Easton88 Posted January 4, 2017 Posted January 4, 2017 (edited) Hey all! Great to see a lot of helpful advice being given to other's. Not often do i need my own, but hey now is the time. 7 year's ago i went to university with a lot of international student's in my course. I had a relationship at the time, but there was one girl who i was very attracted to because of her personality and intelligence, and oh..she looked great too . I never made a move or spent too much time talking because i had a great girl myself, but she remained in the back of my head till now. I left that course after a year to pursue a career. Fast forward a few year's later i messaged her on facebook just to see how she was doing and we got in talks and exchanged numbers. Since then we have messaged every now and then, and when we do it's very intense and then there is a break in messaging again. We were both seeing some people during the course of these year's and living in different although close countries. When she temporarily moved back here i went to visit her and we had a great walk through her town and some drinks. Im a dance teacher(latin dancing) and i wanted to see if there was a place we could do some dancing. There seemed to be a place but it was in a very quiet neighborhood and when we got there it was closed. We decided to walk a bit around the area and in a quiet area i taught her some steps, due to the dancing there was some touching and i gave her some kisses on the cheeks and forehead. She was just out of a relationship so i didn't move further yet. I thought i would let her heal a bit and then go for another meet up. Keep in mind, this is not simple as even when she was living in my country it took 3 hours to get to her. Anyway shortly after she moved to a different country again as she had finished her masterstudies and was looking for a job. I thought it was best not to pursue her at this point as it was not realistic anymore for the time being to establish something, and as i meet a lot of women in my line of work i got engaged in other situations. We did have our intense sporadic chats in the following 2 years and sometimes i would tease her that we should go on a stroll like in Before Sunrise because the way we chat is kind of like Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy. At this time she had a boyfriend and did say going out with me now would not be good for her relationship and that she did not want to disrespect her boyfriend at the time. I agreed. Skip 6 months , she was moving back to just over the border of my country. I knew she had broken up with her boyfriend and she also confessed to me she is really down/depressed because she still can't find a job and she was dissapointed with men in general. I let her be for a few weeks and then i messaged her again, saying that i wanted to see her. She said i could come to visit her whenever i wanted. My agenda is really full, as i work both a normal job and teach dancing nationally and abroad. Turned out i was only free on christmas eve. So i asked her if she was going home to her homecountry for xmas, and she said she was skipping that for the first time because of her situation. I then carefully mentioned i was free on xmas eve and that i would like to spend it with her if she was not going, but that a later date would be fine too. She agreed to this. I went to visit her and her housemates wanted to have a party, she asked me if i was ok with that or wanted to do something else. I decided it was ok to do the party, she was just living there for a month and i am good with people anyway. We had a really nice and fun evening, but i could see that she looked a bit skinny, and emotionally drained. I flirted with her but did not overdo it while the housemates were there. Close to midnight, everyone left and i remained with her. I had bought 2 gifts for her and gave her the first which was a very nice perfume. Then i confessed that was not the real gift, but i gave her the next which was a silver necklace with a lucky clover pendant. It had a note attached saying "Sometimes we all need a bit of luck, i know you have got the rest". I did before the gifts were given reaffirmed that we both feel little for materialistic stuff. After this we talked about life, love relationships and while this was happening i was sitting very close and touching her now and then. Eventually i took her hand and slowly after a while she started mirroring my touching. She asked me what i wanted from her and and i went in for a kiss very close to her mouth. I said, that should give you a hint. A bit later i tried for a real one, she rejected it with a smile. I am used to girls who arent easy at first so unless she was not smiling. I knew i was going for a 2nd try. I tried building it up, at first she was reluctant to hug, but gave in. She would allow me to land kisses on her face, she gazed into my eyes quite a few times but was careful i didnt go near her mouth. I made sure i had fresh breath too lol. And near the end of the evening she again asked what i wanted. This time i just replied directly and said i want you. She was quiet for a while and explained again how she was very emotionally drained and dissapointed in her relationships and all she can think about is finding a job and surviving for now. We then realised it was 4 am in the morning and she had to be at a get together in the early afternoon, so we decided to call it a night. During the goodbye i did try to kiss her again, i knew this was wrong but she never stopped smiling and allowed all my other touching and cheek kissing. I noticed on pictures that