Author Red2016 Posted January 5, 2017 Author Share Posted January 5, 2017 I went out twice with this guy I met from an app. From the beginning he was flirty in texting including ":) etc" First date: lots of laughter, talking at a bar, ends with a hug second date: some hand holding at the movies, quick kiss on lips goodbye before going home. (Second date was just the movies only bc he had to get to bed early) Third date: I initiated a casual text and he and I chatted a bit...the eventually he suggested a *dinner and movie at HIS PLACE.* Now, is it basically the hookup date? I feel that this guy is not looking for anything serious. I'm kind of new to this so I'm not sure what to think. I accepted the invite but if he tries anything, I will tell him no. But if a guy is serious, he wouldnt ask for a house invite date so early on, right? Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted January 5, 2017 Share Posted January 5, 2017 If you're not comfortable, you should have said no, or suggested somewhere public. Yes, chances are that he wants (and is expecting) sex. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Kiwi_Girl Posted January 5, 2017 Share Posted January 5, 2017 If he was flirting before inviting you over, then yes, he is expecting to hook up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Red2016 Posted January 5, 2017 Author Share Posted January 5, 2017 Well he's not overly flirty. Not does he send vulgar texts or anything like that. Just smileys here and there but actually remmebers things ive told him etc. Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted January 5, 2017 Share Posted January 5, 2017 This guy seems low interest to me. A movie date is a terrible way to get to know another person. And those are the only dates you've had, with the latest one being an invite to watch the movie at his house. If it were me, I would counter with an actual activity - dinner, drinks, comedy club, coffee house with a band, pool, whatever... (To clarify: one of those, not all!) 9 Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted January 5, 2017 Share Posted January 5, 2017 But if a guy is serious, he wouldnt ask for a house invite date so early on, right?I've had several long-term relationships include inviting a woman over to my place by the third date. This is not a sign of seriousness or lack thereof. He's almost definitely looking to sleep with you though. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Red2016 Posted January 5, 2017 Author Share Posted January 5, 2017 Okay, so if he tries anything Ill just draw my boundaries. :/ Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 5, 2017 Share Posted January 5, 2017 I think, if you have no plans to sleep with him (and there is nothing wrong with that, it's only the third date), you really shouldn't go to his place. It gives him the wrong idea and puts you in a potentially awkward and dangerous situation. Some guys, may invite you over with no expectations. But, I think it's fair to assume that he has some expectations and you don't want to encourage that if you have no intention of getting physical with him. You could always tell him that you are not ready and suggest that you go out and do something else. If he's into you for more than sex, he should be ok with that... 7 Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted January 5, 2017 Share Posted January 5, 2017 If you aren't ready to sleep with him, do not go to his place. It's just a bad idea to put yourself in that situation. It's fine to change the plan. "On second thought, I'd prefer to go out somewhere for dinner." 8 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 5, 2017 Share Posted January 5, 2017 He wants sex....duh. He is just going through the motions PLUS you really don't know this guy and you are going over to his place....uh no don't do it. Turn down his offer and suggest something else...in public. If he bails you KNOW he was only in it for sex. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 5, 2017 Share Posted January 5, 2017 If a guy is serious he will wait for you to invite him over for dinner. That will be his cue that home-dates are ok from now on. A first home-date offered by a woman has a different meaning than a first home-date offered my a man. You had very little interaction with this man. If you had 2 long dates and had spoken a bunch I'd be ok with a home-date but in this case he just sounds in a hurry to get you alone. If you go keep your clothes on, and no laying in bed to 'cuddle'. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
bachdude Posted January 5, 2017 Share Posted January 5, 2017 Street smarts needed here! Don't be naive! Two things going on. First, a good number of guys have this third date rule in the horny minds, which is the third date is some sort of magical number whereby they are entitled to sex or they move on. Second, by accepting a date at a guy's house, to many many guys, means you are giving the implicit go ahead for sex. Now, is it possible you just stumbled upon a rare guy whose motives are as pure as the morning dew, a veritable St Francis of Assisi? Sure, it's possible. Likely? No. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
