bachdude Posted January 7, 2017 Posted January 7, 2017 Similar to precious poster, I've had two female friends proposition me in the last two years. Both married.
phineas Posted January 7, 2017 Posted January 7, 2017 Some women just get along better with guys than with girls. I was never much of a girly girl, and I don't have many girl friends for that reason. Most girls I meet get bored with me when I don't want to go shopping with them or into a disco or the nail salon. I much rather hit the bar with the boys or go to the museum or swimming with them. I actually asked an acquaintance-like girl friend of mine if she wants to join me at the swimming pool. She looked at me with disgust?!!! I don't know, people are weird here. Thing is, I am bored with most girls, too. Yes, sometimes I meet some that are interesting, but even the intellectual ones still are occupied with feminine things that I don't care about. Guys are just more uncomplicated and easier to talk to, for me. There is also less drama, and I hate drama. It would be a shame if a guy wouldn't date me because of my preference for male friends. It's only the guy's insecurity, in my opinion. And a lack of trust. I am happy my current lover is not a jealous person. We are long distance, and if he'd freak out every time I meet a guy friend, we'd be very unhappy. I'd probably ditch him. No time for losers. every woman i know who throws out "just one of the guys" is super hot and full of crap. she KNOWS the reason she gets along with guys better is because: 1. those guys want to sleep with her and she knows it and just LOVES the attention. Even though they try to sleep with her she will still hang with them letting them think they have a chance and let them pay. it's only when they get pissed and call her out on her crap that she puts them on blast and acts like they "ruined the friendship" 2. other women's BF's/husbands will hit on them and while that isn't their fault, they LOVE the attention and don't discourage it and that is their fault. Most of these women do not keep the same male friends for very long. 2
4x4storm Posted January 7, 2017 Posted January 7, 2017 I feel I should weigh in on this considering my relationship just ended because of a "Guy Friend" you can find my story here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/607351-my-girlfriend-trying-make-me-jealous To add more to the story a few days after we broke up I got back in contact with her because I had friends telling me I was overprotective. We talked about it and got back together ......... Then she drops "Well if were back together I better tell my "Guy Friend" to cancel our meetup. Yep apparently the second we broke up she re set up a date with her "Guy Friend" So much for being friends .......:lmao: I absolutely love it when a girl thinks she understands a males mind. Simply you don't! People are 100% correct in this thread a male friend is most likely to be an orbiter they sit on the outer-fence listening and talking to you about your problems and wait for a crack in the defenses. Now there are some exceptions. I'm friends with my guy friends partners but what does that mean? It pretty much means when we all meet up I will engage in conversation with the girls but the difference is i'm not texting them and planning meetups with them after. After everything I feel your boyfriend has every right be worried just like I had every right to be worried about my partners "Guy Friends". When I enter a relationship I will cut contact with all the girls I was on the outer-fence with sure there maybe a message or two once in awhile but that's it Why girls feel they should be able to get away with this is beyond me i'm respecting the boundaries so should you.
