Feeling Unworthy To Love Her

[grik]

i have been with my girlfriend for months now i have loved her from the very 1st moment and i have never stopped.shes older by six years im 23 shes 29 and has a beautiful daughter i adore.its been great we both so in love with each other,always tells me she never wants to lose me and neither do i.

 

because of my age i sometimes tell myself she doesn't deserve me even as now is the time i want to settle down with my life as i just finished with university don't even have a job,cannot even support her,thinking even her parent or family will not accept me or see me as another mistake she has made.

 

it tears me to think about it because i love her in ways i thought i could never love someone,she completes me in so many ways even with her flaws i never think of anyone else after her, i see her as my last.

 

Her daughter just turned 5 and now is always asking questions about her dad who left them when she was just 3 months old and just vanished.

 

She's barely meeting ends meet financially, she's had a traumatic life since at a young age because of her mom abandoned her at birth and had to have her grandmother take care of her with barely any money for anything,and even now as old as she is it still affects her emotionally feeling unloved like she doesn't belong in this world,like everything is against her.

 

With everything in her life i love her unconditionally,everything that happens i am always in it and always want to be in it with her,but with everything i just feel i am another let down in her life and deserve's someone of her age with capabilities i don't.

 

i just don't know what to do or think

[IfonlyIknew]

I think you are being a little too hard on yourself. Often times we feel we don't do enough because we care but as far as money .. it comes and goes, I'm a firm believer that life has a "default" that always falls back on the good..the bad times come and go just like money. If your heart is in the right place, everything else will follow. Stand by her side and be her rock, that is something that is more valuable than any amount of money could buy.

[mikeylo]

Your main issue is job and a steady career. Rest can be sorted. Focus on that.

[Gaeta]

i have been with my girlfriend for months now i have loved her from the very 1st moment and i have never stopped.shes older by six years im 23 shes 29 and has a beautiful daughter i adore.its been great we both so in love with each other,always tells me she never wants to lose me and neither do i.

 

because of my age i sometimes tell myself she doesn't deserve me even as now is the time i want to settle down with my life as i just finished with university don't even have a job,cannot even support her,thinking even her parent or family will not accept me or see me as another mistake she has made.

 

it tears me to think about it because i love her in ways i thought i could never love someone,she completes me in so many ways even with her flaws i never think of anyone else after her, i see her as my last.

 

Her daughter just turned 5 and now is always asking questions about her dad who left them when she was just 3 months old and just vanished.

 

She's barely meeting ends meet financially, she's had a traumatic life since at a young age because of her mom abandoned her at birth and had to have her grandmother take care of her with barely any money for anything,and even now as old as she is it still affects her emotionally feeling unloved like she doesn't belong in this world,like everything is against her.

 

With everything in her life i love her unconditionally,everything that happens i am always in it and always want to be in it with her,but with everything i just feel i am another let down in her life and deserve's someone of her age with capabilities i don't.

 

i just don't know what to do or think

 

 

First a man of 23 would never be expected to financially support a woman and her child. You are just coming out of school, you'll get a job eventually but you'll be starting at the bottom of the ladder like everyone else, that's what it means being 23.

 

Second, a woman of 29 should have her act together. If she has emotional issues she should address them and not use them to remain in a difficult life where she cannot sustain herself and her child. If she cannot offer herself and her kid a good life than she should take actions * change job * go back to school to better her education. This I am too hurt to have a functional life on my own isn't a good excuse anymore at 29.

 

I don't understand why you are worried about what her parents will think of you, didn't they abandon her! both of them! Their opinion would not matter to me. When you abandon a child to be raised by her grand-mother you have no right to criticize her choices.

 

So back to you. I feel you want to save this woman from herself and from her past. Don't play batman, instead encourage her to save herself. Encourage her to go back to school, to get a better education and better job. Encourage her to find herself instead of fixing everything for her. Playing hero never makes long relationships. Often as soon as Cinderella finds herself a nice dress she moves on to next prince charming.

[Gloria25]

First a man of 23 would never be expected to financially support a woman and her child. You are just coming out of school, you'll get a job eventually but you'll be starting at the bottom of the ladder like everyone else, that's what it means being 23.

 

Second, a woman of 29 should have her act together. If she has emotional issues she should address them and not use them to remain in a difficult life where she cannot sustain herself and her child. If she cannot offer herself and her kid a good life than she should take actions * change job * go back to school to better her education. This I am too hurt to have a functional life on my own isn't a good excuse anymore at 29.

 

I don't understand why you are worried about what her parents will think of you, didn't they abandon her! both of them! Their opinion would not matter to me. When you abandon a child to be raised by her grand-mother you have no right to criticize her choices.

 

So back to you. I feel you want to save this woman from herself and from her past. Don't play batman, instead encourage her to save herself. Encourage her to go back to school, to get a better education and better job. Encourage her to find herself instead of fixing everything for her. Playing hero never makes long relationships. Often as soon as Cinderella finds herself a nice dress she moves on to next prince charming.

 

Agreed, this woman and her child isn't your responsibility. Doesn't she have parents or relatives she can move in with to help her watch her child while she gets herself straight?

 

If no parents or relatives, then she can try "bartering" - which is, she can probably be an Au Pair or roommate and in exchange for shelter/food she cooks, cleans, helps with their kids.

[typingrandma]

Hi. I think age is just a number. If it isn't bothering her, then let it go. I agree you are being too hard on yourself. If you are worried about finances, then spend your energy seeking a good job and be the best man you can be. Most young couples struggle financially when they first start out. Expect that is part of the growing process and do the best you can. Be responsible with your money and if you two are serious about each other, you can make it work.

[smackie9]

For one thing it is not your job to "rescue" her from her life. Building a life with financial stability takes a partnership, and not to be a burden on one. She needs to pull up her boost straps and get her crap sorted out too. She 29 years old now, it's time to get goals in place and a plan together....none of this woe is me I had a hard life and it's holding me back. There are plenty of single parents out there that are making it on their own just fine....it takes ambition, hard work and sacrifice.

[Pill]

What exactly is the basis of the love you have for her? Sounds like you have white knight syndrome and want to save this damsel in distress but you aren't on position to do it, so you're beating yourself up for it. Love isn't based on dependency.