Author bradt93 Posted January 7, 2017 Author Posted January 7, 2017 I think she probably just didn't see you or didn't recognise you, 15 years is a long time. Well, I do remember Brooke asking "is your food good"? I know most waitresses do that, but at least she spoke to me, doesn't that count for something? Maybe she was trying to start a conversation?
thefooloftheyear Posted January 8, 2017 Posted January 8, 2017 Well, I do remember Brooke asking "is your food good"? I know most waitresses do that, but at least she spoke to me, doesn't that count for something? Maybe she was trying to start a conversation? Nope..... TFY 2
Author bradt93 Posted January 8, 2017 Author Posted January 8, 2017 Nope..... TFY well, that hurt, but thanks.
Author bradt93 Posted January 8, 2017 Author Posted January 8, 2017 Brooke probably does remember what happened between me and Katie and she feels uncomfortable around me. how sad is that.
thefooloftheyear Posted January 8, 2017 Posted January 8, 2017 Brooke probably does remember what happened between me and Katie and she feels uncomfortable around me. how sad is that. If she was interested in you she probably wouldn't care .... I am hesitant to post this, as it feeds into your "jerk" rationale. but before you think that stalking some teenage girl is the crime of the century and will condemn you to a life of never ever seeing a woman naked again, just realize that there are women visiting convicted felons each and every day at prisons everywhere... Don't feed that demon...Its not your problem, trust me... TFY
preraph Posted January 8, 2017 Posted January 8, 2017 You know, therapy isn't one and done. Maybe time for a refresher.
Author bradt93 Posted January 8, 2017 Author Posted January 8, 2017 If she was interested in you she probably wouldn't care .... I am hesitant to post this, as it feeds into your "jerk" rationale. but before you think that stalking some teenage girl is the crime of the century and will condemn you to a life of never ever seeing a woman naked again, just realize that there are women visiting convicted felons each and every day at prisons everywhere... Don't feed that demon...Its not your problem, trust me... TFY Well, maybe I should've initiated the conversation with Brooke first.
elaine567 Posted January 8, 2017 Posted January 8, 2017 Brooke probably does remember what happened between me and Katie and she feels uncomfortable around me. how sad is that. Don't beat yourself up about it, it's not worth it.
Author bradt93 Posted January 8, 2017 Author Posted January 8, 2017 Don't beat yourself up about it, it's not worth it. Well, if I ever see her again, I'll start a conversation with her, if she doesn't respond then I'll know for sure.
elaine567 Posted January 8, 2017 Posted January 8, 2017 Well, if I ever see her again, I'll start a conversation with her, if she doesn't respond then I'll know for sure. In the meantime start up nice conversations with other girls that you like or women who seem to be friendly. Nothing intense, don't put yourself under pressure, no expectations, just light conversations to give yourself practice speaking to women. College is the best place to meet men and women, you can make friendships for life there, so you need to be prepared. You don't want to waste the time being shy and awkward and hiding away. Now is the time to start practising your social skills, so when you get there you can be relaxed and more confident when you meet new people. 1
CaliforniaGirl Posted January 8, 2017 Posted January 8, 2017 Brooke probably does remember what happened between me and Katie and she feels uncomfortable around me. how sad is that. You keep talking about how pathetic and how sad are thoughts you have no clue this girl is even having, but rather, you are attributing to her, with zero evidence of any of it being real. 1
Author bradt93 Posted January 8, 2017 Author Posted January 8, 2017 You keep talking about how pathetic and how sad are thoughts you have no clue this girl is even having, but rather, you are attributing to her, with zero evidence of any of it being real. Would you have talked to me if you heard about what happened between me and this girl Katie in the past?
Gloria25 Posted January 8, 2017 Posted January 8, 2017 Would you have talked to me if you heard about what happened between me and this girl Katie in the past? Not if you haven't learned and moved past "Katie". We all have had to learn things in life. I have and continue to kiss "frogs" in my pursuit for a decent dude - hey, poop happens. And yes, some guys I've had to deal with - including recent dude - are situations that I'd probably take to the grave rather than let a future guy know I've ever encountered. Which brings me to another point - which is, how would someone you meet now and/or in the future would know about "Katie" unless you told them? I don't believe in all this "confession" and telling your SO all your everything. IMO, if anything in your current and/or past is going to affect your current RL - then yes, your current SO needs to know...but, otherwise its just useless information that will put a strain on your RL with your SO. SO, for example - if you're bisexual...yes, your current SO needs to know because he/she has a right to know your proclivities/preferences so that he/she knows whether or not you'd be willing to prefer to be with someone else besides them. But, if you had a one-time experimental sexual encounter with someone of the same sex, telling your current SO is gonna do "what" for him/her? It's gonna make your current SO wonder "why" you're with him/her.
