greenbay992 Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 TL/DR: meeting a girl for drinks that isn't entirely sure if its platonic or not. Is suggesting dinner another time a good first date or should I try for something else? I want to make my intentions clear to her as it seems she hopes its not platonic and certainly dinner should indicate that but don't know if I should shoot for something better. -------------- Looking for a general opinion, my old roommate suggested that I try to open a door with her friend who expressed in the past that she was interested in me (we've known each other for two years on a casual basis). Since we don't talk outside of seeing each other, I sent her a message saying that I was going to see my friend in Toronto and wanted to know if she'd want to get coffee with me beforehand (to make a segway for seeing her as opposed to being completely random), which she immediately said yes to and would let me know what days she had available. Turned out that I wouldn't be able to see my friend on this girl's days off so I asked her if she'd want to grab a drink instead. Before she responded, she messaged my friend asking if this was platonic because that's what she thought it was. When my friend asked her if it'd be a bad thing if it wasn't platonic she responded saying no, she just didn't want to get her hopes up or make it weird if it was platonic. So, it seems like she hopes its not platonic but is probably unsure and so it'll be important for me to make it clear that its not. I think one of the biggest ways to do this is to make sure I have a plan for a date to suggest once we leave because going out for drinks in this situation is really just be a meet up since she's not 100% sure of what it is. Is asking her out to dinner at the end good enough? Or should i maybe try to do more like a comedy club and dinner? Its a bit hard since i dont know her schedule just yet (other things would include an NBA game or something). Basically, I can always come up with something else based on what we talk about but I want to have a good go to and don't know if asking her to dinner is basically the same as us meeting up for drinks and if i should try to be more original. Thanks!!
Grey40 Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 She's interested enough to give it a shot. Drinks is perfectly fine. All you have to do to show it's not platonic is to build sexual tension. As the night moves on, try to touch her a little and prolong eye contact with her from time to time. Just flirt enough to show her it's not platonic, that's really it man. And it's also key that you know ahead of time she's ok with that. The fact that she "will get her hopes up" if it's platonic tells you she wants it to be more.
Author greenbay992 Posted January 2, 2017 Author Posted January 2, 2017 Thanks guys! I guess what I was getting at in my long winded post was I want to suggest something at the end for a first real date to solidify its not platonic. Dinner is the default but worried its really just the same as going for drinks and if that's perfectly fine (probably just overthinking because she's really great)
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 Just need to flirt/tease a bit. Maybe a light touch on the hands to show some interest. If there's music at the bar (in the evening) you can always ask her to dance too. If she asked "Is this platonic" I would have just said "No, I'd like to get to know you better and see where things go". Or something of that nature. It doesn't reek of desperation, since you're saying "lets see where things go", but then she'll at least go into the encounter with a date mindset. Drinks is my default first date. It's cheap (important when you're multi-dating), and having a drink is a good way to loosen up a bit around someone you're just getting to know.
elaine567 Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 When my friend asked her if it'd be a bad thing if it wasn't platonic she responded saying no, she just didn't want to get her hopes up or make it weird if it was platonic. She already likes you, so it really makes no difference what you have planned, she already sees this meeting as a "date" and I guess has high hopes for it too.
