kingarthur Posted January 5, 2017 Posted January 5, 2017 My now-ex girlfriend and I have been a couple for nearly two years. My love for her took a long time to become really stable, since in the first place I didn't even know that I'd love her (just wanted to get to know her deeper to see if we could fit). But yes, after that long time, I was confident that I love her. Then nearly 3 months ago, I met her sister for the first time. Right from the moment I saw her, my heart skipped one beat, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about her ever since. Of all people, I am the one who does NOT want that to happen, because I am very old-fashioned who disgusts cheating. Even though I haven't done, and will not do, anything crossing the line with the sister, I've been blaming myself for that cheating in mind act. I took three months both trying to steer myself out of the path I was coming down and to convince myself that those feelings towards the sister are only temporary and not love, not real. But everyday I come by my gf house, I can't avoid the sister (otherwise people will think something's going on), and I can't help myself looking at her or thinking about her even when she's not there. And I started treating my now-ex gf with less care and love, because I feel guilty and self-disgusting every time I'm with her. So, today, I can't stand myself anymore. I can't pretend that I can accept the fact that I'm in a relationship with someone and keep thinking about another. My now-ex gf deserves better than that. And those feelings towards the sister, I decided, need to stop before they become more serious. I broke up with my gf. Not that because I want to move on with the sister, but because I want to end everything to have time to collect myself, and start it all over. Did I do the right thing?
Simple Logic Posted January 5, 2017 Posted January 5, 2017 My now-ex girlfriend and I have been a couple for nearly two years. My love for her took a long time to become really stable, since in the first place I didn't even know that I'd love her (just wanted to get to know her deeper to see if we could fit). But yes, after that long time, I was confident that I love her. Then nearly 3 months ago, I met her sister for the first time. Right from the moment I saw her, my heart skipped one beat, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about her ever since. Of all people, I am the one who does NOT want that to happen, because I am very old-fashioned who disgusts cheating. Even though I haven't done, and will not do, anything crossing the line with the sister, I've been blaming myself for that cheating in mind act. I took three months both trying to steer myself out of the path I was coming down and to convince myself that those feelings towards the sister are only temporary and not love, not real. But everyday I come by my gf house, I can't avoid the sister (otherwise people will think something's going on), and I can't help myself looking at her or thinking about her even when she's not there. And I started treating my now-ex gf with less care and love, because I feel guilty and self-disgusting every time I'm with her. So, today, I can't stand myself anymore. I can't pretend that I can accept the fact that I'm in a relationship with someone and keep thinking about another. My now-ex gf deserves better than that. And those feelings towards the sister, I decided, need to stop before they become more serious. I broke up with my gf. Not that because I want to move on with the sister, but because I want to end everything to have time to collect myself, and start it all over. Did I do the right thing? Honestly, I don't think you were in love with the ex GF if you kicked her to the curb that easily. 1
mon. Posted January 5, 2017 Posted January 5, 2017 Yes! And congratulations for being such an honored man... It's not old-fashioned as you say. Mental cheating IS cheating, so when you saw you couldn't control it anymore, you did the right thing. I don't know if your girlfriend got to know the real reason why you broke up; but if she did, even if she went mad (natural, let's be honest), you can be sure she felt better than she would have felt if you haven't cared about her feelings and went on pretending. It probably hurts a lot know and that makes thinking clearly a little more difficult. Just give it some time and you'll figure things out and feel much better 3
Sweetfish Posted January 5, 2017 Posted January 5, 2017 My now-ex girlfriend and I have been a couple for nearly two years. My love for her took a long time to become really stable, since in the first place I didn't even know that I'd love her (just wanted to get to know her deeper to see if we could fit). But yes, after that long time, I was confident that I love her. Then nearly 3 months ago, I met her sister for the first time. Right from the moment I saw her, my heart skipped one beat, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about her ever since. Of all people, I am the one who does NOT want that to happen, because I am very old-fashioned who disgusts cheating. Even though I haven't done, and will not do, anything crossing the line with the sister, I've been blaming myself for that cheating in mind act. I took three months both trying to steer myself out of the path I was coming down and to convince myself that those feelings towards the sister are only temporary and not love, not real. But everyday I come by my gf house, I can't avoid the sister (otherwise people will think something's going on), and I can't help myself looking at her or thinking about her even when she's not there. And I started treating my now-ex gf with less care and love, because I feel guilty and self-disgusting every time I'm with her. So, today, I can't stand myself anymore. I can't pretend that I can accept the fact that I'm in a relationship with someone and keep thinking about another. My now-ex gf deserves better than that. And those feelings towards the sister, I decided, need to stop before they become more serious. I broke up with my gf. Not that because I want to move on with the sister, but because I want to end everything to have time to collect myself, and start it all over. Did I do the right thing? depends how you broke up with her.
Author kingarthur Posted January 6, 2017 Author Posted January 6, 2017 Thank you guys for supporting me. It does now hurt alot. Like double hurt, because I hurt the girl that I used to love, and the girl I am now craving for is the one I know I could never be together with. @Sweetfish: I simply just talked to her (my ex-gf) and told her the truth. I believe that straightforwardness and honesty is the best way to respect her.
