Worried after Second Date

January 4, 2017

Umm, you can barely get a response out of her. Does that sound like someone eager to bed you.

Please go ahead and seems that message. There clearly aren't enough nails in the coffin that was that third date.

January 4, 2017

You're giving her the benefit of the doubt. She works Monday-Friday..you're telling me she's too busy Friday, Saturday AND Sunday to see me again? Hell no. She offered no alternative time to meet, nor did she sound excited or enthused to see me again, I wanted to have hope but that pretty much killed it. She did what al other uninterested girls do "I'm too busy". Yeah too busy for me, not for someone else. I really messed this up it sucks. I know I acted way too "nice guy" I should haven been more confident, dominant and not so "nice and romantic" on the second date.

I can't attest to how you acted on your date but you're right about her interest.

I would just say "No problem, I understand." to her message and leave it at that.

If she were interested she would have:

1. Responded sooner

2. Or had more to her response and a better excuse for the delay

3. Made time for you this weekend

4. Or at least offered an alternative day

January 4, 2017

I can't attest to how you acted on your date but you're right about her interest.

I would just say "No problem, I understand." to her message and leave it at that.

If she were interested she would have:
1. Responded sooner
2. Or had more to her response and a better excuse for the delay
3. Made time for you this weekend
4. Or at least offered an alternative day

Yeah I just said "ah alright maybe some other time" that's it. It'll be up to her to reach out now I guess? In the meantime I'll move on. Ha, she's active in the dating app now too. Yeah you hit the nail on the head. The way she was acting toward me in the beginning..THAT was interest. This is the same bull**** I get from other girls who have 0 interest. Really delayed response or no response and the same I'm busy crap. Super obvious.

I think she probably already met someone new on the OLD app, probably went to "his party" on nye and got laid and now she's attached to him. My timing is always crappy.

January 4, 2017

Just ask her on another date keep the momentum going, I'm dating a guy at the moment, and after each date that very evening he would ask again and we would arrange another date. we message now and again in between but a majority of the time we chat on the phone, I'm not looking for a text buddy, and I don't get anything from texting, it's actually seeing him and hearing his voice, and I really like him more and more every time we spend time or chat on the phone, texting does nothing. We clicked on our very first date, have lots in common and both of us keep the momentum going, ask her on another date, then another thats the way to do it, If she says no if she is busy and not making an effort you have your answer.

January 4, 2017

I always cringe when a girl says I did or am "sweet"...

Glad you are moving on finally.

Next time don't put any girls on this high pedestal.

January 4, 2017

Being called sweet definitely sucks. That's like being friend zoned. She's totally 100% completely disinterested and disgusted at me at this point. I almoatcwant to ask her where I went wrong, but I know that's not going to really help me.

Yeah looking back on it I think I know where I messed up, and it was a combination of being too "nice" on the one hand and being "too into her" so soon. Being the gentleman paying for every aspect of the date, not being overly crude not really bringing her down but just being kind of s good guy, but at the same time I went in for way too much kisssing on the second date I think.

When I first started after about 30 seconds or so she's like "what are you doing?" But then I stopped wectalked longer and then I went for it again and if went really well the second time, she seemed much more into it and everything. But some of my comments (complimenting a bit too much etc) made it seem like I was probably trying to take it too fast or I was becoming semi-clingy and then when you combine niceness with that..it probably seemed to her like I was just being nice to get laid or something, maybe it didn't seem genuine. Either that or I was just acting a like wimp and didn't even realize it.

January 4, 2017

OP she might really be busy, don't look at it as "not a good thing". Don't desperately try and find another day that works, just cool down on her a bit.

Chit chat/flirt with her a bit, and wait a few days and see if she wants to do something next week.

I highly suggest you don't get your hopes up though, and you start pursuing other Women. You sound like you are hellbent over this one Girl, when in reality you should be chasing other Women.

Right now I'm juggling about 5 Women, and it's a lot easier to be calm and objective when dealing with each of them, because if I don't get results with one, I can just try with another.

