roynatasha70 Posted January 3, 2017 Posted January 3, 2017 (edited) I am friends with someone whom I tend to like, a lot. However he leads a very wild lifestyle. He sleeps with any girl he finds hot and he always picks up girls who look easy. Also some of these girls are thick and he even pays porn stars or prostitutes a visit. He calls a lot of these girls for sex at hotels. As he's too good looking and very rich these girls never get over him and even fight over him but he drops them. There's some problem with him because he claims he's monogamous and inspite of getting sex and fun , he's always unhappy and depressed. As far as I know he was in love with someone who didn't love him back. He loved her quite passionately but she never responded. I kind of feel sad for that girl because his look of love for her never changed and he would still look at her with the same doe eyes like he used to do initially. The rest of the flings also were shallow relationships. He's took to drugs, smoking and excessive drinking. He was the same guy who wanted to get married and have kids and was extremely romantic but now he's just like "f*ck around, f*ck every girl never settle". But at times he still desires a long term relationship and wants a partner. I don't get him. What's wrong? Will he ever fall in love and settle with 1 girl? Edited January 3, 2017 by roynatasha70 1
PegNosePete Posted January 3, 2017 Posted January 3, 2017 What's wrong? Attempting to diagnose someone else seldom works on a forum such as this. Undoubtedly there is more to this story that you're telling us. You can't tell us his inner feelings, after all. Will he ever fall in love and settle with 1 girl? Maybe he will, maybe he won't. Nobody can see the future. 3
elaine567 Posted January 3, 2017 Posted January 3, 2017 WE don 't know the full story or how his mind truly works, but it sounds like he never really got over this "one true love" and he is now making himself feel better by treating other women badly. That is the "romantic" version - all he needs is the love of a good woman and life is wonderful... But this is real life and here we have a man who seems to have an addictive personality, drugs, smoking, drinking and sex, and who is depressed and unhappy to boot. The bottom line is that whatever his real problem is, the truth is that YOU can't fix him, so do not even try. Stay well away, he will ruin you if you let him.
alphamale Posted January 3, 2017 Posted January 3, 2017 What's wrong? Will he ever fall in love and settle with 1 girl? he sounds like a manic-depressive to me
Gaeta Posted January 3, 2017 Posted January 3, 2017 I am friends with someone whom I tend to like, a lot. However he leads a very wild lifestyle. He sleeps with any girl he finds hot and he always picks up girls who look easy. Also some of these girls are thick and he even pays porn stars or prostitutes a visit. He calls a lot of these girls for sex at hotels. As he's too good looking and very rich these girls never get over him and even fight over him but he drops them. There's some problem with him because he claims he's monogamous and inspite of getting sex and fun , he's always unhappy and depressed. As far as I know he was in love with someone who didn't love him back. He loved her quite passionately but she never responded. I kind of feel sad for that girl because his look of love for her never changed and he would still look at her with the same doe eyes like he used to do initially. The rest of the flings also were shallow relationships. He's took to drugs, smoking and excessive drinking. He was the same guy who wanted to get married and have kids and was extremely romantic but now he's just like "f*ck around, f*ck every girl never settle". But at times he still desires a long term relationship and wants a partner. I don't get him. What's wrong? Will he ever fall in love and settle with 1 girl? And you like this guy a lot why? 5
Miss Spider Posted January 3, 2017 Posted January 3, 2017 Yuck. That's all I can say. But if you like him, go for it. Just make sure he gets tested and you see it 1
mikeylo Posted January 3, 2017 Posted January 3, 2017 He is depressed. His behavior is kind of anti depressant in his mind -- temporary relief. It's not about the one girl he fell for. It's about the dream of having a little family of his own. He will , when he finds a girl who is right for him. 2
