IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted July 18, 2005 Posted July 18, 2005 I was reading this article on tips to know of she/he is the one. These are just suggested but as i was reading.....My BF and I has every quality. Could I have found the one? Please read the following: *She/He doesn't want to change you too much. Note the last two words--too much. You'll likely never find a woman/man who is 100% OK with all of your peccadilloes. But you need to find a woman/man who doesn't want to change the important things, like your career goals, your friends and whether you or not you prefer to the city to a cabin in the woods. *You enjoy spending time with her/him. It's amazing how many women/men don't really enjoy talking to their GF/BF. They enjoy being seen with them, partying with them, making love to them, etc. But can you talk to her/him on a truly deep level? *You both want, or don't want, children. If you hate the idea of ever changing a diaper, but she/he surfs baby web sites in her/his spare time, it's never going to work out. One of you will end up resentful of having, or not having, kids. *You don't fight very often. Some couples love the drama of breaking up and making up. But if you're planning on settling down, make sure it's with someone who doesn't love screaming more than kissing. *She/He respects you, and you respect her. One of the most uncomfortable things in the world is to be around a couple who rolls their eyes behind each other's backs. You may not always agree with your woman, and she may not always agree with you, but make sure you respect each other's hearts and souls. *You have the same views about money. The number 1 thing all couples fight over is money. You definitely will too. But make sure it's not over big money issues, like you think having $100,000 in credit card debt is no biggie, while she/he puts 20% of each paycheck in her 401K.
Marshbear Posted July 18, 2005 Posted July 18, 2005 The problem is that people can change their views. How long have you been dating him? I would see what happens over time and see if you still see eye to eye and these issues.
Author IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted July 18, 2005 Author Posted July 18, 2005 See, the thing is, their not issues. Their just suggested rules to base your reasoning for them being "The one"
NTB Posted July 18, 2005 Posted July 18, 2005 i try not to go by what articles say just how i feel about the current gf
Outcast Posted July 18, 2005 Posted July 18, 2005 There's a lot more to it than that. Those are all good and necessary, but they aren't enough. You shouldn't be deciding by a checklist anyway. What you need to do is be sure in your own heart and then use the checklists, books like 'Is He the One for You' and '1000 questions for couples' or '1001 questions to ask before you marry' to be sure you've covered all bases. Or take a marriage course.
Author IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted July 18, 2005 Author Posted July 18, 2005 Originally posted by Outcast There's a lot more to it than that. Those are all good and necessary, but they aren't enough. You shouldn't be deciding by a checklist anyway. What you need to do is be sure in your own heart and then use the checklists, books like 'Is He the One for You' and '1000 questions for couples' or '1001 questions to ask before you marry' to be sure you've covered all bases. Or take a marriage course. Well of course, But its good to have some sort of foundation. It just comforting to know that were going in the right direction.
cantforget Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 Any opinions? What I would like to know is how long should it take to know if he/she is the one? How long is too long to still be unsure?
Author IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted July 19, 2005 Author Posted July 19, 2005 To me, I don't really think there should be a specific time limit. I mean, my BF and I possess all these qualities. We have only been together 2 months. Its a basis for future reference as to whether or not he will be other one./ Maybe you should be looking at this list if your ready for a marriage proposal.
Outcast Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 It is a good idea to spend four seasons with somebody before you make any big decisions.
ReluctantRomeo Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 Originally posted by Outcast It is a good idea to spend four seasons with somebody before you make any big decisions. Yup. But IHNFC's rules are good criteria to use.
Author IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted July 19, 2005 Author Posted July 19, 2005 Originally posted by Outcast It is a good idea to spend four seasons with somebody before you make any big decisions. Exactly...Just in case they wear socks with sandals in the summer and Long Johns in the winter! (outside the clothes)
Merin Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 Originally posted by IhavenoFREAKINclue Exactly...Just in case they wear socks with sandals in the summer and Long Johns in the winter! (outside the clothes) I actually have a GF who was dating a Guy.. they were getting serious and he told her he would ask her to marry him AFTER they had spent 4 Seasons together... they just got engaged 2 weeks ago...
alphamale Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 Originally posted by IhavenoFREAKINclue I was reading this article on tips to know of she/he is the one. you may as well go to one of those hocus-pocus old ladies who look into a crystal ball and predict the future.
