evolism Posted July 18, 2005 Posted July 18, 2005 well, to be honest I never thought Id be on a relationship advice forum but it seems I need it. It must have been over 2 months ago when my grilfriend of a year and 9 months decided to end it. Needless to say I havent dealt with it very well...Iv fallen into apathy, llost interest in everything, dropped out of art college. My mind in always somewhere else, peolpe say im distant, I constantly feel confused, over analizing everything, becoming a delusive day dreamer. Well what im trying to get at is that she was pretty much the best thing that ever happened to me and now im utterly lost, lots of this i feel is going to sound cliche on here and will have been said a billion times over, but anway...im pretty crap at social situations, I find a lot of people difficlt to talk to...me and eve hit it off right away, there was always something there...it was so right all along, we never agrued, we always had fun... I think the only reason it happened is becuase she was so young, she grew scared at the idea of long term commitment...girls are so confused in their teeneage years, I thought eve was different...it was only a few days before she decided to end it that she was saying how much she loved me, and talking about getting a place together when we were older. then it just seemed to come out of the blue and she said she wasnt happy and wanted to be on her own. we have sayed good friends...its really ****ing difficult becuase we are still really comfortable with each other, we still get along as well as we did. she was and still is my best friend...maybe people on here will say that I need to move on, cut her out becuase she obsiouly doesnt love me...but its easy to say that from the specticle...im a pretty neurotic person, I get overly emotional about things like this...I could never cut her out or end up lossing her, i wouldnt let it happen...trouble is that with my depression at the moment, being a very honest person...When i talk to her I end up breaking down at some point evertime were together, everytime...usually when we are lauching, reminising...and for a split second it feels normal, then I realise iv lost her...its so dificult, shes so beautiful in everyway...i cant help but break down...you might say, dont tell her how you feel...its not that easy, I am only who I am, I get confused otherwise. when the tears come its seems to effect her equally...makes her cry aswell, I feel horrible, becuase she feels horrible that i feel horibble becuase its over....she feels so guity about it, she says its all her fault and that shes the reason why im so unhappy...Iv told her its not her fault of corse but i feel theres not much more I can do...we both dont want to loose the friendship/. but here is the real problem. this is where the situation gets ever more messed up/ this is where yall are gonna judge me. I was talking to her on messenger one night...and she was saying her best friend (kay) couldnt get to work...so i offererd to give her a lift...that was about it, i drove her to work...we are both quite shy and didnt say much. after that, well I dont really know what I was thinking...Iv been walking a lot, it gives me chance to think and dream and imagine...I started thinking about her...then i just kinda asked eve for her messenger contact and started speaking to her. I got really confused one night, on the verge of a panic attack, I phoned eve and told her that I quite liked kay, but I was still in love with her...I know you guys will think its stupid to do things like that...but im an honest nurotic andi can't help it...plus eve was cool about it, thats the thing shes so good to talk to, really the only person i have to talk about anything. well nothing really happened about that for a while, I went with eve to a sage francis gig. had a pretty good time...I asked kay if she wanted to go out somewhere or watch a film a few times, it never really happened...But I think shes very shy...and she likes to take things slowly...we have been talking on the net frequently and she seems to be becoming increasingly interested in me. this situation doesnt sound like me at all, it kinda sounds shallow or promiscious...I hate anything like this, its not me...iv never had anything like this before...when we first split up, eve said we would never get back together. I dont want to be on my own, The thing is...my town sucks...everyone is gross...its just full of gross people...nasty dumb hollow girls and uninteligent people. I was lucky to meet eve and im lucky to meet kay... I dont have much chance of meeting people now, after dropping out of uni I have to get some ****ty job, all my old friends have moved away for college...everyones moved on, im on my own and im not good at it...you may htink these are poor excuses for wanting to get to know my ex girls bestfriend...or its stupid to worry about not metting anyone, being loan and making an effort...actually why would you think thats stupid. i dont know. today was the mountain of confusion...why i decided to find this forum and write something... Iv been away for 2 weeks, up north to record an album with my friend cliff who lives up there...eve looked after my pet giant african land snails when i was gone... I went round to pick them up today, we then went back to mine and i showed her the video work me and cliff had done...we had fun and got on well. she