stillafool Posted January 3, 2017 Posted January 3, 2017 Poor him, despite his good looks and money that girl wanted nothing to do with him so now he is going to make every other girl pay for it. No wonder he's miserable because that will never get him over the rejection. 5
alphamale Posted January 3, 2017 Posted January 3, 2017 Poor him, despite his good looks and money that girl wanted nothing to do with him so now he is going to make every other girl pay for it. No wonder he's miserable because that will never get him over the rejection. that pretty much sums it up 2
Redhead14 Posted January 3, 2017 Posted January 3, 2017 I am friends with someone whom I tend to like, a lot. However he leads a very wild lifestyle. He sleeps with any girl he finds hot and he always picks up girls who look easy. Also some of these girls are thick and he even pays porn stars or prostitutes a visit. He calls a lot of these girls for sex at hotels. As he's too good looking and very rich these girls never get over him and even fight over him but he drops them. There's some problem with him because he claims he's monogamous and inspite of getting sex and fun , he's always unhappy and depressed. As far as I know he was in love with someone who didn't love him back. He loved her quite passionately but she never responded. I kind of feel sad for that girl because his look of love for her never changed and he would still look at her with the same doe eyes like he used to do initially. The rest of the flings also were shallow relationships. He's took to drugs, smoking and excessive drinking. He was the same guy who wanted to get married and have kids and was extremely romantic but now he's just like "f*ck around, f*ck every girl never settle". But at times he still desires a long term relationship and wants a partner. I don't get him. What's wrong? Will he ever fall in love and settle with 1 girl? Well, it may just simply be a case of having not found the "one" and he keeps searching, although his methods are perhaps, somewhat, dysfunctional at best. Or, he just tells women he's looking for a monogamous relationship because he knows that what most women want in order to get what he wants -- sex. It could also be just another way of dealing with things he doesn't want to deal with the way he uses drinking and drugs. It's just another dysfunctional way of deal with "life". However, I wouldn't want to be one of the one's who are "waiting/hoping" to be the ONE. He's took to drugs, smoking and excessive drinking. -- Drugs and drinking cloud the mind and emotions. He's doing that for a reason. Something/someone has hurt him or he's done somethings he's deeply ashamed of or causing him guilt . . . you don't want to find out what they are either.
Author roynatasha70 Posted January 3, 2017 Author Posted January 3, 2017 Well, it may just simply be a case of having not found the "one" and he keeps searching, although his methods are perhaps, somewhat, dysfunctional at best. Or, he just tells women he's looking for a monogamous relationship because he knows that what most women want in order to get what he wants -- sex. It could also be just another way of dealing with things he doesn't want to deal with the way he uses drinking and drugs. It's just another dysfunctional way of deal with "life". However, I wouldn't want to be one of the one's who are "waiting/hoping" to be the ONE. He's took to drugs, smoking and excessive drinking. -- Drugs and drinking cloud the mind and emotions. He's doing that for a reason. Something/someone has hurt him or he's done somethings he's deeply ashamed of or causing him guilt . . . you don't want to find out what they are either. But if he really wanted the "one" why would he target girls which are easy? I dont want to shame but if you saw those girls, they aren't dating or marriage type. Most literally talk about wanting c*cks and call themselves sl"ts. He targets females like these. He doesn't approach girls who aren't like them. Also he drinks so much that at times he can't even walk and many times I had to take him to his room. He also likes being high and the drugs he takes are injection type. You are right though that he's been hurt. He's been hurt a lot and throughout these 4 years of knowing him, he's always been depressed and upset with tendency to self harm also.
