Been Seeing This Girl, Everything Going Well, and then GHOST?

[soyou]

I'm a woman and here is my opinion.

 

I bet my ass that you must have said or done something which pissed her off and therefore became totally unresponsive!!

 

The way you address her as "hey buddy" seems to be very weird to me. You can call her name, nickname, babe, etc but buddy is weird. If a guy is dating me and call me "hey buddy", I'd think this guy is etheir crazy or friendzone me.

 

You just need to call her and ask her firmly but nicely "Hey I havent heard anything from you so far? What happened?" And then hear her out!

[allez102]

Honestly, I think she doesn't mind the "bang" text. We've said a LOT worse to each other. It's just playful. If anything, I think it did me good.

 

About man's brain vs. woman's brain? Yes. You're absolutely right.

 

48 hours? You're nice. Tickets are selling out SUPER quickly. She has 24 hours.

 

Apparently, my offering her a ticket devalues my self-worth, according to winnie above haha

 

Another woman's perspective.

 

I agree with Winnie. I've found your responses on this thread quite peculiar - essentially dismissing everybody's perspectives straight away as if you've already made your mind up. In which case, why are you asking for advice? You seem to be trying to big yourself up on this thread and I wonder why that is.

 

For what it's worth, I agree you have probably come on too hard here. You haven't let her come to you at all and have instead tried to initiate meetings in succession. I wouldn't find the "bang" comment particularly amusing, no matter how good the sex was. Even the whole "lion king. Tonight Let's go" thing - again, it's how it was said. It seems arrogant? I would preferred a "hey I saw lion king is on in town, fancy going?" She may be busy but she'd find time to reply to a text

[Formerfiveo]

doesn't matter age.

i've found the less attention you give a woman in between dates the more effort they make to see you and the more interest they show when in front of you.

 

basically, texting is used to set up dates and thats it.

no flirty talk or sex talk or any of the stuff they probably get from half a dozen men daily.

 

stand apart from the rest.

 

Gotta disagree, phin. Maybe some women are like this, but not all of us.

[winny]

Gotta disagree, phin. Maybe some women are like this, but not all of us.

 

Agree... That will work on some insecure women.

[longjohn]

Looks like she came, she saw and she's moved along. However you do seem overly eager that might be a bit much for her. If it's not and she's just checking out someone else don't worry if you get a text in a few weeks that means the other guy didn't work out either lol.

 

Personally if a lady goes all out quite for an extended period of time (longer than 2 days) I assume she's moved on and press onward myself. There's always a slight chance she just wants to think it all over.

[lakerman34]

No message today either.

 

I do think I may have come off as too eager.

 

However, historically she tends to be more communicative on Thursday, Friday, & Saturday. Still not completely ready to write her off, we'll see what the next couple of days bring. Obviously, if the weekend comes and goes, and I don't hear from her, she's no longer interested.

 

Based on the way things have been going, this would be a huge surprise to me. But, then again, the fact that she went back home for the holidays and came back the day before her work started, we are coming up on 3 weeks without seeing each other. She may just be over it. She did tell me that she hadn't had sex for an extremely long time prior to me, she may have just been on Tinder looking for some penis. She got what she wanted, it ran its course, she's good for the time being.

 

Also, I don't think I said "buddy," and the whole "BANG" thing, I promise you, not a big deal.

 

Again, I really do like her, but I'm willing to accept that this is over if it is. I hope it isn't, but I just don't have the time nor energy to dedicate to being too broken up over this.

Edited January 5, 2017 by lakerman34

[allez102]

Also, I don't think I said "buddy," and the whole "BANG" thing, I promise you, not a big deal.

 

This comment proves my point.

 

Not a big deal to who? You? Maybe not. But her? Possibly. Me? Yes.

 

Nobody who is interested leaves this long between texts - I would write her off.

[lakerman34]

This comment proves my point.

 

Not a big deal to who? You? Maybe not. But her? Possibly. Me? Yes.

 

Nobody who is interested leaves this long between texts - I would write her off.

 

Trust me. It's not a big deal. Everyone's different. She would have appreciated the pun.

 

HOWEVER, UPDATE: I have this woman at work who's a psychologist and likes talking relationships. She acted me if I was dating (out of curiosity -- we are a tight knit staff). I briefly explained my situation to her, she said, "dude. Forget texting. Call her up, ask her for a drink."

 

I let that marinate in my head. Around 7PM, I called her. No response. It is now 8:15PM.

 

Her phone number is deleted. I'll let you know if anything else happens, but as of right now, I am putting a knife in this.

Edited January 6, 2017 by lakerman34

[PinkPampies]

Read through your other threads.

 

Trying to put this as kindly as I can...

