calvin94 Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 My girlfriend has suggested we take a two week break right now because she isn't sure if she still wants to be with me. She consistently said she doesn't know what she wants and is 50/50. I asked if she wanted to break up completely and she again kept saying she didn't know. I'm really upset with it but we've agreed to not communicate for this break and then re evaluate the situation in a couple weeks time. What do you think of this? Is this just a easy way of breaking up with me so that in a couple weeks, its easier for her to just break up or do you think a break can be beneficial? I am using this time to work on myself, but I'm also planning that after this break it will just end in a break up because I feel its easier than getting my hopes up a little and then in two weeks she just ends it for good. What are your thoughts on the situation?
marky00 Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 She is GONE. Sorry If it was because there was a traumatic external factor, then maybe that would be ok. If she is unsure of her feelings, she is already gone (in her mind). The best thing you can do now is accept its over. Ironically, that is the only way she might come back.
Author calvin94 Posted January 2, 2017 Author Posted January 2, 2017 She is GONE. Sorry If it was because there was a traumatic external factor, then maybe that would be ok. If she is unsure of her feelings, she is already gone (in her mind). The best thing you can do now is accept its over. Ironically, that is the only way she might come back. These are my thoughts too, that she is indeed gone. I'm not going to spend these next couple weeks hoping or believing that we will get together cause I just believe that is setting me up for more disappointment. I believe it will just be best to let it rest now and work on myself and let her make that move to contact me in a couple weeks.
paige1136 Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 I just did this over the holidays (since I had to travel for 1.5 weeks anyway) with my ex boyfriend; yes, it's not a good sign at all, but we knew that going in. We had a mutual break-up before I left for my trip, but after the time apart it became apparent that ending things was in fact the right decision. The only downside of this, is one person may want to talk again whereas the other feels like there's nothing more to talk about after the break.
Hoosfoos Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 A "break" almost always mean "break-up". There might even be somebody else waiting in the wings.
Author calvin94 Posted January 2, 2017 Author Posted January 2, 2017 A "break" almost always mean "break-up". There might even be somebody else waiting in the wings. Thats my thinking as well. I just did this over the holidays (since I had to travel for 1.5 weeks anyway) with my ex boyfriend; yes, it's not a good sign at all, but we knew that going in. We had a mutual break-up before I left for my trip, but after the time apart it became apparent that ending things was in fact the right decision. The only downside of this, is one person may want to talk again whereas the other feels like there's nothing more to talk about after the break. What do you believe I should do in terms of getting in touch in a couple weeks time? Should I let her be the one to reach out? I feel like your last point will end up being the situation where I may want to see if we can continue while she believes its done for good. Side note, her birthday is at the end of next week, do I break NC to wish a happy birthday? I was just probably going to tell a friend do it? But then again, thats basically two weeks and that was the time we set. Could that be the time to discuss our future as well?
paige1136 Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 What do you believe I should do in terms of getting in touch in a couple weeks time? Should I let her be the one to reach out? I feel like your last point will end up being the situation where I may want to see if we can continue while she believes its done for good. Side note, her birthday is at the end of next week, do I break NC to wish a happy birthday? I was just probably going to tell a friend do it? But then again, thats basically two weeks and that was the time we set. Could that be the time to discuss our future as well? Well, did you have a conversation that had conclusion/definition before the break? If so, it's likely she (and you potentially) could believe you're broken up - for all intents and purposes. Sure maybe there's some loose ends, but at that point it's almost worth telling a close friend or 2, family, etc. I can't speak to your situation, but do you feel like you could tell a close friend you're "basically broken up"? If so, that'll probably be the outcome. If you can safely announce it/where it's going, then that's telling. You could wish her a very short "Happy birthday!" and nothing more, but then you have to realize you're opening that door to conversation. It could be productive conversation or completely unproductive, depending on if you're both on the same page or not. It would test the waters so if you're able to stop talking when it becomes unproductive then I don't see a problem with a short message, but it has to be very short. Edit: I would also note, a break gives someone the chance to see others without repercussions. Do you really want to be with someone like that?
Author calvin94 Posted January 2, 2017 Author Posted January 2, 2017 Well, did you have a conversation that had conclusion/definition before the break? If so, it's likely she (and you potentially) could believe you're broken up - for all intents and purposes. Sure maybe there's some loose ends, but at that point it's almost worth telling a close friend or 2, family, etc. I can't speak to your situation, but do you feel like you could tell a close friend you're "basically broken up"? If so, that'll probably be the outcome. If you can safely announce it/where it's going, then that's telling. You could wish her a very short "Happy birthday!" and nothing more, but then you have to realize you're opening that door to conversation. It could be productive conversation or completely unproductive, depending on if you're both on the same page or not. It would test the waters so if you're able to stop talking when it becomes unproductive then I don't see a problem with a short message, but it has to be very short. Edit: I would also note, a break gives someone the chance to see others without repercussions. Do you really want to be with someone like that? I have told a couple of my close friends of the situation and I'm guessing she has done the same. I'm assuming we are broken up for good, just confused at times like last night when she suggested the break, she then went on the say how its weird not saying we love each other, etc.., which just adds to my confusion of the situation. I guess the best plan is to just see where it goes in two weeks and see how I am feeling. To answer your edit, that is a great point and its actually a point I have thought of and no of course I don't, so that helps me realize I need to move on and it makes the situation easier.
