McNabb Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 Hey guys just wanted an opinion on this. I met a girl & we went on 3 dates, each date got better & better & we loved being in each other's company. We both decided to be exclusive began spending more time together. One day we went gym together & for some reason which i didn't know she was using a heavier weight in her left arm than right, i said to her why & then she said because of "my hand". I said what you mean & she said it's just not as strong. As we left gym i asked her more about it & she showed me her hand, all she had was a thumb & one finger the rest is just a nub if so to speak. She then started crying & asked me if it changed things & that she couldn't believe i hadn't noticed before. Looking back now every photo we took i noticed she was always hiding her hand & in all situations we have been in i can recall her hiding the hand. I tried to tell her i don't care & if she wanted to talk about it i'm here. Since then i've purposefully tried to hold her hand & kiss it, to try & make her feel comfortable but am not sure if that's right. i care about her a lot & want to see her confident & not be hung up about it. If anyone has any advice i would appreciate it, as i've never had to deal with anything like this but do want to learn & be understanding thanks 4
Erik30 Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 You already discussed it, so no need to bring it up again. Act like it never happened, so she'll know it's not a problem. Just be normal and don't pay any extra attention to her hand. 5
fooloflove Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 Give him some time to cope she is nervous to let someone know about her hand, she must be sensitive.. show her more care and slowly she will be alright i guess, good luck 2
basil67 Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 I think it's kind of weird that you pay special attention to her hand. I would think that treating her and her hand just like normal would be the best way forward. 5
Author McNabb Posted January 2, 2017 Author Posted January 2, 2017 Appreciate the quick replies. i'll take all that on board & just continue as normal. i guess i was wrong to pay more attention but i guess i just wanted to let her know i didn't care at all. 1
BaileyB Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 That's sweet! It shouldn't matter, because hopefully you would, and have, noticed the wonderful person she is than any kind of deformity to her hand. But obviously, it's something she is self conscious about so you are wise to be sensitive. Another vote for, just ignore it. Talk to her, have fun with her, make her laugh, and help her to feel that you are attracted to her and all will be well. Good luck to you. 4
Joga_31 Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 You already discussed it, so no need to bring it up again. Act like it never happened, so she'll know it's not a problem. Just be normal and don't pay any extra attention to her hand. I agree with this 1
zouz71 Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 it is a blessing to meet someone wonderful with a deformity rather than a healthy individual with a deformed heart and soul . she seems to be a great person , don't loose someone like her . 1
ASG Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 Another vote for ignoring it. A friend of mine was in the same situation. He started dating this girl and didn't notice she doesn't really have a left hand, until someone pointed it out to him. It's a non issue. They got married last year and both wear a ring on the right hand (since she has no fingers on the left) and they're about to become parents! Don't make a big fuss of it, there's no need. Just proceed as normal! 1
LoveFiend Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 Well one honorable trait you have is not being a shallow guy. A lot of guys might turn her down because of the hand. I have dated women with disabilities or they had something about themselves they tried to cover up. Back in my 20's I went on a few dates with a woman about my age who lost her hair due to cancer and wore a wigg. I also dated a couple women who suffered from dwarfism, and a woman who had back problems. The way I handled it was I acted like it was no big deal and lifted her up about it. I actually would bring up what she was most insecure about and would all the time try my best to make her feel like her disability wasn't limiting her and wasn't as big a deal as she thought. I would focus on her great qualities, give her encouragement, remind her how beautiful of a woman she was, be the man who was the rock in her life, and anytime anyone I met in public would make some disparaging comment I would stand up for her and chew that person out. This strategy worked for me, maybe it would work for you too.
spiderowl Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 Just tell her you love her company and are very happy with her. You don't need to do anything special with her hand. You sound a great guy who is accepting her as she is. Just carry on being a loving partner.
smackie9 Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 OK you have already proved to her, her hand doesn't change anything and you are accepting her disfigurement. Don't "ignore" it like it's not there, that could have even more negative effects. Just don't make a big deal out of it, just treat her like anyone else.
SwordofFlame Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 I'm surprised it took you that long to notice. She must be a master at disguising it or you're not very attentive. 2
winny Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 First of all it was kind of deceit on her part to hide this from you till you were hooked emotionally. Anyways, since you seem to be okay with it, so just ignore it and act like everything is okay with her hand. Dont give special attention to it.
strawberryshortstack Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 I'm surprised it took you that long to notice. She must be a master at disguising it or you're not very attentive. perhaps it just didn't register in his brain, because it wasn't an issue for him.
Annaliese Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 I think it's wonderful that her hand didn't make a difference in how you feel about her. It may take time before she's completely comfortable with letting you see it, so just be patient and don't bring attention to it.
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