BriaBri11 Posted January 3, 2017 Posted January 3, 2017 My ex flip flopped a lot in our relationship, and never really ultimately committed to me. He finally confessed to me that while we were not speaking for 5 days after a fight He'd slept with another woman. I'd already been hurt so many times at this point this was the straw that broke the camels back and I was enraged crying and screaming in agony. We have been broken up 3 weeks now, and I hadn't told everyone we weren't together anymore. However he has been blocked on All social media. A mutual friend called me and told me he tweeted that 1. He never really cared about me he only dated me because I wanted a relationship 2. I made him miserable and he regretted ever meeting me I loved this man with every piece of me. Showered him with love, gifts, invested in his business, etc. In my eyes he could do no wrong. I just feel really shattered and I don't know what to do from here. what kind of person fakes an entire relationship & uses someone like that? It just feels like I've lost who I am or forgotten who I am. Because of his smear campaign I've had to start telling my friends that yes we broke up, and it seems I'm reliving it by telling it again. I'm stuck in a cycle of pain and can't see my way out. 1
letsgetcoffee Posted January 3, 2017 Posted January 3, 2017 It sounds like the break-up was for the best, anybody who treats an ex, current partner, or person that way is a douche and isn't worth your time (I am assuming you're not a douche). He didn't appreciate you or even acknowledge what you brought to his life, probably because he's feeling hurt (whether the reasons he is feeling hurt are legit or not), but that's no excuse to speak about a partner that way publicly. It's important to remember that while you may have changed while in the relationship (you didn't specify how long you were together), who you were at your core as a person (your values, how to treat people, how you bring value to others, etc) hasn't changed. If you saw yourself as a good person or otherwise had things you felt about yourself that gave you confidence and self-assurance, those things are still there. It might be helpful to engage in activities which help you exercise and see those traits in yourself more clearly. It's normal to feel ****ty after a breakup, there's nothing wrong about that. Take some time to recover, be in the company of supportive people, distract yourself, or direct your attention elsewhere. You'll get through it! 3
Author BriaBri11 Posted January 3, 2017 Author Posted January 3, 2017 It sounds like the break-up was for the best, anybody who treats an ex, current partner, or person that way is a douche and isn't worth your time (I am assuming you're not a douche). He didn't appreciate you or even acknowledge what you brought to his life, probably because he's feeling hurt (whether the reasons he is feeling hurt are legit or not), but that's no excuse to speak about a partner that way publicly. It's important to remember that while you may have changed while in the relationship (you didn't specify how long you were together), who you were at your core as a person (your values, how to treat people, how you bring value to others, etc) hasn't changed. If you saw yourself as a good person or otherwise had things you felt about yourself that gave you confidence and self-assurance, those things are still there. It might be helpful to engage in activities which help you exercise and see those traits in yourself more clearly. It's normal to feel ****ty after a breakup, there's nothing wrong about that. Take some time to recover, be in the company of supportive people, distract yourself, or direct your attention elsewhere. You'll get through it! Thank you so much for that. The only thing he's hurt by is the fact that I finally woke up & walked away for GOOD. Yes I lashed out and cursed him when he confessed to cheating on me. But I feel any woman would. So if that's all he's holding onto after a year of lies, deceit and NOW telling the world you never wanted me and never loved me then so be it. I'm hoping I'll feel better soon. This break up has been heartbreaking and I've never know pain quite like it. 2
Been Posted January 3, 2017 Posted January 3, 2017 He's mad because you found out about him. You know what he is. I was in a similar situation as you-my ex told people she wished she never met me. Was so HAPPY that I left her etc. And it made me feel horrible. But then I thought about all the times I'd leave and she would beg me back.Thought about the time I helped her buy her own house. So you see he's angry he can't take advantage of you anymore. So he's going to distance himself from you. He and people close to him know the real deal. 1
Author BriaBri11 Posted January 4, 2017 Author Posted January 4, 2017 He's mad because you found out about him. You know what he is. I was in a similar situation as you-my ex told people she wished she never met me. Was so HAPPY that I left her etc. And it made me feel horrible. But then I thought about all the times I'd leave and she would beg me back.Thought about the time I helped her buy her own house. So you see he's angry he can't take advantage of you anymore. So he's going to distance himself from you. He and people close to him know the real deal. Yes I'm so glad someone else can relate! I tried leaving numerous times he always came back crying, leaving voicemails crying, professing his love so I would take him back thinking he was genuine but you're right I think he's mad that I'm on to him now. Plus he was forewarned that he was on a last chance and that if he hurt me again I was done. Maybe he didn't believe me..