paige1136 Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 I have told a couple of my close friends of the situation and I'm guessing she has done the same. I'm assuming we are broken up for good, just confused at times like last night when she suggested the break, she then went on the say how its weird not saying we love each other, etc.., which just adds to my confusion of the situation. I guess the best plan is to just see where it goes in two weeks and see how I am feeling. To answer your edit, that is a great point and its actually a point I have thought of and no of course I don't, so that helps me realize I need to move on and it makes the situation easier. That's what I would do. Do complete no contact for 2 weeks (it's tempting, I know) but see how you feel and are living your life. Your emotions can be telling. That said, after those 2 weeks, you really might not see any point in regrouping, and that's okay. The break did what it's supposed to: help you recognize your feelings and needs. And regarding the final paragraph, I completely agree and would even encourage you to "see what's out there" with online dating. You probably aren't ready to date, but you can at least set up a profile and see what's out there. Anything goes during breaks, but both ways so it can be beneficial to you too 1
Jimmyjackson Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 The whole 'break' thing really depends on the situation, I agree that most of the time it is usually a break up. However, my best friend did do this with his current girlfriend. They were together for three years and no issues, they started having small arguments constantly so he initiated a 'break' for some space. They sorted things out after a week of no contact and are still together today, going on 6 years now. That being said, yours seems to be due to a loss of interest so I'd say it's more than likely that she's going to end it anyway. Of course there are no certainties but you should treat this the same way whether its permanent or not. Go no contact, if she misses you and realises she wants you she'll be in touch, if she doesn't bother then you know your answer. Either way you don't have a choice, you cannot control her feelings and chasing etc will just make it worse. No contact will be hard for sure but it's all you can do, keep your dignity and stay away, she either comes back or you move on. You win either way. Good luck.
central Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 A break is often the precursor to a break up. And if a woman asks for it, it's often because she has met someone she wants to have sex with and try out to see if they're better than you, without technically cheating. So, if you agree to a break, insist on conditions, including not dating or meeting anyone else, and no sex with anyone else. After the break you can either get back together or break up - but it's a clean decision then, if you've both followed the rules agreed upon.
KatZee Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 "I don't know" is a no. If someone isn't sure, let them go. Nothing is going to happen in 2 weeks for her to suddenly wake up and realize she wants to be with you. If anything, these 2 weeks are going to be a weight off her shoulders and she's going to love the silence and being away from you. It takes far longer than two weeks to realize you may have made a mistake and genuinely miss the person. Breaks to me, are pointless. I initiated a break with one of my ex's when I was younger. It was only because I was too chicken***** to actually end the relationship and I didn't want to hurt him, so I tried the cowards way out. Initiate a break, and fall off the radar. It didn't work. Shocking. The poor guy held on because he thought we'd be getting back together, but from my end I was really trying to escape. She's not really communicating properly either. What are the reasons for her "I don't know" responses? Why is she unhappy? Is there anything you can do? Individually, and as a couple? Did she fall out of love with you? Is there someone else involved?
basil67 Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 I think we should only be with someone who has no doubt that they want to be with us.
warpingmind Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 My girlfriend has suggested we take a two week break right now because she isn't sure if she still wants to be with me. She consistently said she doesn't know what she wants and is 50/50. I asked if she wanted to break up completely and she again kept saying she didn't know. I'm really upset with it but we've agreed to not communicate for this break and then re evaluate the situation in a couple weeks time. What do you think of this? Is this just a easy way of breaking up with me so that in a couple weeks, its easier for her to just break up or do you think a break can be beneficial? I am using this time to work on myself, but I'm also planning that after this break it will just end in a break up because I feel its easier than getting my hopes up a little and then in two weeks she just ends it for good. What are your thoughts on the situation? Personal experience, if there's lost interest it's just a "gentle" way of letting it go slowly, to soften the blow. That "indecision" might come up later again.
typingrandma Posted January 4, 2017 Posted January 4, 2017 She could be breaking up with you and trying to let you down gently. However, she could also be being honest with you and not knowing what she really wants out of life. You didn't say how long you've been together or how old you are. Some women need to feel like they are free in a relationship to be able to know their true feelings. So give her a little space, but try to let her know you're still interested without bringing pressure. I know the waiting is really rough. But in time, you will know better where you stand and then can plan for your future. Don't be too quick to bail. Love gives their partner the benefit of the doubt!!
enddeck Posted January 4, 2017 Posted January 4, 2017 Ok she may be letting you down gently as has been suggested or there may be another man she wants to "try out" while keeping you as plan b as has also been suggested. Did it occur to the you that she may be testing you to see just how much you want her and are you willing to fight for her or just let her walk over you.
elaine567 Posted January 4, 2017 Posted January 4, 2017 Did you discuss whether or not it would be OK to see other people during this "break". If not, do not assume that she will be sitting at home pining for you or trying to figure out how she can make it work. Too many assume that taking a break means they can see and sleep with other people, but once reconciled then getting over the third party involvement can be worse than the reason for the "break" in the first place.
jamili Posted January 5, 2017 Posted January 5, 2017 Either way, I think a short (few weeks) break is going to do nothing. If I were you, and you actually want to continue to date this girl, I'd tell her you do not want a "break", but rather you think you should just breakup, and then breakup and stop contact for MONTHS, or FOREVER, until she comes running back with something like "I realize I made a mistake please take me back I want to be with you!". Seriously, this seems scary, but if you don't do this, there is probably no chance of rekindling any feelings from her. This is my opinion, but you have the opportunity to do what many of us did not do, and are now regretting not doing it because we likely lost our exes forever. Pull back, and show her FOR REAL what if feels like to no longer have you in her life. ONLY then, will she miss you, if she is going to at all.
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