Lansing Posted January 5, 2017 Share Posted January 5, 2017 As a a guy, it sure seems like he is putting in low effort. If I wanted to really date a girl and saw a long term potential with her I wouldn't be rushing into inviting her over to my place especially not to "watch a movie". I would want to get a chance to hang out with her, talk to her more, go do an activity together, etc. If I were a woman in your shoes especially having met a guy on an app, I wouldn't be going to his place after 2 dates especially when the second date was already a film with probably little talking/connection happening. If you wanted sex now I would have different advice but sounds like you are looking for a relationship. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Peach Posted January 5, 2017 Share Posted January 5, 2017 I agree with the others he's looking for sex. My guess is he's not looking for anything serious. It's been very rare I've seen serious guys pull that so early on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted January 5, 2017 Share Posted January 5, 2017 I feel that this guy is not looking for anything serious. I'm kind of new to this so I'm not sure what to think. I accepted the invite... If your gut is telling you he's not looking for anything serious, listen to it! Throw in that all he can manage is a bar, movie, and now Netflix at his. I would say you're intuition is spot on. This isn't a guy who is excited about you, attempting to learn more about you, or trying to put his best foot forward. No, he's putting in the bare minimum effort. Are you looking for a hook up or a relationship? If it's a relationship you seek, stop agreeing to see guys who you feel aren't looking for anything serious. That's just setting yourself up for disappointment and frustration. Learn to use these words: "Thanks. I enjoyed getting to know you, but this isn't going to work out. Best of luck with your search." Then on to the next! When you waste your time getting distracted by guys like this, you prevent yourself from focusing on guys who want the same things that you do. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted January 5, 2017 Share Posted January 5, 2017 I accepted the invite but if he tries anything, I will tell him no. But if a guy is serious, he wouldnt ask for a house invite date so early on, right? I think that if you're not ready to wind up in his bed having sex, before you set foot across his threshold, you need to make it clear to him that sex is off the table at this point. If you are ready to have sex, then have fun. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Red2016 Posted January 5, 2017 Author Share Posted January 5, 2017 I think that if you're not ready to wind up in his bed having sex, before you set foot across his threshold, you need to make it clear to him that sex is off the table at this point. If you are ready to have sex, then have fun. Definitely not interested in sleeping with someone I recently met. Would I make out with him? Maybe. But definitely no sex. He probably has that on his mind. The problem is that I do kind of like this guy. How do I or should I make that clear before seeing him tomorrow? What should I say? Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted January 5, 2017 Share Posted January 5, 2017 Have you two even had a talk about exclusivity and what you're each expecting out of a relationship? But by no means should you trust someone you don't even know with your virtue just because you want to come across as "nice" and not hurt his feelings. He shouldn't be asking you to his house for anything at this stage. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Red2016 Posted January 5, 2017 Author Share Posted January 5, 2017 Ok so what should I text him Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted January 5, 2017 Share Posted January 5, 2017 Ok so what should I text him On second thought, I think I would prefer to go out to dinner. How does X restaurant sound? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted January 5, 2017 Share Posted January 5, 2017 A conversation about expectations should be discussed face to face! Not over text. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Sara1989 Posted January 5, 2017 Share Posted January 5, 2017 From your threads/posts about this guy, his interest level is very low. I got a third date tonight, we are going bowling and to play pool. Do you really feel comfortable going to this guy place when their barely been any contact? You are wasting your time here, he is looking for sex. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Red2016 Posted January 5, 2017 Author Share Posted January 5, 2017 A conversation about expectations should be discussed face to face! Not over text. Ideally, I would have liked to discuss this over dinner or something prior to this impending date tomorrow but IF I keep the plan as is, is it okay to discuss these things while at his apt? What he's looking for etc. Seems like it could be awkward. What should I ask? Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted January 5, 2017 Share Posted January 5, 2017 Definitely not interested in sleeping with someone I recently met. Would I make out with him? Maybe. But definitely no sex. He probably has that on his mind. The problem is that I do kind of like this guy. How do I or should I make that clear before seeing him tomorrow? What should I say? "I'm not yet comfortable with the idea of coming to your home to watch a movie. At this point in things, I'd feel more comfortable doing something in a public setting and us doing a lot more talking so that we can get a better picture of each other and what each of us wants here." If he loses interest because you say this, then he needed to go. He's already opened that line of talk up by his premature suggestion that you come to his place to "netflix and chill". You don't know him and you don't know how he will react when you say "no sex" after making out for 15 minutes. And waiting to say anything about no sex until you're face to face with lips locked and blood pressure rising is highly problematic--that's a dangerous line of thinking. Your best bet is to stand sentry to your own boundaries because that's not his job right now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted January 5, 2017 Share Posted January 5, 2017 Ideally, I would have liked to discuss this over dinner or something prior to this impending date tomorrow but IF I keep the plan as is, is it okay to discuss these things while at his apt? What he's looking for etc. Seems like it could be awkward. What should I ask? It is a recipe for disaster to have a serious intentions talk with a guy on such an early date. If you don't want to find yourself in an uncomfortable situation, don't put yourself in an uncomfortable situation. Go out in public. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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