Grey40 Posted January 7, 2017 Posted January 7, 2017 (edited) This is an interesting topic. NO guy is ok with a woman having a lot of male friends. I agree that the only way you can be 100% certain that it's ok, is if the girl has absolutely no attraction to the guy friend at all. But yeah, we've all heard stories of women cheating or "getting revenge" on their BF by getting with their close male friends. What I will say though, is being controlling or being spiteful and angry that your GF/lover has guy friends only makes them more likely to cheat and act out against you. However, I also think that if a girl truly loves you and wants to stay with you she will cut back her contact from these guys to a large degree out of respect of your relationship. To handle this, I would just have a talk with the girl and let her know that her close guy friends "bother me", and I'm just a little uneasy about it. If she respects you and loves and knows it's going to cause an issue, she'll make sure she slows down contact. I think if she's unwilling or defensive, that could be a red flag, or a sign that maybe she's not fully content with you. But it shouldn't be reason not to date someone. Phineas is pretty close-minded on this one. Just because girls have propositioned you before doesn't mean everyone does it. If you act super insecure and show that you're really really pissed off, controlling and upset about it, it's just going to make her resent you and hate you more. It's an unattractive trait, and all it will do is make her lose interest in you. Think of it this way: She's with YOU, not the orbiters. The orbiters are the loser guys that have no chance that the women keep around for male advice and for attention. I'm never that worried about orbiters, I'm worried about contact with EXes or other guys they've been romantically involved with at some point in their life. That would be cause for concern. Edited January 7, 2017 by Grey40
Gaeta Posted January 7, 2017 Posted January 7, 2017 (edited) The thing with Hopeful situation is none of these male contacts are her friends. They are all acquaintances or just contacts in other countries. She should make a big clean up in her phone and get rid of most of those. I was online close to 4 years before meeting my boyfriend and I was quite popular while dating so you can imagine the number of 'acquaintances' and 'pseudo male friends' I had on my phone when I met my BF" I had male friends that I had been chatting with occasionally on text for 2-3-4 years. Out of those 20 or so contact I had only developed a close friendship with 2. They were in relationships, I knew their GF and their GF knew me. When I met my BF I sent a text to the other 18 of them : Hey there! This is it ! I met someone fantastic! I prefer we don't chat anymore out of respect for him, good luck with everything. I got rid of all of them and kept my 2 friends. I told my BF about those 2 friends and he even met them. Hopeful I don't know why you keep men around that YOU KNOW are orbiters. I find it a lack of respect toward your BF. ETA: That is different than getting rid of a long term male friend just because your bf is jealous. That is another story and I would give a different advice. Edited January 7, 2017 by Gaeta 1
gorf Posted January 8, 2017 Posted January 8, 2017 these guys don't have a chance but that it's absolutely dependent on you putting up the force fields OP origional quote "but at the same time I don't want to be isolated from socializing with the opposite sex simply because there is a possibility they might want more" But what are those force fields exactly? The thread was started not because of males on a phone, but a large volume of males. This implying there is a mix of guys, some being guys trying to get with her. Not hard to believe. And she is basically saying she is not concerned with this and probably wont try to find out, even though most of these guys are not hard to spot, furthering the idea that she likes the attention and they are not just random contacts to fill a phone list. Now, to those saying its not a big deal and will help a relationship to grow, its as simple as this: would you be 100% fine with your sig other having a phone full of the opposite sex who have at one point in time might have slept with her, and or are occasionally(or constantly) trying to get with her? I think if you are honest, whether you trust her or not, it will be no. People outside a relationship with lack of respect to be that kind of person.. they can be very greasy and weasel their way in when least expected. Thats why at the very least, most would call them threats. And out of respect for your partner, you should be repulsed by a guy being there for nothing other than to get with you.
purrrfectlyflawed Posted January 8, 2017 Posted January 8, 2017 Ok so if these guys are aquantainces, if you don't see them very often are they worth your relationship? You seem very social and that's ok but honestly its a lot of effort to keep in touch with so many people. I have a couple guy friends, most I rarely see. One guy is my BFF and he is 100% gay so he is no threat, plus he lives out of state and I rarely see him. One guy is a long time family friend and I often go months without seeing him but generally any guy I date long term gets introduced to him eventually. Any other guy gets put on the backburner if I love someone. So if you are seeing these guy friends in a way that it interferes with your relationship, try to determine which is more important. It goes with out saying opposite sex friendships often get placed on the back burner a little. And if you have been intimate with any of these guys its no longer appropriate to keep in touch very often once you are in a relationship. QUOTE=Hopeful30;7181482]We've been together 6 months. All these guy friends have been more acquaintances, none close true friends because those either have girlfriends who are against us being close or I sense they might want more so I keep a distance. Others are purely contacts in case I visit their country and need help or a place to stay. My bf is insecure about it because he thinks I'm beautiful and amazing and doesn't understand how I can have male friends who don't see me in the same way. To him, men are only friends with beautiful women in case they become available.
SoleMate Posted January 8, 2017 Posted January 8, 2017 Blech, this is the individual who forced (or attempted to force) you to spend the holidays alone at home while he went off to his family? So my answer is even stronger....heck no, don't dump your friends for him. The male orbiter issue definitely needs to be considered in ordinary cases, but not here.
SoleMate Posted January 8, 2017 Posted January 8, 2017 Actually, you'll need one of those orbiters for when this r/s implodes. IMO.
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