Wanting someone back even after betrayal...Don't do it!

[totallyconfused]

I just wanted to blow off some more ranting...

 

Even after all the lies, cheating, and betrayal, I still want him back. I can't emotionally let go of four years. But you know what I realized (with the help of friends and family)...

 

Even if I did get back together with him, my heart will never truly be there, I would never trust him. The betrayal is too hard to overcome. I could never give him me the way I had. He is NO longer the same man I loved, no matter how hard I wished it to be. I could forget (b/c I am a forgetful person), but in my heart I could never forgive. There was a reason why I never wanted to marry him when he wanted to marry me at the time...not b/c of the cheating before all this happened. I knew I was settling for him, thinking he would be a great husband (HA! he defenitely proved me wrong with these actions!) It was b/c I knew truly he wasn't someone I truly truly connect with, and I can't forget those feelings, b/c it will just come back again like they always did. I only want him back right now b/c I can't have him; we always want what we cant have.

 

So for people out there wanting back that person after they did you so wrong, hold back. Stay strong, you know your gut instinct is to stay out. I've truly realized that when we forgive to easily, it is clearly an act of desperation. Wait a month of no contact, then at least some logic may enter in our thickheaded, stubborn mind.

 

It has been REALLY FREAKIN hard of NC in 7 days for me. He has finally stopped messaging/texting/calling me now for 2 days of trying to get a friendship out of me. It does hurt knowing he's not even trying anymore just as I am trying to restrain myself. It hurts even more knowing he's going out with that 18 y/o hoebag. Realize your better than this. Realize when they do this asking friendship crap is really just a way to reassure themselves, trying to keep us as a backup plan, maintain the balance in their life, or reassurance that what they did wasnt as bad as they think they are. Quoting from somebody before on this forum - let them stew in their own guilt. Oh...and try not to rebound. All your gonna do is constantly compare that person and it will just get all messy. But gosh, I do miss the sex. Though we had a rocky relationship, the sex was hot. But it was hot only b/c I was the good one in bed

 

DAY 7 - I'm in the homestretch, the bridge between love and hate. I'm there, I just don't know it yet.

[Moai]

Stick to it! You're doing fine.

 

I have done the NC thing myself, and it seems to me that most of the grieving/feelings involved are for the relationship, and not the other person in particular.

 

It does get tougher when they stop trying to mend everything. Weird. Maybe that's because you don't know for sure if they are tortured anymore or not. Dunno.

 

You know, just the few things you have mentioned about sex in your post have led me to believe that he is an idiot for screwing up a relationship with someone like you--not just because of your great attitude/confidence about sex, but that you can be so open and trusting as well.. Always remember that.

[BLF04]

Take it from me, I got back together with my ex gf after she dumped me for another guy. IT WAS NEVER THE SAME. we got back together for 2 years. finally she broke it off, kinda of a relief to me. your right though, you want what you cant have, bc i still miss after 2 months of being broken up, again.

[totallyconfused]

I can't help but to blow up my head at a time when I am feeling my weakest moments...(it helps me really lol)

 

but it's soooo true. I KNOW that I am way better than this girl he is trying to go after, I think everyone knows. She is the complete opposite of me - no job, no car, no education, lives w/parents, manic depressive on drugs and is butt naked on her website. Meanwhile I have job, car, eduction, just started making as much money as him and will be making even more as soon as I graduate. (ooohh and i'm skinnier too) There is no comparison between us. No competition.

 

From the looks of her website and the fact the she is proclaiming she's bisexual along with wanting to take sloppy seconds literally an hour after me, I know exactly what he's going for - sex. Judging from his emails, he's subscribed to all this asian porn and been talking to young girls online. Its ridiculous, its like he cant grow up. He wants someone more of a loser than himself to oooh and ahhh at big navy man to make himself feel better. He needs a young impressionable girl to seriously make himself feel better. Its so immature and pedefilish.

 

His loss, not mine. The whole time I thought I was settling, reassures me I really was.

 

now i just gotta get over the emotional aspect of this BS...

[Moai]

If it helps, you can think of how both of your lives are going in opposite directetions. Yours is going to start rocking, while his is going to spiral down into torment and negativity. Every minute of every day yours gets better and his gets worse. Resist the urge to crush him further when he comes crawling back--which he will, the day you are totally over it.

