Warrior0597 Posted January 5, 2017 Posted January 5, 2017 I broke up with my girlfriend in April last year cause I wanted to experience other people. She was absolutely gutted and I didn't take it well either. She stuck around and we kept seeing each other for so a long time. For 6 months she waited for me cause I "didn't know what I wanted". During that time I had hooked up with 20 girls but have had no sexual relations with any of them (that doesn't make a difference, they're just as bad as each other) I haven't told her any of this cause I am single and she doesn't have to know anything For the past 2 months I was sick of getting used by other girls and was over the whole "experience" and realized I'm better off with her as my partner as I now know she is the person I want more then anything and I'm willing to get back together. I stopped getting with random girls and stayed faithful to her About a month before I wanted her back a guy that is friends with her best friend continuously flirts with her and compliments her. She kept telling me it was upsetting because it wasn't from me. Eventually they got to a stage where they were snapchatting each other and texting 24/7, sometimes even in front of me Anyhow, this didn't really cross my mind because I generally wanted to get back with her not because of him trying to get her but because I loved her She had gone over his house alone (his family was at his house, we're all 19 years old) and she told me she was going and I wasn't comfortable with it but she did it anyway. After that I confessed I wanted her back, not because of his intentions but because I want her as a person. She said she wants to see how things panned out and I was accepting of that Things were the same and she visited him alone again but told me she was going to and promised nothing will happen and I trusted her but was not happy Come to New Years eve I told her I was upset at her and didn't respond to her message for 6 hours. I eventually responded before I went to a festival that I knew she was going to. I got a text from her saying she was with him, I told her I wasn't happy and then she texted me saying "I kissed him, I'm sorry". My world had been shattered, I couldn't move and my friends had to help me to stand. She saw me from a distance and she tried to comfort me. I asked "Where is he?" and she said back "he left because he found out you were here. I told him you were here cause he saw the texts and he left". I left and she followed me to her car. She sat in my car and I confessed all of my feelings for her, how much I really loved her and begged her to come back. She said she wanted me back for so long but it might be too late cause she has feelings for him. I then took her home and I drove myself home I didn't get any sleep and vomited a lot for 7 hours. I asked her to come over and when she did I was a mess. I begged for 3 hours and we both lied in bed together both being sad. She said she doesn't know if it'll be the same cause of everything that's happened. We ended up kissing before she left for work and she said she might go see him after work Turns out from the texts between the two he doesn't want to get involved if she has feelings for me still which I know she does cause she texts me 24/7 as well The next day she texted me first asking how I slept. We talk for a bit and she said "I don't know what I want, I don't definitely want him but I can't guarantee or rule out you and I either. I need to see how things go". I told her I can't keep talking to her cause I'm getting hurt and in pain. This is what was said before I ceased contact: Her: "I know we can't be on the together page. It honestly hurts me more than anything that i wanted you to decide for so so long and now I have that chance I can't take it. I can't cut you out of my life" Me: "I can't cut you out but I need space. I have to go, I need time away from this and so you and I can process this" Her: "I understand that, how much time do you need?" Me: "I know you ant to be with him but I can't stop you. You're too afraid to tell me that to hurt me. I'll message you when I'm feeling better"." Her: "I don't definitely want to be with him either. I'm not afraid to tell you anything. I always will be honest with you and you know that <3 Okay please be okay <3" Its been just over 72 hours since we've spoken.The recovery process has actually gone really well for me and I haven't cried or vomited for 4 days now. My strength is returning, I'm eating and drinking now and I feel overall a more mature person This girl has never lied to me and she is one of a kind. She has morals, standards and qualities most girls don't have. She's the type of girl that is very rare to find