My EA partner of 3.5 years has been distant with me lately...

[GuessWho36]

I adore my EA partner to pieces ....

 

She is close to 15 years my senior and we have been knowing one another for about 3.5 years.... She is single and in her late 20s.. I am married (for 15 years now) and in my early 40s. I'm distraught, not only is she my EA partner but a true & close friend...I'm starting to feel like she is going to ghost me soon. what should I do? we have never been physically intimate but the feelings run deep... In my heart I feel she is mine.... and always will be. Should I set her free or should I continue to fight for what we have?

 

Please no judgmental comments. I do love and take care of my wife and family however this woman drives me wild. I so adore this woman and am intrigued by her. She is very beautiful and mysterious. She is also kind and smart.

[GuessWho36]

I meant that she is 15 YEARS MY JUNIOR.*

[basil67]

She's single in and in her late 20's. I'd say she's realised that this is going nowhere and wants to find herself a proper relationship. To want anything less for her would be extremely selfish on your part.

 

Also, you don't need to set her free - she's more than capable of setting herself free. And it looks like she's doing exactly that.

[anika99]

You are being selfish and self centred. She is yours? Well maybe she wants to find someone who can be hers. That is not you because you are married. She deserves to have everything you have. A committed fulltime partner, marriage, children. How unbelievably cruel it is of you to expect this young woman to spend her life settling for the little you offer while you get everything. A wife, children, extended family, stability, status, and a mistress on the side. You must see yourself as quite the special prize if you really expect this young woman to sacrafice so much for you. I hope she sets herself free and never looks back.

[GuessWho36]

Sounds like this single gal is more important than your wife/marriage.

 

Have you considered divorcing so you can offer marriage to your OW?

 

That is not an option...however she would definitely be my type if I weren't married...but I still want her apartt of my life....I adore her...she has even told me she was in love with me before....she is such a beautiful woman...inside, as well as out...

[GuessWho36]

You are being selfish and self centred. She is yours? Well maybe she wants to find someone who can be hers. That is not you because you are married. She deserves to have everything you have. A committed fulltime partner, marriage, children. How unbelievably cruel it is of you to expect this young woman to spend her life settling for the little you offer while you get everything. A wife, children, extended family, stability, status, and a mistress on the side. You must see yourself as quite the special prize if you really expect this young woman to sacrafice so much for you. I hope she sets herself free and never looks back.

 

I just don't understand the adoration I feel for her is at all selfish. Never did I say she was unable to date others. Do I like it or am I fond of it?....of course not, but I learned to deal with it and even help her through whenever she would mention a love interest or potential to me....but she is still mine, and I have told her this.....Love is complex.

[GuessWho36]

It really is cruel of you. You know it is. You asked years ago and posters told you to end it.

 

When do you think you might become an unselfish friend to her?

 

When do you think you may treat your wife with love and respect by being ONLY deeply connected to your wife? When?

 

In what world is love and adoration a crime? So I am a bad guy for loving another woman for her soul and mind?

 

at least I am not disrespecting her nor my wife by physically pursuing her or giving in to physical desires.....is love and adoration a crime?

 

married or not.....love and attraction is not something we can control.

[basil67]

I just don't understand the adoration I feel for her is at all selfish. Never did I say she was unable to date others. Do I like it or am I fond of it?....of course not, but I learned to deal with it and even help her through whenever she would mention a love interest or potential to me....but she is still mine, and I have told her this.....Love is complex.

 

When she finds her own man and starts to put appropriate boundaries in place, you will find that you no longer have a place in her life. As you have not married her, you cannot expect any other outcome.

[Chica80]

I adore my EA partner to pieces ....

 

She is close to 15 years my senior and we have been knowing one another for about 3.5 years.... She is single and in her late 20s.. I am married (for 15 years now) and in my early 40s. I'm distraught, not only is she my EA partner but a true & close friend...I'm starting to feel like she is going to ghost me soon. what should I do? we have never been physically intimate but the feelings run deep... In my heart I feel she is mine.... and always will be. Should I set her free or should I continue to fight for what we have?

 

Please no judgmental comments. I do love and take care of my wife and family however this woman drives me wild. I so adore this woman and am intrigued by her. She is very beautiful and mysterious. She is also kind and smart.

 

YOU should do nothing.

 

Why should she be there for you, when you can't totally be there for her. You are holding her back. You are stopping her from finding her own happiness. Someone she can share all of her life with, not just bits and pieces.

[BuddyX]

That is not an option...however she would definitely be my type if I weren't married...but I still want her apartt of my life....I adore her...she has even told me she was in love with me before....she is such a beautiful woman...inside, as well as out...

 

But an affair is an option?

Tell your wife about the affair and ask her if it's cruel or a crime to love another woman? Gauge her reaction then.

[gettingstronger]

This beautiful woman, both inside and out, is getting older and probably tired of the sappy double talk that does nothing for her- maybe she realized that only getting part of "some old guy" is not what she wants for her life and she is moving on- let her... you have nothing to offer he that she can't find with a single, available guy-

 

You may not feel loving two people is a crime, but perhaps she does-

[sandylee1]

You've got nothing to offer her, of course she's getting distant. She's 3.5 years too late, but better late than never.