 

Women like you described are harpys who are good for nothing--not even sex. I've noticed that the girls that are most like that aren't the best in bed, and usually there are major psychological problems as well.

[totallyconfused]

I don't understand, is he just completely thinking with his penis?

 

It's such a dirtbag pedefile thing to do. Must be the Navy thing or his slutty navy friends that influence him. Thank goodness I'm out.

 

thanks for your feedback Moai. I appreciate somebody, anybody! listening to my rants...sometimes all we need is someone to hear us and understand where were comin from.

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

Originally posted by totallyconfused

I don't understand, is he just completely thinking with his penis?

 

Yep.

 

Forget about the boy. You deserve a real man.

[A Fly onThe Wall]

Originally posted by totallyconfused

His loss, not mine. The whole time I thought I was settling, reassures me I really was.

 

 

 

And your better off without him .. You just haven't fully realized it all the aspects of it yet..

 

Do I hear day 8 , 10, 12 etc ...

[butterfly29]

Originally posted by totallyconfused

I KNOW that I am way better than this girl he is trying to go after, I think everyone knows. She is the complete opposite of me - no job, no car, no education, lives w/parents, manic depressive on drugs and is butt naked on her website. Meanwhile I have job, car, eduction, just started making as much money as him and will be making even more as soon as I graduate. (ooohh and i'm skinnier too) There is no comparison between us. No competition.

 

Some guys are like that... They pick a woman who's really a f**d up loser on her face with no job, etc. Makes them feel more like a man. So that they take care of her and feel needed. I bet he's not that bright either. Since his ego is tied up to his dick, he just went out and got somone close to his level to feel more comfortable.

[butterfly29]

Originally posted by totallyconfused

So for people out there wanting back that person after they did you so wrong, hold back. Stay strong, you know your gut instinct is to stay out. I've truly realized that when we forgive to easily, it is clearly an act of desperation. Wait a month of no contact, then at least some logic may enter in our thickheaded, stubborn mind.

DAY 7 - I'm in the homestretch, the bridge between love and hate. I'm there, I just don't know it yet.

 

Yeah, I'm an easy forgiver too, just like you. And I do want him back. Like a drug addict wants their dosage of crack or crystal meth. But the way I look at the big picture of it is, do I want to be a junky that's emotionally dependent on him? The answer is no. So I really don't want him back.

[totallyconfused]

I really appreciate ALL the feedback. It feels so good to let it all out and have the truth out. If the truth weren't known, it would just feel so heavy on me.

 

its so hard especially for me b/c i haven't been single in 6 years. so this is a life-altering event for me but i know i can do it, i used to tell him that if he ever left me i could carry on (when we were good together) so i really need to uphold my values b/c i dont need a man in my life, esp. one thats causing so much heartache and troubles.

 

butterfly, as for picking a loser of a girl your right on the dot as to why. he wants some young impressionable girl to ooh and ahhh at the big navy guy. cant handle maturity or growth. couldnt handle my success. his own insecurities truly got the best of him and lost the best he ever and will ever have.

 

still im hurt he doesnt even try to contact me anymore its been 7 full days of NC for me and 3 whole days of NC from him. honestly i do feel stronger EVERY day of NC. i've been doing some anger management outlets - golfing @ the driving range and cardio kickboxing. drains me out so much, im too tired to think afterwards. the only thing i wished was that this breakup didnt end up so badly - cheating, lying, deceiving, betraying. if he could've just told me the truth, our whole 4 year relationship built of trust is truly shattered.

 

he took alot of innocence from me - never having been cheated on or gone thru a bad breakup like this. he made me grow up so quickly and found the deepest darkest scariest feelings that have ever surfaced in my life. even when i was 18 i knew how to break up with my prior ex bf a more ethical way - by telling the truth and jetting out. i did the break up the "right way" that i am still friends w/him and talk every other month or so. but then he tried to talk his game to me and i was like ok i gotta go lol.

 

surmise: lovers can never be close friends thereafter, i guess.

 

ps. one good thing - i lost 6 lbs right before a swimsuit photoshoot im taking this month the timing of the breakup is not coincidental heh