CluelessGirl Posted January 4, 2017 Posted January 4, 2017 (edited) Hello! I am new in here and want to share my story with you. I hope your year started good! Because...well, mine didn't. I know this guy for a while from the Uni, we met several times and studied together. The time spent with him was great, i was always happy and comfortable to talk to him. We started off shyly, when he called me beautiful and funny, and after a while, we've gotten to a point where we would always tease each other and send each other texts day and night. Somehow, i thought he liked me...how stupid i was! During the NYE party, (which wasn't fun and made me go on Facebook, where i saw him online) i got just a tad bit tipsy and gained the courage to confess to him on Facebook...it was my first time confessing to a guy. I told him that i don't want to scare him off, but i started liking him and i'm always happy to talk to him. At the same time, since i'm usually a shy person, i told him that i'm embarrassed that i confessed and i know i'll regret it tomorrow. Long message short: "Let's stop contacting each other, because i like you and i'm embarrassed for sending this message. It's ok if you don't reply to this message. Good luck with the exams and have a wonderful year!'' I told him it's ok if he doesn't reply because i didn't want to out him in a awkward situation in which he feels he needs to answer. He's immediately seen the message but never replied to that. I don't know what was on my mind. I think that, subconsciously, i hoped he would tell me that it's ok, and maybe that he liked me too. Even the ''i don't like you but letls keep being friends'' message would have been fine. But there was nothing. I have guy friends who texted me that they lile.me, but i didn't reject their message... I feel so sad for sending that message to him...i feel so empty when i see him online and no longer talks to me. It's like everything was a dream...i cry everyday and don't know what to do because i want to go back and i want to talk to him again. And i won't be able to see him at uni because we have different classes. Well, maybe i'll see him at the uni events. But i sure know that i wouldn'g be able to talk to him face to face... My self-esteem is really low and i swear that i will never confess to a guy. I lost my pride.. Have you experienced something similar? Why do you think his attitude changed? Do you ever think he'll ever text me again? P.S.: A thing that made me confused is that he used praise words to me. However, each time i posted a picture of mine on social media, he ignored it. Meanwhile, he liked other girls' pictures. Girls that weren't that attractive, to be honest ... Edited January 4, 2017 by CluelessGirl
winny Posted January 4, 2017 Posted January 4, 2017 I am so sorry your New Years didnt start good. First of all, liking someone is not wrong and nothing to be embarrassed about it. If he is your friend then he would talk to you and not ignore you. I think he is unsure how to respond and wondering whether what you said was serious or not. I would say you initiate a text conversation something in the lines of-- "Hey, I know I sent you a drunk text and while it is true that I have a crush on you but I feel so embarrassed about my action and I totally didnt mean the part about not talking to each other. I dont know what are you thinking and whether I made you uncomfortable. Sorry for putting you in this situation. Can we move on from that and continue being friends as before?" 2
Author CluelessGirl Posted January 4, 2017 Author Posted January 4, 2017 I am so sorry your New Years didnt start good. First of all, liking someone is not wrong and nothing to be embarrassed about it. If he is your friend then he would talk to you and not ignore you. I think he is unsure how to respond and wondering whether what you said was serious or not. I would say you initiate a text conversation something in the lines of-- "Hey, I know I sent you a drunk text and while it is true that I have a crush on you but I feel so embarrassed about my action and I totally didnt mean the part about not talking to each other. I dont know what are you thinking and whether I made you uncomfortable. Sorry for putting you in this situation. Can we move on from that and continue being friends as before?" Thanks for your kind message! I'm relieved to hear this opinion! I just think I scared him off for being that direct! I thought about that...but wouldn't that message make me kind of desperate/clingy? Also, i believe that even if he would still want to talk, nothing's ever going to be the same and it would rather be awkward... Also, if I were to send him that kind of message, when do you think it would be better? Maybe it's too soon right now? And sorry for the typos I made in the original post, I can no longer edit them!
