Oh no. For third date, guy suggests movie and dinner at HIS place

[Formerfiveo]

I am laughing at all of these "rules!" I have never heard of an dinner invitation at a guy's house being an assumption that sex is to be expected.

 

When did dating get so complicated?

 

1st date my bf and I met at a restaurant, and 2nd date he made me dinner at his place.

 

IT WAS JUST DINNER.

 

We ate, we talked, and I went home.

 

If you don't feel comfortable enough going to his place for safety reasons, then don't go. Otherwise, offer to bring (not be) the dessert.

 

And if he DOES expect sex, a simple "I'd like us to get to know each other better first" should suffice. Unless he's a douche. Then leave.

[smackie9]

Just tell him you really like him, but not ready to "have a date, at his apartment...." He will get the hint.

[smackie9]

If a guy is serious he will wait for you to invite him over for dinner. That will be his cue that home-dates are ok from now on.

 

A first home-date offered by a woman has a different meaning than a first home-date offered my a man.

 

You had very little interaction with this man. If you had 2 long dates and had spoken a bunch I'd be ok with a home-date but in this case he just sounds in a hurry to get you alone.

 

If you go keep your clothes on, and no laying in bed to 'cuddle'.

Hey Gaeta didn't you go on a dinner date at that guy's apartment a couple of years ago, where there was only a mattress that was next to his kitchen table lol

[kendahke]

OP--others may have wonderful stories of how their relationships blossomed from barely having spent time with each other. That doesn't mean that this guy is their guy or acts like their guy.

 

From experience, I've learned that unless you want to have sex and be relegated to a FWB/Fbuddy status, don't put yourself in a situation where what it is that you want out of a relationship is dismissed because you're trying to be nice and liked. I"d rather be a B and have my virtue intact than to be nice and be demoted straight out of the gate to an eff buddy.

[Red2016]

Okay, so this guy on the app had also asked me out pretty quickly (red flag!) but when it was too short of a notice he apologized and said that he didnt mean to come off as a creep etc, and that he didnt know what the proper texting etiquette was as he is new to online dating. Thus, after some chatter, we met at a bar about 10 days later.

Clearly, he thinks I'm open to hookups or something bc of this invite. Im feeling really torn right now and he seems like a nice enough guy for me to not feel UNcomfortable going there, but I also dont think saying, Hey, I've only met you twice...mind if we go get dinner around the neughborhood instead?" is a bad idea either.

Is going there be entirely a bad idea.

 

My friends are saying, he def has sex on his mind (as most men do) but if I decline and he doesnt reach out afterward, then I'll know what he was really after.

Edited January 5, 2017 by Red2016

[kendahke]

Okay, so this guy on the app had also asked me out pretty quickly (red flag!) but when it was too short of a notice he apologized and said that he didnt mean to come off as a creep etc, and that he didnt know what the proper texting etiquette was as he is new to online dating. Thus, after some chatter, we met at a bar about 10 days later.

Clearly, he thinks I'm open to hookups or something bc of this invite. Im feeling really torn right now and he seems like a nice enough guy for me to not feel UNcomfortable going there, but I also dont think saying, Hey, I've only met you twice...mind if we go get dinner around the neughborhood instead?" is a bad idea either.

Is going there be entirely a bad idea.

 

My friends are saying, he def has sex on his mind (as most men do) but if I decline and he doesnt reach out afterward, then I'll know what he was really after.

 

Are you talking about one or two guys here?

[Red2016]

This is the same guy. He asked me out on the app way back in mid December

And Im probably not describing everything well but it's not like his texts are "k, hey, nm u" either. He rememebers details ive told him etc and doesnt come off creepy at all in person.

Safe to say that he could have also perfected this game to come off as a nice guy...ugh

Edited January 5, 2017 by Red2016

[Sara1989]

This is the same guy. He asked me out on the app way back in mid December

And Im probably not describing everything well but it's not like his texts are "k, hey, nm u" either. He rememebers details ive told him etc and doesnt come off creepy at all in person.

Safe to say that he has perfected this game as well....ugh

 

Text him NOW and say "Think bit early to go to your place, can we meet at a bar?"

 

if he goes cold then you got your answer. Do not go there and confront him, especially after only 2 dates.

[angel.eyes]

I am laughing at all of these "rules!"...

 

1st date my bf and I met at a restaurant, and 2nd date he made me dinner at his place.

