tdave491 Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 Well we were together for almost 2 years at it seemed pretty great, for we never fought until the ending of the relationship. Even then it wasn't screaming or name calling, but it messed with me (24) immensely. Weirdly enough my ex gf (19) was the commitment phobe due to her past experiences with her boyfriends. For the first 1.6 years it was pretty passionate and we worked out well, but when she asked about marriage it all changed. I told her that I really like her and I would love to, but I didn't want to do it right now. We went on a family trip with her family, I got to see some things from her past. It seemed like we were enjoying ourselves, but once we returned everything changed. She sold her car, got a job closer to her house, and shaved her head, which everything that she did I supported for I cared. After her birthday, I get call that she is thinking of breaking up, for she didn't "know" me anymore and that we would end up like her family. We talked about it and stayed as a couple, but it only lasted two weeks later until, she called me up and said it needs to happen. Since the time of the family trip, Her sex drive basically was non existent, which before was extremely high, and said that the reason we have to break up is that I needed sex and that it wouldn't work out. She said, "I was the best boyfriend" and "That is was her not me", which as a man I know it is me. So I started trying to find faults in myself. At first she said we needed to do no contact, but we started talking early on, for I revealed problems I was going through, and we got back together way too quick. We lasted for 2 months and the first month was wonderful, but as she started pushing me away, I kept wanting to spend time with her, so she felt trapped. She wouldn't really word that she needed space, but just say, "we don't always need to hang out", which she said two days before we broke up again. We had a talk about kids and marriage and basically everything I agreed with her on. On the kid front, she never wanted to have them "ever", while I only want one if I could afford to support it and the lifestyle of my wife. Basically whenever I would say something, she would disagree and say that I want the opposite. After the talk, texted me saying we are breaking up and that it was depressing, and that she didn't want to just ghost me, so she called me and said how she felt. We weren't compatible with each other, and that we would eventually break up, which she said could be years from now, so it was best to do it now. We couldn't talk about this in person, for she believed we would just end up getting back together. Kept urging me that there were more girls out there and that I was wonderful. This time she said we have to do a year long No Contact, so she could get over me.... Her past with relationships and her broken family are the root of her problems. Boyfriends cheated on her, and one sexually assaulted her. Her parents hate each other, but live with each other due to financial reasons. Their parents are held back because they had her and her brother. I guess it is just hard for me to let her go, for it felt so smoothly. She was my best friend, but it just seemed hard to talk to her when she started pushing me away. Was afraid to talk about things during this time, for she wouldn't say what she was feeling. During both the pushing periods, I would have some issues that would arise in my own life. First push period, My mom was thought to have ALS and wouldn't tell me, and during the second push period,which occurred when everything was good again, a classmate committed suicide 2 days after thanksgiving. Also her pet died 2 days after that due to eating something, which I accidentally set in a spot the rat could get to. All this caused me to pull towards her, for I was hurting, but it pushed her away.
Brittybritt92 Posted January 10, 2017 Posted January 10, 2017 Hi there! It sounds like the push pull effect is going on here. Basically every time she pushes you away, she's pulling you back in. And vice versa. That's the hardest part of a break up, the longing aspect. Regardless of the mind games behind all of it, she's telling you she needs space so definitely give her that. If she keeps trying to contact you when you're giving her (and yourself) some space, remind her that it would be healthy for both of you to do this, as it obviously can't keep going on like this. (We've all been there). I'm 24 as well by the way, but I'm a female. When I was 19 I had my first boyfriend, and was sooo different than I am now, with hardships and all. We've all had hard things in our lives, it doesn't mean anyone has the right to put others through the ringer or give them a hard time. And instead of just telling you to "give her space" which is really meaningless when you don't want to and it's super hard-- I suggest going out with some of your guy friends, doing things you've neglected, pick up something new, and enjoy life. It's so short, all these games aren't worth it. Perhaps with some space she will figure out that she wants a relationship with you and vice versa... but sometimes when you have some space to look at the relationship at a glance and the emotions aren't as painful, you realize what the right move is. Let me know how it all works out! I was a totally different person aside from my name when I was 19! Haha Best of luck!
mystificatecg Posted January 10, 2017 Posted January 10, 2017 Classic GIGS syndrome. (Grass is greener syndrome, search it up). It's typical with people age 18-25 who've been together for a year or more. Essentially, it's just growing up and maturing emotionally. The best thing you can do is go no contact forever. Trust me. Chances are you'll meet someone better anyway because she has a lot of baggage. Now riddle me this. Go back in your mind to who you were before the relationship. Remember the feeling? Well you can get that back again. Trust me. We all can get there again. You just have to trust the process. There is almost NOTHING human beings cannot adapt to. Even heartbreak. Good luck.
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