paige1136 Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 My assumption is he wants me on the side and be free to date others, but I'm cynical AF. Not surprising a man would want his cake and eat it too. He broke up with me (before the holidays) and I certainly saw this coming so I'm not having the grieving effects of being blindsided. In fact, from a practical/rational standpoint, I sort of agreed. Had a civil but not fun conversation before the holidays and decided to regroup after my extended 2 week vacation (see: the fact that I booked this trip long and didn't book him already tells that I had foresight). Unsurprisingly, after I came back I didn't see anything more to talk about because I made sure our conversation before I left had conclusion and definition around expectations. We were broken up. We were not a couple, but after our conversation, he proposed being open to casually dating and/or dating "without pressure". Both of these are the same to me and complete BS so I shot them down. And since he doesn't want to be in a fully committed relationship, logic deduced we are broken up post-trip as well (so we haven't met up to further discuss as we may have done). The odd thing is, he keeps trying to maintain contact. For example, he was trying to figure out when I flew in (probably to pick me up), wished me Happy New Year (a really nice wish actually), etc. I have had essentially no contact with him and know that doing so with just open a door that I don't want open. Why is he though still talking to me? Does he regret his decision? Is he just seeing if he can still contact me?
Logo Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 (edited) As a man, I have to tell you that women do that, too, by the way. It's all about their personality. Some people just want to have their cake and ***** it too. It all depends on the circumstances around the breakup. But, it sounds to me that he wants to keep his options open and have you around as backup just in case things don't work out for him. He might already have someone that he is seeing. It's also possible that he wants you as backup in case he feels lonely from time to time. That's another option. Edited January 2, 2017 by Logo
Author paige1136 Posted January 2, 2017 Author Posted January 2, 2017 (edited) As a man, I have to tell you that women do that, too, by the way. It's all about their personality. Some people just want to have their cake and ***** it too. It all depends on the circumstances around the breakup. But, it sounds to me that he wants to keep his options open and have you around as backup just in case things don't work out for him. He might already have someone that he is seeing. It's also possible that he wants you as backup in case he feels lonely from time to time. That's another option. Didn't mean to imply women never do this - some certainly do. Circumstances are complex, but essentially boil down to that he (but also I) are very hurt from a couple recent events (not cheating or anything involving someone else) and while he may be able to get passed it one day, he can't be fully invested in our relationship right now. But I'm not gonna be put "on hold" - screw that. So we're done. So while he initiated this, he couldn't definitively break up (hence suggesting things in between "in a relationship" + "not in a relationship"). I had to do define things conclusively. To respond to your thoughts, I agree. There's likely a woman lined up that I'm suspicious about as it is (or that he'd at least like to start exploring things with without feeling guilty). And he is prone to loneliness more than I. Edited January 2, 2017 by paige1136
Author paige1136 Posted January 2, 2017 Author Posted January 2, 2017 (edited) UPDATE: He has left me a VM and still wants to talk/come over. I'm scared for my safety/privacy now... He broke up with me. Leave it be and leave me alone! Edited January 2, 2017 by paige1136
KatZee Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 To keep you on the back burner. That's why. He doesn't want to be with you, but doesn't want to be 100% out either. Maybe the sex was good, maybe you were good emotional support. Whatever the reason is, that's why he's keeping you around. Whenever an ex wants to stick around after dumping you, it's completely self motivated. It has nothing to do with you, he doesn't care about your feelings, how it might affect you, it's completely ego related and keeping you around to fulfill his selfish needs, whatever they may be. Block him. He doesn't have any power of this, or of you. If you want him to leave you alone, block his number and anywhere else he has access to you. 1
preraph Posted January 3, 2017 Posted January 3, 2017 There are very few men who just broke up with women who wouldn't prefer they could keep coming around every so often for sex while they're dating others and do so with no obligation. That's the part they liked.
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