she also wore the necklace i gave her the next day. A few days after xmas, i invited her over by message to spend new year's with me. I know this was a bad move right after i did it, and she said she has thought about it and would enjoy it but she had a ton of stuff to arrange as she needs to survive. I reacted a bit irritated as she has been so depressed and i wanted her to be a bit more positive. Anyway i just let her be for a few days. 2 days after new years i sent her a encouraging happy new years message, wishing her all goals achieved and saying i believed in her. We exchanged a few nice messages and i carefully said that i would like to meet her again in a month/month and a half to go out for some fun and practice my native language(which would increase her chances on the job market where she is living and she has asked me to teach her a bit). She has not responded to this, it was nearly 48 hrs ago. I did not text anything after ofcourse. I am not dumb and i know i have made a few foolish moves. I motivated this from the feeling i do not really often see her so i should move fast. Perhaps that has made me blow my chances and i should have respected her a bit more. But she gave me a few mixed signals when we were together so i decided to push my luck a litte. I don't know why she would let me get physical and smile and not ask me to not do that. I certainly would not let someone plant kisses on me if i was not attracted to them. Im curious what others can give me as advice. Be blunt if you need. But hoping for some good directions too. Happy new year ! Edited January 4, 2017 by Easton88 correcting a sentence
Erik30 Posted January 4, 2017 Posted January 4, 2017 Sorry dude, seems she's not interested. She was looking for a friend. She probably didn't like it that you continued kissing her after she rejected you the first time. You said she "allowed" it, but I think that was way too much. 1
angel.eyes Posted January 4, 2017 Posted January 4, 2017 You didn't do anything wrong. It sounds as if she has a lot on her plate right now, and is also trying to get over her last relationship. She's not in a place to be starting a relationship with someone new. Chalk it up to bad timing.
angel.eyes Posted January 4, 2017 Posted January 4, 2017 (edited) Sorry dude, seems she's not interested. She was looking for a friend. She probably didn't like it that you continued kissing her after she rejected you the first time. You said she "allowed" it, but I think that was way too much. She reciprocated his touching and stayed close to him. If she had kept her distance, then I would agree. But she didn't. Also she not only accepted his gifts, she wore them. If she was rejecting him, she would have rejected the gifts too. Edited January 4, 2017 by angel.eyes
Noideanow Posted January 4, 2017 Posted January 4, 2017 just a wild shot, she could be thinking you are maybe gay because of your dancing and because she has been burned by the previous relationships she is even more concerned about it:cool:
Author Easton88 Posted January 4, 2017 Author Posted January 4, 2017 just a wild shot, she could be thinking you are maybe gay because of your dancing and because she has been burned by the previous relationships she is even more concerned about it:cool: Haha ! Im not dancing Ballet(which is not wrong in any way either). I dance latin, where the dancing basically is courting the woman in its core. More babies are born because of it ! Try it sometime.
Noideanow Posted January 4, 2017 Posted January 4, 2017 Haha ! Im not dancing Ballet(which is not wrong in any way either). I dance latin, where the dancing basically is courting the woman in its core. More babies are born because of it ! Try it sometime. :laugh: i know but i know many who judges all the same, so its safe when they cant see through the individual to use generalisation:o:cool: i dont think your gay;)
smackie9 Posted January 4, 2017 Posted January 4, 2017 Just me but the gifts were a little over the top like you were trying to buy her affections. Buy gifts for when you are in a relationship....so that being said you pushed the wrong way. If you liked her, you should have simply taken her out on dates and let things developed naturally, not move in for the kill after buttering things up with expensive perfume and jewelry.
Author Easton88 Posted January 4, 2017 Author Posted January 4, 2017 Just me but the gifts were a little over the top like you were trying to buy her affections. Buy gifts for when you are in a relationship....so that being said you pushed the wrong way. If you liked her, you should have simply taken her out on dates and let things developed naturally, not move in for the kill after buttering things up with expensive perfume and jewelry. I can see where you are coming from, but i did intro it to the best of my abilities. She asked me what a regular xmas eve was for me before i went over and she mentioned for her it was exchanging gifts with family and having a nice time. When i gave the gifts i explained that i did not buy the first gift to impress her but to make her miss home a little less, and the second because it was about the gesture of a luckly clover pendant, so she would carry a bit more luck around. Given that, could have still been too much but i did explain the context.
Author Easton88 Posted January 4, 2017 Author Posted January 4, 2017 :laugh: i know but i know many who judges all the same, so its safe when they cant see through the individual to use generalisation:o:cool: i dont think your gay;) I know ! It made me laugh:cool:.
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