Gaeta Posted January 3, 2017 Posted January 3, 2017 You are right though that he's been hurt. He's been hurt a lot and throughout these 4 years of knowing him, he's always been depressed and upset with tendency to self harm also. You need to find yourself a real man. Playing his nurse will not make him fall in love with you. Remember talk is cheap. Him saying he wants a monogamous relationship is just farts coming out of his mouth. 5
Redhead14 Posted January 3, 2017 Posted January 3, 2017 but if he really wanted the "one" why would he target girls which are easy? I dont want to shame but if you saw those girls, they aren't dating or marriage type. Most literally talk about wanting c*cks and call themselves sl"ts. He targets females like these. He doesn't approach girls who aren't like them. Also he drinks so much that at times he can't even walk and many times i had to take him to his room. He also likes being high and the drugs he takes are injection type. You are right though that he's been hurt. He's been hurt a lot and throughout these 4 years of knowing him, he's always been depressed and upset with tendency to self harm also. the man is an alcoholic and a drug user. He doesn't know what he wants or is simply lying to himself and/or others. He has significant mental and emotional impairment. Until he gets to aa/counseling and actually wants help, he is not a suitable partner for anyone. He probably knows that but has a void that he needs filled. He chooses unhealthy ways to get his needs met. Plain and simple. The "why" is something you/we/he may never know. And, people who self harm are doing it to "feel" alive. With all the drug and alcohol abuse, he's numbing himself and at some points, he wants to feel something, anything, so he inflicts pain.
kendahke Posted January 3, 2017 Posted January 3, 2017 But if he really wanted the "one" why would he target girls which are easy? I dont want to shame but if you saw those girls, they aren't dating or marriage type. Most literally talk about wanting c*cks and call themselves sl"ts. He targets females like these. He doesn't approach girls who aren't like them. Probably because with them, expectations are low and kept in check by all involved. He may not want to deal with anything or anyone more taxing than this. Relationships bring expectations and obligation and he may not be interested in that for any girl right now. It's totally his prerogative to approach whomever he wants--if they're amenable, he's amenable. I'm really not seeing the problem here. He's working out his heartache on his own terms and expectations and no one else's, which is what he should be doing. There is no commitment involved with any of them, right? So he's a free agent and doesn't have to be monogamous when he's not in a committed relationship. 1
Author roynatasha70 Posted January 3, 2017 Author Posted January 3, 2017 the man is an alcoholic and a drug user. He doesn't know what he wants or is simply lying to himself and/or others. He has significant mental and emotional impairment. Until he gets to aa/counseling and actually wants help, he is not a suitable partner for anyone. He probably knows that but has a void that he needs filled. He chooses unhealthy ways to get his needs met. Plain and simple. The "why" is something you/we/he may never know. And, people who self harm are doing it to "feel" alive. With all the drug and alcohol abuse, he's numbing himself and at some points, he wants to feel something, anything, so he inflicts pain. He has a history of cutting and he also bashes his hands and injuries it to an extent its swollen and bruised/red.
Author roynatasha70 Posted January 3, 2017 Author Posted January 3, 2017 Probably because with them, expectations are low and kept in check by all involved. He may not want to deal with anything or anyone more taxing than this. Relationships bring expectations and obligation and he may not be interested in that for any girl right now. It's totally his prerogative to approach whomever he wants--if they're amenable, he's amenable. I'm really not seeing the problem here. He's working out his heartache on his own terms and expectations and no one else's, which is what he should be doing. There is no commitment involved with any of them, right? So he's a free agent and doesn't have to be monogamous when he's not in a committed relationship. Yeah there's no commitment from his side. Those girls get obsessed and stalk him until he shuts them off or cuts complete contact. He just said he likes having sex and that's all they should expect from him as there's no chance of love from him in this situation.
elaine567 Posted January 3, 2017 Posted January 3, 2017 He has a history of cutting and he also bashes his hands and injuries it to an extent its swollen and bruised/red. Does he have any family around? Is he known to the Mental Health Services?
