rachelhue Posted January 5, 2017 Posted January 5, 2017 Hello, My ex boyfriend and I broke up about a month ago and we were together for a little over a year. He broke up with me because he didn't want to put me as a priority anymore and put me in front of his clubs, job, and friends. I accepted the break up even though I never was told about this and I felt like I never got to explain to him that I realize we can't always be a priority in each others lives. We broke up nicely and I did not plead or beg. He asked me if we could be friends and I said no. He also said he still loved and cared about me. He contacted me a week after we broke up through a mutual friend to return my things and I dropped off his stuff at his place and we talked a little. When we talked, he was upset I did not contact him since the break up and he was upset I added some guys on Facebook. He initiated three hugs when we talked. After the talk, I implemented the no contact rule and I'm about 3 weeks in. I have been hanging out with friends, posting pictures, and working out. He contacted me on New Years when I got a new nose ring and he texted me "Nose ring?" and I'm guessing he was drunk. I did not reply to this and he hasn't contacted me again. A couple days later I noticed a bunch of my tagged photos on Instagram were deleted and I noticed he deleted all of our pictures on his Instagram and deleted his comments on all of my photos of us. I guess I don't really know what to think of him deleting the photos, it did make me feel a little bad because they were good memories and there were about 15 photos. I feel like I still want to try and get my ex back after no contact but I'm not sure if I should. I do feel better but I'm afraid of the rejection and putting myself out there again. I guess I don't know if there's any hope in getting him back. We had a very good relationship and we both talked about getting married and having kids. Any advice would be great. Thank you! 1
benpom Posted January 5, 2017 Posted January 5, 2017 You guys have unresolved problems. If he did not tell you that he wanted to spend more time with club, friends etc before breaking up, then he has a problem with communication. If he did tell you, but you brushed off or did not care, then you had/have a problem. If you both have talked about this openly prior to breakup but did not reach an agreement, then you may have a compatibility issue. Don't overlook the power of communication. If is probably the number one reason that opens the first crack in a relationship, until the relationship building collapses. Often times, there are serious problems behind communication problems, like shame, fear, guilt, etc. If you want him back, ask him to out to lunch, and address your concerns then, and probably suggest going to see a few GOOD PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT therapists. The purpose of NC is to give each other space to think through and to do personal improvement. Excessive NC will likely lead to the forever end. If you want to get back together, I think you have done enough NC. It's time to reach out and work through your problems. 2
Author rachelhue Posted January 5, 2017 Author Posted January 5, 2017 A couple days before we broke up we had a fight and after we promised each other we would work on things and sit down and figure things out. He told me he wanted to be happy with me and he couldn't imagine his life without me. Two days later, he said we should break up. He cried when he broke up with me. When I saw him a week later to return his things, he said this week was a rollercoaster for him (because he was getting drunk almost every night) and I told him I just want him to be happy. He replied by saying he doesn't know what makes him happy anymore and that broke my heart. He cried when I said that. We both thought we were the ones for each other and I still think that and I want to try to see if there's hope but I'm afraid. He gave me a promise ring even though I was hesitant and he wanted me to give him one (I gave him a watch instead). He would always joke about how I could never break up with him and things in our relationship seemed to be going well (from what I could see). 1
benpom Posted January 5, 2017 Posted January 5, 2017 A couple days before we broke up we had a fight and after we promised each other we would work on things and sit down and figure things out. He told me he wanted to be happy with me and he couldn't imagine his life without me. Two days later, he said we should break up. He cried when he broke up with me. When I saw him a week later to return his things, he said this week was a rollercoaster for him (because he was getting drunk almost every night) and I told him I just want him to be happy. He replied by saying he doesn't know what makes him happy anymore and that broke my heart. He cried when I said that. We both thought we were the ones for each other and I still think that and I want to try to see if there's hope but I'm afraid. He gave me a promise ring even though I was hesitant and he wanted me to give him one (I gave him a watch instead). He would always joke about how I could never break up with him and things in our relationship seemed to be going well (from what I could see). Long-lasting love for others' can only come from abundance. For him, emptiness is what he is experiencing right now. It probably has little to do with your relationship. The beginning of relationship always brings people great joy. Lots of people are fooled to think that their life fulfillment depends on the relationship. But in reality, relationships don't create fulfilled people. Instead, fulfilled people create great relationships. I suggest you recommend him to listen to the CDs of 'the 7 habits of highly effective people' by Stephen Covey. He needs to fill up his emptiness in life first. A relationship can not fill up that hole. 3
