JadeStar Posted July 18, 2005 Share Posted July 18, 2005 If your spouse or s/o has ever cheated, which redflag stuck out in your mind most? Gut instinct usually is best, however, before you found out for sure your spouse or s/o was cheating, theres usally alot of redflags. For some people it might be one or two. Hindsight is 20/20 so which one stuck out more for you? A friend that recently found out her husband cheated told me there were right many things, such as, lying, being late, distancing himself etc. But the one thing that she says that stuck out the most was when he began turning the tables on her. Acusing her of having men, or being paranoid that she was cheating. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted July 18, 2005 Share Posted July 18, 2005 "oh...he's just a friend, I would never be interested in him" Link to post Share on other sites
TUDOR Posted July 18, 2005 Share Posted July 18, 2005 Big red flag, showers being taken at odd times or at least different from normal routine. Hindsight, getting rid of evidence and guilt! Link to post Share on other sites
A Fly onThe Wall Posted July 18, 2005 Share Posted July 18, 2005 They accuse you of cheating .. to relieve the guilt of them cheating Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted July 18, 2005 Share Posted July 18, 2005 Agreed... "You're in school, surrounded by a bunch of young, single women... blah blah blah." Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinTX Posted July 18, 2005 Share Posted July 18, 2005 My Dad was having open heart surgery and I planned to be there. Dad hadn't been doing well and was not expected to live through surgery. I had asked my DH to go with me incase of the worse. My friend knew of the surgery and she/OW was going to bring dinner over for us, since I would be out all day............we could have stopped any where and ate. So DH informs me that friend/OW would be going to a lot of trouble and he didn't want to hurt her feelings if someone wasn't home At this time I didn't know of the A but thought it was time to find out why DH was so chummy with OW. About a week later it all came out. So DH interest in any woman's feelings was the red flag Link to post Share on other sites
lynnspies1 Posted July 18, 2005 Share Posted July 18, 2005 First affair - change in sexual behavior, he used to want it all the time and then he just lost interest. I attributed it to being very pregnant but I was wrong. Second affair - cell phone activity, hour long calls to "she is just a friend". Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted July 18, 2005 Share Posted July 18, 2005 Sadly enough there was so many red flags.. Doh! My EXBF was in the USMC.. He was deployed a lot. He didn't want me to go out even to lunch with my Friends.. out of his own insecurity. Sooo long story short, he always knew where I was, if he was deployed he would call me at all hours of the day and night to check on me and make sure I wasn't A) out anywhere and B) With anyone else Point being.. he started to accuse me of seeing other people although he knew where I was at all times.. turned out he was cheating through out most if not all of our relationship... the ****er! Link to post Share on other sites
New_Wife Posted July 18, 2005 Share Posted July 18, 2005 Besides being served with the paternity papers for the children he fathered during our marraige (with other women)? I'd have to say the odd absences and "working late" times. If I'd try to call him at work for some reason (e.g. "hey, can you pick up some baby wipes?") at work, they would tell me "oh, he left hours ago." Link to post Share on other sites
Maria46 Posted July 18, 2005 Share Posted July 18, 2005 Lots of being out all night (sleeping at office) Accusing me of cheating Smelling like he just jumped out a the shower when he comes home Found a necklace in his pocket Too drunk to drive home so staying with friends (that I don't know) working late but doesn't answer the phone at his desk couldn't figure out where all the money went Link to post Share on other sites
smile95 Posted July 18, 2005 Share Posted July 18, 2005 Accusing me of not loving him anymore....accusing me of cheating.....when I ask a question he would repeat the question....like "Where did you go after work" HIM-"where did I go?" He is buying time! I found with most guys I dated, when they repeat the question....a lie is to follow. Quickly getting offline when you come in the room. Also, oddly enough, I had a friend who had a bf that would cheat and he would be overly nice and sweet...that is how we knew each time. He did not want her to suspect a thing. ...little did he know that him being nice was a red flag! Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted July 18, 2005 Share Posted July 18, 2005 Like many others have posted already, being accused of cheating by the person. As I had posted this before, I discovered that my ex had met someone online and flew across the country to stay with him for a weekend, while she told me that she was staying with her best friend, who only lived a few hours away. I tried to contact her the first night to make sure that she had made it to her friends ok. Her phone was not on. She later told me that she was getting a bad reception on her phone all weekend and that she couldn't call, whereas all the other times that she had gone to see her friend, her service was perfect. My own personal red flag there. