accident_prone Posted January 5, 2017 Posted January 5, 2017 on sunday my roommates girlfriend asked me about setting me up with a girl friend of hers. she is 24. turns out that this girl is someone i know but have never talked to or hung out with, but i find her both attractive and interesting. roommate gives me girls number saying girl told her to. clearly a good sign. so i text the girl and we hit it off and agree to set something up soon. the very next morning, really early, i get a text from her saying she had the afternoon free if i wanted to meet up. i told her i worked all day but could meet at night, to which she agreed. we meet up and it goes really great, we just sit at a bar for a few hours talking and connecting. time comes to leave and i'm getting no receptive signs to kiss her goodnight or anything. she just offers a quick hug. then she gets home and texts me about having a great time. and she also apparently told our mutual friend that as well because it was relayed to me. then i set up another date, which was for tonight. we were getting dinner and then gonna come hang out at mine and watch a movie or something. she came down with a head cold suddenly but didnt want to cancel and we had dinner and came back to hangout a bit. her body language was pretty reserved and it didnt really give me much room to make any sort of move. im confused, it seems like this girl is into me, judging from the way she acts, and really doesnt seem like a shy person from the sheer amount of fun conversation we have had, but she just left a few minutes ago and yet again just quickly hugged me bye and left. then gets home and starts texting me and even tries to set something up for tomorrow if shes feeling better. WHAT GIVES. there seems to be a lot of interest but also at the same time seems to be giving me very little signs of wanting me to make any sort of move. almost feels like we were just sitting here chatting, hanging out as buddies. i understand how silly this sounds but i am genuinely confused. is this normal for girls to do? if we do end up hanging tomorrow it is likely going to be a day date at a park she likes that she was asking me if ive been to. that would be three dates in the span of 4 days, which is totally fine since im into her, but at the same time i would like things to move slightly forward. what should i do?
emsx0x Posted January 5, 2017 Posted January 5, 2017 Honestly, speaking as a shy girl (and she definitely seems shy in that regard) I need the guy to make the first move or I just feel awkward. So definitely I think she would be receptive since she is showing interest by texting you and seeing you and such. She wants YOU to make the first move. 2
angel.eyes Posted January 5, 2017 Posted January 5, 2017 For starters, hold her hand as you walk in the park. 2
Simple Logic Posted January 5, 2017 Posted January 5, 2017 A trip to talk in a bar and then dinner with movies at your place? I wouldn't date you because you are rather boring. Step your game up and go out and have fun. 1
lakerman34 Posted January 5, 2017 Posted January 5, 2017 Honestly, you may not even be aware of this, but I think every move you've made was the right move. Good job! -She wanted to hang out in the afternoon, you changed it to night. Dating at night instantly makes for a different ambience -- a more "date-y" one, if you will. -You haven't forced the physical. Move too quickly, and she's gone. -Connect, connect, connect. Good work. One thing I MAY have done different is I wouldn't have invited her to my place so soon. Keep her guessing a little bit. BUUUTTTTT, again, for your situation it seems to work. Now, she may not have given you more than a hug this time because she may feel sick. Unsurprisingly, girls feel very unsexy when they aren't feeling well. What I would do is invite her to something where you're moving around (a favorite of mine is picking a place to get appetizers, and then bar crawl). As you walk around with a little alcohol in your system, walk ahead of her a bit, put back your hand, see if she grabs your hand (she will). Bar crawl while holding hands. Then at the end of the night, a mix of liquid courage and knowing that she gave you her hand, you'll be feeling like a stud, go in for the kiss. Now, there's an unwritten "3rd date sex" rule. I think it's stupid, but my unwillingness to acknowledge it has cost me some very fun, attractive, girls that I genuinely liked. Play it by ear. You don't want to force anything, obviously, but also, too many dates without enough physical may make her think that you're not into her. It has happened to me many, many times. If it were up to me, we wouldn't have sex until the 7th or 8th date. It would happen naturally, not just because I enjoy sex, but rather because it is the logical "next step" in the relationship. My $0.02. 1
Author accident_prone Posted January 6, 2017 Author Posted January 6, 2017 thanks all. i agree on all fronts. my issue is this: i normally would never have too much contact so fast as to not smother, etc. but i also just believe in going with the organic flow of things. so what if she is the one who keeps hitting me up, putting herself in my orbit and essentially trying to give me all these chances to see her? what's my move here? how much moderation do i actually use? like today, she didn't end up feeling well enough to go out like she originally asked me last night, but she did invite me to hang at her place if i wanted to. i declined and told her to just rest up and we'll get together again soon. so then she mentions the nights she is free this weekend. i'm inclined to take her up on it but at the same time not sure. is it still smothering or "too much" if she's seemingly so invested in making it happen? i certainly don't want her to feel rejected or that i'm not into her.
