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why would a man make the initial contact with a woman on OLD?

chumly

By chumly
in General Relationship Discussion

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chumly Established Member

chumly

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one of the posts on here got me wondering about this...

 

when men makes the first initial contact to a female on a dating site does that mean that he likes the way she looks or something about her profile?

 

I always assumed that this must be the case but a post on here made me think otherwise and if that is not the case then why would a man contact a woman at all in online dating if he did not find something appealing about her??

 

Thanks in advance for any thoughts on this.;)

DK_Casus Established Member

DK_Casus

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I would like to claim that, if we ignore edge cases like psychos and fake profiles, I believe 99% of the time a man initiates contact with a woman online, it means he finds her (picture) physically attractive first and foremost.

 

Stastically, men initiate contact way, way more often - so naturally women are in the easier position when it comes to making contact, and as such women are even more likely to find men attractive if they initiate contact, but I also believe women generally care more about the actual profile and will also have taken that into account in the vast majority of first contact scenarios.

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chumly Established Member

chumly

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I would like to claim that, if we ignore edge cases like psychos and fake profiles, I believe 99% of the time a man initiates contact with a woman online, it means he finds her (picture) physically attractive first and foremost.

 

Stastically, men initiate contact way, way more often - so naturally women are in the easier position when it comes to making contact, and as such women are even more likely to find men attractive if they initiate contact, but I also believe women generally care more about the actual profile and will also have taken that into account in the vast majority of first contact scenarios.

 

okay..thanks, this is what I was thinking as well but a post on here made me question that. A lady on here was trying to figure out why she could not get a date from online but yet men were initially talking to her but for some reason it would not go any further then a few chats back and forth. Someone on here had suggested to her that she was not attractive enough and that this was the reason why she was not getting any dates from the site but my thought was that if she was not attractive enough I would think none of these men would even bother to talk to her in the first place.

 

Okay..thanks once again for your thoughts on this. It is very much appreciated.

 

:bunny:

DK_Casus Established Member

DK_Casus

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okay..thanks, this is what I was thinking as well but a post on here made me question that. A lady on here was trying to figure out why she could not get a date from online but yet men were initially talking to her but for some reason it would not go any further then a few chats back and forth. Someone on here had suggested to her that she was not attractive enough and that this was the reason why she was not getting any dates from the site but my thought was that if she was not attractive enough I would think none of these men would even bother to talk to her in the first place.

 

Okay..thanks once again for your thoughts on this. It is very much appreciated.

 

:bunny:

 

I guess that depends on what you mean by "attractive enough" - but it's certainly my experience that initiating contact takes something beyond "not attractive" - though I'm sure there are exceptions.

 

But if these guys play it like a game, which I think many tend to do - then they'll probably initiate contact with several women at once, and if the "more attractive" ones start responding, that could be one reason for the conversation ending out of the blue.

 

Sometimes, people are just looking for some kind of validation - or maybe they're drunk when they initiate - which might also explain it.

 

But, definitely, I think it's relatively rare for a guy to initiate contact online with a girl he thinks is not attractive at all.

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umirano Established Member

umirano

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Looks, then profile. Some women look great but have something off putting in their profile, like "I'm the boss girl, but you will want me anyway, blah blah, don't bother if you're going to be boring bla blah"

 

This time around I match a lot more than last time when I was OLDing, so I decided to be picky and skip profiles like this.

 

Anyway, I like/favorite/swipe right when the visual impression is good enough/makes me curious and there's no monkey business in the profile.

 

Edit: When it's a match I always make contact

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Ronnys93 Established Member

Ronnys93

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Yeah, I definitely initiate more on looks first. After I see the looks and I'm interested, I go into the profile to check to see if the person has any similar interests or if they're crazy. If all is green then I proceed to a message. If not then I keep it moving.

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Miss Peach Established Member

Miss Peach

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I have a number of men who have messaged me on OLD who admitted they didn't even read anything in my profile. I feel for that the majority of them, they like the picture and wait to see if they get a response before they put more effort into messaging.

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Larryville Established Member

Larryville

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why would a man make the initial contact with a woman on OLD?

 

For me there is a balance. Yes the profile pics must be attractive, but the picture MUST jive for me with what I see in the profile.

