Mr Scorpio Posted January 4, 2017 Posted January 4, 2017 Thank you for reading. I met a woman thru work about 2 years ago. We have decent rapport and some common interests. Last Summer she sent me a Facebook invite which required at least some initiative as she didn't know my last name. She also invited me over to a bonfire and a few parties. She has also invited me over to her house to hang out once. We have run into each other at a bar a handful of times. On some occasions she sat with me and we talked. Other times she has invited me over to a table with her and her friends. At the time I viewed the relationship as strictly platonic as she was married. Or so I thought. She is recently divorced. Of course once I heard that a switch flipped in my brain. Now, the night she corrected me about her relationship status she mentioned a rule her and her ex laid down. They still live in the same house occupying different floors. They agreed not to bring anyone around that they are interested in. Since I'd been invited over a few times I figured "ok just friends". In addition she also once mentioned the idea of introducing me to other women. So we ran into each other the night before Xmas Eve at a bar. She was very drunk (eventually blacking out) but wasn't slurring speech or stumbling. She gave me a big hug when she first saw me. Later, she took some photos of us and then grabbed me by the coat and led me downstairs to the front row before a stage where a band was playing. My friends who were there with me encouraged me to cash out and take her home. I assured them that she wasn't interested (based on rule above and her offering to introduce me to other women). They disagreed. Being amateur at best with women I thought "ok.. Lets see". So I sent her some "checking in" texts the next day. We laughed about the night before. I tried expanding the convo but never got any response. I thought "ok settled.. Just friends". Potentially being foolish I followed up a few days later and asked what she was doing for NYE. She mentioned a few get togethers but didnt sound excited. So, I mentioned a band playing in the next nearest city - an hour away - and that I could probably get her backstage. Surprisingly she accepted. So we went. All along I didnt really think it was a date. However other women said " NYE? That far away? Totally a date." It didn't seem like she was interested romantically. No longing glances, flirting, touching, etc. I was about to just lay it all out and ask when she showed me a flirty text she had gotten from a co-worker (who I am 95% sure she has slept with). Shut. Me. Down. That was the nail in the coffin to me. We drove back to our city and met up with some of her friends and hung out until 6am. I dropped her off and that was that. She sent me a text in the morning - like 5 hours later - thanking me and saying she had fun. I thought (and thought some more like an overly interested guy) about what to text back. Before I did she followed up several hours later with an invite to come see her perform (open mic). I went down and swooned. We spoke for mayb3 5 minutes in the hour or so I was there. I shot her a text when I left. She responded thanking me for coming out. I noted that I was down to grab a drink the next day and that was our last contact. I still presume that she isn't interested. She is NOT shy. VERY alpha. I have to believe that if she were interested I'd know. Given inviting me over (see above rule) and offering to introduce me to other women - combined with her lack of flirting - that she isn't interested. Others disagree, pointing to NYE. Yet she repeatedly noted a couple of times when I said I was surprised that she came that she really had just been looking for something different and an excuse to get out of the city. What say you? Interested or no? Ask her out this weekend (and maybe make things awkward) or move on? Thanks for reading.
smackie9 Posted January 4, 2017 Posted January 4, 2017 Have you not asked her out on a real date yet?? That's how you find out if they are interested or not.
gaius Posted January 5, 2017 Posted January 5, 2017 Right now I would say no. But she might have been at some point. Your complete inaction might have killed your chances though. In the future it should be about if you're interested or not. If you are, flirt. Ask her out. Look at her like you want her. Don't spend so much time trying to divine signals from her and make what you want happen instead. 1
Author Mr Scorpio Posted January 5, 2017 Author Posted January 5, 2017 Have you not asked her out on a real date yet?? That's how you find out if they are interested or not. Not in a formal dinner and horse drawn carriage sense. Is a concert to "informal"? 1
smackie9 Posted January 5, 2017 Posted January 5, 2017 She didn't reply to your offer for a drink so I would assume she wasn't feeling it. I would just move on.
smackie9 Posted January 5, 2017 Posted January 5, 2017 Not in a formal dinner and horse drawn carriage sense. Is a concert to "informal"? No it's not too informal. It would be no different going to a movie. BUT for the first few dates you would want to do something that requires you to be able chat one on one, like a happy hour at a cocktail bar.
preraph Posted January 5, 2017 Posted January 5, 2017 I believe you when you say she's alpha and her behavior and being up front with you about under what conditions she and her husband can have friends, etc. She is not afraid to talk about it. She is perfectly capable of showing you sexual interest if she were interested. Instead what you have here is her trust because you have comported yourself like a friend for so long so now she feels she can show you texts from guys, get a little too drunk and hug you (hugs mean very little), etc. If you're interested in someone, you don't show them your text from another guy. She told you your status once a long time ago. I think if it changed, she'd let you know loud and clear. I think your best move by far and for numerous reasons is to stop focusing on her, if you are, and date other women.
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