One of the girls I went on a first date with 3 weeks ago, really attractive girl. Good conversation/flirting. Did some dancing, and kissed her a couple times throughout the night. Well she's playing me hot/cold right now, says she wants to meet up again, but being a bit flakey. No matter, I just give her a couple days to herself and check in every once in a while. Meanwhile I'm going out with other girls.

Keep options man!! Don't just settle for the one in front of you.

EDIT: just read above post. OP have some dignity and just block her & move on. I never ask a girl where I went wrong, even if it might be helpful it's really emasculating lol. Also something they might say that you "went wrong" with, might not be something that would turn off a different girl, it's all subjective. Over-analyzing what went wrong will cause you to overthink things even more than you already are.

EDIT2: Yes OP she probably could tell you were being clingy. We're only hearing your account of how the date went and I can already tell that you're very clingy towards this one girl.

Edited January 4, 2017 by barcode88

January 4, 2017

OP she might really be busy, don't look at it as "not a good thing". Don't desperately try and find another day that works, just cool down on her a bit.

Chit chat/flirt with her a bit, and wait a few days and see if she wants to do something next week.

I highly suggest you don't get your hopes up though, and you start pursuing other Women. You sound like you are hellbent over this one Girl, when in reality you should be chasing other Women.

Right now I'm juggling about 5 Women, and it's a lot easier to be calm and objective when dealing with each of them, because if I don't get results with one, I can just try with another.

One of the girls I went on a first date with 3 weeks ago, really attractive girl. Good conversation/flirting. Did some dancing, and kissed her a couple times throughout the night. Well she's playing me hot/cold right now, says she wants to meet up again, but being a bit flakey. No matter, I just give her a couple days to herself and check in every once in a while. Meanwhile I'm going out with other girls.

Keep options man!! Don't just settle for the one in front of you.

EDIT: just read above post. OP have some dignity and just block her & move on. I never ask a girl where I went wrong, even if it might be helpful it's really emasculating lol. Also something they might say that you "went wrong" with, might not be something that would turn off a different girl, it's all subjective. Over-analyzing what went wrong will cause you to overthink things even more than you already are.

EDIT2: Yes OP she probably could tell you were being clingy. We're only hearing your account of how the date went and I can already tell that you're very clingy towards this one girl.

Thanks though I'm confused on your advice. I DID NOT ask her where I went wrong, I contemplated it but definitely would never do that. Last thing I said when she said she's busy this weekend was "alright maybe some other time". So you said to keep flirting and try for next week but then at the bottom said to block her and move on. Which are you suggesting? My original plan was to just stop talking to her and let her to come to me. She follows me on Instagram and has my number, so maybe she'll see I'm doing cool things and come back. But I'm totally going to go after other women now no doubt. But I should wait a day or two or wait until like Sunday and then hit her up again?

January 4, 2017

Thanks though I'm confused on your advice. I DID NOT ask her where I went wrong, I contemplated it but definitely would never do that. Last thing I said when she said she's busy this weekend was "alright maybe some other time". So you said to keep flirting and try for next week but then at the bottom said to block her and move on. Which are you suggesting? My original plan was to just stop talking to her and let her to come to me. She follows me on Instagram and has my number, so maybe she'll see I'm doing cool things and come back. But I'm totally going to go after other women now no doubt. But I should wait a day or two or wait until like Sunday and then hit her up again?

Sorry I didn't finish reading all your updates when I started my post.

Sure you could just stop talking to her and hope she contacts you. It's unlikely though, and I wouldn't get your hopes up. Especially if she doesn't appear interested right now.

I think your #1 goal should be to meet 2 more Women and forget this one. Once you get a catch, throw your line back out. Keep dating Women until you find one in particular that you like, and you've been on 3 or 4 dates.

January 4, 2017

Barcode clearly read and replied to your earlier posts and then just saw the update so edited to change his response to that.

Please don't contact her again.

