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should I bother with this person anymore?? I was quite offended by this

chumly

By chumly
in Friends and Lovers

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chumly Established Member

chumly

Posted
Posted

sorry for another long post but unfortunately I need advice again and people on here are so very helpful.:) thanks in advance for any help with this:)

 

 

 

I am a bit annoyed with a friend of mine and would like to know if I have a right to be mad or if I am overreacting or oversensitive?

 

Anyway, this is a person I have been talking to online...we are only talking as friends at the time. We even told each other that if nothing ever develops between the 2 of us he might meet someone though me and I might meet someone through him. I really really like the way he thinks about things and it very much meshes well with how I like to do things when it comes to online dating..in other words, in certain ways he is a rather rare find since (like many have pointed out on here) most people who search on OLD are looking for romance and usually nothing less. We also have had fairly decent conversations with each other. He actually seems to know how to hold a conversation for the most part..which is once again, a rare find in alot of ways...but he is not perfect, there have been some things he said that has stuck a chord with me a bit but like I said, overall I guess I like his attitude towards relationships/friendship.

 

Anyway, he lives almost an hour away so we have not gotten together as of yet but we have had a few lengthy conversations so far and about a month or so ago we agreed to talk on the phone one evening but I was out really late and was not available to talk until way after midnight so I sent him an email to let him know he could call me then if he had wanted..however, he was asleep at that point and He was expecting me to call around 10 or 10:30 that night since that was our usual time that we talked...although I dont recall that I specifically said I would call then but I think he just assumed so since the last few times we talked at that time. Anyway. the next day we chatted a bit online and he seemed a bit annoyed...when I questioned him about it he basically said he was aggravated that I told him I would call and did not and that he waited up to talk to me. He seemed to be quite annoyed..so I apologized and after that I went out of my way to try not to let it happen again. I would always give him alot of notice if I could not talk that night and/or made sure I was available if I said I would be. However, last week just a couple of days after Christmas, we agreed to talk that evening so I once again made sure I was available to talk to him but this time he did not call at all and did not send any messages letting me know what was going on. I waited around for his call until about 2 or 3 hours, at that point i had others things I had to do. I got annoyed thinking about the whole thing and how he made such a big deal to me when I did it to him and yet, here he is doing it to me so I sent him a message saying that very thing. I did not hear from him for a few days but when I did he kept trying to message me and call me. He said he wound up going to bed early that night so I told him that I wished he could have told me if he decided to go to bed early since I was waiting up for him and I pointed out how he did not like when I did it to him. He then went on to say that he had caught a cold that night and that was why he went to bed early but never apologized to me at all.:mad::mad:

 

I have not met him and this is still early on in our friendship/relationship. He still wants to talk to me because he keeps sending me messages but I think it is so rude that he complained when I did that to him but yet did the same thing to me and did not even bother to apologize for it either. It just seems so disrespectful. I now feel very weary about him and the whole thing just did not sit right for me. I almost feel like if I accept this and let is slide it is like telling myself it is okay to allow someone to treat me that way and set a path for it to happen again but at the same time..maybe I am being too sensitive. It is not easy to find people on OLD that think like him in terms of relationships. I hate to be so overly sensitive that I throw away a good possible friendship.

 

What do others on here think? Am I overreacting to this whole incident and should I just let it drop and talk to him again? or should i just forget about him since he never apologized for doing the same exact thing to me that he complained I did to him??:mad::mad:

 

Any thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much in advance.:)

 

PS..for those of you that might be wondering..this is a completely different person that I never discussed about on here because up until now there was never a need. :o

WitlessFool Member

WitlessFool

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This all sounds very dysfunctional. An hour away is not a barrier to meeting so why haven't you?

You two are getting upset at each other over silly things.

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basil67 Established Member

basil67

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The fact that you haven't mentioned this person makes your problem all the more significant. The problem is that you're putting too much significance on the 'friendship' of internet strangers.

 

Do you have real life friends to hang out with?

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preraph Established Member

preraph

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I think you're too invested in someone you haven't even met. Or if I misread that, my apologies.

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basil67 Established Member

basil67

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Your threads all have the same problem. You keep making the same mistake: You are getting over invested in online people who you haven't met yet or barely know.

 

Stop expecting ANYTHING from random people on the internet.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
redacted reference to duplicate posts ~6
  • Like 4
Satu Established Member

Satu

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Your threads all have the same problem. You keep making the same mistake: You are getting over invested in online people who you haven't met yet or barely know.