Author rachelhue Posted January 5, 2017 Author Posted January 5, 2017 You guys have unresolved problems. If he did not tell you that he wanted to spend more time with club, friends etc before breaking up, then he has a problem with communication. If he did tell you, but you brushed off or did not care, then you had/have a problem. If you both have talked about this openly prior to breakup but did not reach an agreement, then you may have a compatibility issue. Don't overlook the power of communication. If is probably the number one reason that opens the first crack in a relationship, until the relationship building collapses. Often times, there are serious problems behind communication problems, like shame, fear, guilt, etc. If you want him back, ask him to out to lunch, and address your concerns then, and probably suggest going to see a few GOOD PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT therapists. The purpose of NC is to give each other space to think through and to do personal improvement. Excessive NC will likely lead to the forever end. If you want to get back together, I think you have done enough NC. It's time to reach out and work through your problems. Thank you for your reply! I guess I'm just scared he won't want to talk to me at all since he did break up with me and since I ignored his drunk text. I do want to figure things out and I want him in my life but I just don't know what to say to him... 1
Author rachelhue Posted January 5, 2017 Author Posted January 5, 2017 Hello, My ex boyfriend and I broke up about a month ago and we were together for a little over a year. He broke up with me because he didn't want to put me as a priority anymore and put me in front of his clubs, job, and friends. A couple days before we broke up we had a fight and after we promised each other we would work on things and sit down and figure things out. He told me he wanted to be happy with me and he couldn't imagine his life without me. Two days later, he said we should break up. He cried when he broke up with me. I accepted the break up even though I never was told about this and I felt like I never got to explain to him that I realize we can't always be a priority in each others lives. We broke up nicely and I did not plead or beg. He asked me if we could be friends and I said no. He also said he still loved and cared about me. He contacted me a week after we broke up through a mutual friend to return my things and I dropped off his stuff at his place and we talked a little. When we talked, he was upset I did not contact him since the break up and he was upset I added some guys on Facebook. He initiated three hugs when we talked.He said this week was a rollercoaster for him (because he was getting drunk almost every night) and I told him I just want him to be happy. He replied by saying he doesn't know what makes him happy anymore and that broke my heart. He cried when I said that. After the talk, I implemented the no contact rule and I'm about 3 weeks in. I have been hanging out with friends, posting pictures, and working out. He contacted me on New Years when I got a new nose ring and he texted me "Nose ring?" and I'm guessing he was drunk. I did not reply to this and he hasn't contacted me again. A couple days later I noticed a bunch of my tagged photos on Instagram were deleted and I noticed he deleted all of our pictures on his Instagram and deleted his comments on all of my photos of us. I guess I don't really know what to think of him deleting the photos, it did make me feel a little bad because they were good memories and there were about 15 photos. I feel like I still want to try and get my ex back after no contact but I'm not sure if I should. I do feel better but I'm afraid of the rejection and putting myself out there again. I guess I don't know if there's any hope in getting him back. We had a very good relationship and we both talked about getting married and having kids. Any advice would be great.We both thought we were the ones for each other and I still think that and I want to try to see if there's hope but I'm afraid. He gave me a promise ring even though I was hesitant and he wanted me to give him one (I gave him a watch instead). He would always joke about how I could never break up with him and things in our relationship seemed to be going well (from what I could see). Thank you!