 

You need to grow up and stop being such a self centred human being.

[freengreen]

In what world is love and adoration a crime? So I am a bad guy for loving another woman for her soul and mind?

 

at least I am not disrespecting her nor my wife by physically pursuing her or giving in to physical desires.....is love and adoration a crime?

 

married or not.....love and attraction is not something we can control.

These were the exact same thoughts i had while in EA. I respect the feeling of love.

 

But the affair fog is real. I dispensed real affection in a wrong place. Then I realised that love is also respecting other people who LOVE YOU. My husband loved me and I could not hurt him by getting emotionally attached to this OM. Also my OM was not all that deserving, he never did anything which could put him in spot, while I was stupidly brave ( thus I got caught, thank god). I am sticking to bigger love this time ( my husband's).

 

You are right. You cant guarentee that you wont fall in love after marriage, you keep falling in love with new things BUT if it hurts people who love you, whats the point in persuing it?. People who you love are nice to have but people who love you are precious.

 

Your affair will hurt your wife in bad ways. Let it go.

[FoundMyStrength]

If you love this woman, you need to let her go. I'll mirror others when I say, as an xOW, that you are being selfish in trying to keep her hooked on you.

 

It was excruciatingly painful to be in love with a married man. As the OW, you go into it full of love and excitement and passion, and when the fog begins to clear, you see where really are. Second-best, loved but not loved enough to be a man's one and only, relegated to the sidelines.

 

Love is simply not enough to survive on. A person also has to have their dignity and self-respect. Keeping her as an emotional mistress allows her neither of these. Let her move on to a man that can give her the world, and not just texts and phone calls fit in between family obligations.

[Ruffian1]

In what world is love and adoration a crime?

 

 

Really? Are you serious?

 

IN THIS WORLD!

 

There are some countries that stone adulterers (the females only). People get shot by other spouses. It is a crime in the military. Children's homes are imploded. Several Muslim countries and almost half of all US states still consider adultery a criminal offence. Adultery remains illegal in 21 states across the US.

 

Just because you (say) didn't have intercourse, you state in an earlier post that "you both agree what you are doing is wrong". You know it is. You just don't want to admit it.

 

Yum, you just like cake and having it.

 

Why not let you W in on it, see if she is ok with your EA?

 

I think we all know why.

 

Greed.

[GuessWho36]

I'm still here....

 

Again having feelings and acting on them are 2 totally different things...people are attracted to others besides their spouses and have crushes everyday...I have not acted on it.....I'll never stop loving this woman...but I do love my wife too..

[GuessWho36]

Even when I don't communicate this woman I can feel her energy....we are connected and possibly even soul mates.....

[GuessWho36]

Why is divorce not an option? This is so unbalanced for your wife.

 

Because I am fine with what we have.....

[GuessWho36]

You've got nothing to offer her, of course she's getting distant. She's 3.5 years too late, but better late than never.

 

You need to grow up and stop being such a self centred human being.

 

I can offer her my love and emotional support.....If I were self centered and didn't respect this woman I would have made an attempt to sleep with this woman...

[GuessWho36]

She's single in and in her late 20's. I'd say she's realised that this is going nowhere and wants to find herself a proper relationship. To want anything less for her would be extremely selfish on your part.

 

Also, you don't need to set her free - she's more than capable of setting herself free. And it looks like she's doing exactly that.

 

I'll always have a piece of her heart...and likewise.....this woman, I adore...Rarely do I find myself intrigued and fascinated by many

[GuessWho36]

When she finds her own man and starts to put appropriate boundaries in place, you will find that you no longer have a place in her life. As you have not married her, you cannot expect any other outcome.

 

I beg to differ....she'll come around even when she gets into a relationship....she said I would always be apart of her life no matter the role I play in her life...

[BuddyX]

Because I am fine with what we have.....

 

You mean what "you have". Why don't you tell your wife about the EA then remind her about "being fine".

 

Look, your OW will find a man. Settle down and have kids. And forget about you. Why don't you put all this time and energy into your marriage.

[whichwayisup]

I beg to differ....she'll come around even when she gets into a relationship....she said I would always be apart of her life no matter the role I play in her life...

 

On her terms and time frame. She's selfishly keeping you hanging. No malicious intentions but she certainly knows what she's doing.

 

Get busy and focus on other friends in your life.

[GuessWho36]

Did she say why she's been distant lately? If you're so close to her I'd think you'd be asking her.

 

I told her something seemed off.........And she played coy and said she was just putting some things into perspective.....Almost a week after this she told me she'd been thinking about some fond memories of our friendship lately. Now I have not heard from her in almost week

[GuessWho36]

On her terms and time frame. She's selfishly keeping you hanging. No malicious intentions but she certainly knows what she's doing.

 

Get busy and focus on other friends in your life.

 

Why would she keep me hanging?