CaliforniaGirl Posted January 8, 2017 Posted January 8, 2017 Would you have talked to me if you heard about what happened between me and this girl Katie in the past? I have no idea. What is your personality now? Do you come off brooding, forbidding in social contexts, for example? If so, no. I don't approach people who don't look approachable even if I think I may recognize them from some random school setting far off in the past. Did you sit there staring at Brooke mentally willing/daring her to say something? How exactly did this go down? Did YOU introduce any conversation? I know nothing about what went down with you and Katie in the past, whether you changed after treatment and seemed happier and seemed less threatening or whether I would have been afraid of becoming another Katie or what (not judging, just trying to get you to be a bit understanding of a girl's perspective in this scenario). That can be scary, and dangerous. So please be understanding IF that is the case here (which you have no way of knowing, obviously, or you wouldnt be asking, so please don't assume, then paint Brooke as some kind of jerk based on your own unsupported imaginings of what she may be thinking). I mean I have literally no idea how I would treat your situation, specifically because I am not you, I am not Katie, and I am not Brooke. Why do you ask?
Author bradt93 Posted January 9, 2017 Author Posted January 9, 2017 I have no idea. What is your personality now? Do you come off brooding, forbidding in social contexts, for example? If so, no. I don't approach people who don't look approachable even if I think I may recognize them from some random school setting far off in the past. Did you sit there staring at Brooke mentally willing/daring her to say something? How exactly did this go down? Did YOU introduce any conversation? I know nothing about what went down with you and Katie in the past, whether you changed after treatment and seemed happier and seemed less threatening or whether I would have been afraid of becoming another Katie or what (not judging, just trying to get you to be a bit understanding of a girl's perspective in this scenario). That can be scary, and dangerous. So please be understanding IF that is the case here (which you have no way of knowing, obviously, or you wouldnt be asking, so please don't assume, then paint Brooke as some kind of jerk based on your own unsupported imaginings of what she may be thinking). I mean I have literally no idea how I would treat your situation, specifically because I am not you, I am not Katie, and I am not Brooke. Why do you ask? Well, since you're a woman, I wanted your perspective, that's all. What does not looking "approachable" mean exactly? I know you didn't say that in a mean way, just wanting to know.
elaine567 Posted January 9, 2017 Posted January 9, 2017 Well, since you're a woman, I wanted your perspective, that's all. What does not looking "approachable" mean exactly? I know you didn't say that in a mean way, just wanting to know. If you are frowning, scowling, looking angry, looking the other way, have your arms folded, looking creepy, looking bored, looking scared, looking like you want to get out of there, etc. then you are not approachable. No-one wants to approach you as they do not know what reaction they are gong to get. Are you going to argue with them? Are you going to punch them? Are you going to ignore them? Are you going to laugh in their face and put them down and make them feel like a fool? Are you going to run away if they talk to you? All those signs are negative, so most people unless they know you very well are going to avoid you. It is not worth getting involved, they can do without the drama. However if you look interested, you smile at them, your posture is open and welcoming, you look relaxed and confident, then people will want to approach you as you seem like a friendly guy and nothing bad is going to happen. You are thus "approachable".
Author bradt93 Posted January 9, 2017 Author Posted January 9, 2017 If you are frowning, scowling, looking angry, looking the other way, have your arms folded, looking creepy, looking bored, looking scared, looking like you want to get out of there, etc. then you are not approachable. No-one wants to approach you as they do not know what reaction they are gong to get. Are you going to argue with them? Are you going to punch them? Are you going to ignore them? Are you going to laugh in their face and put them down and make them feel like a fool? Are you going to run away if they talk to you? All those signs are negative, so most people unless they know you very well are going to avoid you. It is not worth getting involved, they can do without the drama. However if you look interested, you smile at them, your posture is open and welcoming, you look relaxed and confident, then people will want to approach you as you seem like a friendly guy and nothing bad is going to happen. You are thus "approachable". Thanks for clearing that up.
Author bradt93 Posted January 10, 2017 Author Posted January 10, 2017 Also, I feel if I socialize more with women and ask them out, I'm afraid I will get rejected. I guess I'm more comfortable in my safe space than being hurt. I know I'm hurting myself by being a hermit, but god is telling me I'm not meant for love .
