Boyfriend tells me to move on and date other people? But I still love him!

[180Barbie]

My boyfriend and I of 9 months recently broke up almost a week ago. He came on really strong and I was hesitant for the first 4 months but we met each others family. In September he lost his job and I wasn't super supportive but tried. In October I got really drunk, blacked out and I said terrible things to him like he's a failure for losing his job but didn't mean those things. He broke up with me the next day for it but we got back together that night. Around thanksgiving he said I wasn't affectionate enough, felt things were wrong, and broke up with me a 2nd time but got back together 2 days later. On xmas I got mad and blew up about family plans and he dumped me 2 days later. We tell eachother we love eachother sporadically but this guy last said it in xmas eve then dumped me 2 days after xmas. Kinda weird? He is also impressionable and takes advice from friends and family who say move on.

 

I tried NC for 2 days and when I talked to him he thought me not talking to him was me moving on. But we had a good talk that day and I told him I love him and he said these were the things he wants to hear but it's too late. I thought we could be friendly and talked New Years and then he called me right on New Years Eve drunk, but we didn't talk. So then next day I blew up his phone with texts and calls and he answers saying overall he is stressed out, wants to see other people, and to move one. We did NC for 2 days and I broke. I plan to NC for 4 months now until his birthday.

I'm his longest relationship and the closest thing he said he wanted to marry, but now he no longer loves me. He said if he did love me he wouldn't break up I'm terrible at NC because I fear losing him but I already have lost him so. I'm going to go 4 months of contact and try to grow up and text him on his birthday after 4 months. I miss him so much and we are great we are just both a little immature although both in our late 20s. We left amicably as he said I can ask him anything any time and I said I'm going away for a little to see if you come back.

I'm trying to move on but holding on hope we can date again slow and work things out after working on ourselves and me giving him time to heal.

 

During NC... Do you think this guy will talk to me in hopes of getting back before 4 months? Will he miss me and want to try again in 2 weeks in your opinion?

Edited January 2, 2017 by 180Barbie

[umirano]

It seems you harbor a lot of unchecked emotions toward him. I don't exactly understand why.

 

If you talk to each other during NC it's not NC. If you want to grow up and heal, you have to go NC for as long as it takes, not 4 months or n months. Time is not the determining factor here. Your personal evolution is. Most second tries don't work out, but if you're certain that, some time down the line, that you are a different, more respectful, better person then you can always try.

 

Will he miss you? Probably. Most exes miss each other. But that doesn't mean much, we are all humans. We love company and intimacy. Often it's that what we miss. We don't miss the anger, the tip toeing, the condescending talk, the lies, the cheating or whatever the reason was for breaking up. Missing someone doesn't mean you should get back with them. Missing someone is not enough.

[salem mark]

he's telling u its over, what r confused about?

[preraph]

He's been very clear that he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. No reason he'd change his mind. If you hang around under these circumstances, then he'll know you'll put up with literally any kind of treatment, so it's a dumb precedent to set. He's done and you need to leave him along and move on. The more you continue to try to contact him, the less respect he will have for you, and it is disrespectful to not honor the wishes of the one who wants to not be with you anymore. You have no right.

[KatZee]

For late twenties, this is a highly immature relationship. Not to be super critical but it reads as if there are a lot of red flags coming out from your end as well, so to me, it sounds like he did love you, but you're a bit of a wild card and he's no longer willing to sit on this roller coaster ride. I think there are a lot of things you need to fix within yourself first before you attempt another relationship. Don't just sit around for 4 months waiting for his birthday to pop up on the calendar just so you can reach out. I think you should legitimately let go, and work on yourself.