smackie9 Posted January 3, 2017 Posted January 3, 2017 Him being lonely and depressed is his own doing. Of course a woman of beauty and quality wouldn't look at him twice...and I can see why his dream girl rejected him....he is has a disgusting lifestyle, and treats woman like objects that can be bought. He has dug himself into a deep hole of worthlessness. He needs to stop living like a pig and do something more worthy things with his time and money. If he lived more honorably, he will attract a woman that he wishes for. He just needs to change. He can be monogamous....if he really wants to. 4
LargoLagg Posted January 3, 2017 Posted January 3, 2017 (edited) I really have to laugh. That guy you're describing might very well have been me, starting back in college. I got dumped by this girl I loved very much. At first, I moped around, then I got another girlfriend, but she wasn't doing the job for me. I didn't like her that much, she was a placeholder. So I started cheating on her, relentlessly. Eventually, she found out and I hurt her. After that, I figured, why have a girlfriend at all? I'm good looking. I can bang pretty much whoever I want. So I did. I did the drinking and drugs stuff too, not necessarily to numb myself, but mostly because it was fun. I'm open to the idea I was self-medicating, but at the time, because it was fun. I targeted exactly the kinds of girls you're talking about because they were disposable without a bunch of hassle. I didn't really feel like hurting anybody (i.e., "making them pay"), so these girls were just what the doctor ordered. Why all the sex? Because I was young, with a high sex drive, that's why. Not just because I was soothing my pain with sex. Again, open to the idea that deep under the covers, that's what I was doing, but consciously? It was because little Elvis was constantly standing at attention, and as warm and loving as my hand was, girls were wetter and better and in ample supply. The "thick" ones were usually more enthusiastic too. It's not all about looks when you're knee deep. Yes, I wanted the monogamy and the family too... but only with the girl I couldn't have. I had no desire for that with anyone else.... not even someone I later fell in love with. But I cheated on her too, told her that I didn't want to marry, and after that was over, I went back to my old ways. Eventually, I found someone new that I wanted all that stuff with, and I changed overnight - voluntarily and without a lot of effort. She turned out to be the one, and it took over 25 years before I felt that kind of interest in anyone again. I think my experiences prevented me from physically cheating on my wife too, although that's another story. In the long run, that was the wisdom I got out of my experience. In addition to the dimestore psychology you've gotten already, you've also gotten some good advice. This guy has evaluated you, whether you know it or not. He might want to bang you too, or not, but you are definitely not the one he'll eventually choose. If you were, you'd know it by now. If you're fairly attractive, and he hasn't come on to you yet, then he senses that you're going to be more trouble than the sex is worth. Sex is everywhere, so it's no big deal if he gets this girl or that one or you. He can do without you, if tomorrow with you looks like it's going to be difficult. So, you can try to get together with him, be his FWB or his girlfriend, and in the long run, you can be a fond memory as long as you don't demand more than he's willing to give. Or, you can run now, before you get hurt. He doesn't want to hurt you, because he's got options. But if you let him, or insist that he does, he will. Edited January 3, 2017 by LargoLagg
Ronnys93 Posted January 4, 2017 Posted January 4, 2017 I just want to clarify that "monogamy" and casual sex aren't exactly mutually exclusive. You can have casual sex and then get locked into a relationship where you're completely monogamous. This guy has some other issues going on and it has nothing to do with sleeping around. 2
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted January 4, 2017 Posted January 4, 2017 OP's guy sounds like Hank Moody from Californication lol.
VeveCakes Posted January 4, 2017 Posted January 4, 2017 He is probably using prostitutes because they can share drugs, its pretty common and some trade this for sex etc. Sounds like a junkie loser who needs serious help. 2
alphamale Posted January 4, 2017 Posted January 4, 2017 Sounds like a junkie loser who needs serious help. i agree vevecakes 2
spiderowl Posted January 4, 2017 Posted January 4, 2017 I don't know if he will settle down but I doubt it somehow. It sounds like a pattern that has been continuing for some time. The story about the girl might be true but it might also be a cover to discourage any girl from getting too involved with him. It would be a mistake to get involved with a guy who can treat girls so casually. It suggests a serious lack of empathy.
elaine567 Posted January 4, 2017 Posted January 4, 2017 I really have to laugh. That guy you're describing might very well have been me, starting back in college. So you had a history of "cutting" and bashing your hand so badly it was swollen and red did you? This guy is not just some "laughable" college "player", he has serious issues.
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