videogamewidow Posted July 18, 2005 Posted July 18, 2005 WOW. I never never thought marriage would be this big of an adjustment in only the first 6 weeks. I am not dealing with this change very well and I am having a hard time deal with my emotions. For example, my husband has all of a sudden taken up video games. He never played them while we were dating. Not Nintendo, but this lame dungeons and dragons computer game that's not even animated. You type things about hobbits and fairy lands and you get to new levels or something. He plays it like 5-7 hours at a time (while I do chores, of course). I wish it didn't bother me, becuase it already is a control thing around the house. Another major surprise is we have completely different sex drives. We didn't live together, so our sex life revolved around dates and weekends. I thought we would be at it all the time once we got to live in the same house, share a room, etc. Not the case. If we do it it is because I initiate it. I think sex 3-4 (or more!) times a week is normal for newlyweds, right? I'm lucky if we make love twice a week. I can't help but feel rejected and it is the HARDEST thing for me to talk about with him. AHHH, I could go on and on. I am slightly freaking out and I hope it's normal to feel this way.
Samantha2005 Posted July 18, 2005 Posted July 18, 2005 my husband has all of a sudden taken up video games. He never played them while we were dating. Are you sure he never played them? How long did you two date and how much time did you spend with him in the privacy of his home? Even so, if he was a (closet) video game player, you probably just didn't know it. Seems to me that most guys play them, at least to some extent, like women shop, etc. So I'm thinking you just were not aware... it's not unusual for them to play 5-7 hours at a time either The sex is another issue. You said you didn't live with him prior to marriage but did you two have an active sexual life then? and if so has it changed? Let me know the answer to that question and I'll tell you what else I think.
Author videogamewidow Posted July 18, 2005 Author Posted July 18, 2005 He DEFINITELY did not play video games while we were dating. His friends have verified that. I'll get over it, I know he thinks shopping is lame so it's fine. It's just strange timing that he picked up this hobby right when we get back from our honeymoon. We dated for 1 1/2 years, then engaged for another year. The difference in now versus then is we didn't see eachother every night. Like we stayed together on the weekends and 1-2 nights per week. He has gone through phases when he had a low sex drive, but I wish it wasn't now. I want to embrace being married, including pysically, and we're just not on the same page. If I didn't initiate it, we would have had sex 3 times siince May. And I give him ample opportunity to make a move, he never does.
Samantha2005 Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 I dunno what's up with him. Maybe he's got performance anxiety? As far as the video games, sounds like it could be an escape mechanism. Odd that he never played them before... most guys do. Only thing I can suggest is not to make an issue, but talk to him and tell him what you just told me. See what he says. Good luck.
Thinkalot Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 Maybe he is adjusting too and finding it hard and different. Can you just sit down and talk to him nicely about how you are feeling, and ask how he is feeling being married? sex drives go up and down all the time, living together is different to dating and just because the sex is then on tap, doesnt mean it will always happen. Twice a week seems fine to me...but him not initiating it I can understand would be upsetting...so just try and talk ..not about the sex, but about the whole thing, and see where things are at. It's so important you can be honest and open about things in a marriage.
Lil Honey Posted July 20, 2005 Posted July 20, 2005 The very first thing you should do is TALK to him. Find a good, quiet time away from interruptions and distractions. TELL him that you are surprised by all of the adjustments. He could very well be having the same feelings you are and is turning to the games for some way to get his mind off of his feelings. He could be thinking that he is the ONLY one with the feelings . . . and you could be thinking that you are the ONLY one with those feelings . . . and you are both alone . . . together! Start your sentences with, "I feel . . ." instead of, "You always . . ." Try to word your sentences with positive words. You could always ask for him to show you how to play the games. As far as sex goes, seeing him only a couple days a week when you were dating is very different than seeing him everyday. He may have been interested every time you were together, because there were so many days between visits that he didn't see you. (He was basically making up for lost time.) Now that you two are together every night, he might not see a reason to go at it so often. You mentioned that he has a low sex-drive occasionally . . . when was the last time he had a doctor appointment? A low sex drive could be anything from depression to thyroid disease (and yes, men DO have thyroid disorders, it's not "just for women"). My very first suggestion in ANY marriage is communicate, communicate, communicate.
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