Told a guy I had feelings for him but didn't want to act on it. Both went crazy!

January 5, 2017

Hi everybody,

I'm living this crazy situation I myself created and would like some clarity from you on the matter:

There was this workmate I started to have special feelings for, I don't know exactly what these feelings were... anything that ever led me to WANT to be on a relationship with him. I'd have liked us to be close friends, mostly.

We ocasionally chatted on whatsapp, 100% trivialities, nice friendly talks, and I sort of started to get addicted to talking to him. We didn't see each other everyday at work, and we did talk when we met, so Whatsapp was a good way for me to keep up our thing. But I felt guilty at the same time, cause I never wanted him to want to take further steps on it (or maybe secretly wanted, anyway...), so things were on and off on my side... wanted to talk to him but not go over some sort of boundaries.

The thing is, one day he brought that up and went "you're crazy: one day we're talking all day long and the other day you sort of ignore me". And BLOCKED me on whatsapp. Yeah, he's very moody.

That was when my mind blew!!! Man, why would you block me? I don't want to end what we have... and then wrote him a large email trying to explain myself and why I was so on and off: I had some weird feelings for him but didn't want to let him know and screw things up.

After INSISTING that he would read my email and give me a proper answer, he went: I understand, but you know what? I think I like you and would love to have something.

Perfect! If I WANTED something too... But as I said, I'm not very clear on what I want so don't want to make him suffer... He even went romantic the following days and then I said we couldn't talk anymore, not no make things worse. This was my purpose when I opened my heart to him, in the first place, to explain myself and end it all... never thought he would want something.

BUT, (kill me, please)... even after saying we shouldn't be so chatty anymore, I couldn't prevent myself from texting him. Silly things, internet links, pretty much the same kind of conversation we used to have before. I still had the same feelings and I still felt like talking to him. Total NUTS! Never happened to me before...

He said (a bit aggresively, yes) he was sick of this game. I had brought up a feeling on him and now he wanted something... and if I didn't want it, screw me!

Yes, he was aggresive, and yes, I went crazy contradicting myself (it was so difficult to keep distant even though I knew I should!!!). But I really didn't think he would get so mad at me by attempting to contact him to have short casual conversations, especially after he had done the same the previous days...

It's a mess and now he hates me and I don't want him to hate me (or to think I'm a total crazy) but I know if I ever text him again he will be really upset.

All this crap went over Whatsapp, we haven't seen each other again and don't think we will.

I really wanted to see him face to face to apologize (though I already did on text) and stablish some peace... after some time of no contact, maybe within a month. Do you think it's a good idea?

January 5, 2017

I think you should permanently leave him alone. You have been game-playing and he has the right to disconnect from you.

January 5, 2017

I think you should permanently leave him alone. You have been game-playing and he has the right to disconnect from you.

I feel terrible about the game I created and know the soundest thing would be to leave him alone. But would like to apologize face to face. We never had anything anyway, so why not "end" things in a friendly manner?

January 5, 2017

It's not up to you at this point. You don't need to apologize face to face. He doesn't want any contact with you. Respect that.

January 5, 2017

It's not up to you at this point. You don't need to apologize face to face. He doesn't want any contact with you. Respect that.

Thanks a lot!

January 5, 2017

Just use this as a lessen for the next guy you get involved with - don't play games as it is definitely not cute.

January 5, 2017

No, it's not cute...

I feel as though he overreacted a bit; I certainly wouldn't have responded him as he did to me... But I guess it's just me trying to forgive myself. And people are different...

If he's hurt, he's hurt... but how much I'd love to meet him face to face for one last time (and for the first time after this stupid texting thing)

January 5, 2017

Why you afraid to show your feelings?

Especially since he also told you he felt the same way.

I am confused.

January 5, 2017

I am confused.

Me too! haha

But I know I don't want a relationship with him. I resorted to the "I have weird feelings for you" as I way to make him try to understand my crazy ways.

Thought we could go on as friends from there... guess it was an innocent thought.

But, for me, the worst I did was not to tell him how I felt... but to keep leading him on (with friendly no romantic talk) AFTER saying "well, maybe it's better if we don't chat so much so no one gets hurt"... I feel angry with both of us and think that seeing him face to face could put things at ease... and then forget it all...

January 5, 2017

What you want from him doesnt seem friendly, a friend is not someone you hunger to talk to or cant help but write like you describe, i think you have to look for your soul:(:: have somebody hurt you in the last? Have you build a wall aroud your heart*

January 5, 2017

Yeah, there is this crazy attraction, but it doesn't go towards a relationship, if you know what I mean...