angel.eyes Posted January 6, 2017 Posted January 6, 2017 Right now, she seems very excited to date you. Keep declining her invites and she'll conclude you're not interested and move on to some other guy. Seriously, how would you feel if you kept inviting a girl out on dates and she kept declining? Would you think she was interested? Would you continue to try time and time again through continued rejection? Or would you interpret that as rejection and move on to someone else? Dating isn't all about you! You have to see things from the other person's perspective too. 2
Author accident_prone Posted January 8, 2017 Author Posted January 8, 2017 so we went out to a movie tonight and her body language was kinda weird and seemed almost closed off. then afterwards i walked her to her car and she tried to just do the quick hug goodbye and i kinda held it for a minute and then kissed her. nothing crazy but a few times for a few seconds. she seemed into it so that was cool. then we parted ways. she texted me some small talk as soon as she got home and then pretty much just admitted to being into me but "really shy and nervous almost all of the time" this certainly would explain some of the vibes that i was getting but its almost hard to believe that this girl, who i sat with for almost four hours chatting with, and who texts me several times a day with banter, is "really shy and nervous." is this normal for girls to behave this way? cause had she not told me that, i would have never guessed shy at all. crazy. that being said, we're mutually into each other and she seems pretty happy at the idea of getting together again soon. so i guess we'll see
preraph Posted January 8, 2017 Posted January 8, 2017 I don't know what it takes to get you to work up the gumption to make a move, but if you're waiting for the woman to do it, it could be a long wait because women don't like fearful men. They like confident men not afraid of them. She's given you every encouragement and actually been the aggressor in asking you out over and over. Is she going to have to be the one to kiss you too? If she is, I think she'll get tired of you very soon. What I'm thinking is you've watched too much porn and are waiting for her to act like a prostitute and just get all over you. Real women are not like that at all.
ChatroomHero Posted January 8, 2017 Posted January 8, 2017 she texted me some small talk as soon as she got home and then pretty much just admitted to being into me but "really shy and nervous almost all of the time" this certainly would explain some of the vibes that i was getting but its almost hard to believe that this girl, who i sat with for almost four hours chatting with, and who texts me several times a day with banter, is "really shy and nervous." is this normal for girls to behave this way? cause had she not told me that, i would have never guessed shy at all. crazy. that being said, we're mutually into each other and she seems pretty happy at the idea of getting together again soon. so i guess we'll see You sounded a bit shy and nervous to make a move on her after spending all that time but you are surprised she was shy and nervous about it?
smackie9 Posted January 8, 2017 Posted January 8, 2017 A) she barley knows you and is trying not to give you the impression that she is looking to hook up. B) she barley knows you, and needs time to see your true intentions, maybe she is worried about being played C) you invited her to your place...that usually means sex. She had her arms crossed, and showed resistance to let you know sex wasn't going to happen. D) she wants to get to know you, so keep your pants on and keep off the sofa for now. treat her like a lady and take her out on proper dates, hold her hand and move in for a kiss at her door. Be a romantic. Be a man. Show her your desire respectfully. 1
Author accident_prone Posted January 8, 2017 Author Posted January 8, 2017 she texts me a bit ago saying that she's been thinking about it all day and likes me and enjoys my company but is about to start school back up full time and also continue to work two jobs so she is very doubtful of wanting a relationship or anything in that vein. i tell her that i understand and its cool, that i also enjoy her company and not looking to push or stress anything but open to seeing where it may go if that what she wants as well. i legit just like hanging out. no pressure. to this she says "yeah thanks for being understanding. im going to gauge how this week goes and i'll let you know how i'm feeling." ummm ok? then she proceeds to text me all friendly a bit more with small talk, memes, etc. WHAT. i know the typical "i dont know if i want a relationship" means that shes not into me enough or whatever and thats fine if thats what it actually is. so is this able to work out still? can i salvage it? do i just back off and wait to hear from her, try to set up a date next week or something? or what? do i keep small talking when she texts like i'm not even bothered? i am now confused. haha any related experience is always appreciated. thanks!
smackie9 Posted January 9, 2017 Posted January 9, 2017 Dude.....she just told you a relationship isn't going to happen.....how much clearer can it be? She has no interest.
Author accident_prone Posted January 9, 2017 Author Posted January 9, 2017 what am i supposed to do if she keeps texting me? just small talk stuff. there's no obligation here and considering we've known each other all of a week i can't imagine she's THAT into just chatting with me.
smackie9 Posted January 9, 2017 Posted January 9, 2017 what am i supposed to do if she keeps texting me? just small talk stuff. there's no obligation here and considering we've known each other all of a week i can't imagine she's THAT into just chatting with me. You are her penpal, someone to give her attention...a lot of women do this, especially on OLD.
Author accident_prone Posted January 9, 2017 Author Posted January 9, 2017 smackie, i agree. you're brutally honest and I love it. at the same time though i have our mutual friend (my roommates gf that set us up) is texting me about it and saying "oh don't give up on her so fast, just give it time and keep trying to hangout with her and get to know her" so many mixed messages here. so basically i'm being friendly enough but until i have clear reason to do so, i will not ask her back out to get together.
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