She isn't interested.

The words 'sometime, eventually' on date two made that pretty clear.

She was simply being as polite as possible about it.

January 4, 2017

I am sorry if I am sounding harsh. But OP you have BIG self worth issues. You sound so desperate.

You need to work on these things.

You are okay to change from a relationship minded guy to a casual FWB just to have this girl????

Whats the matter with you???

Who is this girl?

I told you she has red flags. Pretty big ones that too.

And you are just the kind of guy who would fall for such crap talk - "I like guys to chase behind me." No mature woman would ever want anyone to chase behind her or participate in any games.

Learn to evaluate people based on their actions and DO NOT change your stance to match up to whatever crap they throw at you.

January 4, 2017

I think she probably already met someone new on the OLD app, probably went to "his party" on nye and got laid and now she's attached to him. My timing is always crappy.

First meet someone worthwhile before lamenting losing them.

January 4, 2017

Grey: I don't know how many times I will have to repeat it so you get it: You did nothing wrong !! When a girl likes you she won't get bogged down on small details. Believe me, she is not that smart and she did not analyze all of your moves. She is young and goes with her gut feeling. She liked you at first and she didn't after. It happened to me several times. I would go on a date with a guy, I'd be very excited and bubbly then I'd get home and totally changed my mind about him for no apparent reasons.

Not all women want a dominant man or arrogant one, or smartass that thinks he's god's gift. You got everything you need to find a woman, I mean you're a musician geezz ! Just believe in yourself, believe you're cool, and that will attract women.

January 4, 2017

Well she replied to my date request and it's not good.

She says,
"Yeah I work like a dog lol. That's really sweet of you, I really appreciate it but it looks like this weekend is gonna be busy for me :/"

Garbage. At least I have closure now. So I'm satisfied. Should o even bother responding to that or just delete her?

Thinking of replying back with "or you could just come over my house drink and watch a movie"

Hey Grey40, glad you didn't go with that reply. I think that would have come across the wrong way - like you are being extra pushy when she's already said she's busy. Personally I'd be insulted by a guy who tried to make me into a fwb because I didn't want a dating relationship with him, like I am worth less as a person. That's just me though.

I like the other idea someone said of something like "Since your schedule's up in the air at the moment, hit me up when you're free and we can do something". You can try this with the next girl. This is a good way of saving face and getting your point across at the same time; but also giving yourself free reign to find other women as well.

You're right to give up on this girl but don't sweat it too much. You don't really know her fully so it might not have worked out anyway if you'd actually dated. Plus it would have been worse if she'd dated you anyway despite not having enough interest.

I'm not saying this justifies her behaviour but women, particularly young women, feel a lot of pressure to let a guy down gently and sometimes this can result in her being less direct. Some guys give you grief if you're too up front with them as well.

Also I agree with Gaeta. You have lots to offer the dating world and I don't think you should be trying to mould yourself. Be you and the right woman will respect and be attracted by that.

January 4, 2017

Being called sweet definitely sucks. That's like being friend zoned. She's totally 100% completely disinterested and disgusted at me at this point. I almoatcwant to ask her where I went wrong, but I know that's not going to really help me.

Yeah looking back on it I think I know where I messed up, and it was a combination of being too "nice" on the one hand and being "too into her" so soon. Being the gentleman paying for every aspect of the date, not being overly crude not really bringing her down but just being kind of s good guy, but at the same time I went in for way too much kisssing on the second date I think.

When I first started after about 30 seconds or so she's like "what are you doing?" But then I stopped wectalked longer and then I went for it again and if went really well the second time, she seemed much more into it and everything. But some of my comments (complimenting a bit too much etc) made it seem like I was probably trying to take it too fast or I was becoming semi-clingy and then when you combine niceness with that..it probably seemed to her like I was just being nice to get laid or something, maybe it didn't seem genuine. Either that or I was just acting a like wimp and didn't even realize it.