heavenonearth Posted January 4, 2017 Posted January 4, 2017 Yeah it was stupid to send that NYE message, but we all have been there, me too. What the person above suggested is a good idea. Write exactly that (don't change things around), and see how it goes. Don't be embarrassed... it happens to the best of us! Good luck! Edit: May I ask your age? 2
Author CluelessGirl Posted January 4, 2017 Author Posted January 4, 2017 Yeah it was stupid to send that NYE message, but we all have been there, me too. What the person above suggested is a good idea. Write exactly that (don't change things around), and see how it goes. Don't be embarrassed... it happens to the best of us! Good luck! Edit: May I ask your age? Hi, thank you for your reply! Aww, I hope you didn't suffer too much after THE message . Yes, it was a really stupid move, really wish I could turn back the time... And please, let me ask you the same things I asked above: don't you think that another message would make me seem desperate and/or clingy? And if I were to send it, when do you think it would be the right time? And I'm 22
heavenonearth Posted January 4, 2017 Posted January 4, 2017 Hi, thank you for your reply! Aww, I hope you didn't suffer too much after THE message . Yes, it was a really stupid move, really wish I could turn back the time... And please, let me ask you the same things I asked above: don't you think that another message would make me seem desperate and/or clingy? And if I were to send it, when do you think it would be the right time? And I'm 22 I would definitely stop torturing myself and just send it. Like winny wrote (maybe a bit different): "Hey, that New Years drunk text was a bit overboard; while I do have a bit of a crush on you, I totally understand if I made you uncomfortable. Sorry if I put you in that sort of situation. That does, however, NOT mean that I don't wanna talk to you anymore. Can we be friends again? Thaaaanks " Edit: I just don't think you have anything to lose, so might as well send it. If he doesn't reply again, then leave him be. Then he just sucks ;P 1
Leigh 87 Posted January 4, 2017 Posted January 4, 2017 If a guy is really into you then that text would definitely not have spooked him. 3
Rockdad Posted January 4, 2017 Posted January 4, 2017 There are a few NOT to do things after drinking... Driving texting or posting. 3
smackie9 Posted January 4, 2017 Posted January 4, 2017 Your message shows your insecurities like a big red flag. Of course he didn't want to respond. People get wary when they get passive/aggressive messages. Things didn't get weird, you did. I know I am being harsh, but I feel if you don't want this sort of thing to happen again, seeing how painful the results, you could use some straight forward advice. To get a guy to be interested, or more comfortable to ask you out, you have to be confident, cheerful, positive, witty, funny, flirty, and somewhat sexy looking. You need to learn to "charm" a man by being more charismatic. Learn to put it out there without saying "I LIKE YOU." 7
Pill Posted January 4, 2017 Posted January 4, 2017 If a guy is really into you then that text would definitely not have spooked him. If a man texted you telling you to never contact him again that wouldn't spook you? 3
umirano Posted January 4, 2017 Posted January 4, 2017 (edited) That text would have freaked me out. Like, what do you even want? Were you high when you texted that? Be classy. Let a guy come to you, don't hide your interest but don't dump it on him like this, followed by this convoluted nonsense about him not contacting you ever again. What do you expect him to do with that garbled message? Edit: If you have to message him, say something like "Err, sorry about that NYE message, I had a bit too much." Alternatively if he's the one to message first only say something to that effect when he brings it up. Edited January 4, 2017 by umirano 1
IfonlyIknew Posted January 4, 2017 Posted January 4, 2017 The message does come off as "games", lets NOT do this BECAUSE the *opposite*. The only way to come back from that is to be honest and start over. 2
Gloria25 Posted January 4, 2017 Posted January 4, 2017 If a man texted you telling you to never contact him again that wouldn't spook you? Agreed, Don't feel bad, I'm waaay older than you and still do awkward stuff like you did and I think that's one reason I have a lot of problems with guys. I think that they think that either I'm playing games or hot/cold. It gets even worse cuz when I'm blunt and upfront, it also throws them through a loop. Breathe, breathe...this can possibly be saved. You can use drunk as an excuse. I agree with others about sending him that one message and see how it goes. In the future, buck up and don't waffle. If you're gonna send a message, then send it. If he doesn't respond, you telling him not to isn't gonna protect you cuz you're still gonna be wondering if he didn't respond out of rejection or cuz you told him to. Well wishes
winny Posted January 4, 2017 Posted January 4, 2017 Thanks for your kind message! I'm relieved to hear this opinion! I just think I scared him off for being that direct! I thought about that...but wouldn't that message make me kind of desperate/clingy? Also, i believe that even if he would still want to talk, nothing's ever going to be the same and it would rather be awkward... Also, if I were to send him that kind of message, when do you think it would be better? Maybe it's too soon right now? And sorry for the typos I made in the original post, I can no longer edit them! You know him for a while now. It's not some random guy you met online and you guys have a friendship already. So don't overthink this. It will be awkward if you make it awkward. If you behave cool or have a good laugh over it.... he will be at ease too!! Not the first time a gal likes a guy.... Show him that you like him but in no way he is obligated to make you his GF and you are confident enough to be okay with it. But realize that tomorrow if he has a GF you may feel bad. So in case his behavior doesn't get back to normal or it is very clear he doesn't like you or he is still silent, after to reach out to him... just let it go.
