Tommie Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 Hey everybody! I'm a 19 year old guy and new to this forum. i really need to lift my heart up by writing down how i'm feeling for the past 2 years, and i hope maybe someone has been in the same situation as me, so i can learn something from them. To start of, i live in Belgium, i'm doing a 7th year in highshool which is the last year i have to do before i graduate and go to college, how the school system works is we have a class of 12 people and it's those 12 people you have to go to lessons with every single day of the week. it might be obvious but i don't know how the school system works in other parts of the world. So i've had this same class for over 2 years now, and 2 years ago i've became good friends with a very pretty girl from my class. it was one of those moments when you meet someone and everything seems to fall into eachother? you know what i mean? we went from not knowing eachother, to deep conversations in like a few days! which is very nice, doesn't happen very often in my life. so i asked her out a few times, we went to the bar with eachother, went to parties together and everything seemed so perfect.. before i knew it i was catching feelings for her, but i was always very scared to get more intimate with her because of the fact that i see her EVERY single day of the year (except weekends maybe, and vacations) but still like 75% of the year. and i'm normally not scared of going in for a kiss or something, i really think you should just go for it on the right moment.. and mostly i don't get rejected easily. But with her i was really scared, didn't know how i should act if i kissed her and the next day i had to see her in school. So i never went in for a kiss. One night we were really drunk together at a homeparty, and we went out for a walk and we were gone for like 4 hours, just walking holding hands, cuddling. and talking about alot, and what future their might be for us as a couple. but she was also very scared about the fact that as a couple we had to see eachother every day and at that time we still had 2 years of school to go. she was scared that if the relationship didn't work out the way we wanted it, things would get really awkward in class.. so we agreed to just stay friends. What i didn't plan was that from that day on, my feelings for her would just get worse and worse. because of the fact that i saw her so much! i really started to fall in love with her, and really with her personality! we talked alot about it and at a certain point i didn't care anymore if she was in my class, i just loved her so much that i couldn't care. all i wanted was her! but it never came from both sides. We agreed to try to get some distance from eachother but as you may know having to see eachother every day doesn't make that very easy. So we stopped going out outside school walls. But then she said that she missed me and the moments we had together and i missed her too! so that didn't last long and we went back to going out after school. until this day, the moment i'm writing this, it's been 2 years since i started catching feelings for her. And i still love her alot! but it never came from both sides. some days i just feel like i don't want to do anything. this situation is turning me into a completely broken person, demotivated to do anything. The thing is that i can't get rid of these feelings because i still see her everyday. The only thing that can help me is REAL distance, me not seeing her for a while. a long while! but that's not possible.. because i'm not allowed to change school or stay home from school. i just don't know what to do, and i feel like i'm drowning? the thing is that she's also not able to let me go, because of our strong friendship that we build, and it's the same for me! it would kill me if i had to let her go, but being in love with her is also killing me... i'm just out of options, and i'm scared as to how this will end.. because sometimes.. i just really can't anymore. it's literally killing me. i hope maybe some of you understand what i wrote down here, or maybe someone that's been in the same situation as me. Thanks for reading!
smackie9 Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 There will be a day when she will not mean as much to you and that you will find someone else that possibly will reciprocate your feelings. The best thing to do is to talk to other girls, or seek out other girls on social media, or parties, etc. Never limit yourself because of her.
Author Tommie Posted January 2, 2017 Author Posted January 2, 2017 thanks smackie9 for the response i know i shouldn't limit myself only to her, but i'm just having a hard time getting rid of the feelings for her because of the daily routine of seeing her! it's harder than some may think..
spiderowl Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 It seems to me either she is interested in having you as a boyfriend or not. Was it her decision that you both stay as friends? If so, she is not as interested as you are. It is a shame because you clearly think a lot of her. It must be very difficult for you. It is possible to fall in love with someone else though, once you consider it possible. It is easy to get stuck on one person and not see their faults. The problem with this one is she is keeping you as a friend not a lover, this is a big problem! Look at this as a fault that makes her unsuitable for you and consider other girls.
angel.eyes Posted January 3, 2017 Posted January 3, 2017 She just wants to be friends, not date you. Since this is causing you distress, you obviously aren't okay just being friends. Stop interacting with her. Instead focus on forming other friendships in your class and hanging out with other girls at school...even if you don't want to right now.