No.You didn't do anything wrong. I don't know why society teaches you this bullcrap. There is no problem with being nice, and you can never be 'too into someone too soon', if it happens, it happens. If the person doesn't like you back, that's not on you.

I am sure you will find someone who is on a similar wavelength with you, and the dynamics will flow just right.

You can't force stuff like that though, which is what you did with this girl (who is an idiot, by the way, she should have been upfront with you, but with all this serial dating going on these days, many are not that courteous anymore).

When I lose interest in a guy after date 2 or 3, I will tell them "I am sorry, but I don't think this is a good match. I had a good time, but this is not what i am looking for" or something along the lines.

I mean, come on, people.

January 4, 2017

No, 22 year old don't think that way. They like you or they don't. They mostly live in the moment and do what feels good. At that age they don't analyze the way you do at your age and older.

Personally I think you should aim at women 25 and older. The brain isn't fully developed until 25. That is why we are very impulsive under 25.

This! Definitely try dating older girls! PLEASE! Do yourself the favor.

January 4, 2017

Grey: I don't know how many times I will have to repeat it so you get it: You did nothing wrong !! When a girl likes you she won't get bogged down on small details. Believe me, she is not that smart and she did not analyze all of your moves. She is young and goes with her gut feeling. She liked you at first and she didn't after. It happened to me several times. I would go on a date with a guy, I'd be very excited and bubbly then I'd get home and totally changed my mind about him for no apparent reasons.

Not all women want a dominant man or arrogant one, or smartass that thinks he's god's gift. You got everything you need to find a woman, I mean you're a musician geezz ! Just believe in yourself, believe you're cool, and that will attract women.

I can't like this post enough. You read this, OP? Please, just try to doubt yourself less and get out there, date some older women, someone your age.

January 5, 2017

I can't like this post enough. You read this, OP? Please, just try to doubt yourself less and get out there, date some older women, someone your age.

But OP is right now working from a place where instead of being himself he would rather adapt to whatever he feels any woman he dates may like. That will never work. Because I guess of deep lying insecurities about not being good enough. I agree first he needs to believe that he is good enough.

January 5, 2017

Thanks everyone I appreciate the feedback. Like I said, I was in a long 5 year relationship and kind of new to the dating world..rejection is something new to me because I didn't try much in college (too shy) and then was in a long term thing. So I appreciate the support.

I've read all the posts. I know I have a lot to offer--I'm good looking, a musician and pretty well rounded. I think I just need to work on opening up more and being confident when on the dates.

I have dated older women recently, but I wasn't attracted to either of them, so it didn't work out. But you're right because they were older, they were much more upfront about everything. thy would say when they felt it wasn't working out.

This particular girl seemed very mature for her age, which is why I gave her a shot. She was attractive and appeared to be very interested in me..she did a lot of background research in my social media and knew a lot of little details that really impressed me. So I was blown away how in literally 24 hours she went from being REALLY interested to being totally opposite.

Though she didn't tell me directly what was going on, she left me a lot of subtle hints that I picked up on, which is why I posted here in the first place. During date 2 she said stuff like

"Most guys text the crap out of me and get mad when I don't answer them, you're different"

"I'm the kind of person that loses interest really really quickly"

"Did you lie about your height on the OLD profile?"

"I'd like to hang out again eventually but I'm not sure now that I'm going back to work this week.." (probably the biggest hint)

And then slowly easing contact off over the course of the weekend she made it pretty clear even though she didn't tell me directly. After the date she answered a few of my texts, and then when I texted her on Saturday she took 6 hours, texted me back and then on New Year's Day she didn't respond at all. Though I still found it really weird that she even bothered to text me first on New Year's Day and wish me a happy one, made little sense to me.