 

Stop expecting ANYTHING from random people on the internet.

 

^ As stated above ^

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
redacted reference to duplicate posts ~6
  • Like 1
elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

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Interested people act interested.

 

People often take their cues from how you act towards them.

YOU "forgot" his call, so he gets the message you are not that interested, so he doesn't make you a priority.

Neither of you are making the effort to meet up, so what really is the point?

 

Luke warm + luke warm = luke warm.

...and now you are getting "offended"...

  • Like 1
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chumly Established Member

chumly

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[]

 

Your threads all have the same problem. You keep making the same mistake: You are getting over invested in online people who you haven't met yet or barely know.

 

Stop expecting ANYTHING from random people on the internet.

 

[]

 

Anyway, thanks so much. yes, I agree about investing too much before meeting a person but if a person is being disprespectful shouldnt I make sure not to waste my time with them any further??

 

That is what I am trying to figure out here..if he is being disprespectful? or if I am overreacting and should continue to pursue talking and maybe meeting him?

 

Also..I do know him to an extent because we have talked at length a few times now. We both told each other that we consider each other friends at this point...however, I am taken back by this incident and the rudeness displayed by him. I was very happy to meet him until this happened...but like I said, maybe I am overreacting?? that is what I am trying to figure out??

 

Thanks:)

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
redacted reference to duplicate posts ~6
RecentChange Established Member

RecentChange

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My advice? Meet people in real life more often and stop investing so much time into on line flakes.

 

And hour? That's nothing! I travel more than that twice a day for work.

 

Why did an hour distance keep you two from meeting face to face? Was the interest level that low?

  • Like 1
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chumly Established Member

chumly

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Interested people act interested.

 

People often take their cues from how you act towards them.

YOU "forgot" his call, so he gets the message you are not that interested, so he doesn't make you a priority.

Neither of you are making the effort to meet up, so what really is the point?

 

Luke warm + luke warm = luke warm.

...and now you are getting "offended"...

 

 

but since that time I changed and made sure to call when I said i would or give him notice if I could not. He made such a big deal about it last time so I have been very careful since. That is what is making this so strange...I could understand him doing this if I kept doing it to him but I stopped when I realized how annoyed he got by it.

 

Thanks for the thoughts on it:)

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chumly Established Member

chumly

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My advice? Meet people in real life more often and stop investing so much time into on line flakes.

 

And hour? That's nothing! I travel more than that twice a day for work.

 

Why did an hour distance keep you two from meeting face to face? Was the interest level that low?

 

He is like me and likes to talk and get to know someone a bit first and we also both only looking for friends for now so I suppose we both did have a low level of interest in each other in a romantic way at least...but it seemed like we both liked the idea of being friends with each other very much. I was prepared to meet him within the next week or so if he wanted to.

 

Thanks:bunny:

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chumly Established Member

chumly

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well, I did wind up messaging him this morning and told him that I was willing to talk over the weekend if he wanted to. Like I said, I was taken back that he did not apologize to me but hopefully we will both be more respectful of each other from now on. I realize things come up but an apology would have been nice but I dont want to harp or be overly sensitive about things either. If I do that I will never have any friends at all.

 

I guess we will see what happens. If he does it again though I think that will be it for me....

 

but I reposted this just to see what others think of the incident ..and see if others thought I did the right thing by giving him another chance.:)

 

Thanks again for the thoughts so far and any additional thoughts would be greatly appreciated.:bunny::bunny:

 

Thanks again:D

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chumly Established Member

chumly

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The fact that you haven't mentioned this person makes your problem all the more significant. The problem is that you're putting too much significance on the 'friendship' of internet strangers.

 

Do you have real life friends to hang out with?

 

 

yes, I have some real life friends to hang out with..but like many others face..not as many as I would like but I have some.

 

just curious..why would my not having had mentioned him make the problem more significant?? I did not mention him because I had no issues with him. there are others I communicate with that I dont mention on here either. I only discuss the ones that I have issues with on here...like, I would think most on here do.

 

Thanks again:)

basil67 Established Member

basil67

Posted
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yes, I have some real life friends to hang out with..but like many others face..not as many as I would like but I have some.