I realized my mistakes and I'm ready to do whatever is necessary to get her back. I want to text her badly but I haven't due to not knowing if it's the right thing or the right timing What are everyone's thoughts, advice and opinions. I will honestly do whatever I can to fight for this girl, I already did beg and plead for her to come back on Day 1 of the separation and for the beginning of Day 2. It is Day 5 now and we haven't spoken as I desperately needed to clear my head and not let my desperation get the better of me if I have any shot of getting her back I hope it's not too late She's probably in shock cause she probably never realized how much she meant to me and she's stuck as to what to do. I had to confess my feelings for her Apologies for the long thread but in times like these getting as many thought, opinions and advice means a lot
marky00 Posted January 5, 2017 Posted January 5, 2017 (edited) For a start, stop being SELFISH. When u broke her heart, she has been going through the pain you are experiencing now for 18 months or w/e. And now like in the space of a few days/weeks u freak out and beg and need her. Man, that is totally messed up. Stop the begging and pity party right now or you will lose her forever but it sounds like you already have. Everything you have done so far has only pushed her away more. Edited January 5, 2017 by marky00
marky00 Posted January 5, 2017 Posted January 5, 2017 Also, U got to understand that 18 months is long time and although she has struggled a lot with the breakup, she must have done a hell of a lot of mental work to get past it. So when this, fresh opportunity has come up for her, although hard, she was on the way to moving on already without knowing it herself.
Author Warrior0597 Posted January 5, 2017 Author Posted January 5, 2017 For a start, stop being SELFISH. When u broke her heart, she has been going through the pain you are experiencing now for 18 months or w/e. And now like in the space of a few days/weeks u freak out and beg and need her. Man, that is totally messed up. Stop the begging and pity party right now or you will lose her forever but it sounds like you already have. Everything you have done so far has only pushed her away more. She experienced it for 6-8 months and I don't understand how she had the willpower to do that I was so selfish That's why I stopped texting her after Day 2 cause I realised what I had done was just pushing her away and I had to stop doing that She probably partially has moved on and it saddens me so much because I was so selfish and I never treated her like the princess she really is. I took her for granted and regret so much It's been 3 days since no contact but I can't not try cause if I don't I'll regret it but if I do try and I can't say "I didn't give it a a go" I appreciate your response though
marky00 Posted January 5, 2017 Posted January 5, 2017 She experienced it for 6-8 months and I don't understand how she had the willpower to do that Simple, she had no choice.
Author Warrior0597 Posted January 5, 2017 Author Posted January 5, 2017 Simple, she had no choice. I felt bad for making her wait that long occasionally during that period because it would've been very taxing for her mentally I really do regret all of it and would be willing to do anything to get her back but I know being desperate will only push her away But set aside me being selfish is there anything you would do if you thought you had a chance? I know 3 days is probably not long enough to contact her again and my gut feeling is saying it's too early I understand she might be gone and that I was selfish but I do really love this girl. I completely understand why she would move on because of my indecisiveness and stupid decisions
marky00 Posted January 5, 2017 Posted January 5, 2017 Another point, u need to be honest with yourself. Seems like you regained interest in her once she pulled away. That is your ego talking. I know u will say "but, I realised I lover her before you found out she had a new love interest". My counter reply would be that, she probably had started to distance herself slightly, contacting you less etc over the last month or 2. That was when your interest most likely regenerated. Is that love? Sounds like the ego again. After you delved deeper, your ego took a further hit once you found out about the new guy. As for getting her back. Well most people who ask that question are dumpees and we always advise NC and to let them go. That is the only chance of a reconciliation. As a dumper, you could probably follow similar advise although in a dumper's case you probably need to show that you care for her with true intentions. But you have already done that so back to NC I guess.