And call me crazy but for some reason I don't feel like this will be the last I hear from her, even though it probably will be. I'm probably just trying to give myself hope which is stupid, but maybe she's being genuine about being busy this week? Maybe she's going to go on a few other dates with other guys, and when she realizes they suck maybe she'll come back? Maybe I should contact her again next week just to check in, maybe there's still something there but she just knows she can't really stay in touch this week? I know. You're going to say move on dude hahahah

January 5, 2017

Listen Grey, I have been there where you are now... and yes many times they do come back. In my case guys and in your case gals. And it is fine to reach out to them too. But do not reach out to them from an insecure place in your heart.

No one can make you feel rejected till you feel that yourself. After 2 dates its not rejection.... Dont change yourself, dont think any rules will make you better. You are already awesome, you just need to believe it...! And take all these experiences as opportunities to grow and become even stronger. It is all about yourself at the end.....

January 5, 2017

Damn guys, I really don't know why but I can't stop thinking about this girl and what I did wrong. I know I sound like such a loser about this but I keep re-running the date back in my head and everything it sucks. I think I made her feel uncomfortable during the date..after lunch we went to a wine bar that was basically empty except for one server. We were sitting on wooden benches and the table was tight (didn't leave much leg space), I made out with her and I think she was worried the person there was watching us and judging someone brought a dog into the place and it kept barking during the make out etc. just the whole vibe I totally ruined..it was sexy at all it was super uncomfortable probably and that sucks. I know that's the reason. It was so unsmooth.

I really feel like I need to get it off my chest and apologize to her. But I'm going to spew my thoughts on here first so I don't do something idiotic. I know I should move on but my gut just won't let me for some reason. Here's what I was thinking:

1) wait a couple more days, text her on Saturday or Sunday and check in. Try and send a reconnect/somewhat funny/flirty text. see if she responds.

2) if she doesn't respond or responds very unenthusiastically I want to be totally honest and upfront and apologize that I made the date awkward tell her that I do really like her and thought we could have made a good match and that I hope we can see each other again. Basically asking for another shot. I may consider sending that apology messAge to her on POF so that it doesn't clog up her phone.

I'm embarrassed im this hung up on two stupid dates, but I can't control how I feel about it. It's really bothering me. I guess because she's kind of my type and the type of girl I always kind of wanted to date. Sorry for being so insecure on the message board, but I need a place to vent to.

January 5, 2017

Rant as much as you want here but do not apologize to her.

She said she is busy this weekend, so let the weekend go.

Go out and do something else.

Next week with a free mind, drop her a text checking if she would be up to do something that week.

Chill now... I promise you will be okay -- with or without her.

In the mean time do not feel bad to strike up conversations with new women you meet online or in real life.

January 5, 2017

I'm embarrassed im this hung up on two stupid dates, but I can't control how I feel about it. It's really bothering me. I guess because she's kind of my type and the type of girl I always kind of wanted to date. Sorry for being so insecure on the message board, but I need a place to vent to.

Oh I missed to read this part...

So your type of girl is someone who is giving out vibes of relationship sometimes and FWB sometimes? someone who wants you to chase her?

Who goes silent on you without warning and doesn't offer an alternate date while turning down your invitation? Where are you standards? You are foolish to assume she is your type after 2 dates and so little texting.

Get hold of yourself.... !!!

January 5, 2017

Could it just be a blow to your ego that keeps her on your mind?

You think you're quite the catch from what you write, so it could be that you just feel sensitive that she doesn't seem to want to go out with you.

All you know is she's said she's busy. If I'm busy, I'll still try to make plans for a different day or time.

Do you know what will happen when you text her again? She's going to look at her phone, roll her eyes and wonder why you don't take the very big hint. She knows you're interested. If she wants a message or call or explanation, you'll know it.

January 5, 2017

So just because I messed up one moment during the date and turned her off now I have to give up? Damn. It's like there's so little room for error.

Winny, thanks for replying I like your advice here. I'll do what you said, wait until next week reach out one more time and see if maybe she's come around. And I won't hold my breath because the chances of that happening are probably very slim. I will absolutely be going out this week and be working online to talk to new women. And who knows, maybe I'll meet someone even better and laugh about how I worked up I got over this one girl

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