DelaneSi Posted January 4, 2017 Posted January 4, 2017 My ex and I have been broken up for about two weeks now. Our relationship was amazing. We dated for four months and I know that sounds short but it was a very intense and intimate time for both of us. He said that he has never felt so open and amazing with anyone else like he did with me other than his family. He said that I was the best girlfriend hes ever had. His reason for the break up was because he wasn't "sure" if he wanted a commitment or to be in any relationship and that he's fine being alone. He goes off to school in a few months and Im joining the military so we would have been long distance but we talked about working that out. At one point he did say that he would regret it but I feel like he was maybe trying to soften the blow of the break up. But then again, he was crying the whole time he was talking so I feel like everything he said was very genuine. Which is why the break up was very confusing to me. He said that he still wants to be friends because he still really cares about me. The only contact that we ve had is through text, and each time he is the one to send the first text. I do not contact him first, but I do respond to his texts. He will ask me how I m doing and what I'm up to and that s pretty much it. Today I saw him for the first time at the gym and we smiled and waved at each other. I pretended not to see him across the room at first, then he sent a text saying "I see you". He let me borrow a book to read so I'm planning on texting him this weekend to tell him I'm done reading it and see where it goes from there. I really don t want to get my hopes up. I still have feelings for him and I always wonder if he still does have feeling for me. Is he just being nice? Do I still have a chance of getting back with him?
umirano Posted January 4, 2017 Posted January 4, 2017 He's not being "nice". He's just getting ego strokes. Just checking whether you're still into him. You have to go no contact fully, and likely for a year or more. If then he one day bkows up your phone and desperately wants to meet you to confess his undying love to you, then you have a chance. Until then you should live your life as if he's vanished from the surface of the earth. Date, focus on your career, build friendships, care about your family. Don't talk to him, don't reply, don't check up on him, don't meet his friends, don't ask about him. He's not "sure about you". Until he swears the opposite is true and begs you for a date, don't assume anything. 1
Author DelaneSi Posted January 4, 2017 Author Posted January 4, 2017 He's not being "nice". He's just getting ego strokes. Just checking whether you're still into him. You have to go no contact fully, and likely for a year or more. If then he one day bkows up your phone and desperately wants to meet you to confess his undying love to you, then you have a chance. Until then you should live your life as if he's vanished from the surface of the earth. Date, focus on your career, build friendships, care about your family. Don't talk to him, don't reply, don't check up on him, don't meet his friends, don't ask about him. He's not "sure about you". Until he swears the opposite is true and begs you for a date, don't assume anything. Thank you for your response, I feel like I'm going to go through with what you said about the no contact. I assumed that I was doing it right to only responding when he texts me. Which is every few days. I just fear that if I go no contact fully that he could "forget me"? I know that sounds so silly. Or I was thinking that I could go no contact fully when I give him his book back because then I can't make up an excuse to talk to him. I want to see how he would act towards me now that we're broken up. I could see if he's still into me or if he still just wants to be friends. I still love him.
Simple Logic Posted January 4, 2017 Posted January 4, 2017 (edited) My ex and I have been broken up for about two weeks now. Our relationship was amazing. We dated for four months and I know that sounds short but it was a very intense and intimate time for both of us. He said that he has never felt so open and amazing with anyone else like he did with me other than his family. He said that I was the best girlfriend hes ever had. His reason for the break up was because he wasn't "sure" if he wanted a commitment or to be in any relationship and that he's fine being alone. He goes off to school in a few months and Im joining the military so we would have been long distance but we talked about working that out. At one point he did say that he would regret it but I feel like he was maybe trying to soften the blow of the break up. But then again, he was crying the whole time he was talking so I feel like everything he said was very genuine. Which is why the break up was very confusing to me. He said that he still wants to be friends because he still really cares about me. The only contact that we ve had is through text, and each time he is the one to send the first text. I do not contact him first, but I do respond to his texts. He will ask me how I m doing and what I'm up to and that s pretty much it. Today I saw him for the first time at the gym and we smiled and waved at each other. I pretended not to see him across the room at first, then he sent a text saying "I see you". He let me borrow a book to read so I'm planning on texting him this weekend to tell him I'm done reading it and see where it goes from there. I really don t want to get my hopes up. I still have feelings for him and I always wonder if he still does have feeling for me. Is he just being nice? Do I still have a chance of getting back with him? Back for what? You are going into the military and will be in basic training and AIT for several months. He is headed to school. You are kidding yourself about the success of a LDR. You had a fling, it is over. Edited January 4, 2017 by Simple Logic 3
umirano Posted January 4, 2017 Posted January 4, 2017 I assumed that I was doing it right to only responding when he texts me. Which is every few days. No, this is not doing it right. Every few days? That's almost relationship like comms. He will forget you if you continue like this. With every text that you answer you teach him it's ok to get an ego stroke, to tug on the leash and make you jump, that it's ok for him to remind you of how badly you want him, all the while he's building his new life, lining up new dates eventually. As soon as someone comes around he might not text at all, or even worse, when you turn to him for something he'll ignore you. Think about this for a second. It'll hurt really bad, I can tell you that. Go NC. No messages, no replies, no winks, pokes no nothing. No FB checking. No little birds feeding you news. Every breach of NC puts you back to the break up. And it makes the contact with you meaningless, because you're always there. How much value do we put on air? Nothing. Because it's always there. If you want him to value and respect you, go NC. Now. 2
jamili Posted January 4, 2017 Posted January 4, 2017 My opinion - in this situation, the sooner you go NC, the sooner you stop dwindling the chances of reconciliation. Every time you respond to him, the chances get lower and lower. I'd go NC ASAP if I were you. 1
Author DelaneSi Posted January 5, 2017 Author Posted January 5, 2017 No, this is not doing it right. Every few days? That's almost relationship like comms. He will forget you if you continue like this. With every text that you answer you teach him it's ok to get an ego stroke, to tug on the leash and make you jump, that it's ok for him to remind you of how badly you want him, all the while he's building his new life, lining up new dates eventually. As soon as someone comes around he might not text at all, or even worse, when you turn to him for something he'll ignore you. Think about this for a second. It'll hurt really bad, I can tell you that. Go NC. No messages, no replies, no winks, pokes no nothing. No FB checking. No little birds feeding you news. Every breach of NC puts you back to the break up. And it makes the contact with you meaningless, because you're always there. How much value do we put on air? Nothing. Because it's always there. If you want him to value and respect you, go NC. Now. You really put things into perspective for me. There's a part of me that's always thinking about him and thinking about what we had because I still have feelings for him. I guess I still hold on to al the serious steps we took in our relationship, like him taking me to another state to meet his parents (which he's never done before until me). But there's also a part of me that says that I should just move on and if it's meant to be it will be.I will definitely be doing NC right now. Reading your response gives me a reality check. I've got things going on in my life that I need to put into motion now, so I'll be focusing on that. It's going to take me a while to get over him, but I'm sure I will in time. Thanks again.
Author DelaneSi Posted January 5, 2017 Author Posted January 5, 2017 Back for what? You are going into the military and will be in basic training and AIT for several months. He is headed to school. You are kidding yourself about the success of a LDR. You had a fling, it is over. Thanks, I need this response as a reality check.
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