Author rachelhue Posted January 8, 2017 Author Posted January 8, 2017 Hello! My ex boyfriend and I broke up about a month ago (he broke up with me). The break up was clean and nice and I went no contact right away. He made it so I couldn't see his snapchat story for awhile and then he let me for a little and now he made it so I can't see it again. He drunk texted me on New Year's and after I didn't reply he made it so I couldn't see his story. It doesn't bother me too much but my friends kept telling me to look at his story but I couldn't. I didn't view his stories when I could that often either. My friends said he just posts about sports so I'm confused why he would be doing this. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted January 8, 2017 Posted January 8, 2017 He probably realized after his New Year's text that you two should not be in any kind of contact now that you're broken up. Your lack of a response would have indicated to him that you don't wish to hear from him - and good for you! Too many of us have fallen for breadcrumbs. Why did he break up with you? 1
Author rachelhue Posted January 8, 2017 Author Posted January 8, 2017 The problem is is that I do want him back but I'm doing no contact or trying to at least. He broke up with me because he didn't want to put me as a priority anymore in front of his clubs, fraternity, friends and things even though he never communicated this to me and I never made him put me as a priority. I have a post about the break up actually. I know I shouldn't read into this at all but it confuses me as to why he wouldn't just block me if he didn't want to have communication with me. Because now he can see what I post but I can't see what he posts. 1
mystificatecg Posted January 9, 2017 Posted January 9, 2017 If he never previously communicated his problems with the relationship, chances are he does not value you. Do you really want someone like that? Also, how old are you two? If he's young he may just want to fool around a bit. Regardless, go no contact because he can't have his cake and eat it too. Also, check out exboyfriendrecovery.com. Chris Seiter has helpful stuff on there. 1
Satu Posted January 9, 2017 Posted January 9, 2017 I don't know if you'll get back together or not, but I would forget the 'friends' thing for now. To part now and parting now, Never to meet again; To have done for ever; I and thou, With joy, and so with pain. It is too hard, too hard to meet If we trust love no more; Those other meetings were too sweet That went before. And I would have, now love is over, An end to all, an end: I cannot, having been your lover, Stoop to become your friend. — ARTHUR SYMONS, “After Love.” Take care.
Author rachelhue Posted January 10, 2017 Author Posted January 10, 2017 Hello! I was wondering if I should keep my ex boyfriend on social media in order to get him back. He broke up with me about a month ago and we haven't talked at all. He texted me once, a drunk text, but I did not reply. It was a nice break up, no yelling or begging or anything. I have been going out with friends and working out and what not and I don't know if I should let him see all that if I want him back. I still have in Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and snapchat. He deleted all of our pictures on instagram and he has made it so I can't see his snap story but he still views mine all the time. He hasn't deleted me from anything. I guess I'm wondering this because he made it so I can't see his snap story but yet he watches mine all the time. Even when he did let me see his story, I wouldn't watch it. He did this right after I didn't reply to his drunk text. I do want my ex boyfriend back but I just don't know how to go about doing it. We are both actively involved in social media and I'm not sure what to do. Any advice would be great! 1
VeveCakes Posted January 10, 2017 Posted January 10, 2017 Keeping him on or off social media will make 0 difference in a chance to get back together. If he wants to be with you, he will do it regardless of whether he has you on snap chat or not. 3
stillafool Posted January 10, 2017 Posted January 10, 2017 If he is the one who broke up with you he has to be the one to beg you back. Until that happens you should move on with your life as if it will never happen. Yes delete him from all social media. If he wants you he knows where you live. 1
IfonlyIknew Posted January 10, 2017 Posted January 10, 2017 I'd delete him asap regardless of a clean break up. Life moves forward there is nothing to see between you two especially being so recent the smallest things can be painful. 1
ElizabethIII Posted January 11, 2017 Posted January 11, 2017 I was wondering if I should keep my ex boyfriend on social media in order to get him back...... I do want my ex boyfriend back but I just don't know how to go about doing it. Social media wont get him back. He dumped you when actually had you so seeing pics of you wont change his mind. The best thing you could do is delete him everywhere. Drop off the face of the earth and he has no idea where you are, what you are doing or who you see. If that doesnt work, nothing will. 2
Satu Posted January 11, 2017 Posted January 11, 2017 When it comes to breakups, social media only ever make things harder and more confusing. Take care. 1
DarrenB Posted January 11, 2017 Posted January 11, 2017 Please don't allow social media to be the base for potential reconciliation. Unless you're an adolescent/mid teen, then sure it's acceptable and easy but I'm certain you're not so I wouldn't bother. Like Satu has said, involvement of social media in scenarios like this can make various things confusing and difficult, for you and other people. Most of the time, it actually provokes people and even yourself sometimes and it's just not worth the childish games and such. If you later decide you want to move on, do block him and don't hesitate in doing so. Like I said above, not doing so will prevent any progress you choose to make. If you are looking to reconcile and you personally think there's a chance, just pick up the damn phone and give him a ring or an email. Anything besides Facebook, Instagram, and whatever else technology has created. It's much easier and you'll benefit either way.