 

just curious..why would my not having had mentioned him make the problem more significant?? I did not mention him because I had no issues with him. there are others I communicate with that I dont mention on here either. I only discuss the ones that I have issues with on here...like, I would think most on here do.

 

Thanks again:)

 

The fact that you haven't mentioned this guy before is alarming because he's yet another online person you've got issues with.

  • Like 2
RecentChange Established Member

RecentChange

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Eh, I like to hang out with my friends in real life, not just online. I find it's a better way to REALLY get to know someone, not just who they pretend to be online.

 

Also, the depth of interaction is much deeper, humans communicate not only with words, but with body laugage, and that is lost online. So much easier to share a smile, or a laugh, or an experience in person.

 

And when you spend a lot of time interacting online, before ever meeting, it makes it more likely that the meeting will be akward. Here is this person you "know" but do not really know. I think this leads to much hesitation in actuality meeting.

 

My preference, meet first! Soon! And then you can keep in contact online.

  • Like 1
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chumly Established Member

chumly

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The fact that you haven't mentioned this guy before is alarming because he's yet another online person you've got issues with.

 

but this is my only issue and i have known him for months. Much of why we have not met is due to him.

He is in the middle of a messy divorce so he is preoccupied alot.

this is my only issue with him so if he never does it again I will be fine with him:)

and hopefully he wont.

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chumly Established Member

chumly

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Eh, I like to hang out with my friends in real life, not just online. I find it's a better way to REALLY get to know someone, not just who they pretend to be online.

 

Also, the depth of interaction is much deeper, humans communicate not only with words, but with body laugage, and that is lost online. So much easier to share a smile, or a laugh, or an experience in person.

 

And when you spend a lot of time interacting online, before ever meeting, it makes it more likely that the meeting will be akward. Here is this person you "know" but do not really know. I think this leads to much hesitation in actuality meeting.

 

My preference, meet first! Soon! And then you can keep in contact online.

 

 

I see your point with that too and it has kind of happened with me and a few people now already but I am to the point that I am prepared to meet just about all the nice ones that are willing to meet me now.

 

I think talking for too long before meeting is not good too but I do prefer to get to know someone to at least some extent..I dont want to go out and meet a psycho or anything or spend a second of time in real life with somone that is just flat out rude or does not jive with my personality at all. I would rather waste my time online or on the phone then in person with someone. This way I dont waste gas money or coffee money.

 

Thanks:)

  • Like 1
RecentChange Established Member

RecentChange

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Sure getting to know someone a bit first is a good idea. But that should require a few conversations, not months

basil67 Established Member

basil67

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but this is my only issue and i have known him for months. Much of why we have not met is due to him.

He is in the middle of a messy divorce so he is preoccupied alot.

this is my only issue with him so if he never does it again I will be fine with him:)

and hopefully he wont.

 

My apologies. I thought the other recent issues you had were with people who had come from online.

BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

Posted
Posted (edited)
[]

 

Your threads all have the same problem. You keep making the same mistake: You are getting over invested in online people who you haven't met yet or barely know.

 

Stop expecting ANYTHING from random people on the internet.

 

Requoted for truth.

 

Chumly, love, you really do get so invested in trying to develop "relationships" with random people on the Internet. Until you meet and develop a true relationship, you have no right to expect anything from anyone...

Edited by BaileyB
  • Like 1
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chumly Established Member

chumly

Posted
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Requoted for truth.

 

Chumly, love, you really do get so invested in trying to develop "relationships" with random people on the Internet. Until you meet and develop a true relationship, you have no right to expect anything from anyone...

 

I am sorry BaileyB because I know you are just trying to help, but on this one I disagree. If someone does things like..say they are going to call and dont call when they said they would and dont even bother to apologize afterwards...I think this can certainly be looked upon as a reflection on the type of person they are.

 

I have decided to let this one slide but if he does it again why would I want to meet him??

 

The point of getting to know someone on the phone or online prior to meeting them is to determine if I want to and so I definitely think it is logical to expect someone to do what they say they are going to do.

 

Sorry but really dont agree about this but like I said, thanks anyway.

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chumly Established Member

chumly

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..and I would think that this is the same reason that anybody talks to someone over the phone prior to meeting..to determine if they want to take it to that step or not. I know this is why I do so with people anyway and I am only letting it slide with him because we get along on so many other levels anyway.

 

 

Thanks for all the thoughts on this one though. I think this thread can be closed now

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