Author Tommie Posted January 3, 2017 Author Posted January 3, 2017 thanks for the replies! thing is we both kinda agreed to stay friends as this would probably be safer on the long term because of the fact that we see each other that much! But instead of me just focussing on staying friends, my feelings just got worse and worse and yea, i started to love her more and more. i've tried to convince her in to thinking differently about our whole situation, be it seems that she really convinced to just stay friends. and i've already accepted that fact, i just want to get rid of the feeling for her! it's hard for me to deny going out with her, if she sends me texts where she states that she misses me. I would be happy to be just friends with her, it's just those damn feelings i still have for her that i want gone! but to do that, i'll have to stop seeing her, which will also hurt our friendship... It's a difficult situation and both ways will get me hurt, but i do know that ending the friendship might be better for me in the long run. i just gotta find the strength to do it
Hopefuleddie Posted January 16, 2017 Posted January 16, 2017 Hello, I sorry that you are going through this; liking a friend and feeling they way you're feeling is normal for this stage in of life. I would encourage you to broaden your social circle and develop other authentic, fun friendships, then after school, both of you can prayerfully consider getting to know each other better; while maintaining other platonic friendships to balance your life.
Tribble Posted January 16, 2017 Posted January 16, 2017 Don't have any advise as such, but I completely understand how hard it is, I've been there. I fell for a colleague. We got on so well and I spent more time with him that I did with my housemate at the time. After a drunken work do, we confessed we had feelings for each other. He didn't want it to go any further because we worked so closely together. The goal posts kept moving. We could give it a go after a project finished, after this, after that. I was eventually so in love, I was miserable but willing to wait. Every now and then, we'd step over the line on a night out. He even said the L word at one point. I eventually stopped the romantic type stuff with no commitment, put an end to talking about it. But still I was in love with him, I kept seeing him all day, every day. I ended up leaving my job to get away from him. To stop those feelings. Even that didn't help. What ifs were swimming through my head. I went back to my old job because it was a better fit for me professionally. Over time, somehow, I got over it. I started to see the kind of person he was, the flaws I refused to see. The messed up situation it had become. And not a bit too soon. I found out he was dating the girl who had replaced me when I left work. So in the end, it wasn't work that was the problem, it was me he didn't want. I still don't know why it happened the way it did. A part of me thinks he didn't want the same thing to happen with the new girl so decided to take the risk that time round. But it doesn't matter in the end. That was the most miserable years of my life. I wasted them and it's given me a host of issues going forward in my dating life. But it did end. I don't know how it ended, I can't even tell you exactly when, only that it did and I was free (despite having to see their relationship in front of my eyes everyday for a few years. A living reminder of not being good enough). And so it will end for you. Realise that if she wanted to date you, she would. People date at school, work, in friendship groups etc. all the time. You need to start to move on. No more talk about relationships with her. No more cuddling and holding hands. Be friends if you want (although I'd advise against it) but no more trying to convince her. She doesn't want you like that.
preraph Posted January 16, 2017 Posted January 16, 2017 I think it was you who chose to just be friends because you were too afraid of seeing her if it didn't work out. You need to find a way to get over that because that is life. Just wait. Someday you'll have kids and then get a divorce and HAVE to see the ex all the time and hear about her. Find out why you are so afraid of having to see someone you're done with. You need some maturity to learn to deal with that. It's nearly impossible to avoid. And you shouldn't always let it stop you when feelings are strong.
QueenDafine Posted January 17, 2017 Posted January 17, 2017 It sounds like you two are constantly stepping on eggshells, I cant imagine how frustrating and confusing this must be! Decide whether your wellbeing is better off without thi s"friendship". Is it worth being worried, anxious, confused, disheartened or depressed every single time you're around someone you can't be with? You have plans to create distance once you guys finish school because you already know a relationship won't happen; because it already would have if she felt a fraction of what you feel for her. Give her an ultimatum. Speak with her and ask her straightup if she wants to be in a relationship if she says no, you no longer have ti be trapped by the possibility you night be together. Just be honest; let her know that its you or nothing. It's never a good idea to be friends with someone you're in love with - it happened to me once, and he ended up meeting another girl and falling in love with her. One day, all you'll get out of this is heartbreak.
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