SoulCat Posted January 10, 2017 Posted January 10, 2017 Also, I feel if I socialize more with women and ask them out, I'm afraid I will get rejected. I guess I'm more comfortable in my safe space than being hurt. I know I'm hurting myself by being a hermit, but god is telling me I'm not meant for love . Meh, rejection is part of life, whether it be for a date, a job or a mortgage. In the case of dating, it helps if you're not overly invested in a person in the first place, e.g. not putting them on a pedestal, or fantasising about how magical life could be before actually connecting with that person. God isn't telling you you're not meant for love, your fears and insecurities are telling you that. Face them head on. Good luck. 1
dumbass2 Posted January 11, 2017 Posted January 11, 2017 Also, I feel if I socialize more with women and ask them out, I'm afraid I will get rejected. I guess I'm more comfortable in my safe space than being hurt. I know I'm hurting myself by being a hermit, but god is telling me I'm not meant for love . Hey, at least getting rejected means you're trying and putting forth the effort. That's big. I don't believe that you can truly understand and appreciate success if you haven't tasted failure. If you never try, you'll never know. The key is that you have to learn and grow from your mistakes. Do that, and you become the best person you can be. Don't be afraid. Go and socialize more often and you'll pick it up. Try ever so often or only when it feels safe and you probably wont learn a thing. I can count how many times I've been rejected on one hand......if I'm holding a calculator.
CaliforniaGirl Posted January 11, 2017 Posted January 11, 2017 Well, since you're a woman, I wanted your perspective, that's all. What does not looking "approachable" mean exactly? I know you didn't say that in a mean way, just wanting to know. Oh, okay. Well, I mean, some people have an open, friendly glance, hold their heads up, don't sit bunched up or hunched over, don't half-hide their faces behind a hoodie, etc...I would consider those people more approachable. Others (and this can just be personality so again, not judging) hunch...don't make much eye contact...don't smile...hide their faces with hair or clothing...etc...etc. That's kind of an extreme and a comb of various factors but those things all make someone look like s/he is saying, "Don't you come the eff NEAR me."
GunslingerRoland Posted January 11, 2017 Posted January 11, 2017 Hi, I've had trouble with women over the years, I just don't know why. I have "aspergers" which is just a socializing disorder. I think I'm good looking and i'm very smart. I admit, I'm partly to blame, I don't go out and meet women, I stay in my room a lot and do homework. I don't really socialize with anyone. I think I'm a nice guy though, but why do women only go out with douchebags? Also, would women go out with someone who has "aspergers" if they are nice? Not all women go out with douchebags, but how are women supposed to meet you if you stay in your room? Being a nice guy is all well and good, but I actually know very few people who aren't nice. The majority of women are already with nice guys. But those guys get out of the house and have other stuff going on for themselves. Aspergers or not, no woman will ever go out with a guy just because they are nice, for the reasons I listed. Are you handsome? Are you funny? Are you intelligent? A good listener? Fun to be around? Assertive? Able to take care of yourself? Well groomed? Romantic? I could go on, but just for basics, try to figure out what you have going for yourself other than just being "nice".
GunslingerRoland Posted January 11, 2017 Posted January 11, 2017 Their is one thing I'm leaving out, I was obsessed with another girl in middle school named Katie and my obsessiveness got out of control. I would call her house and hang up the phone. I would print out pictures of her and edit them, sort of like photoshop now. I would do all sorts of horrible things to her pictures like draw horns on her and things like that. Also let me add that between what you said about not tipping Brooke, and this part here, that you haven't said anything in this thread that makes you sound particularly nice, but you did two very "douchebag" things.... so by your theory the women should be flocking to you? Not trying to be harsh, but the difference between being a nice guy and a jerk is the different between doing the nice thing 99 times out of 100 or 100 times out of 100.
Author bradt93 Posted January 11, 2017 Author Posted January 11, 2017 (edited) Also let me add that between what you said about not tipping Brooke, and this part here, that you haven't said anything in this thread that makes you sound particularly nice, but you did two very "douchebag" things.... so by your theory the women should be flocking to you? Not trying to be harsh, but the difference between being a nice guy and a jerk is the different between doing the nice thing 99 times out of 100 or 100 times out of 100. Well, she didn't talk to me and that made no sense since I didn't do anything personally to her. It hurt my feelings. Edited January 11, 2017 by bradt93
GunslingerRoland Posted January 11, 2017 Posted January 11, 2017 Well, she didn't talk to me and that made no sense since I didn't do anything personally to her. It hurt my feelings. Yes, but the difference between being a nice person and being a jerk is handling yourself with composure in these types of situations. Maybe you are the really truly nice guy that you claim to be, but the only 2 things you wrote in this thread about your behavior towards women were the opposite of nice. I've said this a number of times on here, but "nice" is a word that gets used a lot to describe people that others can't really think of a real compliment to say about. And then these "nice" guys let this single description go to their head, and make it their identity, when it really is your lack of identity. And then blame their niceness on their problems... even if they aren't all that nice to begin with. I don't want to be harsh, but you haven't said a single thing in this thread, that makes me truly think, wow this is a really nice guy, I would totally recommend dating this guy to my sister. 2
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