Author Warrior0597 Posted January 5, 2017 Author Posted January 5, 2017 Another point, u need to be honest with yourself. Seems like you regained interest in her once she pulled away. That is your ego talking. I know u will say "but, I realised I lover her before you found out she had a new love interest". My counter reply would be that, she probably had started to distance herself slightly, contacting you less etc over the last month or 2. That was when your interest most likely regenerated. Is that love? Sounds like the ego again. After you delved deeper, your ego took a further hit once you found out about the new guy. As for getting her back. Well most people who ask that question are dumpees and we always advise NC and to let them go. That is the only chance of a reconciliation. As a dumper, you could probably follow similar advise although in a dumper's case you probably need to show that you care for her with true intentions. But you have already done that so back to NC I guess. I'm going to be honest with you, we were still majorly involved in each other's life and half the time I forgot we were actually apart. We still did so much together I always had interest in her but when I could see I was losing her it made me feel sad slightly Her amount of contact has remained the same and truth be told I've met the guy before all of this happened. He's actually a really nice guy and not aggressive one bit but I knew his intentions straight away which made me very weary of him Yes I've already stated that I would be the person I once was for her and she knows how loving/caring I can be I'm honestly willing to wait for her cause I truly do love her, she waited for me cause of love and since I still love her I'm willing to wait. I want her in my life and I know she does too cause of everything that has happened If we were to start see each other I would go slowly with her, if by any chance she wants to say "hook up" or "have sex" I would decline because she'd be messing with her own feelings. This can't be done quickly and needs to be done slowly I believe When do you think I should contact her again? Cause I'm my last text I said "I'll message you when I'm better". She doesn't want me out of her life. My last message indicates she could be waiting for me but something is telling me to wait a little longer
elhacedor Posted January 5, 2017 Posted January 5, 2017 Hello! I recommend you the book "The Truth" by Neil Strauss. There he describes how he broke up with his girlfriend in search of a (false) freedom and then realized that he had made a mistake. It is worth reading.
Simple Logic Posted January 5, 2017 Posted January 5, 2017 (edited) I broke up with my girlfriend in April last year cause I wanted to experience other people. She was absolutely gutted and I didn't take it well either. She stuck around and we kept seeing each other for so a long time. For 6 months she waited for me cause I "didn't know what I wanted". During that time I had hooked up with 20 girls but have had no sexual relations with any of them (that doesn't make a difference, they're just as bad as each other) I haven't told her any of this cause I am single and she doesn't have to know anything For the past 2 months I was sick of getting used by other girls and was over the whole "experience" and realized I'm better off with her as my partner as I now know she is the person I want more then anything and I'm willing to get back together. I stopped getting with random girls and stayed faithful to her About a month before I wanted her back a guy that is friends with her best friend continuously flirts with her and compliments her. She kept telling me it was upsetting because it wasn't from me. Eventually they got to a stage where they were snapchatting each other and texting 24/7, sometimes even in front of me Anyhow, this didn't really cross my mind because I generally wanted to get back with her not because of him trying to get her but because I loved her She had gone over his house alone (his family was at his house, we're all 19 years old) and she told me she was going and I wasn't comfortable with it but she did it anyway. After that I confessed I wanted her back, not because of his intentions but because I want her as a person. She said she wants to see how things panned out and I was accepting of that Things were the same and she visited him alone again but told me she was going to and promised nothing will happen and I trusted her but was not happy Come to New Years eve I told her I was upset at her and didn't respond to her message for 6 hours. I eventually responded before I went to a festival that I knew she was going to. I got a text from her saying she was with him, I told her I wasn't happy and then she texted me saying "I kissed him, I'm sorry". My world had been shattered, I couldn't move and my friends had to help me to stand. She saw me from a distance and she tried to comfort me. I asked "Where is he?" and she said back "he left because he found out you were here. I told him you were here cause he saw the texts and he left". I left and she followed me to her car. She sat in my car and I confessed all of my feelings for her, how much I really loved her and begged her to come back. She said she wanted me back for so long but it might be too late cause