 

For example if a woman has a whole bunch of religious stuff in her profile but then has a bunch of drinking and party pics in her profile… PASS

 

If a woman types with all caps… PASS

 

If a woman has a bunch of anti-men ranting… PASS

 

Just saying it will NOT just be about looks, also if you are in an areas with a fairly sparse population density and she is on several sites… so she is hot but is a long time familiar face… PASS

 

I have a number of men who have messaged me on OLD who admitted they didn't even read anything in my profile.

 

I’m sorry but to me that is just dumb. Exactly why in another thread someone complains about going on so many bad first dates. I guess if you want to piss money and time away sure only go by looks.

 

Yeah, I definitely initiate more on looks first.

 

So the things that makes someone a complete or quality person you would just ignore, I don’t get that.

 

Looks, then profile. Some women look great but have something off putting in their profile,

 

Exactly because some really hot woman will clearly post crap in their profiles with an over-heightened ego, big turnoff

 

I think it's relatively rare for a guy to initiate contact online with a girl he thinks is not attractive at all.

 

Unless he is just looking to just hook-up, why some dudes will email any warm body to see what he can scrape up.

 

I believe 99% of the time a man initiates contact with a woman online, it means he finds her (picture) physically attractive first and foremost.

 

Again if this is true, that is just nuts to me. Not taking into consideration if she is just a dating prostitute, is broke, dumb, shallow… Yes I get attractiveness is subjective to each guy, she must push an individual dudes buttons for him to contact.

 

Remember we are talking about a man specifically making the commitment to initiate contact. "wow she is hot" then he immediately sends a message.

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chumly Established Member

chumly

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thanks everyone for the advice on this:)

Miss Peach Established Member

Miss Peach

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I’m sorry but to me that is just dumb. Exactly why in another thread someone complains about going on so many bad first dates. I guess if you want to piss money and time away sure only go by looks.

 

I agree with you. Many of the men see to thing OLD is such a numbers game they go a bit nuts on the numbers side. Tat's why I have to screen so hard prior to going on a date - which is another thing a number of men come onto LS to complain about.

SwordofFlame Established Member

SwordofFlame

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Someone on here had suggested to her that she was not attractive enough and that this was the reason why she was not getting any dates from the site but my thought was that if she was not attractive enough I would think none of these men would even bother to talk to her in the

 

These men are probably also talking to more attractive women at the same time too.

Larryville Established Member

Larryville

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That's why I have to screen so hard prior to going on a date

 

This is why it is so weird here sometime when I read threads from people here. Look we all will make mistakes and choose poorly from time to time but screening people is no different than other things we do in life.

 

If you buy a house, don’t you look carefully inspecting virtually square feet?

 

If you buy a used car and see issues with a car, or you have the title inspected, look under the hood don’t you investigate?

 

If you grocery shop don’t you choose what you pick off the shelf or a cut of meat?

 

If you are in school do you not study your material before you take a test?

 

It is so easy to see issues with someone even BEFORE you have an email exchange, texting, phone conversation and finally a meet.

 

Sorry for being redundant but NOBODY should have a typical “bad experience” when meeting or dating.

 

Yes of course we discover that someone is not our type or compatible or suited to us, this is why we date. However if a date is a complete disaster that is on you.

 

Because YOU chose them and if you are choosing incorrectly you need to reevaluate your selection method.

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Ronnys93 Established Member

Ronnys93

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This is why it is so weird here sometime when I read threads from people here. Look we all will make mistakes and choose poorly from time to time but screening people is no different than other things we do in life.

 

If you buy a house, don’t you look carefully inspecting virtually square feet?

 

If you buy a used car and see issues with a car, or you have the title inspected, look under the hood don’t you investigate?

 

If you grocery shop don’t you choose what you pick off the shelf or a cut of meat?

 

If you are in school do you not study your material before you take a test?

 

It is so easy to see issues with someone even BEFORE you have an email exchange, texting, phone conversation and finally a meet.

 

Sorry for being redundant but NOBODY should have a typical “bad experience” when meeting or dating.

 

Yes of course we discover that someone is not our type or compatible or suited to us, this is why we date. However if a date is a complete disaster that is on you.

 

Because YOU chose them and if you are choosing incorrectly you need to reevaluate your selection method.

 

No, you're not being redundant at all actually. I agree with everything you're saying here. I think that while I definitely do look for attractiveness in pictures first, there definitely HAS to be a screening process other than just pictures. Whether that be through the profile, a skype conversation, some texting back and forth to gauge interests and so forth. If you don't do these things it IS choosing incorrectly and I agree that re-evaluation is needed.