started looking though some old photos, we watched a music vid i made of us banging on pots and pans...sometimes i just look at her, i think i have to admire her, i may not see her for quite some time after this...she thew a cushion at me, she saw a picture of a character we drew called 'grob' that we had lauched at for about an hour and we were lauching at that, she saw a piece of paper where she had wrote how much she loved me and she said sorry, i said please dont be sorry about it...she looked as if she was gonna cry...we were talking on the my bed...she said it doesnt feel like the summer, i got emotional and broke down, we both cried. we stopped...she put her bare foot on my face, like hey...ahh i dont know what it was for...maybe to say we are still kind of close i dont know. of corse we are so then why are we split up? I took her back home, her dad was walking up the path...she looked quite upset and said im sorry this i cant say goodbye properly... I asked if she wanted to do something over the next week as it was boring at home with my pearents away..she said yes. as i was driving back she sent me a text message and i quote it now 'Hey sorry I russhed off like that I thought my dad wanted to drive out. we will deffinatly do something fun soon it was good seeing u and your video x x" well that was that. I try not too keep my hopes up at all anymore, iv been though so much...eve doesnt mean to mess me about...shes a good person...my lest girlfriend was horrible and lied, cheated and used me. I could spend forever thinking about what it all means. when i got home i walked to the supermarket to get some food for dinner. I was walking back and I saw Kay walking towards me! ..was a bit of a suprise to say the least....she was with a few of her friends..we spoke a bit...just small talk and I said I better go make dinner and she said, ok il talk to you on the net later...was very brief, im crap at those situations...like i said, we are both shy and didnt know what to say with all her friends there...but i deffinatly get the feeling she likes me I dont know what to do? seriously...i feel guitly for this, I odnt know whats what...I dont like to play with peoples lives like this...its all messed up...I have no idea whats going to happen. everyone I speak to says if your relationship breaks up you should move on. but I just think eve doesnt realise at her age how good what we had was and it seemed she still cared today not forgetting, eve and kay are bestfriends. ahhh help! -I just realised what i wrote was really long...its one of those get of your chest things...I needed to do it. if anyone has the time to read or respond...thanks in advance. iain.
smile Posted July 18, 2005 Posted July 18, 2005 wow that sounds like quite a tough situaiton you have gotten into. My ex seems the same as yours... sometimes misses me , sometimes doesn't. Sometimes seems like he can see that it was a mistake that we broke up but he never seems certain enough to do anything about it. I dunno I saw the similarities. I am the same way you are. Why let go if she won't right? Its such a great friendship and you two mean so much to eachother that you feel guilty for kinda wanting her to disappear sometimes.. at least I did. But the thing is she did let you go. I don't know what will happen with you two. She may change her mind being around you, or she may see you're ok with it all and just be content being your buddy. But I went through this for a whole year before I just couldn't take it anymore. The best friend and the ex seems kinda tricky. I mean if she is your exes bestfriend then she won't go after you unless she knows the ex is ok with it. Which means that she may reminisce with you.. but may not want a relationship with you anymore. So is that something you want? You don't seem over the ex much at all. And dating her bestfriend seems like it could become more complicated than you may be able to imagine. I mean what if all you two wind up talking about is your ex? If this girl really likes you that could hurt her tremendously. I think you should take it slow with this other girl. Just be buds for a while. I know guys typically have more of a need to be in relationships than girls do (at least I have noticed that lately) like to HAVE someone after they have lost someone. But try to find yourself. Thagt sounds cheesy but seriously, be alone for a while. Figure out what you are willing to handle with this ex in your life. Or do what you want. I was given so much advice here that I wish I would have listened to. But you have to listen to your heart. And when you are ready you will know. We all just want to feel loved. Love yourself.
Author evolism Posted July 19, 2005 Author Posted July 19, 2005 hey, thanks ofr talking the time to read and reply Sometimes seems like he can see that it was a mistake that we broke up but he never seems certain enough to do anything about it. I dunno I saw the similarities. yes indeed I often wonder this with eve. It seems some imes like she would want to ask for me back...but its like she feels guilty about it, after whats happened and doesnt know how to say it and it seems too wierd after everything. I think your right with a lot of what you said. I dont want to end up hurting anybody...Il just take it slow and see what happens, try to be postivie. not much else I cant do
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