Alamo657 Posted January 11, 2017 Posted January 11, 2017 (edited) Social media stalking is not about intent but curiosity. Block him everywhere, he will text you meaningless "how are ya" texts because he can't spy on you anymore, and slowly forget about you as he meets new people. You cannot "get people back", you can only meet them again under new circumstances, which means letting a lot of time pass, and meet other people to compare what you had. Edited January 11, 2017 by Alamo657
fairyfloff Posted January 11, 2017 Posted January 11, 2017 I'd remove them, I ended up deleting all his friends and blocked them too so I won't be tempted to look incase there be a photo of him! 1
umirano Posted January 11, 2017 Posted January 11, 2017 Should I keep my ex on social media? No, delete and block.
Nadine123 Posted January 11, 2017 Posted January 11, 2017 good for you. I deleted my ex and all his friends as well. 1
Author rachelhue Posted January 16, 2017 Author Posted January 16, 2017 Hello! My ex boyfriend and I broke up about a month ago and I have been in no contact with him since then. He drunk texted me once but I did not reply. Our break up was fairly nice and he broke up with me because he didn't want to put me as a priority. When we were together, we signed up to go on a trip through our school to Costa Rica (we have to go on trip and we decided to go together with 18 other people). Prior to accepting to go on the same trip, he was thinking about studying abroad but he stayed back because of me. I did not tell him to stay back, he chose to. Right before we broke up, he blamed me for him not studying abroad. I found out he dropped out of the trip with me and I don't know how to feel about it. I would still like to get back together with him if there was something still there but this makes me feel like he doesn't want anything to do with me. The trip is 22 days long so I understand if he wouldn't want to be with me for that long in May. Should I feel bad about him doing this? This kind of discourages me from trying to talk to him or anything like that because it makes me feel like he doesn't want anything to do with me. I was hoping going on this trip in 4 months, we could possibly rekindle things but now I don't see any hope. Any advice would be great!
Redhead14 Posted January 16, 2017 Posted January 16, 2017 Hello! My ex boyfriend and I broke up about a month ago and I have been in no contact with him since then. He drunk texted me once but I did not reply. Our break up was fairly nice and he broke up with me because he didn't want to put me as a priority. When we were together, we signed up to go on a trip through our school to Costa Rica (we have to go on trip and we decided to go together with 18 other people). Prior to accepting to go on the same trip, he was thinking about studying abroad but he stayed back because of me. I did not tell him to stay back, he chose to. Right before we broke up, he blamed me for him not studying abroad. I found out he dropped out of the trip with me and I don't know how to feel about it. I would still like to get back together with him if there was something still there but this makes me feel like he doesn't want anything to do with me. The trip is 22 days long so I understand if he wouldn't want to be with me for that long in May. Should I feel bad about him doing this? This kind of discourages me from trying to talk to him or anything like that because it makes me feel like he doesn't want anything to do with me. I was hoping going on this trip in 4 months, we could possibly rekindle things but now I don't see any hope. Any advice would be great! Rachelhue, the guy is moving on. Let this go. You posted about this in another thread and our responses are not going to change. I never made him put me as a priority. -- The guy told you he didn't want to make you a priority . . . and you accepted this???? That says something right there. I wouldn't be in a relationship with a man who doesn't make me at least one of his top priorities. The guy was content with you on HIS terms and you've been stringing yourself a long for a while.
stillafool Posted January 16, 2017 Posted January 16, 2017 He broke up with you! That should tell you everything you need to know. If he hasn't called or come to you saying he made a terrible mistake by breaking up with you and now he wants to make it up to you - move on. He drunk texted you because he wanted to get laid. He sobered up and realized his mistake. It's time for you to move on and forget him.
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