 

IT WAS JUST DINNER.

 

We ate, we talked,...

For starters, your BF made a restaurant reservation and planned a date. This guy took her to a bar. Your boyfriend went to the effort of cooking dinner and then talked at length with you. He was interested in getting to know you. This guy is not doing that. They watch movies!

 

She has a couple of other threads about the lack of communication after each of the first two dates. In both cases, she reached out first via text. She keeps communication going. He's along for the ride.

 

This isn't a guy interested in talking to her, learning more about her, or planning anything. He's putting in minimal effort, while she's so overly invested that she's willing to overlook her gut feeling that he's not looking for anything serious.

 

It's not about "rules." Frankly, it's about looking at the bigger picture and using common sense. The OP is very keen to keep things going and not offend the guy or put him off in some way. Posters are simply trying to keep her safe.

Edited January 5, 2017 by angel.eyes

[angel.eyes]

I would text:

 

"About Friday's date (or whenever it is), let's go out instead. How about *insert whatever activity you both like that allows for conversation*?"

 

No more movies or bars though.

[Red2016]

Ok what about I say:

"Hey on second thought, since I don't know you too well, what if we got dinner nearby instead?"

[heavenonearth]

Red, I would meet him at his place for dinner, and once you are done eating, just tell him you "have to go, because you have to go to bed early".

Then never text him again and move on.

Now you got a free meal, AND got rid of a guy who isn't really into you.

 

 

Joke aside: Yeah, I think it's weird to change the date plans again after you have already agreed to meet him at his house. Is he at least picking you up?

This guy seems sooooo uninvested, I'd have ZERO interest in such a guy.

You can do better, why are you torturing yourself with such a douche?

[Red2016]

Sent that text! Suggested dinner out instead.

Will update later if he replies although I think silence is more likely!

Good riddence. This feels pretty great I have to admit:)

 

 

And THANK YOU ALL!!you all (strangers out there) are amazing people

[Pill]

Red, I would meet him at his place for dinner, and once you are done eating, just tell him you "have to go, because you have to go to bed early".

Then never text him again and move on.

Now you got a free meal, AND got rid of a guy who isn't really into you.

 

 

Joke aside: Yeah, I think it's weird to change the date plans again after you have already agreed to meet him at his house. Is he at least picking you up?

This guy seems sooooo uninvested, I'd have ZERO interest in such a guy.

You can do better, why are you torturing yourself with such a douche?

 

Why is he a douche because he's uninvested?

[preraph]

He's going to try it. Most guys think third date and it's either going to happen or they'll move on. You should just tell him "I don't want to lead you on by accepting a date at your house. It's too soon for me. Sorry."

[Red2016]

Okay, so I said

Hey, On second thought, I dont know you too well yet... Can we eat dinner nearby instead?

 

Reply:

Yeah of course, not a problem at all. Let's try X restaurant located at xyz street

[five2nine]

Just trust your gut and do only what you feel comfortable with. I met my bf online and for first meeting it was a movie at his place late at night. Probably not the best idea but we talked first for 3 weeks in text and I wanted to go. Yes he tried to do things that day but when I didnt want to he gave up. We were laughing about it so it wasn't weird. We didnt end up having actual sex for 5 weeks after meeting so use your judgement. If he's a nice guy and respects you it should be okay

Edited January 5, 2017 by five2nine

[Saracena]

Okay, so I said

Hey, On second thought, I dont know you too well yet... Can we eat dinner nearby instead?

 

Reply:

Yeah of course, not a problem at all. Let's try X restaurant located at xyz street

 

Out of interest, how long did it take him to respond? (Not that it matters that much, just curious!)

 

Red-where are you located? It's just that it appears to me the notion of going back to a guy's place early on is more 'significant' in the US than elsewhere. Aside from the safety issues, that is! Where I come from it doesn't tent to have the same connotations. At least that's been my experience and that of many others I know!

[Red2016]

Out of interest, how long did it take him to respond? (Not that it matters that much, just curious!)

 

Red-where are you located? It's just that it appears to me the notion of going back to a guy's place early on is more 'significant' in the US than elsewhere. Aside from the safety issues, that is! Where I come from it doesn't tent to have the same connotations. At least that's been my experience and that of many others I know!

I feeel that this guy is not serious so I dont really care anymore haha

But for what it's worth, he sent it back in about 30 mins (he usually gets back within the hour), and he is not originally from the US. Moved here from Europe about 8 years ago.