Common theme seems to be you not believing the other woman you're pursuing isn't interested in you. It is an ego thing and it's best to be humble and gracious throughput life, particularly in relationships.

 

There's a famous quote...

"When someone shows you who they are, believe them. "

 

Also, if a woman is showing you she's not interested, she's not. Rejection hurts, but move on. It will make you stronger.

[lakerman34]

Yep. So, midnight rolls around, haven't heard from her.

 

Final update.

 

Thank you all for the assistance. Time to just say it was a fun time, and move on.

 

If she contacts me, I'll let y'all know.

[lakerman34]

Read through your other threads.

 

Trying to put this as kindly as I can...

Common theme seems to be you not believing the other woman you're pursuing isn't interested in you. It is an ego thing and it's best to be humble and gracious throughput life, particularly in relationships.

 

There's a famous quote...

"When someone shows you who they are, believe them. "

 

Also, if a woman is showing you she's not interested, she's not. Rejection hurts, but move on. It will make you stronger.

 

I don't know if doing that is fair, honestly. I've been on this forum for 5 years now. Some of the stuff I posted I was very angry, upset, or in some sort of emotional state. I don't think it's representative of who I am.

 

This thread, more or less, is.

 

I could tell you, in terms of how I feel, I'm pretty bummed and disappointed, but I get it. Completely. I understand why she wouldn't want to continue this, I don't really care why she wants to move on, no hard feelings, I'll probably be back to report the next lady, when that happens (even though, for now, I'll continue to enjoy single life).

[lakerman34]

UPDATE:

 

After a few days, I'm accepting that it's over, BUT I REALLY did not appreciate being ghosted.

 

One of my work buddies recently was ghosted by a girl that he was dating for a year and a half. He was really shaken up about it, saying that he thought she was the one he was going to end up marrying.

 

After reading quite a lot about ghosting on the internet, I decided to act upon it.

 

Now, I understand the NC rule, but I also understand that I was more confused than emotionally invested by this situation.

 

I unblocked her on Facebook, and sent her a message.

 

In this message (non-verbatim -- I'm paranoid about the possibility of her searching the letter through Google and finding this website), I essentially said:

 

"hey, so i'm assuming that we are over. I just wanted you to know that I had a very fun time with you, think you're really cool, but did not appreciate being ghosted like I was. I'm a human being with feelings, and did not feel great about being tossed away like trash. I respect your decision to end things, and if I offended you in any way, I would appreciate that you'd let me know so that I don't make the same mistake again. Also, if it's the case that I offended you, I hope you'd forgive me. Again, I think you're really cool, I had a lot of fun, I just wish that I was told that this was over. Thank you."

 

She responded no more than 15 minutes later:

 

"Hey, I want to apologize for not getting back to you sooner. The transition back to work has been really hard for me, and I've been focusing on centering myself. I admit, I was very unfair in completely shutting you out. I think you're a really great person and you didn't deserve to be treated like that. I enjoyed spending time with you, and there was nothing that you did or said that resulted in my not responding to you. I hope you'll accept my sincere apology and understand that I need to focus on myself right now."

 

I basically responded with a "thank you for telling me, take your time, when things clear up, you know how to reach me."

 

She responded: "thanks for your understanding."

 

Now, my analytical self takes what she said 80% to heart. I say 80% b/c I saw her on Tinder post-ghost (which means she's still swiping regardless of needed to "find herself"), and I think her message isn't telling the entire story -- I think she may be telling me what I want to hear.

 

However, I say 80% because, for the most part, I don't think she's "lying" and I think she realizes that it was unfair to ghost me.

 

With that being said, her calling me in the next few weeks? I'm not holding my breath.

[winny]

Cliche dumping message.

 

Work.. Lol

What a lame excuse!!

 

Why did you ask her to reach out to you?

This is a woman who is heartless enuf to leave u hanging n ignore your texts n call n make u go thru days of uncertainty. I can guess what kind of work ethics she would have.

 

Dont look back!

[lakerman34]

Cliche dumping message.

 

Work.. Lol

What a lame excuse!!

 

Why did you ask her to reach out to you?

This is a woman who is heartless enuf to leave u hanging n ignore your texts n call n make u go thru days of uncertainty. I can guess what kind of work ethics she would have.

 

Dont look back!

 

Not going to, but work is a legit excuse.

 

She and I have the same job -- it's her first year, my 3rd.

 

It's about an 80 hour/week job. "Stress" doesn't not even begin to cover it. We spend our weekends sleeping because it's a very draining job.

[winny]

Not going to, but work is a legit excuse.

 

She and I have the same job -- it's her first year, my 3rd.

 

It's about an 80 hour/week job. "Stress" doesn't not even begin to cover it. We spend our weekends sleeping because it's a very draining job.