charliegirl816 Posted January 4, 2017 Posted January 4, 2017 What has happened is sad and sounds like you've made the best decision. I try to understand what I can learn from a difficult situation instead of allowing my emotions to become a roller coaster by replaying the situation over and over again. It could be helpful to seek out a counselor to help you work through your feelings from the relationship so you don't carry the baggage into a new relationship. Take it one day at a time.
HorseLuck Posted January 4, 2017 Posted January 4, 2017 (edited) I'm sorry BriaBri11. Just wanted to say you're not alone in the lashing out, so please don't feel guilty. I did the same thing, and took the power back into my hands. When he came back from a trip for 3 weeks after finding out he was a liar and a cheater- I left. No replies to calls or texts, didn't care to welcome him back home from his trip. Left him in complete silence. No regrets. Let him slander you, that's just his way of throwing a tantrum. Don't react to it at all and it will likely bother him you're being the bigger person. You don't need a person in your life with this type of character, you're better off without him. Edited January 4, 2017 by HorseLuck 1
Author BriaBri11 Posted January 4, 2017 Author Posted January 4, 2017 I'm sorry BriaBri11. Just wanted to say you're not alone in the lashing out, so please don't feel guilty. I did the same thing, and took the power back into my hands. When he came back from a trip for 3 weeks after finding out he was a liar and a cheater- I left. No replies to calls or texts, didn't care to welcome him back home from his trip. Left him in complete silence. No regrets. Let him slander you, that's just his way of throwing a tantrum. Don't react to it at all and it will likely bother him you're being the bigger person. You don't need a person in your life with this type of character, you're better off without him. Thank you so much for that. I took my power back and did the same as you. He knows my friends will come back and tell me he's slandering me trying to make me look like a bad person, but all he's done is exposed himself as an immoral sick person. I will not let him pull me out of character.
Author BriaBri11 Posted January 4, 2017 Author Posted January 4, 2017 What has happened is sad and sounds like you've made the best decision. I try to understand what I can learn from a difficult situation instead of allowing my emotions to become a roller coaster by replaying the situation over and over again. It could be helpful to seek out a counselor to help you work through your feelings from the relationship so you don't carry the baggage into a new relationship. Take it one day at a time. I recognize that this situation has damaged me somewhat. I'm unable to experience joy, or anything. Just numb & very blank. I never sleep anymore Often zoned out or anxious & on the verge of tears. I've made an appointment with a therapist so I can heal properly. 1
HorseLuck Posted January 5, 2017 Posted January 5, 2017 I recognize that this situation has damaged me somewhat. I'm unable to experience joy, or anything. Just numb & very blank. I never sleep anymore Often zoned out or anxious & on the verge of tears. I've made an appointment with a therapist so I can heal properly. Best of luck. We've all been there at some point. What you're experiencing is quite common. A therapist should help you immensely. If not, find another one. Sometimes it takes some trial and error. And when you're feeling moments of weakness, come back and post here.
Been Posted January 5, 2017 Posted January 5, 2017 Their is only two things you can do. You can either get back up or stay down. And I know it's hard getting up-it seems easier to stay down and dwell on everything and feel sorry for yourself. I know I was there. The days seem to drag on and you can't seem to think clearly. Everything that can go wrong seems to. Nothing seems to be going your way. But in these moments of despair we find out what we are made of. We find out we are much stronger then we thought. We are able to overcome pain and flourish. But in order for you to find that out you have to get back up and fight.
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