she has feelings for him. I then took her home and I drove myself home I didn't get any sleep and vomited a lot for 7 hours. I asked her to come over and when she did I was a mess. I begged for 3 hours and we both lied in bed together both being sad. She said she doesn't know if it'll be the same cause of everything that's happened. We ended up kissing before she left for work and she said she might go see him after work Turns out from the texts between the two he doesn't want to get involved if she has feelings for me still which I know she does cause she texts me 24/7 as well The next day she texted me first asking how I slept. We talk for a bit and she said "I don't know what I want, I don't definitely want him but I can't guarantee or rule out you and I either. I need to see how things go". I told her I can't keep talking to her cause I'm getting hurt and in pain. This is what was said before I ceased contact: Her: "I know we can't be on the together page. It honestly hurts me more than anything that i wanted you to decide for so so long and now I have that chance I can't take it. I can't cut you out of my life" Me: "I can't cut you out but I need space. I have to go, I need time away from this and so you and I can process this" Her: "I understand that, how much time do you need?" Me: "I know you ant to be with him but I can't stop you. You're too afraid to tell me that to hurt me. I'll message you when I'm feeling better"." Her: "I don't definitely want to be with him either. I'm not afraid to tell you anything. I always will be honest with you and you know that <3 Okay please be okay <3" Its been just over 72 hours since we've spoken.The recovery process has actually gone really well for me and I haven't cried or vomited for 4 days now. My strength is returning, I'm eating and drinking now and I feel overall a more mature person This girl has never lied to me and she is one of a kind. She has morals, standards and qualities most girls don't have. She's the type of girl that is very rare to find I realized my mistakes and I'm ready to do whatever is necessary to get her back. I want to text her badly but I haven't due to not knowing if it's the right thing or the right timing What are everyone's thoughts, advice and opinions. I will honestly do whatever I can to fight for this girl, I already did beg and plead for her to come back on Day 1 of the separation and for the beginning of Day 2. It is Day 5 now and we haven't spoken as I desperately needed to clear my head and not let my desperation get the better of me if I have any shot of getting her back I hope it's not too late She's probably in shock cause she probably never realized how much she meant to me and she's stuck as to what to do. I had to confess my feelings for her Apologies for the long thread but in times like these getting as many thought, opinions and advice means a lot If she has any self respect, she is not coming back to you. Edited January 5, 2017 by Simple Logic
Ilovepizzalady Posted January 5, 2017 Posted January 5, 2017 20 girls? That is disturbing. She is better off without you
ExpatInItaly Posted January 5, 2017 Posted January 5, 2017 I think you're too late, OP. Let this be an important life lesson: never break up with someone for the purposes of experimenting with others and then expect her to get back together with you on your timeline. I get that you're young and have a long way to go in learning about women, but let me assure you that you will never be (in her mind) the guy she once admired and loved wholeheartedly. By your own doing, you destroyed that image she had of you. Even if she still had feelings for you, you will always be the guy who left to hook up with other girls. Not good. You need to take this one on the chin and lie in the bed you made.
dumbass2 Posted January 5, 2017 Posted January 5, 2017 You are both very young and chances are you probably wouldn't be together long term, because at that age you do experiment because you lack experience. There is nothing wrong with what you did and in the process you learned a valuable lesson moving forward and I think it will help you a lot. Now that you tested the waters you now might have a little better idea of what you truly want, but remember that those wants will also change over the years. You also learn for in the future not take a good relationship for granted. Things aren't always better with someone else. You will figure out what is most important to you and hope to find that in another woman. It's all part of the life process. There is no perfect relationship. Live and learn and hopefully make the wisest decision for yourself going forward. I think going back to her now is definitely taking a step backwards for both of you. Move forward. She needs to experiment as well. Who knows, maybe years down the road you both will come across each other again and both decide that you were the best for each other.
Been Posted January 6, 2017 Posted January 6, 2017 Right now if you got back togeather it wouldn't last. She would resent you for what you did. And the trust won't be there. You dumped her to experiment-which ended up being a mistake. And don't think she'll forget that. I wouldn't. Maybe in time you get back togeather but not now.
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