 

"legit" and "excuse" cannot be in same sentence... ha ha

 

So she wasn't having lunch, dinner, taking bath, brushing her teeth, making her hair, buying groceries, cleaning her room???? If she can do all this and type that Facebook message, that means she can very well answer a text. she has time to check Facebook.... the first thing I stop checking when I am busy....!!

please try to face the truth here. She was deliberately ignoring you.

[lakerman34]

"legit" and "excuse" cannot be in same sentence... ha ha

 

So she wasn't having lunch, dinner, taking bath, brushing her teeth, making her hair, buying groceries, cleaning her room???? If she can do all this and type that Facebook message, that means she can very well answer a text. she has time to check Facebook.... the first thing I stop checking when I am busy....!!

please try to face the truth here. She was deliberately ignoring you.

 

No one is excuse her for not checking her text messages.

 

I'm just saying, yes, I, too, don't have time to clean my room, answer texts, or even check FB during the week (unless I do it at an ungodly time).

 

It doesn't really matter, anyways. It's done. HOWEVER, I do believe that she isn't an evil wench who just wanted to get away from me. Knowing her as a person and stuff she's dealing with, knowing her work schedule (I'd get texts at 9PM on MANY days saying, "ughhh I wish I could hang out but I'm exhausted. Can we do next week?), AND knowing what I went through my first year (fun fact - I was dating someone and my job, essentially, pushed her away), I think the whole "I need to center myself" is a good "excuse," or whatever you want to call it.

 

She's still OK in my book. Meanwhile, I'm opening myself to other ladies.

[Lansing]

I don't know why you said "you know where to find me " type thing at the end of all of that.

 

Anyway, I hope this is enough for you to move on now. I understand it is frustrating to be "ghosted" and sometimes you wonder "well, maybe there is just a misunderstanding or something" but reality if when people treat you like that better just to go No Contact after one or 2 attempts at contacting and move on.

[lakerman34]

I don't know why you said "you know where to find me " type thing at the end of all of that.

 

Anyway, I hope this is enough for you to move on now. I understand it is frustrating to be "ghosted" and sometimes you wonder "well, maybe there is just a misunderstanding or something" but reality if when people treat you like that better just to go No Contact after one or 2 attempts at contacting and move on.

 

Yeah, I sort of thought about not sending that. Keeps the door open for her, gives her the power of decision whether or not she wants to start up again. Gives her too much power.

 

I said that because I want to believe that she's being completely honest. In the past, I've been dumped, and I know the girl was only looking to keep her feelings intact at the expense of mine. I don't think it's that way with this girl (and also, honestly, it was only a month "fling," so I wasn't too invested as it were).

 

I could, if the right girl came along, start dating tomorrow. I'm not too hung up on the girl. I was more upset at the way she ended it. I read somewhere that the universe treats you the way you allow yourself to be treated. I refuse to be tossed out like that, and that's why I confronted her kindly. She cleared the air, and sure, maybe it isn't 100% honest, but it'll do.

 

That gave me closure enough.

[loverboy69]

I see an escalating pattern of fading out here.

 

People make time for those they want to make time for.

 

Your best course of action is to - DO NOTHING.

 

 

Agreed. It does suck when we're on the receiving end of rejection but her actions speak volumes.

 

Sometimes it's hard to accept but that's life.

[winny]

 

That gave me closure enough.

 

I have come to realize that we run after closure way too much.... as if some words from the other person is gonna be the saving grace for our lives.

I am teaching myself to just not expect anything from anyone anymore.... because most people dont even deserve that much that you want a closure from them. They give u silence.. u give it back to them.

[lakerman34]

I have come to realize that we run after closure way too much.... as if some words from the other person is gonna be the saving grace for our lives.

I am teaching myself to just not expect anything from anyone anymore.... because most people dont even deserve that much that you want a closure from them. They give u silence.. u give it back to them.

 

Again, you're right.

 

There have been times when a girl has said it was over, and never gave me a reason.

 

It used to KILL me.

 

I've learned to let the emotions play out, and get over it.

 

This was slightly different though. I've never been kicked to the curb for no apparent reason ESPECIALLY after we had a great date (dinner, movies, goofing around at the supermarket late at night, wine, talking, sex). Time probably played a part of it (it is going on 3 weeks since we've actually SEEN each other), and there may be other factors that she isn't going to reveal (like another boy).

 

I'm just satisfied that she said SOMETHING. That's all I needed. Still, I don't understand how a "breakup" comes logically after the last date, but again, that's not my problem.

[Popsicle]

I believe her reasons too, but if she's used to having a guy in her life (most cute girls do) then she's going to be talking to someone on her off time, even if it's sporadic. She probably just wants a text buddy right now.