I feel really sorry for messing it up! But now of course every attempt of contact, even to apologize, drives him nuts.

I want him in my life and I think a last face to face meeting could do it, I don't know...

Girls can be jerks too!

January 5, 2017

He may not be the one for you, so dont get involved in anyway or do and see where it leads:confused: You know best, could Be you have to teach each other a lesson and now you know not to be proud of being a jerk:)

January 5, 2017

He may not be the one for you, so dont get involved in anyway or do and see where it leads:confused: You know best, could Be you have to teach each other a lesson and now you know not to be proud of being a jerk:)

Not proud at all...

Thanks a lot!

January 5, 2017

Me too! haha

But I know I don't want a relationship with him. I resorted to the "I have weird feelings for you" as I way to make him try to understand my crazy ways.

Thought we could go on as friends from there... guess it was an innocent thought.

But, for me, the worst I did was not to tell him how I felt... but to keep leading him on (with friendly no romantic talk) AFTER saying "well, maybe it's better if we don't chat so much so no one gets hurt"... I feel angry with both of us and think that seeing him face to face could put things at ease... and then forget it all...

Boy this is confusing.

Your the one with the crazy feelings (weird as u describe them) but then want to restrict the relationship to friendship.

My advise, next time, do not overthink so much. You would have been better off acting how you felt. Stop the talk and thinking and act how you feel. If that meant you guys ended up somewhere in between friends and a romantic relationship (say a "friends with benefits relationship"), although maybe not always ideal, sometimes you just should go for the cards that have been dealt.

Your feelings were confusing and then you confused it more by acting hot and cold as some sort of defence mechanism. Next time just act "confused" without all the thinking and you will have a better result.

Edited January 5, 2017 by marky00

January 5, 2017

Yeah, there is this crazy attraction, but it doesn't go towards a relationship, if you know what I mean...

No, I don't know what you mean.

Most people with a crazy attraction delve deeper to see where it leads, not put up a wall.

January 5, 2017

I think it sounds like you liked the attention you get from him but you're not sexually attracted to him in that way. You're reacting like this because you feel guilty and don't want him to hate you. There is nothing wrong with you not being attracted to him in that way (if it is the case), because you can't negotiate what you like and don't. You just do.

There's nothing more to it. In my opinion, people don't play games or friend zone someone that they are truly interested in. Why would anyone open up those doors when it wouldn't do them any good? I bet you if he said okay no problem you wouldn't be feeling like this. You're just having a hard time accepting he had the balls to cut you off the way he did.

I think for his sake leave him alone. Find someone you actually want to be with and talk to them instead.

Edited January 5, 2017 by lauri

January 5, 2017

Boy this is confusing.

Your the one with the crazy feelings (weird as u describe them) but then want to restrict the relationship to friendship.

My advise, next time, do not overthink so much. You would have been better off acting how you felt. Stop the talk and thinking and act how you feel. If that meant you guys ended up somewhere in between friends and a romantic relationship (say a "friends with benefits relationship"), although maybe not always ideal, sometimes you just should go for the cards that have been dealt.

Your feelings were confusing and then you confused it more by acting hot and cold as some sort of defence mechanism. Next time just act "confused" without all the thinking and you will have a better result.

Yeap, I realize it now. Hot and cold as some sort of defence mechanism.

We both went a bit out of control and out of proportion. I just wish I could see him again to feel at ease with myself and come to terms peacefully. I mean, we've come to terms, the worst way, and I hate the bitter taste of it, specially thinking I hurt someone I care about.

January 5, 2017

I think it sounds like you liked the attention you get from him but you're not sexually attracted to him in that way. You're reacting like this because you feel guilty and don't want him to hate you. There is nothing wrong with you not being attracted to him in that way (if it is the case), because you can't negotiate what you like and don't. You just do.

There's nothing more to it. In my opinion, people don't play games or friend zone someone that they are truly interested in. Why would anyone open up those doors when it wouldn't do them any good? I bet you if he said okay no problem you wouldn't be feeling like this. You're just having a hard time accepting he had the balls to cut you off the way he did.

I think for his sake leave him alone. Find someone you actually want to be with and talk to them instead.

You described things really well. I'm not sexually attracted to him. He got tired of the unintentional game (in which he took part, he can't deny that... but would never blame him for it) and hates me now. And he hating me is exactly what I don't want!!! Although I couldn't expect anything different...

January 5, 2017

I said that a million of times here, but anyway:

The only thing I wanted was to have a final contact with him - not over texting or phone cause I seem to suck at it! Really to say good-bye, for "the old times sake". We worked together for 1 year and were supportive and nice to one another pretty much the whole time.

It's really a good-bye, as I'm moving from here in a couple of months. I'd feel so glad if he accepted to see me (not me begging C'MON LET'S MEET, something more like "I don't want the last impression you have of me to be of that crazy girl. Shall we grab a coffee before I go away?) and just talk as friends, as we always have been, before the crazy last days... and then part for good. Just have a "sweet" end. Is that too selfish?

He doesn't LOVE me... he's mad I played with him. Do you guys think that in a month's time he would accept my invitation for a final meet up? Would you accept it?

I even have the "perfect" excuse, as I've ordered a book online for him, and he knows I'm waiting for it and will have to deliver eventually...

January 5, 2017

Why are you not attracted to him? You seem to like him well-enough but if you're not going to give him a chance and you should just leave him alone because it's getting disrespectful at this point to ambush him with a gift.

Honestly, I'm in a similar situation except I'm the guy and really my response has been that if you play with me I will play you right back. It's juvenile and I wish I had the balls to just cut her off. I tried to get serious and then her mother passed in accident and she pushed me away hard. It was ugly. I wish I could take it back but it happened and you have to deal with it.

You messed up and now you just want to make yourself feel better, I don't think you really care about this guy at all otherwise you would have been honest from the start, but you want the attention and you got it. Stop playing games, that **** is just aggravating.

January 5, 2017

I think you Are in denial:o you Seem to be desparately in love with him, maybe you have to tell yourself that youre not because otherwise you couldnt move away:o you risk losing him (or you already have) by fooling yourself, maybe Try to imagine you Will never see him Again because of the way you act\play\think* anyway DONT Contact him as long as your intentions are the same Dont or i say do it all you want and hopefully He Will ignore:( your mouth says One thing but your actions the exact opposite which is why i say your in denial:(. Sorry if im wrong but Black on White thats what i read:(

January 5, 2017

Why are you not attracted to him? You seem to like him well-enough but if you're not going to give him a chance and you should just leave him alone because it's getting disrespectful at this point to ambush him with a gift.

Honestly, I'm in a similar situation except I'm the guy and really my response has been that if you play with me I will play you right back. It's juvenile and I wish I had the balls to just cut her off. I tried to get serious and then her mother passed in accident and she pushed me away hard. It was ugly. I wish I could take it back but it happened and you have to deal with it.

You messed up and now you just want to make yourself feel better, I don't think you really care about this guy at all otherwise you would have been honest from the start, but you want the attention and you got it. Stop playing games, that **** is just aggravating.

I'm sorry this girl is doing that to you.

I feel as if I've been honest. I even told him I was trying not to keep contacting him but it was hard to do. I said exactly how I felt and how I planned "not to" act on it. It just took me a few days to reduce communication. Ignored him a bit, then got back randomly texting. Both sides did it. He knew I was trying to reduce communication but would talk to me anyway; sometimes I ignored sometimes I responded. But I know I'm the one to blame as I started the whole "feelings involved" thing.

He went crazy the last time I messaged him (after having partially ignored him the previous day) and then he said things like "you don't know what you want" and went a bit offensive and then I apologized and said good-bye...

How would you react if this girl wrote an email some time later saying "I'd like to say good-bye face to face, as friends" because you know she's leaving. You hate that she'd played with you, but... Would you accept it? Would you be even more pissed?

January 5, 2017

How would you react if this girl wrote an email some time later saying "I'd like to say good-bye face to face, as friends" because you know she's leaving. You hate that she'd played with you, but... Would you accept it? Would you be even more pissed?

I'm a woman - so I have to pretend that a guy did this...

I'd probably tell myself that it's just going to be more games and ignore it. It's just too complicated to bother with.

And why put in the effort to see someone for a final goodbye? I mean, I'd make the effort if he gave unreserved apologies and asked if I would reconsider dating...but not for a goodbye.

January 5, 2017

And why put in the effort to see someone for a final goodbye? I mean, I'd make the effort if he gave unreserved apologies and asked if I would reconsider dating...but not for a goodbye.

Because we've been friends (or friendly to one another) before I screw things up and I'd like to part with a good last memory...

He even said at one point, one day before going crazy, that there was no need to feel bad about a "sentimental confession"... but then was not so cool the following day... so I don't have a clear picture of what he thinks

Edited January 5, 2017 by mon.

January 5, 2017

Why dont you want to act on it, as you said to him, because i think you Are trying to manipulate him bacause you couldnt act on it alone and by trying to confuse him you forced some reaction from him that you needed to know that He feels the same as you:confused:? And here we are:)

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Told a guy I had feelings for him but didn't want to act on it. Both went crazy!

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