salparadise Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 Save the dinner for when you have something to celebrate, assuming you mean a nice dinner with tablecloths and all. Take her bowling or something and grab some food while you're out. The way you indicate that it's not platonic is how you look, talk and touch. Be intimate, ask how she feels. Get her to do 2/3 of the talking. 2
preraph Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 Pick her up and when you drop her off, go in for a kiss. 4
angel.eyes Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 Call it a date. For example: "I'm looking forward to our date tomorrow. Would you like me to pick you up at 6:30 pm?" Clear, direct communication is your friend!! Going through her friends as intermediaries to figure out what she might be thinking and to convey that you want a date is so high school. It lacks confidence, which is highly unattractive. You already knows she likes you. Stop being so timid. Be clear about what you want! And yes, have a plan for a second date when this one ends. Dinner is fine. So is an activity around a mutual interest that comes up during the conversation when you meet on this date. 3
Versacehottie Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 Thanks guys! I guess what I was getting at in my long winded post was I want to suggest something at the end for a first real date to solidify its not platonic. Dinner is the default but worried its really just the same as going for drinks and if that's perfectly fine (probably just overthinking because she's really great) Flirt with her, kiss her. That's how you let her know it's not platonic!! Definitely make reference to future plans together & ask if she'd be interested. Listen, there is one big thing you guys are doing wrong: using the friend as an intermediary to pass info. Grade school b.s. Look it's already got you overthinking and the girl you're interested in passing on a bunch of rules and hopes, etc. That will either suck the fun out of you two figuring it out on your own; being private about stuff, i.e. relieve yourself of outside pressures and influences; and cause way less drama--communication is tough enough between 2 interested parties, you don't need to add a 3rd person into the mix to mess things up!!! I also don't think you should "spell out" what's happening. But, hey, maybe you and this girl are more alike each other and don't mind that. I think it's a little less that masculine for a guy to do that. I'm sure others will not agree with me. Idk, to me it shows fear and not being sure of one's self to have to spell everything out. Plus it's not like you will have a "contract" by saying that on the first date. If either of you is unhappy at any point, you're gonna bail!! I think it's better not to say anything. As far as what you take her to do. Drinks is good, dinner, NBA--pretty much all of it. She's likes you--it should be fun because you both want to be there with each other. That said, I think active dates are really good. But, trust me, if you like someone and have a base level friendship like you guys do, I don't really think it matters. Except god no, NO coffee dates. THAT'S very uninspired & stilted!!! Start flirting with her before the date as you guys are finalizing the plans. Worry less about her schedule, just presume you are going. I think you could text her now just flirting or making mention of what you guys should get up to when you meet up. Good luck
Versacehottie Posted January 3, 2017 Posted January 3, 2017 Call it a date. For example: "I'm looking forward to our date tomorrow. Would you like me to pick you up at 6:30 pm?" Clear, direct communication is your friend!! Going through her friends as intermediaries to figure out what she might be thinking and to convey that you want a date is so high school. It lacks confidence, which is highly unattractive. You already knows she likes you. Stop being so timid. Be clear about what you want! And yes, have a plan for a second date when this one ends. Dinner is fine. So is an activity around a mutual interest that comes up during the conversation when you meet on this date. Omgosh, angel, didn't mean to copy you words!! Seriously, I wasn't. Same thoughts running though my head!!!! Great post, obviously 1
Miss Peach Posted January 3, 2017 Posted January 3, 2017 I usually assume it's a date unless it's clear it isn't like a group event or coworker catch up. The best test IMO is the kiss test. 1
Gloria25 Posted January 3, 2017 Posted January 3, 2017 IMO, first dates should be over beverages. You don't wanna invest too much time or money on someone you're just getting to know. Yes, like others said, body language, touching and kissing will definitely let her know it's not platonic. And, you don't have to go all deep, wet, french kissing on her either. A slow, soft kiss on her neck or upper cheek (close to ear/neck) will suffice.
LargoLagg Posted January 3, 2017 Posted January 3, 2017 I'd suggest you actually go DO something, not just sit around a table trying to have a conversation. Go have fun, that's always a good date, first or otherwise. It will set you apart from any other schmoe, AND it sends the subconscious signal that you're sharing a part of yourself with her.
Gloria25 Posted January 3, 2017 Posted January 3, 2017 I'd suggest you actually go DO something, not just sit around a table trying to have a conversation. Go have fun, that's always a good date, first or otherwise. It will set you apart from any other schmoe, AND it sends the subconscious signal that you're sharing a part of yourself with her. Well ya, a walk in the park or even drinks/coffee in front of something like live music is cool. But still, I prefer first dates simple. Don't want a guy to splurge on me only to find out I wasn't into him yet. Also, if you sit down for dinner and you're not feeling it, you're stuck till you finish dinner. Some idiot told me years ago to just go out and let him wine/dine you cuz even if you're not into him, you get to be entertained and a free meal. Sorry, I don't play those games...I keep it light and simple - unless there's more. My last FWB? We had dinner and drinks on the first date/meet - even though I was getting cold feet. I was so glad I did go out to give him a chance cuz gosh, the dinner, convo, etc...made me wish the night would never end. Weather was nice too. But meh, also been on the other side of the fence where after first drink, I wanted to run far away from the guy.... If you got skills, maybe you can set it up where there's drinks - and if you two are clicking, you can order a bite to eat. I have a fav spot in my city that has drinks, coffee, inexpensive food...and wonderful ambiance.... Just some things to consider
smackie9 Posted January 3, 2017 Posted January 3, 2017 Better to word it differently rather than say "Lets go grab drinks" say "would you be interested in going for a drink with me?" or "I would like to take you out for a drink."
Recommended Posts