SUNSHINE143 Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 In all honesty, no one can tell you if you have met the right person, but you WILL KNOW!!!! There is not one doubt to you once you meet them. You may not have the best or easiest time, but you feel it anyways!!!!!!!
Outcast Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 In all honesty, no one can tell you if you have met the right person, but you WILL KNOW!!!! There is not one doubt to you once you meet them. You may not have the best or easiest time, but you feel it anyways!!!!!!! There are roughly one kazillion people who were positive beyond a shadow of a doubt that they KNEW that THIS WAS THE ONE. Many of them are on LS now trying to figure out why they were dumped or how to dump 'THE ONE'.
backspn Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 Do you think its something you know from 1st date or is it something you get from the following dates to come? You really dont know someone until you have dated them for at least a month.....
SUNSHINE143 Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 There is a book out to women about men. Most women ignore the signs they are given because we want something to be there. That doesn't always work out. In my case though, I can tell you that I honestly love my man and I KNOW we are supposed to be together. I can't tell you how, but I felt it day one!!!
ConfusedInOC Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 Originally posted by Outcast There are roughly one kazillion people who were positive beyond a shadow of a doubt that they KNEW that THIS WAS THE ONE. Many of them are on LS now trying to figure out why they were dumped or how to dump 'THE ONE'. Usually the newness of a relationship clouds our vision and we tend to ignore faults in people that normally we would not accept with a clear mind.
XNemesisX Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 My ex and I fit all of the criteria except for the fighting one. We broke up and we spent 8 seasons together No offese, IHNFC, but 2 months is nothing. I didn't start fighting with my ex and seeing his true colors until at least 6 months into the relationship. I'm not saying this is the case with you, I hope it isn't. I definitely think that 6 months is a good point where you REALLY know. These are still very good guidelines...I have read these somewhere before. The guy I'm trying to date right now...we don't fit very many of these guidelines so maybe I should just give up? I like the city, he likes the country. He <has> a child, I don't want children. We have already had bad fights and this was right after we hadn't even seen eachother in 6 months..didn't take long for arguing to start. I do like his friends and he likes mine, we have a good time partying together. Umm..talking? When we first started dating we had great talks but now it's a chore even getting him to talk to me on the phone for more than 5 minutes. Guess I should just give up.
cantforget Posted July 20, 2005 Posted July 20, 2005 the reason I ask this is I have been with my bf for three months now, I feel he is the one for me and that I am in love, he says he still isn't sure, should I be worried that he still doesn't know??
Outcast Posted July 20, 2005 Posted July 20, 2005 Three months is not long enough. Some people think they 'know' in five minutes - and can end up breaking up. Other people take a year or two to decide and live happily together for years. "Marry in haste, repent at leisure"
Craig Posted July 20, 2005 Posted July 20, 2005 Originally posted by Outcast "Marry in haste, repent at leisure"
ReluctantRomeo Posted July 20, 2005 Posted July 20, 2005 Originally posted by Outcast There are roughly one kazillion people who were positive beyond a shadow of a doubt that they KNEW that THIS WAS THE ONE. Exactly. Feelings and intuition give insight, but they're not a 100% reliable guide. Especially when you elevate them to the point of infallibility. Juliet "knew" that I was the one... didn't stop her dumping me a few weeks later, when she "knew" I wasn't the one
SUNSHINE143 Posted July 20, 2005 Posted July 20, 2005 I think everyone needs to look at how much they really know the love someone. Of course people say that and then 5 minutes later it changes but when it's real, and your old enough to know real from puppy, you just know. No guidelines are going to tell you what your heart needs to tell you. Also once you have a child, you learn what real love is and if your with "the one" you just know. People can debate this until forever, but those who have no faith in "knowing he/she's the one" have never been in-love. That's the bottom line!!!!!
Author IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted July 20, 2005 Author Posted July 20, 2005 I wasn't saying that my BF of 2 months is the one b/c we possess all these qualities, get married and have babies. I'm simply saying it was nice to know that our foundation is starting off strong...THATS ALL! Why doesn't everything have to be controversial? I also posted this for those who wanted to know if their LTR is going in the right direction.
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