Erik30 Posted January 6, 2017 Posted January 6, 2017 I met this girl online about 2 months ago, and we've been on 2 dates so far. It started out slow with some short messages back and forth, it became more frequent and serious after a month. Everything was going fine until she texted me a couple of days ago telling me that she's confused. Apparently her (male) best friend told her he's in love with her. I knew something was wrong because on Christmas Day she was blowing up my phone with pictures of herself trying on dresses, and texts with kiss emojis... then on New Year's Eve I wished her a happy new year and got no reply till Tuesday evening. We were supposed to go out again after the holidays, so when I asked her when she would be available, she told me about her friend's feelings and now she's confused. I actually mentioned to her before that this guy probably likes her and wants more than just a friendship, and she was all "no we're just friends..." He's basically a typical nice guy/orbiter who would do anything for her. They even spent the holidays together, just the two of them. (Which I already thought was kinda weird and that's when he probably told her) After that I just said she's free to date whoever she wants, we've only met twice in person after all.. but I would like to see her again so she can give me a call if she wants to hang out. I wasn't planning on contacting her anymore until she reaches out. Any thoughts, suggestions? 1
fireflywy Posted January 6, 2017 Posted January 6, 2017 Personally... I think it's time you NEXT her. You don't tie two dogs to the same tree. 6
bachdude Posted January 6, 2017 Posted January 6, 2017 You need to challenge this guy to a duel, of course, and fight for her honor as she looks gleefully on to see both of you fighting for her! No, I think you handled it great. You don't appear over invested, you were cool, calm, and collected. The only thing different I may have said is, if you decide you would like to pursue a relationship, let me know. By saying you are willing to hang out may sound like the next orbiter. But hey, I'm splitting hairs here. In the mean time, start lining up some more dates. You may even want to forget this one. To go from all the love dubby texting to this sounds like she is impulsive, frankly. I'd be very cautious if she comes back to you and wants to pursue a relationship. This is another perfect example of why not to get overly invested too early in a relationship. 3
TheAntiHero Posted January 6, 2017 Posted January 6, 2017 Don't let her decide for you. If you have to fight for her love, it's not worth it. The decision should be mutual. 3
LargoLagg Posted January 6, 2017 Posted January 6, 2017 After that I just said she's free to date whoever she wantsThen stick with that. She can date whoever she wants. So can you. 1
mikeylo Posted January 6, 2017 Posted January 6, 2017 It would have been different if the guy had said it and she had said to him that she is in love with you and is happy. Since she didn't shot him down and rather is dangling him in front of you , dump her. 1
Author Erik30 Posted January 6, 2017 Author Posted January 6, 2017 Thanks for the replies. I'm not even sure if I really like this girl yet, so for me it's way too soon to be talking about love and relationships. She's pretty and nice but there already were some "red flags" before she told me about her friend. Like she forgot about our first date... she did show up after I called her, and paid for both our drinks, (she wouldn't take no for an answer) but I thought that was a really bad sign. Also from the start, she's been extremely hot and cold. Texting all the time, then disappearing for days. Plus she has a lot of drama in her life, I don't know if I want to be dealing with all of that. The upcoming date was supposed to help me decide if I wanted to continue dating her, but maybe now she's already done that for me
preraph Posted January 6, 2017 Posted January 6, 2017 Well, sorry you ended up in the middle of that, but i have to say most people either have an orbiter or are one. So it's hard not to. After reading your update about the red flags and her forgetting your date, I would say yes, that is a very bad sign. A woman excited about a man isn't forgetting anything. So it's probably a dead-end road anyway. Even if it was the orbiter coming forward alone, I'd still say you have no choice but to step back while she sees if she has any interest. She MUST have some or she wouldn't be confused and hesitating. My gut feeling, though, is that this a very scattered out person without focus and who is probably just not anywhere near being serious and will take any opportunity to flit about -- and nothing wrong with that unless you are trying to be more serious. I doubt her thing with her friend survives for long, because if nothing else (like he's a turnoff in bed), she's going to make him mad by not being focused on him like he is on her. 1
Author Erik30 Posted January 6, 2017 Author Posted January 6, 2017 Thanks, you're right. I told her forgetting usually means low interest, but she assured me that wasn't the case, she's been really busy with school, work, health issues... (Well that's what she said anyway) After that I just wanted to casually date her and see what happens. Her friend is this 38 year old guy who has never had a girlfriend. She did try to set him up with a girl a couple of months ago but that didn't work out. So yeah, he's basically the type of guy you think of when you hear "orbiter." Good for him, I guess, if he gets her. I think I'll forget about this one and move on. 2
phineas Posted January 7, 2017 Posted January 7, 2017 if he was just friends, she wouldn't of even mentioned him to you. "confused" almost always means she did something with him that makes them more than friends. which could be anywhere between she kissed him or the had freaky monkey sex. remember op, what you know about this guy is just what she tells you. Which could be pure crap.
Recommended Posts