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chumly Established Member

chumly

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interesting responses. thanks

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chumly Established Member

chumly

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[quote=Larryville;7178882

 

 

 

Unless he is just looking to just hook-up, why some dudes will email any warm body to see what he can scrape up.

 

 

 

(sorry..I dont know how to quote just a short part of a post so I hope this came out right)

 

Larryville, so are you saying that men are so desperate to have sex that they will literally have sex with anything that moved?? I know men have a reputation for being "dogs" when it comes to sex but I guess I give men more credit than that. I still have difficulty believing that even the most desperate man will still have at least some kind of standards that they go by for sex and of course I would think this would also depend on how appealing the man is too, but even with that said...I would still think the least attractive men will still have a standard at which they will not go pass when searching for sex...in other words I have a difficult time believing a desperate man will have sex with a woman he finds ugly or repulsive. At least this is what my x boyfriend always says anyway. :confused:

 

thanks for the response.

Edited by chumly
Shanex Established Member

Shanex

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The other men in this thread have pretty much answered for me.

 

I'll first look at the pics, is that different from real life anyway? Until you have actually spoken to the woman, you're first attracted to her looks, if she's to you attractive.

 

Then I check out the profile, her physic and try to make sure she is or seems to be for real.

 

Anti men rant someone said above: absolutely ! Don't tell me that all men are lying, cheating bastards, I'm sorry if that's your most recent experience but it doesn't exactly encourage me to say hello if you're going to tar us all with the same brush.

 

Etc.. basically be engaging, anything negative on your profile will put me off. And not only me.

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basil67 Established Member

basil67

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The other men in this thread have pretty much answered for me.

 

I'll first look at the pics, is that different from real life anyway? Until you have actually spoken to the woman, you're first attracted to her looks, if she's to you attractive.

 

Then I check out the profile, her physic and try to make sure she is or seems to be for real.

 

Anti men rant someone said above: absolutely ! Don't tell me that all men are lying, cheating bastards, I'm sorry if that's your most recent experience but it doesn't exactly encourage me to say hello if you're going to tar us all with the same brush.

 

Etc.. basically be engaging, anything negative on your profile will put me off. And not only me.

 

Would I be right that cyncial comments such as "no time wasters" would also put you off? It would certainly put me off.

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Shanex Established Member

Shanex

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Would I be right that cyncial comments such as "no time wasters" would also put you off? It would certainly put me off.

 

If they make it clear on their profile that they are ''only here to chat''. I'll also skip, not because I need to get laid in the evening, but because these women are looking for an emotional support and are usually still in a doomed relationship, or just got dumped with 2 children etc.

 

I can sympathise a bit with them, but that's not what I'm looking for online, ie endless discussion leading to no encounters that always fade over time.

Techmonkey Member

Techmonkey

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How it works for me:

 

1. Do I like how she looks? She doesn't have to be gorgeous. Just if I find some aspect of her attractive.

 

2. Interests. If there the above is true AND I see some overlap on interests I'll probably contact her.

 

As for people that randomly contact women on OLD sites.... Probably working under the assumption that a wider less discriminate net might catch more fish. Girls I know who have used OLD hate that **** and can see it coming from a mile away.

BluEyeL Established Member

BluEyeL

Posted
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okay..thanks, this is what I was thinking as well but a post on here made me question that. A lady on here was trying to figure out why she could not get a date from online but yet men were initially talking to her but for some reason it would not go any further then a few chats back and forth. Someone on here had suggested to her that she was not attractive enough and that this was the reason why she was not getting any dates from the site but my thought was that if she was not attractive enough I would think none of these men would even bother to talk to her in the first place.

 

Okay..thanks once again for your thoughts on this. It is very much appreciated.

 

:bunny:

 

I don't know your friend but if the men initiate contact with her, it means they find her attractive enough to go for a date. Now, sometimes even if they initiate contact, they had contacted more women and drop some of them, so it's not 100% of the men who will contact you will also ask you out. Other men don't ever intend to ask you out, they just want to waste your time emailing or texting just so they can have some female attention and that's it. However, out of 10, at least 5 should ask her out.

 

I would need to see the messages, but if she doesn't close the deal, I assume she's talking too much in writing, writing messages that are either too long, provide too much information or both. And she's responding too fast. I'd be surprised if I were wrong.

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