[angel.eyes]

No harm in going on the date at the restaurant. Who knows? Maybe things will turn around, and he'll become a little bit more enthused.

 

Are you going on other first dates? You're getting too invested in your date after one or two dates. Going on other first dates may help you to avoid getting overly attached before you learn enough about the guy to know whether you can risk your heart.

[BaileyB]

No harm in going out to eat with him at the restaurant.

 

Glad you decided not to go to his house... Until you are sure about his intentions, and sure that he's not sleeping with anyone else, it is best not to put yourself in a position where things could happen that you don't want to happen. Be safe, and be smart!

[strawberryshortstack]

I've had several long-term relationships include inviting a woman over to my place by the third date. This is not a sign of seriousness or lack thereof. He's almost definitely looking to sleep with you though.

 

I agree with this. If you're already feeling that he's not looking for anything serious, that's the sign that he probably isn't - not that he invited you over to his house. I've had second dates at a guy's house that turned into relationships (my current relationship, for one).

 

Set boundaries, and hold fast to them. If you're not ready to sleep with him, make sure he knows that, and don't let him convince you otherwise. Chances are that he does want sex, but whether you have the date at his house or not, if all he's after is sex, you probably won't hear from him again anyway.

[Sweetfish]

Lol... interesting. I find this thread interesting. You have been on three dates with this guy. Sounds like your not interested in the guy... but you do enjoy going on these dates.

 

1st question who is paying for the dates and are you going dutch?

 

2. No matter what... a guy who kisses a girl is usually going to want to have sex with you after 3 or 4 dates. He doesnt have to ask you for dinner at his house. I think the average normal guy will have this urge and different guys go about it different ways. Many guys set the tone different.

 

What happen to setting up a dinner and good old movie to set a romantic tone... wth?

 

Now if the guy seems like a player thats a whole other story.

 

If you dont like this guy i suggest you stop going on dates...

 

After 4-5 dates if we dont have sexual energy.. a kiss or something. Im done.. we can be friends.. if you kiss me on the first date within hours of meeting me... i might not respect you and you may be too easy.

 

Can you imagine if a guy does 3 dates with 5 different women and he is entertaining and paying at say a cost of $60 per date..

 

I dont think women see it... in a guys perspective.

I

[Red2016]

Lol... interesting. I find this thread interesting. You have been on three dates with this guy. Sounds like your not interested in the guy... but you do enjoy going on these dates.

 

1st question who is paying for the dates and are you going dutch?

 

2. No matter what... a guy who kisses a girl is usually going to want to have sex with you after 3 or 4 dates. He doesnt have to ask you for dinner at his house. I think the average normal guy will have this urge and different guys go about it different ways. Many guys set the tone different.

 

What happen to setting up a dinner and good old movie to set a romantic tone... wth?

 

Now if the guy seems like a player thats a whole other story.

 

If you dont like this guy i suggest you stop going on dates...

 

After 4-5 dates if we dont have sexual energy.. a kiss or something. Im done.. we can be friends.. if you kiss me on the first date within hours of meeting me... i might not respect you and you may be too easy.

 

Can you imagine if a guy does 3 dates with 5 different women and he is entertaining and paying at say a cost of $60 per date..

 

I dont think women see it... in a guys perspective.

I

Haha funny you would say that. I *am* interested in the guy. I like him for his personality, wits etc... what makes you think Im not interested?

First date: guy paid (I offered of course)

Second date; guy paid for tix, I paid for the popcorn and drinks

 

During the movie, he was flirty but not in a creepy way etc. Goodnight kiss at the end of the second date.

Tomorrow (if it does happen) I will discuss what he's looking for etc in a subtle way.

 

I honestly didnt even think he would reply but this is bc of my past experiences with dealing with hookup dates that I mostly just assume they are looking for a hookup unless otherwise

[Sweetfish]

 

I honestly didnt even think he would reply but this is bc of my past experiences with dealing with hookup dates that I mostly just assume they are looking for a hookup unless otherwise

 

this is exactly what i was looking for... to envoke the truth

 

Now you've gone from a person with little experience to someone with experience. You assume he wants to hook up.. you have no concrete evidence. Your just going on past events. Every indivdual is different.

 

Any body can tell you what they want to hear. and wait it out for the prize.

 

Its you that have to be kind of a detective and find clues if the person your dating is using you or not.