Ronnys93 Posted January 4, 2017 Posted January 4, 2017 Don't get me wrong, telling him you liked him would have been okay. However, your message was really convoluted and full of mixed messages. If you like someone you don't tell them to stop talking to you. It's just all a little too much is all. You're not really sounding confident here.
Author CluelessGirl Posted January 5, 2017 Author Posted January 5, 2017 Thank you very much for your replies, everyone! I really appreciate it! Just like winny, heavenonearth and Gloria suggested, i texted him that I apologize and would like to keep being friends, and asked if it's ok to pretend it didn't happen... He replied, saying something like: "Hello, honestly i was glad and surprised to hear that you like me. But i've recently gotten a girlfriend and didn't know how to tell you about it, so i didn't answer to your message. But let's get back to our previous friendship!' I told him that i wish he would've told me on time, otherwise i wouldn't have sent that message. And i wished him a happy relationship...of course, it's not the first time i wish a happy relationship to someone i like. It hurts so much. I was at work when i got that message...i cried heavily in the office, i cried on my way home and i still do...i just can't stop. I'm usually a rational person, but i can't control my feelings right now...i'm sad, angry, confused... And what's worse, i told mom about it since i was sad and she's a good listener. She told me that maybe he lied that he has a girlfriend, maybe he just doesn't like me and doesn't want to be honest about it... I feel so stupid... How can i get over him?
basil67 Posted January 5, 2017 Posted January 5, 2017 I think it was unkind of your mom to say that. He may well be being honest and now that comment just makes you feel worse. And FWIW, his words would lead many women to believe he was interested. If it makes you feel any better..... After swim club when I was about 16 or 17, we used to go to McDonalds after swimming once a week. One of the guys would drive me and we'd snog in the car in the car park. I thought this meant he was interested in me. So, I turned up unannounced on his doorstep one day. He looked at me and said "I think you've got the wrong idea" and promptly drove me to the train station. That was a long time ago. But most of us have had romantic embarrassments and disappointments. We get over them and find new love. 1
Author CluelessGirl Posted January 6, 2017 Author Posted January 6, 2017 I think it was unkind of your mom to say that. He may well be being honest and now that comment just makes you feel worse. And FWIW, his words would lead many women to believe he was interested. If it makes you feel any better..... After swim club when I was about 16 or 17, we used to go to McDonalds after swimming once a week. One of the guys would drive me and we'd snog in the car in the car park. I thought this meant he was interested in me. So, I turned up unannounced on his doorstep one day. He looked at me and said "I think you've got the wrong idea" and promptly drove me to the train station. That was a long time ago. But most of us have had romantic embarrassments and disappointments. We get over them and find new love. Yes, i also think it was unkind of her to say that...haha And thank you, i'm glad to hear that it wasn't just me who thought he liked me! :/ Wow, that guy was kind of a douche (just like this one i currently like). I think it really broke your heart, but at least it was an experience from which you had something to learn! You're right... But at the moment, i wish that ''love'' would have been him. Can't imagine liking someone else at the moment haha Of course, it'll pass...but i don't know what am i going to do until then, honestly! Thank you for your reply!
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