Heavenlyflower9 Posted July 18, 2005 Posted July 18, 2005 What is going on? Alot of couples are either divorced or in the processes of. Why even get married then? Are there any HAPPY marriages out there? Why can't we communicate better? What happened to the old fashioned love? just thought i'd asked! I'm still confused myself! Heavenlyflower
alphamale Posted July 18, 2005 Posted July 18, 2005 Originally posted by Heavenlyflower9 What is going on? Don't know HEAVENLYFLWR9, you tell us Alot of couples are either divorced or in the processes of. quite a keen observation Why even get married then? only major reason i can justify marriage is to have kids and raise them in proper environs Are there any HAPPY marriages out there? there is a few but they are rare Why can't we communicate better? cause men and women are wired very differently What happened to the old fashioned love? it never existed. and romantic love is a very bad foundation to base a marriage upon just thought i'd asked! glad u did I'm still confused myself! me too!
LucreziaBorgia Posted July 18, 2005 Posted July 18, 2005 Originally posted by Heavenlyflower9 1. What is going on? 2. Alot of couples are either divorced or in the processes of. 3. Why even get married then? 4. Are there any HAPPY marriages out there? 5. Why can't we communicate better? 6. What happened to the old fashioned love? 1. In general? Divorce is easier, and more socially acceptable. Some people get married for the wrong reasons, and find it easier to get out these days when the reality of marriage can't live up to the fantasy of it. 2. Well, the divorce rate is pretty high - that's for sure. 3. Because its a legal contract that is almost expected if a couple wants to live a hassle-free coexistence with benefits and such with our government and society. Also... it is a nice way to have a symbolic bond that represents joining one another's family. 4. Ours is happy. It isn't exactly traditional, but it is what works for us - and thus, it is happy. We make the marriage live up to our expectations - instead of us living up to the expectations of 'what a marriage should be'. 5. Because people are afraid if they are truly open and honest with their communication, they will lose their partners - because often the truth is not what our partner wants to hear, or is even able to and still be able to love you. Unfortunately, a good deal of marriages are built entirely on purely conditional love. If you know that your true thoughts will fall outside of the accepted conditions, you will hide this truth from your partner in an effort to keep the status quo. 6. Old fashioned? Do you mean the type you read about in romance novels? I think 'old fashioned' is just another way of saying 'idealized'.
quankanne Posted July 18, 2005 Posted July 18, 2005 What is going on? Alot of couples are either divorced or in the processes of according to the National Center for Health Statistics (http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/divorce.htm), in 2003, there were 2.18 million marrages recorded in the US. Of that, the divorce rate was 3.8 per 1,000 population in reported by 46 states and the District of Columbia, or (if I've done my math right), .038 percent of every 100 marriages. Now, that's not a whole heck of a lot of divorces, but it seems like everyone's having an affair, everyone's having threesomes, everyone is divorcing when you read these posts, and that is misrepresentational. People don't talk about the status quo, but the changes that are afffecting it, i.e., you're not going to hear a lot from people who are happy in their marriage because they're not needing to vent or seek advice because it's working. Mind you, a lot of us nicely married couples have our bad patches, but we also know from experience that they'll blow over, so we don't say much about them. We'd rather encourage those people who come to these forums who want a fresh set of eyes to look at their problems/situation. Why even get married then? because you're purchasing your future with shares of hope and trust, you're saying "no matter what comes, no matter what goes, I believe enough in us to try it." At least that's what marriage is to me. Are there any HAPPY marriages out there? yes, there are, but how often do people want to hear about something good? After getting a good dose of hearing a good story with happy endings, man tends to look to those tales of conflict because good and happy gets boring after awhile ... Why can't we communicate better? because we're scared nor are most of us properly prepared to communicate with others. Mostly because we're afraid of being laughed at by the one person who means so much to us that we'd much rather make ourselves miserable with our assumptions than to flat-out ask the other person what's going on. What happened to the old fashioned love? It's there, ya just gotta be willing to be open to it. And separate the crap that sometimes masks it.
dgiirl Posted July 18, 2005 Posted July 18, 2005 I've been thinking about this myself. It's really hard to know if you are communicating or not. I would have sworn we were, but I failed to realize it was only me and the stbxh was hiding from conflict. You just have to have enough trust in yourself to be able to handle anything that's going to happen. Why get married? Why not? If you are commited to this person regardless if you are married or not, then why not get married? This is why *I* got married. I was commited to living the rest of my life with my stbxh. I didnt get married just to get married. I got married because there was no reason not to, and I wanted to have a family. I was also sick of hearing my parents saying I was living in sin lol. But that was just a benefit of getting married, and definitely not the reason. Why is divorce on the rise? I think because people dont take marriage seriously. They think marriage is going to be a bunch of roses and when things start to get difficult, they tend to ignore problems hoping they'll go away. They dont want to put the effort into making a marriage work and give up hope that the other person will change. I also think it has a lot to do with religion. People are not as afraid of getting a divorce as they use to. It was a sin to cheat on your spouses or to get a divorce, so people stuck it out a lot longer and either lived unhappy marriages or made things work. People are no longer afraid of "sinning", and so when things get difficult they bail. That's also why I think people who live together b4 getting married have a higher risk of divorce. People who live together dont see it as "sinning", and thus not as religious as the ones who get married first, so getting a divorce is not as fearful to them as the religious ones.
Recommended Posts