warpingmind Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 I've made this post a couple of days ago about meeting with my ex. Since then I haven't contacted him anymore. Unfortunately our last meeting was a big setback for me and I have been feeling really down since then. What bothers me the most is, even after him playing the victim and ending up turning this situation all upside down and being mad at me, I can't stop thinking I'd like to send him a message. I'd like to tell him that I didn't want things to be worse than it already were and that I wanted for us to be in contact someday in the future after I have healed. Why do I feel like this?I should be the one to be mad at him for everything he said and done, yet the fact that he is mad at me makes me even sadder. Am I lacking self-esteem, self-worth?
Been Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 Because you love him. And more then likely your feeling empty without him. May I ask what he did -that way I'll have a better understanding.
Author warpingmind Posted January 2, 2017 Author Posted January 2, 2017 Because you love him. And more then likely your feeling empty without him. May I ask what he did -that way I'll have a better understanding. Basically I hear through 2 common friends he met with this girl he was having feelings for behind my back, having dinner with her, since he couldn't meet her at the local beach.He says he didn't physically cheat and that I might believe since she bailed on him.This was early August. Also, last November he chased girl which he firmly denies.Also he didn't physically cheat because she wanted nothing with him and was just fun flirting. In between, we took a break in January because his feelings for me had changed and didn't feel like he used to. One week later after the break decided he wanted to be with me, just to "break up with me" (this has quotes because he never had the guts to say the words) later April saying he felt like before(when he had the break). In May he says he's sorry and we get back together. He goes to an internship in June, comes back in September and the next day after he gets back he spills he was having some feelings for this girl. He still wants to try with me but I won't if he isn't a 100% into me and we break up. Later I hear through common friends what he had been up to(see above).
KatZee Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 (edited) He doesn't have power over your emotions. YOU have power over your emotions. He's not in your life anymore. He has no influence or power anywhere. What's going on is a result of your own thoughts running through your head. And yes, I'd say you're obsessing over this and spiraling downward because you have an unhealthy and negative view of yourself. We always accept the love we think we deserve. You bent yourself in half to remain with some guy who's been cheating on you. Don't fool yourself or sugar coat it. It is what it is. He's been behind your back on not one, two, or three instances. He's constantly been on the look out for something else, who knows what. He might not even know. He's disrespected you time and time again. Lied to you. Played you. Is making you look stupid since everyone else sees what he's doing, and you take him back. Why? Don't you see how little you think of yourself? And how much love you're missing from YOURSELF? Why do you want to be with someone like this? He's no good. The two of you are no good. Look at how you feel. You're not happy. He makes you miserable when you're together, and you get back hoping for what? Why would anything be different? He's not going to change because in his eyes, you're weak, and you're a doormat. You think he controls your emotions because you don't have the self esteem, or anything good to give to yourself, so you rely on what he's giving to you, which is nothing good either. He's highly manipulative, and a few comments of his were flagged by me. He's been chasing girls, you've only come to find this out at the end of 10 years together... and he goes, "Have I ever lied to you?" I'm going to answer. Honestly? Probably. He's probably lied way more than you even know. Someone doesn't just suddenly turn into a womanizer chasing women. Also, the way he portrayed himself as a victim when he's the one doing things wrong... flag flag flag. Cut this guy off. Block him. Do not get back together with him again. Leave him in the dust and do a lot of personal work on yourself for 2017. Edited January 2, 2017 by KatZee
preraph Posted January 3, 2017 Posted January 3, 2017 Yes, because you lack self-esteem and don't feel you deserve someone who treats you better. Exes always know exactly how to push your buttons and make you want them again -- but then they always do the same thing to make you break up with them every time too.
Miss Spider Posted January 3, 2017 Posted January 3, 2017 You're just hurting right now which is completely understandable. You're emotionally hurt and that can make us think irrationally. But the people here can see things more clearly because they are not overwrought with emotions. Many of them have been through what you have and made it to the other side. They want to help. So I think it's a good idea to take their advice and DO NOT CONTACT him again. No more. The more you do that, the less chance you have of a favorable outcome. Take up a new hobby, work on yourself and your own personal goals for this new year, hang with your girls... If he comes up in your thoughts don't push it away, just acknowledge it for what it is -part of the healing process- and continue on. Contacting him is the worst thing you can do right now. Just don't. Be strong and best wishes
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