Author kingarthur Posted January 6, 2017 Author Posted January 6, 2017 Honestly, I don't think you were in love with the ex GF if you kicked her to the curb that easily. No it's not "that easy". It is quite on the contrary. Those 3 months were a mental hell for me.
BlkVelvet Posted January 6, 2017 Posted January 6, 2017 So. . .you felt lust for the sister and threw your girlfriend of two years away?? No, I don't think you did the right thing at all. I think you need to differentiate between love and lust and learn that just because you are in a relationship doesn't mean you will never be attracted to another. TRUE commitment and REAL love compels you to get a hold of your illicit desires and stay faithful and loyal to the one you pledged this to. What would you do if you felt attraction/lust for another woman while you were married? Had kids? Would you leave them, too? For some fantasy? Maybe I'm missing something, but I don't understand why you would do this to someone you claim to "love".
Author kingarthur Posted January 6, 2017 Author Posted January 6, 2017 (edited) So. . .you felt lust for the sister and threw your girlfriend of two years away?? No, I don't think you did the right thing at all. I think you need to differentiate between love and lust and learn that just because you are in a relationship doesn't mean you will never be attracted to another. TRUE commitment and REAL love compels you to get a hold of your illicit desires and stay faithful and loyal to the one you pledged this to. What would you do if you felt attraction/lust for another woman while you were married? Had kids? Would you leave them, too? For some fantasy? Maybe I'm missing something, but I don't understand why you would do this to someone you claim to "love". Married and not married is different. To me, once married, there'd be no option for break-up. Besides, lust is not the right word here. Believe me, I've tried thousand times to convince myself that it is just lust, nothing else. But I've met much more beautiful girls than her and yet won't budge. Therefore, I'm sure it's not lust. Edited January 6, 2017 by kingarthur
Aragorn098 Posted January 6, 2017 Posted January 6, 2017 My now-ex girlfriend and I have been a couple for nearly two years. My love for her took a long time to become really stable, since in the first place I didn't even know that I'd love her (just wanted to get to know her deeper to see if we could fit). But yes, after that long time, I was confident that I love her. Then nearly 3 months ago, I met her sister for the first time. Right from the moment I saw her, my heart skipped one beat, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about her ever since. Of all people, I am the one who does NOT want that to happen, because I am very old-fashioned who disgusts cheating. Even though I haven't done, and will not do, anything crossing the line with the sister, I've been blaming myself for that cheating in mind act. I took three months both trying to steer myself out of the path I was coming down and to convince myself that those feelings towards the sister are only temporary and not love, not real. But everyday I come by my gf house, I can't avoid the sister (otherwise people will think something's going on), and I can't help myself looking at her or thinking about her even when she's not there. And I started treating my now-ex gf with less care and love, because I feel guilty and self-disgusting every time I'm with her. So, today, I can't stand myself anymore. I can't pretend that I can accept the fact that I'm in a relationship with someone and keep thinking about another. My now-ex gf deserves better than that. And those feelings towards the sister, I decided, need to stop before they become more serious. I broke up with my gf. Not that because I want to move on with the sister, but because I want to end everything to have time to collect myself, and start it all over. Did I do the right thing? Hey dude, I'm a guy and I love you. Not enough honest people out there like you. I really hope you find your love soon. She's going to deserve you. And you definitely did the right thing. There were so many issues at play. Well done for thinking about the bigger picture and not just your own feelings. A true legend! 2
Author kingarthur Posted January 6, 2017 Author Posted January 6, 2017 Hey dude, I'm a guy and I love you. Not enough honest people out there like you. I really hope you find your love soon. She's going to deserve you. And you definitely did the right thing. There were so many issues at play. Well done for thinking about the bigger picture and not just your own feelings. A true legend! Hey man. Thanks for your support. Not many people how difficult it is for a man like me to make that decision. I did the best I could think of. Too bad now my ex gf family and her friends think of me as an ******* because I left her for lust, and that I hadn't loved her in the first place. That makes me sad, but I think that's just normal reactions of those who love her. But still, telling me have never loved her is in itself an insult to the time when we were together.
guest572 Posted January 6, 2017 Posted January 6, 2017 Yes, I think you made the right decision. It is a big problem that would never go away. It was not fair on her to keep things going. 1
BlkVelvet Posted January 6, 2017 Posted January 6, 2017 Married and not married is different. To me, once married, there'd be no option for break-up. Besides, lust is not the right word here. Believe me, I've tried thousand times to convince myself that it is just lust, nothing else. But I've met much more beautiful girls than her and yet won't budge. Therefore, I'm sure it's not lust. Lust has nothing to do with beauty, but ok.
Author kingarthur Posted January 7, 2017 Author Posted January 7, 2017 Lust has nothing to do with beauty, but ok. Even if it does, it would've been much easier if it was someone else. I could've just stopped seeing that one and moved on. But this is her sister, whom I can't avoid, and have to see everyday, WHEN my now-ex gf is there too. The mind and the emotions were driving me crazy...
Sweetfish Posted January 7, 2017 Posted January 7, 2017 Lust has nothing to do with beauty, but ok. Wait what? Lust has everything to do with beauty...when it comes to men. You think 30000 years ago men lusted over a womans ability to cook a mean Elk sandwich and her ability to sweep and and mop the cave? No it was her hips, bust line, and ability to bare cave babies.
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