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted July 19, 2005 Share Posted July 19, 2005 Hmmmm... my ex-husband accused me of cheating under very weird conditions (about a guy who was a grumpy anti-sexual bore who used me financially and ripped both of us off). He told me "A few months ago when you came back from his studio you smelled like soap although it was a very hot day!" I was like "Why didn't you tell me that a few months ago? How can I possibly defend myself now why I smelled like soap?" Other than that I didn't go out on my own at all. Our kids were very small. During one time when he left me (before this case) I was openly flirting with a cute guy just to spite him and he saw that. But he had abandoned me and our little babies at teh time, we were separated when I flirted. So anyway afterweards we got back together and I told him "I wanted to sleep with S. but I didn't." Yet he didn't believe me and accused me about this other guy too. Now I became suspicious and think he was the one who cheated. But hey I don't care a thing! It was loooong time ago... precisely 5 years ago. I got the STD tests done recently so I didn't catch anything from him. Link to post Share on other sites
nyr_fan Posted July 19, 2005 Share Posted July 19, 2005 In my case there were ALOT of red flags. Going out for drinks after work with "friends"...stopped kissing me and being intimant...couldnt look me in the eye anymore...stopped wearing wedding ring...the list is endless. All along I knew something was going on, but she still had the nerve to deny it. We have been together for 13 years, and married for 3. She even had the nerve to go see him on OUR 3 year anniversary a few weeks ago. She has ultimately moved to her mothers house to sort things out. All the red flags are a dead giveaway, but the gut instinct is the most powerful sign that you know something isn't right. Go with your gut... it is ALWAYS right. Be good, take care! Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted July 19, 2005 Share Posted July 19, 2005 As soon as I met the other woman in question I knew. Body language and your own instincts tell you all you need to know in a situation like that. Plus, of course, the fact that even if your SO doesn't want you to guess what's happening,chances are that the OW will. Link to post Share on other sites
StillHurtin Posted July 19, 2005 Share Posted July 19, 2005 H never accussed me of cheating during the A. But even early on in our M when I would go out w/ friends he would ask me who bought me drinks, who I flirted w/, who flirted w/ me, who I slept w/. At the time H was not having an A. I knew where he was all times as I was w/ him or would call his guy friends house and he was there. I would show up out of the blue to his friends and he was there and there was no other woman. So I trusted him w/ all my heart. Then 11 years into our M he started working w/ the OW. He would talk about her a lot. Would tell me she flirted w/ him. She would talk to him about her sexual problems w/ her own H. Finally, I got sick of hearing about her and asked him if he wanted to sleep w/ her. He said he would if he wasn't M. That was b4 the A. When the EA started he would dress nicer for work, wear cologne. When I asked him why he said he had to dress nicer for his new job at the plant (he was promoted). I let it go. As he was home at a decent time, always came home for lunch, ect. Sex had not slowed down, it was about the same. Then he started coming home a little later stating he had work to do. Then I found her phone number on his cell. Then a month later he filed for a D and then their A became more obvious. Friends that worked there or who had spouses that worked there told me they had been hanging out at work a lot together. They were seen at a baseball game together. His truck was seen at her house. Their vehicles were found parked together at a motel room. All along he was lying through his teeth and always had some stupid excuse. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted July 19, 2005 Share Posted July 19, 2005 A friend of mine complained to me a few years ago that she'd be lucky if her husband slept with her like once a month and when they would, it would be really bad. He would make excuses like he is too tired because he had two jobs. BTW, he hitted on me a few years before that. Anyway, I saw her the other day and asked her about her sex life and she said it was never better. Interesting that he still has two jobs and according to her slept for like 3 hours every other night (probably exaggerates, but never mind). In some context she said "I can't be sure that my H never cheated on me, but...etc." I think the reason why he was a lousy husband overall and the lack of sex life indicates that he cheated at that time. And she is like the first prize for him physically, except that she gained about 20 lbs in the last 6-7 years. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts