi Posted January 7, 2017 Author Share Posted January 7, 2017 Stick with it. And, don't respond if he texts you. Go out an build a snowman or make snow angels . . . Yeah, I don't know if he'll text anyways... been four days. Trying to stay strong. Link to post Share on other sites
BlkVelvet Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 He believes he doesn't want you in his life. So give him what he wants. See if he really likes it. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
jamili Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 He believes he doesn't want you in his life. So give him what he wants. See if he really likes it. OP, PLEASE TRUST US, DO NOT BREAK NC! I wish I was as lucky as you to stumble upon this forum this early on in the breakup. You have to stay NC if there is to be any chance, you MUST. I have literally never read or saw a single instance where staying in communication caused a rekindling of a relationship. Sounds like things ended smoothly, you didn't show desperation or push him away, and this is the perfect opportunity for a potential reconciliation. God, many of us would kill to be in your position. Now don't mess this up, and stay NC until he texts you. Even then, don't respond until he makes an effort to get you back. You gotta take a leap of faith here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 I would not text him and only consider responding if he is asking for a reconcilitation. Anything less is not worth the potential heartache. Even a reconcilitation is risky with someone who has already opted out once. You might feel the impulse to text but what good can come of it? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DelaneSi Posted January 8, 2017 Author Share Posted January 8, 2017 OP, PLEASE TRUST US, DO NOT BREAK NC! I wish I was as lucky as you to stumble upon this forum this early on in the breakup. You have to stay NC if there is to be any chance, you MUST. I have literally never read or saw a single instance where staying in communication caused a rekindling of a relationship. Sounds like things ended smoothly, you didn't show desperation or push him away, and this is the perfect opportunity for a potential reconciliation. God, many of us would kill to be in your position. Now don't mess this up, and stay NC until he texts you. Even then, don't respond until he makes an effort to get you back. You gotta take a leap of faith here. You're totally right! I did fail the first few times he texted me though but since it's been four days I'm officially starting my NC! Like you said, not contacting him until he makes an effort to getting back together are my exact plans. Some days it just really sucks you know? Some days I'll be emotional (like this morning) and want to desperately text him. It's so helpful to come on this forum and have support when I'm not feeling as strong. I'm really hoping there is a chance but I'm trying not to think that way so I won't be devastated if there isn't. Which is somewhat working. Thank you so much! Link to post Share on other sites
Author DelaneSi Posted January 8, 2017 Author Share Posted January 8, 2017 I would not text him and only consider responding if he is asking for a reconcilitation. Anything less is not worth the potential heartache. Even a reconcilitation is risky with someone who has already opted out once. You might feel the impulse to text but what good can come of it? My emotions are telling me to text him right away, but my mind is telling me that I might end up more heartbroken than I already am. So I'm definitely going to stick to NC. But I do have one question. He let me borrow his book to read a few weeks ago. When we were texting the first week after the break up he asked me if I ever finished it. I told him that I had a few more chapters left. If he asks me about the book, should I break NC? I kind of feel like he won't out right ask me for it back. Link to post Share on other sites
jamili Posted January 8, 2017 Share Posted January 8, 2017 You're totally right! I did fail the first few times he texted me though but since it's been four days I'm officially starting my NC! Like you said, not contacting him until he makes an effort to getting back together are my exact plans. Some days it just really sucks you know? Some days I'll be emotional (like this morning) and want to desperately text him. It's so helpful to come on this forum and have support when I'm not feeling as strong. I'm really hoping there is a chance but I'm trying not to think that way so I won't be devastated if there isn't. Which is somewhat working. Thank you so much! Oh trust me, I know. I'm going through it myself, but I'm about 4 months in. The emotional ups and downs is normal, all part of the process. Don't give in. Realize that if you give in you don't only delay your healing, but you also potentially destroy chance of reconciliation that may be there. Don't even risk it. As for the book situation - personally, I think you should just mail it back to him or drop it off on his doorstep in a box or something. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DelaneSi Posted January 8, 2017 Author Share Posted January 8, 2017 Oh trust me, I know. I'm going through it myself, but I'm about 4 months in. The emotional ups and downs is normal, all part of the process. Don't give in. Realize that if you give in you don't only delay your healing, but you also potentially destroy chance of reconciliation that may be there. Don't even risk it. As for the book situation - personally, I think you should just mail it back to him or drop it off on his doorstep in a box or something. Now that I think about the conversation we had, I'm not sure if there is a chance of getting back together. But he did say all the amazing things about our relationship. How he has never felt like he could be himself 100% until hefty with me. And how I made him so happy blah blah blah. So that is what makes me think that there could be a small chance. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DelaneSi Posted January 8, 2017 Author Share Posted January 8, 2017 One thing that I totally forgot to add is that he's getting out of the military and going back to his hometown for school. I am joining the military, so we would have been long distance for some time. When the conversation of long distance came up, we both agreed to do whatever we could to make the relationship work. But the day of the breakup he said that he wasn't sure if he wanted to be in a long distance relationship. He said he didn't want things to turn "sour" between us because of time apart. He proceeded to say that I was basically the best girlfriend hes ever had and the feelings he had for me were still strong. I don't know if the time we had apart since the breakup will make him think about why he would let me go if I made him happy. But then again, he's not thinking that at all because he wanted to breakup.... I want to say that I am definitely sticking with NC, but I have a question. He said that he wanted to remain friends because he thought it was "crazy" that we couldn't. During the first two weeks of the break up he would text me FIRST. And I responded each time but wouldn't get a reply sometimes. Do you guys think that he's thinking "well I texted her first all these times, she could at least text first as well." ? It's been five days now that we last spokentoneach other. Opinions? Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted January 8, 2017 Share Posted January 8, 2017 One thing that I totally forgot to add is that he's getting out of the military and going back to his hometown for school. I am joining the military, so we would have been long distance for some time. When the conversation of long distance came up, we both agreed to do whatever we could to make the relationship work. But the day of the breakup he said that he wasn't sure if he wanted to be in a long distance relationship. He said he didn't want things to turn "sour" between us because of time apart. He proceeded to say that I was basically the best girlfriend hes ever had and the feelings he had for me were still strong. I don't know if the time we had apart since the breakup will make him think about why he would let me go if I made him happy. But then again, he's not thinking that at all because he wanted to breakup.... I want to say that I am definitely sticking with NC, but I have a question. He said that he wanted to remain friends because he thought it was "crazy" that we couldn't. During the first two weeks of the break up he would text me FIRST. And I responded each time but wouldn't get a reply sometimes. Do you guys think that he's thinking "well I texted her first all these times, she could at least text first as well." ? It's been five days now that we last spokentoneach other. Opinions? Stay out of his head and in your's! He broke up with you. That hurts. Why would you even be concerned about how he's feeling or what he's thinking? If he's playing some kind of passive-aggressive game with you, don't play. I am definitely sticking with NC -- this statement makes this thinking she could at least text first as well -- irrelevant. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DelaneSi Posted January 8, 2017 Author Share Posted January 8, 2017 Stay out of his head and in your's! He broke up with you. That hurts. Why would you even be concerned about how he's feeling or what he's thinking? If he's playing some kind of passive-aggressive game with you, don't play. I am definitely sticking with NC -- this statement makes this thinking she could at least text first as well -- irrelevant. I'm concerned about his feelings because I still love him I feel so embarrassed to say that because that sounds so pathetic. This no contact thing is still so new to me. I'll be okay one minute and the next I'll be a wreck. And sometimes I over think. Like I keep thinking that I want to do NC for a few weeks and then text him. Which I probably not a good move. I guess I'm concerned too because he said with prior relationships he would block their number so he wouldn't be tempted. But I guess that different with me because he said he still wanted to be friends and has texted me a few times. His texts were friendly. My overthinking is getting the best of me, it's making me want to text him NOW. But I'm not going to... this really sucks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DelaneSi Posted January 9, 2017 Author Share Posted January 9, 2017 How do you guys deal with the curiosity of knowing what your ex is doing during NC? Also, how do you stop overthinking things? I keep wondering when is the next time he's going to text me. I know I shouldn't. Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 I blocked the number. Boom! Never had to wonder again when she'd text me. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DelaneSi Posted January 9, 2017 Author Share Posted January 9, 2017 Did you guys do No Contact for a certain amount of time? Or have you done it permanently. If you did it for a certain amount of time what was your experience after you contacted your ex? Did you initiate contact or did the ex? Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 Did you guys do No Contact for a certain amount of time? Or have you done it permanently. If you did it for a certain amount of time what was your experience after you contacted your ex? Did you initiate contact or did the ex? Permanently, only way to move forward. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
keiji Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 Did you guys do No Contact for a certain amount of time? Or have you done it permanently. If you did it for a certain amount of time what was your experience after you contacted your ex? I did it once. She was already dating someone else. It's not worth the risk. If they ever want to reach out, they will find a way to do so. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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